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TammyLally_2017X-_让我们诚实地面对家庭财务问题_
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| Have you every had to break your family's rules? |
你们有没有必须打破家庭规则的经历？ |
| Today, I'm breaking mine, around money, secrecy and shame. |
今天,我就要打破我的家中 关于金钱,秘密和羞耻的规则。 |
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secrecy:n.保密;秘密;隐蔽;
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| In 2006, on my brother Keith's 40th birthday, he called. |
2006年,在我哥哥基斯 40岁生日那天,他打电话给我。 |
| '"Tam, I'm in dire straits . |
“塔米,我现在处境艰难。 |
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dire:adj.可怕的;悲惨的;极端的; straits:n.[海洋]海峡;困难(strait的复数);
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| I wouldn't ask unless I had to. |
不到万不得已,我不会开口的。 |
| Can I borrow 7,500 dollars?" |
我能借7500美元吗？“ |
| This wasn't the first time he needed quick cash, but this time, his voice frightened me. |
这不是他第一次急需用钱了, 但这次,他的声音吓到了我。 |
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frightened:adj.害怕的;受惊的;惊吓的;v.使惊吓;使惊恐;(frighten的过去分词和过去式)
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| I had never heard him so beaten down and shameful , and it was on his 40th birthday. |
我从来没听过他这么沮丧和羞愧, 而且是在他40岁生日那天。 |
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shameful:adj.可耻的;不体面的;不道德的;猥亵的;
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| After a few basic questions that we would all ask, |
在问了几个我们通常会问的问题后, |
| I agreed to loan him the money, but under one condition: that as the financial professional in the family, |
我同意借他钱,但有一个条件: 作为家庭的财务专家, |
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financial:adj.金融的;财政的,财务的; professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员;
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| I wanted to meet with him and his wife to see what was really happening. |
我想要见他和他的妻子, 了解一下到底发生了什么。 |
| Weeks later, we met at the local Starbucks , and I started right in with the tough-love budget conversation. |
几周后,我们在本地的星巴克见了面, 然后我就开始了一场强硬的预算对话。 |
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Starbucks:n.星巴克(咖啡店名); budget:n.预算,预算费;v.安排,预定;把…编入预算;adj.廉价的;
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| '"You should sell the house, downsize to something you can afford , sell the toys. |
“你们应该卖掉房子, 精简到能负担得起的东西, 卖掉玩具, |
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downsize:vt.以较小尺寸设计;缩小尺寸;裁减人数; afford:v.给予,提供;买得起;
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| And Starbucks? |
咖啡吗？ |
| Give up the five-dollar-a-day coffee." |
不要再每天花5美元买咖啡了。“ |
| You know, all the trappings that we do to keep up with the Joneses . |
这些都是爱慕虚荣导致的后果。 |
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trappings:n.服饰,礼服;外部标志;马饰; keep up with:赶得上;和…保持联系; Joneses:n.邻居;与自己社会地位相等的人;
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| Quickly, my brother and his wife went into a fearsome blame game , and it got messy . |
很快,我哥哥和嫂子陷入了 一场可怕的责备漩涡, 事情开始变得一发不可收拾。 |
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fearsome:adj.可怕的;害怕的;极大的; blame game:n.逃避责任的一种手段:方法是将过失归到别人的身上,或是找出别人的错误,或者指明是环境所致; messy:adj.肮脏的;凌乱的;不整洁的;
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| I vacillated between therapist and pissed-off sister. |
我在治疗师和被激怒的妹妹 角色之间摇摆不定。 |
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vacillated:vi.犹豫;踌躇;摇摆; therapist:n.临床医学家;治疗学家;
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| I wanted them to be better than this. |
我想要他们过得更好。 |
| '"Come on, you two. Get your shit together. |
“得了,你俩,一起振作起来, |
| You're parents. |
都为人父母了。 |
| Grow up and buck up." |
醒醒吧,振作起来。” |
| After we left, I called my mom, but Keith beat me to it, and he told her that I wasn't helpful. |
