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ThordisElvaandTomStranger_2016W-_强奸与和解：我们的故事_
[This talk contains graphic language and descriptions of sexual violence 起初,对家乡的思念让我有些挣扎。
graphic:adj.形象的;图表的;绘画似的; descriptions:n.摘要;说明,说明书;描述(description的复数形式); sexual:adj.性的;性别的;有性的; violence:n.暴力;侵犯;激烈;歪曲;
Viewer discretion is advised] 请酌情观看。
discretion:n.自由裁量权;谨慎;判断力;判定;考虑周到;
Tom Stranger: In 1996, when I was 18 years old, Tom Stranger:1996年时,我18岁。
I had the golden opportunity to go on an international exchange program. 我获得了一个国际交换项目的宝贵机会。
exchange:n.交换;交流;交易所;兑换;v.交换;交易;兑换;
Ironically I'm an Australian who prefers proper icy cold weather, so I was both excited and tearful when I got on a plane to Iceland, after just having farewelled my parents and brothers goodbye. 但是,我是一个,更喜欢“适当”寒冷天气的澳大利亚人, 在我告别父母和兄弟们,登上去冰岛的飞机时, 既激动,也有些伤心。
Ironically:adv.讽刺地;说反话地; prefers:v.较喜欢;喜欢…多于…;(prefer的第三人称单数) tearful:adj.含泪的;令人伤心的;
I was welcomed into the home of a beautiful Icelandic family who took me hiking, and helped me get a grasp of the melodic Icelandic language. 我受到了一个非常友好的冰岛家庭的欢迎, 他们带着我徒步旅行, 帮助我了解音调优美的冰岛语。
Icelandic:adj.冰岛的;冰岛人的;冰岛语的;n.冰岛语; grasp:n.抓住;理解;控制;v.抓住;领会; melodic:adj.有旋律的;音调优美的;
I struggled a bit with the initial period of homesickness . 起初,对家乡的思念让我有些挣扎。
struggled:v.奋斗;努力;争取;艰难地行进;抗争;(struggle的过去式和过去分词) initial:adj.最初的; n.(名字的)首字母; v.用姓名的首字母作标记(或签名)于; homesickness:n.乡愁;
I snowboarded after school, and I slept a lot. 我放学后去滑雪, 也睡得很多。
snowboarded:n.滑雪板;
Two hours of chemistry class in a language that you don't yet fully understand can be a pretty good sedative . 用一门你还没能完全理解的语言,进行两小时的化学课, 可以是一剂不错的“镇定剂”。
sedative:n.[药]镇静剂;能使安静的东西;止痛药;adj.使镇静的;使安静的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
My teacher recommended I try out for the school play, just to get me a bit more socially active. 我的老师建议,我尝试一下学校的戏剧活动, 让我能在社交上更加积极一些。
recommended:v.推荐;举荐;介绍;劝告;建议;(recommend的过去分词和过去式)
It turns out I didn't end up being part of the play, but through it I met Thordis. 结果,我并未成功入选, 但却遇见了 Thordis。
We shared a lovely teenage romance , and we'd meet at lunchtimes to just hold hands and walk around old downtown Reykjavík. 我们情窦初开, 我们午餐时见面,只是为了牵个手, 在雷克雅未克的旧城中散步。
romance:n.爱情;恋爱;风流韵事;传奇故事; downtown:n.市区;闹市区;adv.在市区;在热闹街上;到闹市区;adj.闹市区的;
I met her welcoming family, and she met my friends. 我见过了她热情的家人,她也见过了我的朋友们。
We'd been in a budding relationship for a bit over a month when our school's Christmas Ball was held. 直到学校的圣诞舞会, 我们萌芽中的关系,才进行了一个月多一点时间。
budding:adj.开始发展的;崭露头角的;n.发芽;v.发芽;(bud的现在分词)
Thordis Elva: I was 16 and in love for the first time. Thordis Elva:那时我16岁,第一次恋爱。
Going together to the Christmas dance was a public confirmation of our relationship, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. 我们一起参加圣诞舞会, 意味着,我们之间关系的正式公开, 我觉得,我是世界上最幸运的姑娘。
No longer a child, but a young woman. 不再是一个孩子,而是一个年轻的女人。
High on my newfound maturity , 在发现自己变得更加成熟,而感到激动不已时,
newfound:adj.新发现的;新得到的; maturity:n.成熟;到期;完备;
I felt it was only natural to try drinking rum for the first time that night, too. 我同时觉得,当晚理应首次尝尝朗姆酒才是。
rum:adj.古怪的;奇特的;n.朗姆酒;
That was a bad idea. 那是一个错误的决定。
I became very ill, drifting in and out of consciousness in between spasms of convulsive vomiting . 我变得非常不适, 在剧烈呕吐带来的痉挛期间, 时而意识不清。
drifting:v.漂流;漂移;缓慢行走;顺其自然地做;(drift的现在分词) consciousness:n.意识;知觉;觉悟;感觉; spasms:n.肌痉挛(spasm的复数); convulsive:adj.抽搐的;惊厥的;震动的;起痉挛的; vomiting:v.呕吐(vomit的现在分词);
The security guards wanted to call me an ambulance , but Tom acted as my knight in shining armor , and told them he'd take me home. 保安本想帮助我叫一辆救护车, 但 Tom 如同我的英雄一般, 告诉他们,他会送我回家。
