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VeerleProvoost_2016X-_孩子们认为精子捐赠者是家人吗？_
What is a parent? 什么是父母？
What is a parent? 什么是父母？
It's not an easy question. 这不是一个简单的问题。
Today we have adoption , stepfamilies, surrogate mothers. 当今我们有领养制度, 再婚家庭, 代孕母亲,
adoption:n.采用;收养;接受; surrogate:n.代理;代表;代用品;adj.替代的;代用的;v.代理;代替;
Many parents face tough questions and tough decisions. 很多父母面对着困难的问题 和艰难的选择。
Shall we tell our child about the sperm donation ? 我们应该告诉我们的孩子关于精子捐赠的事情吗？
sperm:n.精子;精液;鲸蜡油; donation:n.捐赠;捐赠物;赠送;
If so, when? 什么时间比较合适呢？
What words to use? 我们该怎样措辞？
Sperm donors are often referred to as " biological fathers," 精子捐赠者常被称为“生物学的父亲”,
donors:n.捐赠人(donor的复数);[电子]施主; referred:v.提到;引用;认为;指示;涉及;(refer的过去式和过去分词) biological:adj.生物学的;生物的;与生命过程有关的;加酶的;n.[药]生物制品;
but should we really be using the word "father?" 但是我们真的应该用“父亲”这个词吗？
As a philosopher and social scientist , 作为一个哲学家和社会科学家,
philosopher:n.哲学家;深思的人;善于思考的人; social scientist:n.社会科学家;
I have been studying these questions about the concept of parenthood . 我一直在研究这些关于父母概念的问题。
parenthood:n.亲子关系;父母身份;
But today, I will talk to you about what I learned from talking to parents and children. 但是今天,我将告诉你们
I will show you that they know what matters most in a family, even though their family looks a little different. 我会告诉你们,他们知道对一个家庭来说,什么最重要, 即使他们的家庭看起来有点不一样。
I will show you their creative ways of dealing with tough questions. 我会介绍他们富有创造力的解决这些疑难问题的方法。
creative:adj.创造性的;
But I will also show you the parents' uncertainties . 但是我也会告诉你们父母的不确定感。
uncertainties:n.[数]不确定性;不确定因素(uncertainty的复数);
We interviewed couples who received fertility treatment at Ghent University Hospital, using sperm from a donor. 我们采访了 在根特大学医院接受受孕治疗的 使用捐献者精子的夫妇。
interviewed:v.对(某人)进行面试(或面谈); (媒体)采访(interview的过去分词和过去式) fertility:n.多产;肥沃;[农经]生产力;丰饶; treatment:n.治疗;疗法;对待;处理;讨论;
In this treatment timeline , you can see two points at which we conducted interviews . 在这个治疗时间线上, 你能看到我们采访的两个时间点。
timeline:n.时间轴,时间线;大事年表; conducted:v.组织;安排;实施;执行;指挥;带领;引导;(conduct的过去分词和过去式) interviews:n.面试; v.对(某人)进行面试(或面谈);
We included heterosexual couples, where the man for some reason did not have good-quality sperm, and lesbian couples who obviously needed to find sperm elsewhere . 我们包括了异性恋夫妇, 其中男性因为一些原因没有高质量精子, 我们也包括了女同性恋伴侣,她们很明显需要寻找精子。
heterosexual:adj.异性的;异性恋的;n.异性恋的人; lesbian:adj.[心理]女同性恋的;n.女同性恋者; elsewhere:adv.在别处;到别处;
We also included children. 我们也包含了孩子。
I wanted to know how those children define concepts like parenthood and family. 我想知道 那些孩子是怎样定义像父母和家庭这样的概念的。
define:v.定义;使明确;规定;
In fact, that is what I asked them, only not in that way. 事实上,这就是我问他们的问题, 只是用不同的方式。
I drew an apple tree instead. 我画了一个苹果树。
This way, I could ask abstract , philosophical questions in a way that did not make them run off. 这样,我可以问抽象的,富有哲学性的问题, 这种方式不会让他们想要逃避。
abstract:n.摘要; adj.抽象的; vt.摘要; vi.做摘要; philosophical:adj.哲学的(等于philosophic);冷静的;
So as you can see , the apple tree is empty. 你们能看到, 苹果树是空的。
as you can see:正如你所看到的;你是知道的;
And that illustrates my research approach . 这表现了我的实验方式。
illustrates:v.阐明;举例说明(illustrate的三单形式);给…加插图; approach:n.方法;路径;v.接近;建议;着手处理;