我们离开后,我打电话给母亲, 但基斯抢先了, 他告诉她我帮不上忙。 |
| In fact, he was hurt and felt ganged-up on. |
事实上,他很受伤, 感觉没人站在他那一边。 |
| Of course he did. I shamed him with my tough-love budget conversation. |
确实如此,我用强硬的 预算对话羞辱了他。 |
| Two months went by when I received a call. |
两个月后,我接到个电话。 |
| '"Tam? I have bad news. |
“塔米,有个坏消息。 |
| Keith committed suicide last night." |
基斯昨晚自杀了。“ |
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committed:adj.坚信的; v.做出错事; (commit的过去分词和过去式) suicide:n.自杀;自杀行为;自杀者;adj.自杀的;v.自杀;vi.自杀;
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| Days later, at his home, I went looking for answers, in his "office" -- the garage . |
几天后,在他家,我想要找到答案, 在他的“办公室”——车库。 |
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garage:n.车库;汽车修理厂;飞机库;v.把…送入车库;把(汽车)开进车库;
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| There, I found a stack of overdue credit card bills and a foreclosure notice served to him on the day that he died. |
在那儿,我发现了一堆 过期的信用卡账单, 和一张他自杀那天收到的止赎通知。 |
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stack:n.堆栈;一摞;大量;许多;v.(使)放成整齐的一叠(或一摞,一堆); overdue:adj.过期的;迟到的;未兑的; credit card:n.[经]信用卡; foreclosure:n.丧失抵押品赎回权;
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| My brother left behind his beautiful 10-year-old daughter, his brilliant 18-year-old son, weeks before his high school graduation, and his wife of 20 years. |
我的哥哥留下了他美丽的10岁女儿, 以及一个聪明的儿子,已经18岁了, 几个星期后就要高中毕业, 还有相伴20年的妻子。 |
| How did this happen? |
为什么会发生这样的事？ |
| My brother was caught in our family's money-shame cycle, and he was far from alone in this. |
我哥哥受困于家庭财务羞耻的循环, 而这样的人远不止他一个。 |
| Suicide rates among adults ages 40 to 64 have risen nearly 40 percent since 1999. |
40到64岁的中年人,自杀率 自1999年来上升了近40%。 |
| Job loss, bankruptcy and foreclosures were present in nearly 40 percent of the deaths, with white middle-aged men accounting for seven out of 10 suicides . |
失业、破产和丧失房屋抵押赎回权 出现在40%的死亡案例中, 10个自杀的人中, 就有7个是中年白人男性。 |
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bankruptcy:n.破产; foreclosures:n.取消抵押品赎回权;取消抵押品赎回权的法律手续(foreclosure的复数形式); middle-aged:adj.中年的;具有中年人特点的;适合于中年人的; suicides:n.自杀;自毁;自杀者;(suicide的复数)
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| What I've learned is that our self-destructive and self-defeating financial behaviors are not driven by our rational , logical minds. |
我所了解的是, 我们的自我毁灭和挫败的财务行为 并不是由我们理性、 合乎逻辑的头脑所驱动的。 |
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self-destructive:adj.自毁的;表现自杀欲望的; self-defeating:adj.弄巧成拙的;不利于自己的企图的; rational:n.理性;人类;合理的事物;[数]有理数;adj.合理的;理性的;明智的;理智的; logical:adj.合逻辑的,合理的;逻辑学的;
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| Instead, they are a product of our subconscious belief systems rooted in our childhoods and so deeply ingrained in us, they shape the way that we deal with money our entire adult lives, |
相反,它们是我们潜意识 信念系统的产物, 根植于我们的童年, 根深蒂固地跟随着我们。 它们塑造了我们整个成年生活 处理金钱的方式, |
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subconscious:adj.潜意识的;下意识的;n.潜在意识;下意识心理活动; childhoods:n.童年时期;幼年时代; ingrained:adj.根深蒂固的; v.使根深蒂固(ingrain的过去分词形式);
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| and so many of you are left believing that you're lazy, crazy or stupid -- or just bad with money. |
你们中很多人都认为自己很懒, 疯狂或不够聪明——或者不善赚取钱财。 |
| This is what I call money shame. |
这就是我所说的金钱羞耻。 |
| Dr. Brené Brown, a well-known shame researcher, defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed , and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." |
布勒内 · 布朗博士, 是位知名的羞耻研究者, 把羞耻定义为“相信我们是有缺陷的, 因此不值得拥有爱和归属感的, 极度痛苦的感觉或经历。” |
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well-known:adj.著名的;众所周知的;清楚明白的; defines:v.阐明;明确;界定;画出…的线条;描出…的外形(define的第三人称单数) intensely:adv.强烈地;紧张地;热情地; painful:adj.痛苦的;疼痛的;令人不快的; flawed:adj.有缺陷的;有瑕疵的;有裂纹的; unworthy:adj.不值得的;无价值的;不相称的;