ambulance:n.救护车; knight:n.(中世纪的)骑士;(英国)爵士(其名前冠以Sir);v.封(某人)为爵士; armor:n.[军]装甲;盔甲;v.为…装甲;
It was like a fairy tale , his strong arms around me, laying me in the safety of my bed. 那就像童话故事一样, 他强壮的手臂围绕着我, 把我放在我的床上。
fairy tale:adj.童话的;童话式的;
But the gratitude that I felt towards him soon turned to horror as he proceeded to take off my clothes and get on top of me. 但接下来,当他脱掉我的衣服,压在我的身上时, 我对他的感激,转瞬变成恐惧。
gratitude:n.感谢(的心情);感激; horror:n.恐惧;厌恶;震惊;对某事物的强烈畏惧(或憎恨); proceeded:v.继续做;接着做;继而做;行进;前往;(proceed的过去分词和过去式)
My head had cleared up, but my body was still too weak to fight back, and the pain was blinding. 我的脑袋里一片空白, 但我仍旧虚弱的身体,无法反抗, 并且伴随着剧烈的疼痛。
I thought I'd be severed in two. 我感到我像是会被一分为二。
severed:v.切开;割断;切下;割下;(sever的过去分词和过去式)
In order to stay sane , 为了保持清醒,
sane:adj.健全的;理智的;[临床]神志正常的;
I silently counted the seconds on my alarm clock . 我默默地数着我闹钟上的秒数。
alarm clock:n.闹钟;
And ever since that night, 从那天晚上开始,
I've known that there are 7,200 seconds in two hours. 我知道了,2个小时中,一共有7200秒。
Despite limping for days and crying for weeks, this incident didn't fit my ideas about rape like I'd seen on TV. 尽管接下来的很多天中,我都感到浑身无力,也连续哭了好几周, 这件事, 并不符合我对电视报道中强奸的理解。
Despite:prep.尽管,不管;n.轻视;憎恨;侮辱; limping:n.跛行;v.跛行(limp的现在分词); rape:n.强奸罪;强奸案;v.强奸;强暴;
Tom wasn't an armed lunatic; he was my boyfriend. Tom 并不是一个有武器的精神错乱的人; 他是我的男朋友。
And it didn't happen in a seedy alleyway , it happened in my own bed. 这件事也并非发生在一条破旧的小巷中, 它发生在我自己的床上。
seedy:adj.多种子的;结籽的;破烂的;没精打采的;下流的; alleyway:n.胡同;小巷;窄街;走廊;
By the time I could identify what had happened to me as rape, he had completed his exchange program and left for Australia. 直到我能够意识到,发生在我身上的是强奸时, 他已经完成了交换项目, 回到了澳大利亚。
identify:v.识别:鉴定:确认:发现:
So I told myself it was pointless to address what had happened. 所以,我告诉自己,再去强调已经发生的事没有意义。
pointless:adj.无意义的;钝的;不尖的;不得要领的;
And besides , it had to have been my fault, somehow . 此外, 某种程度上来说,我一定也有错。
besides:adv.此外;而且;prep.除…之外; somehow:adv.以某种方法;莫名其妙地;
I was raised in a world where girls are taught that they get raped for a reason. 我从小接受的教育认为, 女孩被强奸一定有其原因。
raped:v.强奸;强暴(rape的过去分词和过去式)
Their skirt was too short, their smile was too wide, their breath smelled of alcohol . 她们的裙子太短, 她们的笑得过于开心, 她们散发着酒气。
alcohol:n.酒精;乙醇;含酒精饮料;
And I was guilty of all of those things, so the shame had to be mine. 我对所有这些都感到内疚, 所以,我应当感到羞愧。
guilty:adj.有罪的;内疚的;
It took me years to realize that only one thing could have stopped me from being raped that night, and it wasn't my skirt, it wasn't my smile, it wasn't my childish trust. 我花了很多年的时间,才意识到 那天晚上,唯一能阻止我被侵犯的, 不是我的裙子, 不是我的笑容, 更不是我幼稚的信任。
childish:adj.幼稚的,孩子气的;
The only thing that could've stopped me from being raped that night is the man who raped me — had he stopped himself. 唯一能够阻止我在那天晚上被侵犯的, 是强奸我的那个男人—— 能够阻止他自己。
TS: I have vague memories of the next day: the after effects of drinking, a certain hollowness that I tried to stifle . Tom Stranger:因为喝了酒, 我对第二天的记忆很模糊, 我试图扼制住一种空虚感。
vague:adj.模糊的;含糊的;不明确的;暧昧的; hollowness:n.空旷;空虚;凹陷; stifle:vt.扼杀; vi.窒息; n.(马等的)后膝关节; (马等的)[动]后膝关节病;
Nothing more. 没有更多。
But I didn't show up at Thordis's door. 但是,我并没有出现在 Thordis 的家门口。
It is important to now state that I didn't see my deed for what it was. 现在,需要重点说明的是, 当时我并未认识到我行为的实质。
deed:n.行动;功绩;证书;[法]契据;vt.立契转让;
The word "rape" didn't echo around my mind as it should've, and I wasn't crucifying myself with memories of the night before. “强奸”这两个字,并未如其应当的那样,在我脑海中不断浮现, 我也并未因为昨晚发生的事情折磨自己。
echo:vt.反射;重复;vi.随声附和;发出回声;n.回音;效仿; crucifying:v.把(某人)钉(或捆)在木十字架上处死; (crucify的现在分词)
It wasn't so much a conscious refusal , it was more like any acknowledgment of reality was forbidden . 那不太像是,一种有意识的拒绝, 更像是对现实的认知,遇到了阻碍。