By designing techniques like this, 通过设计像这样的方法,
techniques:n.技巧;技艺;工艺;技术;(technique的复数)
I can bring as little meaning and content as possible to the interview, because I want to hear that from them. 我能够使采访尽可能少包含实际意义和内容。 因为我想从他们那里听到这些。
content:n.内容,目录;满足;容量;adj.满意的;vt.使满足;
I asked them: 我问他们:
What would your family look like if it were an apple tree? 如果你的家庭是一棵苹果树,它看起来是怎样的？
And they could take a paper apple for everyone who, in their view, was a member of the family, write a name on it and hang it wherever they wanted. 然后他们可以拿一个纸做的苹果,代表他们眼中的 一个家庭成员, 在上面写上名字,并挂在他们想挂的地方。
And I would ask questions. 然后我会问问题。
Most children started with a parent or a sibling . 绝大多数孩子会从父母或兄弟姐妹开始。
sibling:n.兄弟姊妹;民族成员;
One started with "Boxer," 一个孩子以“拳击手”开始,
the dead dog of his grandparents. 那是他祖父母死去的狗。
At this point, none of the children started mentioning the donor. 这个时候,没有孩子提到精子捐赠者。
So, I asked them about their birth story. 于是,我问了关于他们出生的故事。
I said, "Before you were born, it was just your mom and dad, or mom and mommy. 我说:“在你出生之前, 只有你的妈妈和爸爸, 或者妈妈和妈妈。
Can you tell me how you came into the family?" 你能告诉我你是怎么来到这个家庭的吗？”
And they explained. 然后他们解释了。
One said, "My parents did not have good seeds, but there are friendly men out there who have spare seeds. 一个说, “我的父母没有好的种子, 但是有友好的人拥有多余的种子。
spare:v.节约,吝惜;饶恕;分出,分让;adj.多余的;瘦的;少量的;n.剩余;备用零件;
They bring them to the hospital, and they put them in a big jar. 他们把种子带到医院, 然后放到一个大罐子里。
My mommy went there, and she took two from the jar, one for me and one for my sister. 我的妈妈去了医院 然后她从罐子里拿了两个, 一个为了我,一个为了我的妹妹。
She put the seeds in her belly — and her belly grew really big, and there I was." 她把种子放到她的肚子里—— 她的肚子变的很大。 然后就有了我。”
belly:n.腹部;胃;食欲;v.涨满;鼓起;
Hmm. 哦。
So only when they started mentioning the donor, 所以只有当他们开始提到精子捐赠者时,
I asked questions about him, using their own words. 我才用他们的语言问关于他的问题。
I said, "If this would be an apple for the friendly man with the seeds, what would you do with it?" 我说, “如果这个苹果代表有种子的友好的人, 你会把它放在哪里？”
And one boy was thinking out loud, holding the apple. 然后一个男孩努力地想了半天, 手里还拿着苹果。
And he said, "I won't put this one up there with the others. 然后他说, “我不会把这个苹果和其它的放在一起。
He's not part of my family. 他不是我家庭的一部分。
But I will not put him on the ground. 但是我不会把他放在冰冷的地上,
That's too cold and too hard. 那太没有人情味儿了。
I think he should be in the trunk, because he made my family possible. 我觉得他应该在树干里, 因为他让我的家庭成为了可能。
If he would not have done this, that would really be sad because my family would not be here, and I would not be here." 如果他没有做这些, 那就太遗憾了,因为我的家庭就不会存在了, 那么我也不会在这里了。”
So also, parents constructed family tales — tales to tell their children. 父母们就这样编织了家庭故事—— 用来告诉他们的孩子。
constructed:v.修建;建造;组成;编制,绘制;(construct的过去分词和过去式)
One couple explained their insemination by taking their children to a farm to watch a vet inseminate cows. 一对父母还把他们的孩子带到农场 观看兽医给牛受精, 给他们解释受精的过程。
insemination:n.[畜牧]授精;播种;受胎; vet:n.兽医;兽医诊所;v.审查;仔细检查,审查(内容、质量等); inseminate:vt.使受胎;栽植;人工授精;
And why not? 为什么不呢？
It's their way of explaining; their do-it-yourself with family narratives . 这是他们的解释方式; 他们自己编织的家庭故事。
do-it-yourself:adj.自己动手的;n.自己动手; narratives:n.叙述,故事;叙述的手法(narrative复数);
DIY.