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| Based on this definition , here's how I'm defining money shame: "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed, and therefore unworthy of love and belonging, based on our bank account balances, our debts , our homes, our cars and our job titles." |
基于他的定义, 这是我所定义的金钱羞耻: “相信我们是有缺陷的, 因此不值得拥有爱和归属感的, 极度痛苦的感觉或经历, 基于我们的银行账户余额, 我们的负债,我们的家庭,我们的汽车 以及我们的工作头衔。“ |
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definition:n.定义;清晰度;(尤指词典里的词或短语的)释义;解释; defining:v.解释(词语)的含义;给(词语)下定义;阐明;界定;(define的现在分词) bank account:n.银行账户; debts:n.负债类,债务(debt的复数形式);
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| Let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean. |
我来举例说明我的意思。 |
| I believe that we all have money shame, whether you earn 10,000 dollars a year or 10 million, and it's because we give money all of our power. |
我认为我们都有金钱羞耻, 不管你每年赚1万美金还是1千万美金, 这是因为我们把所有权力都给了钱。 |
| Here's what it would look like if someone that you love, or you, might have money shame. |
如果你爱的人或你有金钱羞耻, 就可能会有这样的表现。 |
| They play the big shot, always picking up the check, financially rescuing family and friends. |
他们扮大款,总是主动签单, 给予家人和朋友金钱上的帮助。 |
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financially:adv.财政上;金融上; rescuing:v.营救;援救;抢救;(rescue的现在分词)
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| They are financially secure, but they live in a state of chronic not-enoughness. |
他们在经济上是安全的, 但长期生活在不充裕的状态。 |
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chronic:adj.慢性的;长期的;习惯性的;
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| They drive a Mercedes, but their budget really only can afford a Honda . |
他们开奔驰车,但实际预算 只能买得起一辆本田车。 |
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Honda:n.本田汽车公司;
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| And they're looking good at every cost. |
花出去的每一笔钱, 好像对生活都没什么影响。 |
| I know that we can break free from the grips of money shame, because I did. |
我知道我们可以摆脱金钱的束缚, 因为我就有过这样的经历。 |
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grips:vbl.抓爪;
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| Shortly after my brother's death, the Recession hit. |
在我哥哥死后不久,经济衰退就开始了。 |
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Recession:n.经济衰退;经济萎缩;退后;撤回;
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| I lost my business and faced bankruptcy. |
我丢掉了生意并面临破产。 |
| Secretly, I was terrified. |
私下说,我被吓到了。 |
| I stayed in my home for a year, thinking I did something wrong, told myself, "What did you do? What happened?" |
我在家里呆了整整一年, 总想着我把事情搞砸了, 不停自问,“你到底做了什么？ 究竟发生了什么？” |
| I stayed silent, while all along, I went outside and smiled. |
我保持沉默,但自始至终, 我走到外面都面带微笑。 |
| Nobody knew. |
没人知道我内心经历着什么—— |
| That's money shame. |
那是金钱羞耻。 |
| So what I had to do was let go of the grip that I had on knowing all the answers. |
所以我要做的就是承认 自己也会犯错误。 |
| I was the know-it-all in my family, and I had to give up the idea that a new financial plan was the solution . |
我曾是家里的万事通, 我不得不放弃一个新的财务计划 是解决方案的这个想法。 |
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know-it-all:adj.自称无所不知的;n.假装博学多闻的人(等于knowall); solution:n.解决方案;溶液;溶解;解答;
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| And so just like everything in my life, for me, |
就像我生活中的一切, |
| I was sent a human to help, and I accepted the help, but I had to do major self-inquiry about my family's money history and my money beliefs. |
有人被派来帮助我, 我接受了帮助, 但是我必须对我家庭的金钱历史 和我的金钱理念 进行重大的自我反省。 |
| We have to start having this conversation. |
我们必须开始进行这样的对话。 |
| Money can no longer be a taboo topic. |
金钱不再是一个禁忌话题。 |
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taboo:n.禁忌;禁止;adj.禁忌的;忌讳的;vt.禁忌;禁止;