refusal:n.拒绝;回绝; acknowledgment:n.感谢;承认;承认书; forbidden:adj.禁止的; v.禁止; (forbid的过去分词和过去式)
My definition of my actions completely refuted any recognition of the immense trauma I caused Thordis. 我对自身行为的定义,完全击败了 我对给 Thordis 造成巨大伤害的认知。
definition:n.定义;清晰度;(尤指词典里的词或短语的)释义;解释; refuted:vt.反驳,驳斥;驳倒; recognition:n.识别;认识;承认;认可; immense:adj.巨大的,广大的;无边无际的;非常好的; trauma:n.[外科]创伤(由心理创伤造成精神上的异常);外伤;
To be honest, 诚实地说,
I repudiated the entire act in the days afterwards and when I was committing it. 无论是在事情发生后的那些天,还是当时, 我否认自己的整个行为。
repudiated:vt.拒绝;否定;批判;与…断绝关系;拒付; committing:v.做出;犯罪或错等;自杀;承诺,保证;(commit的现在分词)
I disavowed the truth by convincing myself it was sex and not rape. 我说服自己,那是一场性爱而非强奸,并以此否认事实。
disavowed:vt.否认,否定;抵赖;拒绝对…的责任; convincing:adj.令人信服的; v.使确信; (convince的现在分词)
And this is a lie I've felt spine-bending guilt for. 这个谎言,让我承受了巨大的罪恶感。
I broke up with Thordis a couple of days later, and then saw her a number of times during the remainder of my year in Iceland, feeling a sharp stab of heavyheartedness each time. 不久之后,我和 Thordis 分了手, 那年,在冰岛剩下的时间里, 我时常见到她, 每次我都感到异常沉重。
remainder:n.[数]余数,残余; adj.剩余的; vt.廉价出售; vi.廉价出售; sharp:锋利的,尖的 stab:v.刺;刺伤;戳;刺穿;直入;n.刺;戳;尝试;突发的一阵;
Deep down, I knew I'd done something immeasurably wrong. 内心深处,我知道我已经犯了无法估量的错误。
immeasurably:adv.无限地;广大无边地;不能测量地;
But without planning it, I sunk the memories deep, and then I tied a rock to them. 但是,我并未因此而做些什么, 而是把记忆深深掩埋。
What followed is a nine-year period that can best be titled as " Denial and Running." 接下来的九年, 可以被称作:“否认和逃避”。
Denial:n.否认;否定;剥夺(应有的权利);拒不承认(令人不快、痛苦的事);
When I got a chance to identify the real torment that I caused, 当我有机会去认识到,由我引起的真实的痛苦时,
torment:v.折磨,使痛苦;纠缠,作弄;n.痛苦,苦恼;痛苦的根源;
I didn't stand still long enough to do so. 我并没能足够冷静地去面对。
Whether it be via distraction , substance use, thrill-seeking or the scrupulous policing of my inner speak, 无论是通过分散注意力, 滥用药物, 寻求刺激, 或者是,小心谨慎地关注我内心的想法,
via:prep.通过;经由;n.道路;[医]管道; distraction:n.注意力分散;消遣;心烦意乱; substance:n.物质;实质;主旨;物品; thrill-seeking:追求刺激;敢于冒险;玩心跳; scrupulous:adj.细心的;小心谨慎的;一丝不苟的; inner:n.内部;射中接近靶心部分的一发;adj.里面的;向内的;内部的;接近中心的;
I refused to be static and silent. 我拒绝,保持冷静和沉默。
static:adj.静止的; n.[物]静电(干扰);
And with this noise, 除了这个“噪音”之外,
I also drew heavily upon other parts of my life to construct a picture of who I was. 我还不断地,拼凑我生活中的其他部分, 来解答,“我是谁”这个问题。
construct:v.建造;创建;建筑;修建;n.概念;构筑物;结构体;建造物;
I was a surfer, a social science student, a friend to good people, a loved brother and son, an outdoor recreation guide, and eventually , a youth worker. 我是一个冲浪运动员, 一个学习社会科学的学生, 一些好人的朋友, 一个被爱着的兄弟和儿子, 一本“户外娱乐指南”, 最终,也是一个青年工作者。
social science:n.社会科学;社会科学学科; outdoor:adj.户外的;露天的; recreation:n.娱乐;消遣;娱乐活动;游戏; eventually:adv.最后,终于;
I gripped tight to the simple notion that I wasn't a bad person. 我坚持认为,我并不是一个坏人。
gripped:vt.紧咬,夹住;紧握(grip过去时形式); notion:n.观念;信念;理解;
I didn't think I had this in my bones. 我并不认为,我天生就是这样的人。
I thought I was made up of something else. 我想,我本应该是另一个样子。
made up of:由…组成,由…构成;
In my nurtured upbringing , my loving extended family and role models, people close to me were warm and genuine in their respect shown towards women. 在对我的培养和教育中, 我充满爱的家人和榜样,我身边的人们, 都尊重女性, 对待女性都温暖而真诚。
nurtured:v.养育;培养;养护;支持(nurture的过去分词和过去式) upbringing:n.教养;养育;抚育; extended family:n.家族; genuine:adj.真实的,真正的;诚恳的;
It took me a long time to stare down this dark corner of myself, and to ask it questions. 我花了很长时间,才能面对我自身的这个黑暗角落, 并开始发问。
stare:v.凝视;盯着看;注视;n.凝视;
TE: Nine years after the Christmas dance, Thordis Elva:圣诞舞会过去9年后,
I was 25 years old, and headed straight for a nervous breakdown . 我25岁, 并且将要经历一场精神崩溃。