And we had another couple who made books — a book for each child. 我们还有一对父母制作了书籍—— 给每一个孩子。
They were really works of art containing their thoughts and feelings throughout the treatment. 那些真的是艺术, 包含了他们在受孕治疗期间的想法和感情。
throughout:adv.自始至终,到处;全部;prep.贯穿,遍及;
They even had the hospital parking tickets in there. 甚至还有医院停车场的罚单在里面。
So it is DIY: finding ways, words and images to tell your family story to your child. 所以这是DIY。 找到方法、文字和图片 来向你的孩子讲述你的家庭故事。
images:n.印象;声誉;形象;画像;雕像;(image的第三人称单数和复数)
And these stories were highly diverse , but they all had one thing in common: it was a tale of longing for a child and a quest for that child. 而且这些故事非常多样化, 但是有一件事情是一样的: 那是共同渴望一个孩子, 以及获得那个孩子的故事。
highly:adv.高度地;非常;非常赞许地; diverse:adj.不同的;多种多样的;变化多的; quest:n.追求;寻找;vi.追求;寻找;vt.探索;
It was about how special and how deeply loved their child was. 这是关于他们的孩子是多么特殊和被爱护。
And research so far shows that these children are doing fine. 目前的研究表明,这些孩子都在健康成长。
They do not have more problems than other kids. 他们不比同龄孩子存在更多的问题。
Yet, these parents also wanted to justify their decisions through the tales they tell. 然而,这些父母也想通过讲故事, 来解释他们的选择。
justify:v.证明合法;整理版面;替…辩护;
They hoped that their children would understand their reasons for making the family in this way. 他们希望孩子能够理解他们 通过这样的方式建造家庭的原因。
Underlying was a fear that their children might disapprove and would reject the non-genetic parent. 深层的是担心他们的孩子可能不会支持, 或排斥非亲生的父母。
Underlying:adj.根本的; v.构成…的基础; (underlie的现在分词) disapprove:v.不赞成;不同意; reject:v.排斥;拒收;拒绝接受;不予考虑;n.废品;次品;不合格者;被剔除者; non-genetic:非遗传;
And that fear is understandable , because we live in a very heteronormative and geneticized society — a world that still believes that true families consist of one mom, one dad and their genetically related children. 那种恐惧是可以理解的, 因为我们生活在一个异性恋主导 和重视血脉的社会—— 一个依旧相信真正的家庭是由 一个母亲和一个父亲组成的, 而且他们和孩子是基因相连的世界。
understandable:adj.可以理解的;可以了解的; consist:v.(与…)一致;并存;共存;由…组成; genetically:adv.从遗传学角度;从基因方面;
Well. 这无可厚非。
I want to tell you about a teenage boy. 不过我想告诉你一个十几岁的男孩的故事。
He was donor-conceived but not part of our study. 他的出生是精子捐赠的结果,但不是我们研究的一部分。
One day, he had an argument with his father, and he yelled, "You're telling me what to do? 一天,他和他的父亲起了争执, 他大吼, “你告诉我我应该做什么？
You're not even my father!" 你甚至都不是我的父亲！”
That was exactly what the parents in our study feared. 这正是我们研究里的父母担心的。
Now, the boy soon felt sorry, and they made up. 那个男孩很快感到自己失言了,并与父亲重归于好。
But it is the reaction of his father that is most interesting. 但是他父亲的反应是非常有趣的。
reaction:n.反应,感应;反动,复古;反作用;
He said, "This outburst had nothing to do with the lack of a genetic link. 他说, “这次爆发和缺少基因联系不相关。
outburst:n.(火山,情感等的)爆发;破裂; had nothing to do with:与…无关;
It was about puberty — being difficult. 和青春期有关—— 叛逆。
puberty:n.青春期;开花期;
It's what they do at that age. 是他们那个阶段的孩子都会做的事情。
It will pass." 会过去的。”
What this man shows us is that when something goes wrong, we should not immediately think it is because the family is a little different. 这个男人告诉我们的是, 当事情不对的时候, 我们不应该当即认为 是因为家庭有点不一样。
These things happen in all families. 这些事情在所有的家庭里都会发生。
And every now and then , all parents may wonder: 而且有的时候, 所有的父母都会怀疑:
every now and then:不时地;常常;
Am I a good enough parent? 我是一个称职的父母吗？
These parents, too. 这些父母也会。
They, above all, wanted to do what's best for their child. 毕竟,他们想要把最好的留给孩子。
But they also sometimes wondered: 但是他们有时候会怀疑:
Am I a real parent? 我是真正的父母吗？
And their uncertainties were present long before they even were parents. 而且他们的不确定感在他们成为父母很久之前就产生了。
At the start of treatment, when they first saw the counselor , they paid close attention to the counselor , because they wanted to do it right. 在受孕治疗开始时, 当他们第一次见到咨询师, 他们对咨询师的话非常重视, 因为他们不想有任何闪失。
counselor:n.顾问;法律顾问;参事(等于counsellor);
Even 10 years later, they still remember the advice they were given. 甚至10年后, 他们还能记得当初被给予的建议。
So when they thought about the counselor and the advice they were given, we discussed that. 所以当他们想起咨询师 和被给予的建议时, 我们也讨论过。