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| We have to get honest with each other that we're suffering with money issues , and let's get real -- we have to stop numbing out our pain. |
我们必须诚实地对待彼此,承认 我们正受到金钱问题的困扰, 让我们现实一点——我们必须 停止假装万事大吉。 |
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issues:n.重要议题;争论的问题;v.宣布;公布;发出;(issue的第三人称单数和复数)
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| In order to uncover the painful parts of your money story and your money history, you can't be numb. |
要揭开你的金钱故事 和金钱历史的痛苦伤疤, 你不能再麻木不仁了。 |
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uncover:v.揭开盖子;发现;揭露;揭发;
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| We have to let go of our past in order to be free. |
为了获得自由,我们必须放弃过去。 |
| Letting go of the past happens through surrender , faith and forgiveness . |
放弃过去是通过投降, 信仰和宽恕来实现的。 |
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surrender:v.投降;(被迫)放弃,交出;n.投降;屈服;屈从;放弃,交出 faith:n.信心;信任;宗教信仰; forgiveness:n.宽恕;原谅;宽宏大量
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| Debt is the tangible manifestation of not forgiving. |
债是不宽恕的有形表现。 |
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tangible:adj.有形的;切实的;可触摸的;n.有形资产; manifestation:n.表现;显示;示威运动;
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| If you have debt, you've not completely forgiven your past, so it's our work to forgive ourselves and others so that we can live freely. |
如果你有负债,你就还没有 完全原谅你的过去, 所以我们的工作就是原谅自己和他人, 这样我们才能活得自由。 |
| Otherwise, our history will continue to repeat. |
否则,我们的历史就会一次次重演。 |
| This is not a quick fix, and I know we all want one, but it's a slow wake-up . |
这不是一个快速的解决方案, 我知道我们都想走捷径, 但这是一种缓慢的觉醒。 |
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wake-up:吵醒,叫醒
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| This is another level of work. |
这是另一个层次的工作。 |
| We have to go higher to get it, to get at it. |
我们必须更上一层楼才能得到它, 去解决它。 |
| So try this: follow your dollars. |
试试这个方法:记账。 |
| Your money will show you right away what you value. |
你的钱会立刻显示出你的价值。 |
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right away:立刻;
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| Where's it going? |
它去哪儿了？ |
| And then ask yourself: Do I really value all this stuff ? |
然后问你自己:我真的 很重视这些东西吗？ |
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stuff:n.东西:物品:基本特征:v.填满:装满:标本:
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| And get curious about what you're feeling when you're spending. |
在花钱的时候留意自己的感受。 |
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curious:adj.好奇的,有求知欲的;古怪的;爱挑剔的;
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| Are you lonely? |
你感到孤单吗？ |
| Are you bored ? |
你感到无聊吗？ |
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bored:adj.无聊的;厌倦的;烦闷的;v.使厌烦;钻,凿,挖;(bore的过去分词和过去式)
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| Or are you just excited? |
或者你只是觉得激动？ |
| But there's deeper work that needs to happen. |
但还有更深层的工作需要去做。 |
| How did you get all these money beliefs to begin with? |
你的这些财务观是怎么来的？ |
| I call this your money autobiography , and as a money coach, this is the first step I take with my clients . |
我把这叫做你的金钱自传, 作为金钱教练, 这是我跟客户交谈的第一步。 |
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autobiography:n.自传;自传文学; clients:n.委托人;当事人;客户机;(client的复数)
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| Think back to your earliest childhood money memory. |
回想一下你童年时的金钱记忆。 |
| What did it feel like when you got money? |
当你拿到钱的时候,感觉怎么样？ |
| Were you excited, proud or confused ? |
你是激动,骄傲还是迷惑？ |
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confused:adj.困惑的; v.使糊涂; (confuse的过去分词和过去式)
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| And what did you do with the money? |
你都用钱做什么了？ |