nervous breakdown:n.神经衰弱;
My self-worth was buried under a soul-crushing load of silence that isolated me from everyone that I cared about, and I was consumed with misplaced hatred and anger that I took out on myself. 我的自我价值,被埋葬在,让灵魂不堪重负的寂静之中, 它把我和我关心的人们隔离开, 我错误地,对自己发泄的怨恨和愤怒, 将我消耗殆尽。
self-worth:n.自我价值;自尊;自负; isolated:adj.偏远的; v.隔离,孤立,脱离; consumed:adj.沉迷…的; v.消耗,耗费; (consume的过去分词和过去式) misplaced:adj.不合时宜的; v.乱放(而一时找不到); (misplace的过去式和过去分词) hatred:n.仇恨;憎恨;厌恶;
One day, I stormed out of the door in tears after a fight with a loved one, and I wandered into a café, where I asked the waitress for a pen. 一天,和一位我爱的人发生争执之后, 我哭着冲出门去, 我走进一家咖啡店, 找女服务生要了一支笔。
waitress:n.女服务员;女侍者;vi.做女服务生;
I always had a notebook with me, claiming that it was to jot down ideas in moments of inspiration, but the truth was that I needed to be constantly fidgeting , because in moments of stillness , 我总是带着一个笔记本电脑, 声称,是为了捕捉一些灵感的瞬间, 但事实上,是因为我需要随着都做点什么, 因为在安静下来的时候,
claiming:v.声称;要求给予;理应获得;(claim的现在分词) jot:vt.略记;摘要记载下来;n.少量;稍许; constantly:adv.不断地;时常地; fidgeting:vi.烦躁;坐立不安;玩弄;n.烦躁;坐立不安;烦躁不安的人;vt.使不安;使烦乱; stillness:n.静止;沉静;
I found myself counting seconds again. 我发现,我又会开始数秒数。
But that day, I watched in wonder as the words streamed out of my pen, forming the most pivotal letter I've ever written, addressed to Tom. 但那天,我惊讶地发现, 我写下了, 给 Tom 的信中,最关键的一封。
pivotal:adj.关键的;中枢的;枢轴的;n.关键事物;中心事物; addressed:v.写(收信人)姓名地址:致函:演说:演讲:向…说话; (address的过去分词和过去式)
Along with an account of the violence that he subjected me to, the words, "I want to find forgiveness " 在信中,除了描述他曾让我遭受的暴力, 我还写下,“我希望能够宽恕”
forgiveness:n.宽恕;原谅;宽宏大量
stared back at me, surprising nobody more than myself. 这句话像是盯着我, 我比任何人都感到惊讶。
stared:v.盯着看;凝视;注视;(stare的过去分词和过去式)
But deep down I realized that this was my way out of my suffering, because regardless of whether or not he deserved my forgiveness, 但内心深处,我意识到,这能够让我从痛苦中解脱, 因为,无论他是否值得得到我的宽恕,
regardless:adj.不管的; v.不顾后果地; whether or not:是否…; deserved:adj.值得的;该奖[罚]的;v.值得;应得;应受;(deserve的过去分词和过去式)
I deserved peace. 我值得获得平静。
My era of shame was over. 我这个充满羞耻的时期,已经过去。
era:n.新时期;纪元;年代;新时代;
Before sending the letter, 发出信件之前,
I prepared myself for all kinds of negative responses , or what I found likeliest: no response whatsoever . 我设想着,各种可能的消极回复, 或者,我认为最后可能的是,没有回复。
negative:adj.[数]负的;消极的;否定的;阴性的;n.否定;负数;[摄]底片;v.否定;拒绝; responses:n.回答,答复;反应;响应;(response的复数) whatsoever:pron.无论什么;
The only outcome that I didn't prepare myself for was the one that I then got — a typed confession from Tom, full of disarming regret. 我唯一没能预料到的, 是我收到的这封—— 表达忏悔的信,来自 Tom,满是毫无防备的悔恨。
outcome:n.结果,结局;成果; confession:n.忏悔,告解;供认; disarming:adj.使解除警戒心的;使人消气的;v.解除武装;使息怒(disarm的现在分词);
As it turns out, he, too, had been imprisoned by silence. 事实上,他同样,也一直被“囚禁”于沉默之中。
imprisoned:v.监禁;关押;(imprison的过去分词和过去式)
And this marked the start of an eight-year-long correspondence that God knows was never easy, but always honest. 这成了我们之间,随后一段长达8年时间通信的起点, 上帝知道,这并不容易, 但我们一直是坦诚的。
correspondence:n.通信;一致;相当;
I relieved myself of the burdens that I'd wrongfully shouldered, and he, in turn, wholeheartedly owned up to what he'd done. 我卸下了我本不应承担的重负, 他,同样的,由衷地承认他的所作所为。
relieved:adj.释然的; v.缓解; burdens:n.负担;责任;船的载货量;v.使负担;烦扰;装货于; wrongfully:adv.不正当地;不妥地; wholeheartedly:adv.全心全意地,全神贯注地;
Our written exchanges became a platform to dissect the consequences of that night, and they were everything from gut-wrenching to healing beyond words . 我们的书面交流,成了一个平台, 去剖析,那个晚上对我们的影响, 这些交流,有时令人感到极度痛苦, 有时,却也带来超越语言的治愈。
platform:n.平台; v.把…放在台上[放在高处; dissect:vt.切细;仔细分析;vi.进行解剖;进行详细分析; consequences:n.后果,结果;影响(consequence的复数); gut-wrenching:adj.极度痛苦的,撕心裂肺的; healing:n.康复; adj.痊愈中的; v.(使)康复,复原; (heal的现在分词) beyond words:难以言表;尽在不言中;无法用语言表达;