And we saw one lesbian couple who said, "When our son asks us, 'Do I have a dad?' we will say 'No, you do not have a dad.' 我们见过的一对女同性恋说, “当我们的儿子问我们 ‘我有爸爸吗？’ 我们会说:‘不,你没有爸爸。’
But we will say nothing more, not unless he asks, because he might not be ready for that. 但是我们不会多说,除非他问起。 因为他可能还没有准备好。
The counselor said so." 咨询师是这样建议的。”
Well. 好吧。
I don't know; that's quite different from how we respond to children's questions. 我不确定,这和我们回答 孩子的问题有些不一样。
respond:vi.回答;作出反应;承担责任;n.应答;唱和;
Like, "Milk — is that made in a factory?" 比如“牛奶－是从工厂里制作出来的吗？”
We will say, "No, it comes from cows," 我们会说:“不,它是来自奶牛。”
and we will talk about the farmer, and the way the milk ends up in the shop. 而且我们会谈论关于农场, 以及牛奶到达商店的过程。
We will not say, "No, milk is not made in a factory." 我们不会点到为止地说, “不,牛奶不是来自工厂。”
So something strange happened here, and of course these children noticed that. 所以一些奇怪的事情发生了, 当然这些孩子注意到了。
One boy said, "I asked my parents loads of questions, but they acted really weird . 一个男孩说, “我问了我的父母一大堆的问题, 但他们的表现很奇怪。
weird:adj.奇怪的;奇异的;离奇的;n.命运;宿命;命运女神;
So, you know, I have a friend at school, and she's made in the same way. 我在学校有个朋友,她也是通过同样的方式出生的。
When I have a question, I just go and ask her." 所以当我有问题的时候,我就去问她。“
Clever guy. 聪明的家伙。
Problem solved. 问题解决了。
But his parents did not notice, and it certainly was not what they had in mind, nor what the counselor had in mind when they were saying how important it is to be an open-communication family. 但是他的父母并没有注意到, 而且这肯定不是他们所想的, 也不是咨询师所想的, 当他们阐述开放沟通的家庭是多么重要的时候。
And that's the strange thing about advice. 这就是关于建议的奇怪之处。
When we offer people pills , we gather evidence first. 当我们给人们药方,我们首先收集证据。
pills:n.药丸; v.起球; (pill的第三人称单数和复数) evidence:n.证据,证明;迹象;明显;v.证明;
We do tests, we do follow-up studies. 我们做实验, 我们做跟踪试验。
follow-up:adj.后续的;增补的;n.随访;跟进;后续行动;
We want to know, and rightly so, what this pill is doing and how it affects people's lives. 我们想正确地知道药方会起什么作用, 以及它是怎么影响人们的生活的。
rightly:adv.正确地;恰当地;公正地;合适地;
And advice? 关于建议？
It is not enough for advice, or for professionals to give advice that is theoretically sound, or well-meant . 给予建议,或者让专业人员 给予理论上站得住脚的建议, 或是好心的建议是不够的。
professionals:n.[管理]专业人员(professional的复数); theoretically:adv.理论地;理论上; well-meant:adj.没有恶意的;
It should be advice that there is evidence for — evidence that it actually improves patients' lives. 应该是有证据的能够真正改善—— 病人生活的建议。
improves:v.改进;改善;(improve的第三人称单数)
So the philosopher in me would now like to offer you a paradox : 所以我心中的哲学家要给你们提出一个悖论:
paradox:n.悖论,反论;似非而是的论点;自相矛盾的人或事;
I advise you to stop following advice. 我建议你们停止遵循建议。
advise:v.建议;通知;劝告;忠告;
But, yes. 但是,没错。
(Applause) （鼓掌）
I will not end here with what went wrong; 我不会以什么负面的事情结束演讲:
I would not be doing justice to the warmth we found in those families. 我不会批判我们在那些家庭里找到的温暖。
justice:n.公平;公正;司法制度;审判;
Remember the books and the trip to the farmer? 还记得那些书和去农场的旅行吗？
When parents do things that work for them, they do brilliant things. 当父母做正确有效的事情, 他们做得很棒。
What I want you to remember as members of families, in no matter what form or shape, is that what families need are warm relationships. 我想让你们记得的是作为家庭成员, 无论任何形式或构成, 家庭都需要温馨的关系。
no matter what:不管什么…;
And we do not need to be professionals to create those. 我们不需要成为专家来构建这些关系。
Most of us do just fine, although it may be hard work, and from time to time , we can do with some advice. 我们中的绝大多数都能做到。 即使可能并不容易, 有时我们也可以遵循一些建议。
from time to time:不时,有时;
In that case, bear in mind three things. 在那个情况下, 记住三件事情:
bear in mind:vi.记住;考虑到;
Work with advice that works for your family. 只遵循适合你家庭的建议。
Remember — you're the expert, because you live your family life. 还要记住——你是专家,因为你生活在你的家庭里。
And finally , believe in your abilities and your creativity, because you can do it yourself. 最后, 相信你的能力和创造力, 因为你自己都能做到。
finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地;
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （鼓掌）