| Did you run with the candy store, or did you run to the bank? |
你是去糖果店了,还是存银行了？ |
| And what did you hear your parents say, and what did you see your parents do with the money? |
你听到父母说了什么, 看到他们如何对待金钱了吗？ |
| My brother and I heard, "More money will make us happy." |
我哥哥和我听到过, “更多的钱会让我们幸福。” |
| Every day. |
每天都能听到。 |
| '"More money will make us happy." |
“更多的钱会让我们幸福。” |
| And we internalized that into the money belief that our self worth was equal to our net worth as we watched our mom live in a state of chronic not-enoughness. |
当我们看到母亲生活在 长期的不充裕状态中, 就会将其内化到我们的金钱信念中, 那就是,我们的自我价值 等于我们的净资产。 |
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internalized:v.内在化(internalize的过去分词);
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| And she numbed the pain with sugar and shopping. |
她用糖和购物逃避痛苦。 |
| So what did we do? |
我们又是怎么做的呢？ |
| Keith played out my mother's life. |
基斯上演了我母亲的人生。 |
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played out:adj.失去影响(或作用);
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| He was an underearner, longed to be financially rescued , and he numbed out the pain with alcohol . |
他收入不足,渴望得到经济上的拯救, 用酒精自我麻醉。 |
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rescued:v.营救;援救;抢救;(rescue的过去分词和过去式) alcohol:n.酒精;乙醇;含酒精饮料;
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| I did the opposite. |
我则相反。 |
| I became a high earner , rescuer , and I numbed the pain out with self-help books. |
我成了一个高收入者, 救助者, 我用励志书籍来麻醉自己。 |
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earner:n.赚钱的人; rescuer:n.救助者; self-help:n.自助;自救;自立;adj.自助的;
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| But what we had in common was our money belief. |
但我们有着共同的金钱信念。 |
| We both believed that our bank account balance was equal to our self worth. |
我们都相信我们的银行存款余额 等于我们的自我价值。 |
| Looking back at the Starbucks meeting with my brother ... |
回头再看我和哥哥在星巴克的会面… |
| he didn't need a budget and my judgment . |
他不需要做预算,也不需要我的评判。 |
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judgment:n.判断;裁判;判决书;辨别力;
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| He needed a breakthrough from his suffering, and he needed my compassion . |
他需要打破所承受的痛苦, 他需要我的同情。 |
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breakthrough:n.突破;开始取得成功之时;adj.突破性的; compassion:n.同情;怜悯;
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| Keith was not able to be the one to speak up and break our family money shame cycle, so he left me to do the work and share his legacy . |
基斯无法说出他的心声, 打破我们家族金钱羞耻的循环, 所以他留下我去做这项工作, 去分享他的遗产。 |
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legacy:n.遗赠,遗产;
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| Change is difficult, but in my family, not changing is fatal . |
改变很难, 但在我的家庭中,不改变是致命的。 |
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fatal:adj.致命的;灾难性的;毁灭性的;导致失败的;
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| So I did the work, and I have experienced deep and profound forgiveness, and as I stand here today, |
于是我做了这个工作, 我经历了刻骨铭心的宽恕, 当今天我站在这里的时候, |
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profound:adj.深厚的;意义深远的;渊博的;
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| I am living on purpose , |
我带着明确的目标生活着。 |
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on purpose:有目的地,故意地;
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| I serve, and money serves me. |
我服务社会,而金钱为我服务。 |
| It only takes one person in your family to break through the money-shame cycle. |
只需要一个家人, 就可以打破家庭金钱羞耻的循环。 |
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break through:突破;突围;有重要创见;
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| I want you to be the one. |
我希望你能成为这个人。 |
| Thank you. |
谢谢。 |
| (Applause) |
（鼓掌） |