And yet, it didn't bring about closure for me. 但对我而言,一切并未终结。
closure:n.关闭;终止,结束;v.使结束;使终止;;
Perhaps because the email format didn't feel personal enough, perhaps because it's easy to be brave when you're hiding behind a computer screen on the other side of the planet. 也许,是因为电子邮件的形式,并不够私人化, 也许,是因为躲藏在地球另一边的电脑屏幕前,
personal:adj.个人的;身体的;亲自的;n.人事消息栏;人称代名词; on the other side:另一面;在另一边;
But we'd begun a dialogue that I felt was necessary to explore to its fullest. 但我们开始了一个对话, 我认为,有必要由此来探索所有的可能性。
explore:v.探索:探测:探险:
So, after eight years of writing, and nearly 16 years after that dire night, 所以,在通信8年之后, 距离那个可怕的夜晚,接近16年之后,
dire:adj.可怕的;悲惨的;极端的;
I mustered the courage to propose a wild idea: that we'd meet up in person and face our past once and for all . 我鼓起勇气,提出了一个大胆的想法: 我们应该见面, 面对我们的过去,一次性解决。
mustered:vt.召集;对…进行点名;使振作;n.集合;检阅;点名册;集合人员;vi.召集;聚集; propose:v.建议;提议;求婚;打算; once and for all:一劳永逸地;彻底地;最后一次;
TS: Iceland and Australia are geographically like this. TS:冰岛和澳大利亚的地理位置,像是这样。
geographically:adv.在地理上;地理学上;
In the middle of the two is South Africa. 在两者中间,是南非。
We decided upon the city of Cape Town, and there we met for one week. 我们决定,在南非的开普敦, 进行一周时间的见面。
Cape:n.披肩;披风;短斗篷;地角;
The city itself proved to be a stunningly powerful environment to focus on reconciliation and forgiveness. 事实证明,这座城市本身,有着令人惊奇的强大氛围, 它能够帮助人们,专注于和解和宽恕。
stunningly:adv.绝妙地;令人震惊地;使人目瞪口呆地; reconciliation:n.和解;调和;和谐;甘愿;
Nowhere else has healing and rapprochement been tested like it has in South Africa. 没有其他地方像南非一样, 有着历经检验的治愈力量和友好氛围。
Nowhere:v.无处; n.无处; adj.不存在的; rapprochement:n.友好;恢复邦交;友善关系的建立;
As a nation, South Africa sought to sit within the truth of its past, and to listen to the details of its history. 作为一个国家,南非面对真实的过去, 尊重历史的细节。
sought:v.seek(寻求、寻找)的过去式和过去分词形式;
Knowing this only magnified the effect that Cape Town had on us. 了解这些,更是加大了开普敦对我们的影响。
magnified:v.放大;扩大;增强;夸大;夸张;(magnify的过去分词和过去式)
Over the course of this week, we literally spoke our life stories to each other, from start to finish. 在这一周里, 由始至终, 我们相互倾诉着,各自生活中的故事。
literally:adv.按字面:字面上:确实地:
And this was about analyzing our own history. 这就是,对我们自身过往的分析。
analyzing:adj.分析的;v.分析(analyze的现在分词);
We followed a strict policy of being honest, and this also came with a certain exposure , an open-chested vulnerability . 我们遵守,严格诚实的规则, 而这也带来了,一定程度的暴露, 一种因推心置腹,而带来的脆弱感。
policy:n.政策,方针;保险单; exposure:n.暴露;显露;揭露;面临; vulnerability:n.易损性;弱点;
There were gutting confessions , and moments where we just absolutely couldn't fathom the other person's experience. 这其中,有深刻的忏悔, 以及,我们绝对无法完全了解的, 另一个人所经历的瞬间。
gutting:v.损毁(建筑物或房屋的)内部;取出…的内脏(以便烹饪);(gut的现在分词) confessions:n.自白,招供;忏悔录(confession的复数形式); absolutely:adv.绝对地;完全地; fathom:vt.看穿;彻底了解;测量…的深度;n.英寻(测量水深的长度单位);
The seismic effects of sexual violence were spoken aloud and felt, face to face. 性暴力所带来的巨大影响, 被面对面地,表达和感知。
seismic:adj.地震的;因地震而引起的;
At other times, though, we found a soaring clarity , and even some totally unexpected but liberating laughter. 在其他时间里, 一些问题得以快速明晰, 我们甚至会意外地,发出释怀的笑声。
soaring:adj.翱翔的;高耸的;猛增的;v.高耸;高飞;猛增;(soar的现在分词形式) clarity:n.清楚,明晰;透明; unexpected:adj.意外的,想不到的; liberating:v.解放;使自由;使摆脱约束(或限制);(liberate的现在分词)
When it came down to it, we did out best to listen to each other intently . 实际上, 我们尽全力,认真地彼此聆听。
intently:adv.专心地;一心一意地;心无旁骛地;
And our individual realities were aired with an unfiltered purity that couldn't do any less than lighten the soul. 我们各自的现实生活,像是被纯净的空气, 点亮了灵魂。
individual:n.个人;有个性的人;adj.单独的;个别的; unfiltered:adj.未滤过的; purity:n.[化学]纯度;纯洁;纯净;纯粹; lighten:v.减轻;减轻重量;变成淡色;(使)感到不那么悲伤(或担忧、严肃);
TE: Wanting to take revenge is a very human emotion — instinctual , even. Thordis Elva:想要报复,是一种人类非常自然的情绪—— 甚至,是一种本能。
revenge:n.报复;复仇;v.报复;替…报仇;洗雪; emotion:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感; instinctual:adj.[生物]本能的;
And all I wanted to do for years was to hurt Tom back as deeply as he had hurt me. 这么多年,我最想做的, 就是深深地伤害Tom,像他曾伤害我那样。
But had I not found a way out of the hatred and anger, 但是,如果我未曾,从由此而生的怨恨和愤怒中解脱,
I'm not sure I'd be standing here today. 我不确信,我今天能够站在这里。
That isn't to say that I didn't have my doubts along the way. 那不是说,这一路上,我不曾有过疑虑。
When the plane bounced on that landing strip in Cape Town, 当飞机降落,颠簸在开普敦的着陆带上时,
landing strip:na.(飞机场的)起落跑道;可着陆地区;
I remember thinking, "Why did I not just get myself a therapist and a bottle of vodka like a normal person would do?" 我记得,我在想, “为什么我不像一个正常人会做的那样, 找一个按摩师,再买一瓶伏特加？”
therapist:n.临床医学家;治疗学家; vodka:n.伏特加酒;
(Laughter) （笑声）
At times, our search for understanding in Cape Town felt like an impossible quest , and all I wanted to do was to give up and go home to my loving husband, Vidir, and our son. 有时,我们在开普敦,寻求彼此理解这件事, 像是一个不可能的探索, 而我只想放弃, 回到我亲爱的丈夫 Vidir, 和我们的儿子身边。
quest:n.追求;寻找;vi.追求;寻找;vt.探索;
But despite our difficulties, this journey did result in a victorious feeling that light had triumphed over darkness, that something constructive could be built out of the ruins . 尽管,存在困难, 但这趟旅程,的确带来了一种胜利的感受, 像是光亮战胜了黑暗, 废墟之中,得以建立一些益处。
journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行; victorious:adj.胜利的;凯旋的; triumphed:v.打败;战胜;成功;(triumph的过去式和过去分词) constructive:adj.建设性的;推定的;构造上的;有助益的; ruins:n.遗迹(ruin的复数形式);废墟;v.毁灭(ruin的三单形式);
I read somewhere that you should try and be the person that you needed when you were younger. 我在某处读到, 你应当尝试并成为,你年轻的时候,需要的那个人。
And back when I was a teenager, 当我年少时,
I would have needed to know that the shame wasn't mine, that there's hope after rape, that you can even find happiness, like I share with my husband today. 我本应需要知道,我无需感到羞耻, 被强奸之后,仍有希望, 你甚至能够找到幸福, 像我同我丈夫分享的一样。
Which is why I started writing feverishly upon my return from Cape Town, resulting in a book co-authored by Tom, that we hope can be of use to people from both ends of the perpetrator-survivor scale . 因此,从开普敦一回来,我开始兴奋地写作, 最终,形成一本和 Tom 共同完成的书, 我们希望这本书, 无论对犯罪者还是幸存者,都有帮助。
feverishly:adv.狂热地;兴奋地; co-authored:v. 合著者;(co-author的过去式和过去分词); scale:n.规模;比例;鳞;刻度;天平;数值范围;v.衡量;攀登;剥落;生水垢;
If nothing else, it's a story that we would've needed to hear when we were younger. 至少, 这也是一个,在我们年少时,需要去了解的故事。
Given the nature of our story, 考虑到,这个故事的性质,
I know the words that inevitably accompany it — and labels are a way to organize concepts, but they can also be dehumanizing in their connotations . 我知道,有一些词语,将不可避免地,伴随它—— 标签是组织概念的一种方法, 但他们也可能因其内涵,被非人性化。
inevitably:adv.不可避免地;必然地; accompany:v.陪同;陪伴;与…同时发生;为…伴奏; labels:n.标签;分类(label的复数形式);v.贴标签于;把…称为(label的三单形式); organize:v.组织;安排;处理;分配;管理; dehumanizing:vt.使成兽性;使失掉人性; connotations:内涵;含蓄;隐含意义(connotation的复数);
Once someone's been deemed a victim , it's that much easier to file them away as someone damaged, dishonored , less than. 一旦,某人被认定为一个受害人, 他们就更加容易被归类为,被伤害, 遭受羞辱, 低人一等的。
deemed:v.认为;视为;相信;(deem的过去分词和过去式) victim:n.受害人;牺牲品;牺牲者; dishonored:n.拒绝往来户; adj.被侮辱的; vt.使丢脸;
And likewise , once someone has been branded a rapist, it's that much easier to call him a monster — inhuman . 同样,一旦某人被打上强奸犯的烙印, 就更加容易称其为,怪物—— 非人类。
likewise:adv.同样地;也; branded:adj.名牌商标的; v.铭刻; (brand的过去式和过去分词); monster:n.怪物;恶魔;庞然大物;adj.巨大的; inhuman:adj.残忍的;野蛮的;无人性的;
But how will we understand what it is in human societies that produces violence if we refuse to recognize the humanity of those who commit it? 但是,如果我们拒绝去认识,犯罪一方的人性之处, 我们如何能够理解, 人类社会中,究竟是什么在制造暴力？
recognize:v.认识;认出;辨别出;承认;意识到; humanity:n.人类;人道;仁慈;人文学科;
(Applause)
And how can we empower survivors if we're making them feel less than? 如果,我们总是让幸存者,觉得自己低人一等,我们又如何给予他们力量呢？
empower:vt.授权,允许;使能够;
How can we discuss solutions to one of the biggest threats to the lives of women and children around the world, if the very words we use are part of the problem? 如果我们使用的词语,就是问题的一部分, 面对这个全球范围内,对妇女和儿童生命的最大威胁之一, 我们如何找到解决方案呢？
TS: From what I've now learnt, my actions that night in 1996 were a self-centered taking. Tom Stranger:现在,我已经意识到, 1996年那个晚上,我作出的,是一个以自我为中心的行为。
self-centered:adj.自我中心的;利己主义的;
I felt deserving of Thordis's body. 我认为,我应当得到 Thordis 的身体。
deserving:adj.值得的;应得的;有功的;v.值得;应得到(deserve的现在分词);
I've had primarily positive social influences and examples of equitable behavior around me. 我身边,一直以来,主要都是积极的社会影响, 以及公平作为的例子,
primarily:adv.首先;主要地,根本上; positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片; influences:n.影响; v.影响; equitable:adj.公平的,公正的;平衡法的;
But on that occasion, 但在那个场合,
I chose to draw upon the negative ones. 我却选择利用消极的那些。
The ones that see women as having less intrinsic worth, and of men having some unspoken and symbolic claim to their bodies. 它们把女性看做,有（比男性）更少内在价值, 认为男性对女性的身体,有着不言自明、象征性的权利。
intrinsic:adj.本质的,固有的; unspoken:adj.无言的;未说出口的;不言而喻的; symbolic:adj.象征的;符号的;使用符号的;
These influences I speak of are external to me, though. 尽管,我提到的这些影响,并不来自我本身。
external:n.外部;外观;形式;外部情况;adj.外部的;外面的;外界的;外来的;
And it was only me in that room making choices, nobody else. 但只有我自己,在那个房间里,作出了选择, 而非其他人。
When you own something and really square up to your culpability , 当你拥有一些什么, 让你真正地有决心面对罪恶感时,
culpability:n.可责;有过失;有罪;
I do think a surprising thing can happen. 我认为,的确可能发生,令人惊讶的事情。
It's what I call a paradox of ownership. 这就是我说的,拥有所带来的矛盾。
paradox:n.悖论,反论;似非而是的论点;自相矛盾的人或事;
I thought I'd buckle under the weight of responsibility. 我原以为,我会背负责任的重担。
buckle:n.搭扣;(皮带等的)锁扣;v.(使)搭扣扣住;(被)压垮;双腿发软
I thought my certificate of humanity would be burnt. 我原以为,我人性的证明将付之一炬。
certificate:n.证明;证明书;合格证书;文凭;v.发给结业证书;(尤指)发给职业培训证书;
Instead, I was offered to really own what I did, and found that it didn't possess the entirety of who I am. 相反,我却被给予机会,去真正承认我曾做过的事情, 然后发现,那并不能完整地体现,我是谁。
possess:vt.控制;持有;迷住;具备; entirety:n.全部;完全;
Put simply, something you've done doesn't have to constitute the sum of who you are. 简单地说, 你曾做过的事,并不必然会构成你的全部。
constitute:v.组成;构成;(合法或正式地)成立,设立;
The noise in my head abated . 我脑中的噪音变少。
abated:vt.减轻;减少;废除;vi.减轻;失效;
The indulgent self-pity was starved of oxygen, and it was replaced with the clean air of acceptance — an acceptance that I did hurt this wonderful person standing next to me; 曾经被放纵的自怨自艾,像是极度缺氧, 而它,却被如清新空气一般的接受,所替代—— 接受,我的确伤害了,站在我身边的这位美好的女性;
indulgent:adj.放纵的;宽容的;任性的; self-pity:n.自怜;自哀; acceptance:n.验收;接受;认可;承认;
an acceptance that I am part of a large and shockingly everyday grouping of men who have been sexually violent toward their partners. 接受,我同样属于日常生活中,一直对伴侣有性暴力的、 庞大且令人惊讶的、男性的一员。
shockingly:adv.怕人地,非常地;不正当地; sexually:adv.性,性欲 violent:adj.暴力的;猛烈的;
Don't underestimate the power of words. 不要低估了,语言的力量。
underestimate:v.低估;看轻;n.低估;
Saying to Thordis that I raped her changed my accord with myself, as well as with her. 向Thordis承认是我侵犯了她,改变了我的自我认知, 也改变了我对她的认知。
accord:n.协议;协定;一致;和谐;v.一致;给予;相符;协调; as well as:也;和…一样;不但…而且;
But most importantly, the blame transferred from Thordis to me. 但最重要的, 责备从 Thordis 转向了我。
transferred:v.(使)转移,搬迁;(使)调动;(transfer的过去分词和过去式)
Far too often, the responsibility is attributed to female survivors of sexual violence, and not to the males who enact it. 常见的是, 性暴力中的责任,被归咎于女性幸存者, 而非,作出性暴力行为的男性。
attributed:v.归于(attribute的过去式,过去分词);属性化; female:adj.女性的;雌性的;柔弱的,柔和的;n.女人;[动]雌性动物; enact:vt.颁布;制定法律;扮演;发生;
Far too often, the denial and running leaves all parties at a great distance from the truth. 常见的是, 拒绝和逃避,让各方离真相越来越远。
There's definitely a public conversation happening now, and like a lot of people, we're heartened that there's less retreating from this difficult but important discussion. 目前,已经有更多关于此的公众讨论, 像很多人一样, 由于,大家变得更少逃避,这一艰难却重要的讨论,
definitely:adv.清楚地,当然;明确地,肯定地; heartened:v.激励;鼓励;(hearten的过去分词和过去式) retreating:v.撤退;离开;离去;后退;退缩;(retreat的现在分词)
I feel a real responsibility to add our voices to it. 我感到,有责任加入我们的声音。
TE: What we did is not a formula that we're prescribing for others. Thordis Elva:我们所做的,不是从他人学来的公式。
formula:n.公式; adj.(赛车)方程式的(指赛车要符合规定的体积,重量及汽缸容量等); prescribing:v.给…开(药);让…采用(疗法);开(处方);命令;(prescribe的现在分词)
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to handle their deepest pain or their greatest error. 没有人有权利,告诉任何其他人,如何处理,内心深处的痛苦, 或者是,犯过的,最大的错误。
handle:n.[建]把手;柄;手感;口实;v.处理;操作;运用;买卖;触摸;
Breaking your silence is never easy, and depending on where you are in the world, it can even be deadly to speak out about rape. 打破沉默,总是不容易的, 它取决于,你在这个世界所处的地方, 在一些地方,可能公开谈及强奸,甚至会带来致命的后果。
deadly:adj.致命的;非常的;死一般的;adv.非常;如死一般地; speak out:畅所欲言;大胆地说;大声地说;
I realize that even the most traumatic event of my life is still a testament to my privilege , because I can talk about it without getting ostracized , or even killed. 我意识到,即使是我生命中,最具创伤性的事件, 仍然,是我拥有特权的证明。 因为,我能够谈论它,而不会被排斥, 更不会被杀害。
traumatic:adj.外伤的;创伤的;n.外伤药; testament:n.[法]遗嘱;圣约;确实的证明; privilege:n.特权;优待;v.给与…特权;特免; ostracized:v.排挤;排斥;(ostracize的过去式和过去分词)
But with that privilege of having a voice comes the responsibility of using it. 但是,虽然,我拥有这项发声的特权, 随之而来的是,还有使用它的责任。
That's the least I owe my fellow survivors who can't. 这至少是,我能为,和我一样、却不能发声的幸存者们所做的。
The story we've just relayed is unique , and yet it is so common with sexual violence being a global pandemic . 我们接连讲述的这个故事,是独一无二的, 但是,在性暴力正成为一个全球性现象的背景下,又是如此平常。
relayed:adj.转播的重播的;v.[通信]中继(relay的过去分词);转发; unique:adj.独特的,稀罕的;[数]唯一的;n.独一无二的人或物; global:adj.全球的;总体的;球形的; pandemic:adj.(疾病等)全国流行的;普遍的;n.流行性疾病;
But it doesn't have to be that way. 但并不一定会如此。
One of the things that I found useful on my own healing journey is educating myself about sexual violence. 在我自己的治愈过程中,我发现一件有用的事, 就是对性暴力,进行自我教育。
And as a result , I've been reading, writing and speaking about this issue for over a decade now, going to conferences around the world. 事实上,这十多年间, 我一直在进行,针对这一话题的阅读、写作和演讲, 参加全球的各种会议。
as a result:结果; issue:n.重要议题;争论的问题;v.宣布;公布;发出;发行; conferences:n.会议(conference的复数形式);
And in my experience, the attendees of such events are almost exclusively women. 以我的经验看来, 这类会议的参会人,大多只有女性。
attendees:n.参加者;出席者(attendee的复数); exclusively:adv.唯一地;专有地;排外地;
But it's about time that we stop treating sexual violence as a women's issue. 是时候,我们停止,把性暴力,只当做一个女性议题了。
(Applause) （掌声）
A majority of sexual violence against women and men is perpetrated by men. 大多数,针对女性和男性的性暴力, 是由男性进行。
majority:n.大部分:大多数:多数票:成年人: perpetrated:v.犯(罪);做(错事);干(坏事);(perpetrate的过去分词和过去式)
And yet their voices are sorely underrepresented in this discussion. 在（关于性暴力的）讨论中,他们的声音却极少出现。
sorely:adv.疼痛地;非常;剧烈地; underrepresented:adj.代表名额不足的;未被充分代表的;
But all of us are needed here. 我们所有人的观点,都是被需要的。
Just imagine all the suffering we could alleviate if we dared to face this issue together. 设想,如果我们敢于,共同面对这一问题, 有多少痛苦,可以被缓解。
alleviate:v.减轻,缓和;
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）