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SaraJones_2019X-_身为跨种族养女的故事：爱与失去_-
When I was three years old, 我三岁时,
I was transracially adopted from South Korea by a white family in Salt Lake City, Utah . 我在南韩被跨种族领养, 领养我的是犹他州 盐湖城的一个白人家庭。
adopted:adj.被收养的;被采用的;v.采用;接受;(adopt的过去式和过去分词); Utah:n.美国犹他州;
I arrived in America with a mysterious tattoo on my left forearm . 我带着左手前臂上 谜样的刺青抵达美国。
mysterious:adj.神秘的;不可思议的;难解的; tattoo:n.文身;连续急促的敲击;(尤指军事上的)击鼓号;v.将花纹刺在…上;给…文身; forearm:n.前臂;v.预先武装;准备;
The tattoo was so large and noticeable that my adoptive parents had it surgically removed right away . 这个刺青很大,无法忽略, 我的养父母马上让我 接受手术,移除刺青。
noticeable:adj.显而易见的,显著的;值得注意的; adoptive:adj.采用的;有收养关系的; surgically:adv.如外科手术般地; right away:立刻;
They were worried that other kids would make fun of it. 他们担心其他的孩子 会拿它开玩笑。
make fun of:取笑;
Today, there's only a light scar where the tattoo once was, so I've redrawn it in permanent marker so you can see what it looked like. 现在,本来刺青的地方 只留下很浅的疤痕, 我用麦克笔把它重新画上去, 让大家能看到它本来的样子。
redrawn:重画,刷新屏幕(redraw的过去分词); permanent:adj.永久的,永恒的;n.烫发; marker:n.记分员;书签;标识物;作记号的人;
Korean adoption records in 1976 were notoriously incomplete . 韩国 1976 年的领养纪录 是出名的不完整。
Korean:n.朝鲜族;韩国人;朝鲜话;adj.朝鲜的;朝鲜族的;朝鲜话的; adoption:n.采用;收养;接受; notoriously:adv.众所周知地;声名狼藉地;恶名昭彰地; incomplete:n.未完成;adj.不完整的;不完全的;不完善的;
I didn't have any information about my background or my birth family. 我没有任何关于我的背景 或原生家庭的资讯。
I didn't even know if my name or birth date were real or if they were assigned . 我甚至不知道我的名字 和生日是否是真实的, 还是只是被指定的。
assigned:v.分配(某物);分派;指定;委派;(assign的过去分词和过去式)
And no one knew what my tattoo meant. 没有人知道我的刺青代表什么。
Transracial adoption is where a child from one race or ethnicity is adopted by parents from a different race or ethnicity. 跨种族领养指的是 某个种族或人种的孩子 被不同种族或人种的父母收养。
ethnicity:n.种族划分;
In my generation, children who were adopted from Korea were assimilated into the culture of their adoptive parents. 在我的世代,在韩国被领养的孩子 会被养父母的文化给同化。
assimilated:吸收;
So I was raised as if I were white. 我被当成白人来养育。
Growing up, occasionally my family would eat at a Korean restaurant, or we'd go to the Asian festival. 成长过程中,我的家人 偶尔会在韩国餐馆吃饭, 或我们会去参加亚洲节庆。
occasionally:adv.偶尔;有时候;偶然;
But I did not identify with being Asian. 但我并不觉得自己是亚洲人。
identify:v.识别:鉴定:确认:发现:
Looking back now, having my tattoo removed is symbolic of losing a connection with my Korean ethnicity and culture. 现在回头看, 把我的刺青除去,就象征了 切断与我韩国种族渊源及文化的连结。
symbolic:adj.象征的;符号的;使用符号的;
And I am not alone. 且并不是只有我。1950 年代起,
Since the 1950s, almost 200,000 Korean children have been adopted all over the world. 有近二十万韩国孩童被全世界各地的人收养。
A growing body of research shows that children experience trauma when they're separated from their families of origin . 越来越多研究显示, 当孩童与他们的原生家庭 分离时会产生创伤。
trauma:n.[外科]创伤(由心理创伤造成精神上的异常);外伤; origin:n.起源;起因;源头;出身;
My story includes such childhood trauma. 我的故事就包含了这种童年创伤。
childhood:n.童年;幼年;孩童时期
I recently found out that my birth mother left my family shortly after I was born. 我最近发现我的生母 在我出生后没多久,就离开了家族。
recently:adv.最近;新近; birth mother:n.(被领养的孩子的)生母;
When I was two years old, my birth father became injured and could not provide for my brothers and me. 我两岁时,我的生父受伤, 无法养育我和我的哥哥们。
injured:adj.受伤的:委屈的: v.伤害,使受伤: n.伤员; provide for:供养,供给;规定;为…作准备;
And so my two older brothers and I were sent to children welfare services. 所以我和我的两个哥哥 被交给儿童福利单位。
welfare:n.福祉;(政府给予的)福利;
And there, someone decided, because I was younger, that I was more adoptable . 在那里,有人决定, 因为我年纪比较小, 我被领养的机会比较大。
adoptable:adj.可采用的;
And so, I was sent to a separate orphanage , separated from my brothers who cared for me. 所以,我被送到另一间孤儿院, 和照料我的两个哥哥分开。
orphanage:n.孤儿院;
My adoption records say that I wouldn't play with any of the other children at the orphanage, and now I know why. 我的领养记录指出我不愿意 和孤儿院的任何一个孩子玩, 现在我知道原因了。
My adoption photos show the picture of a frightened , malnourished little girl. 我的领养照片上是个
frightened:adj.害怕的;受惊的;惊吓的;v.使惊吓;使惊恐;(frighten的过去分词和过去式) malnourished:adj.营养不良的;营养失调的;
Just imagine my culture shock a short and lonely nine months later, as I arrived in America, where everything was different: the people, the buildings, the food and the clothing. 想像一下,在经过孤单 且短暂的九个月之后, 我抵达美国所受到的文化冲击, 在美国一切都不同: 人不同, 建筑不同, 食物不同, 服装也不同。
culture shock:n.文化冲击;
As a three-year-old child, I quickly figured out that no one spoke the Korean language that I spoke, and so I stopped speaking altogether for six months. 身为三岁的孩子,我很快就搞懂 没有人会说我说的韩语, 所以我有六个月的时间 干脆连话都不说了。
And when I started speaking again, it was in full English. 当我再次开口,说的已全是英语。
One of the first phrases I said as my parents showed me my orphanage photos was, "Sara sad." 当我父母让我看 我的孤儿院照片时, 我说的第一个片语是: 「莎菈悲伤」。
Children who are adopted often put up emotional walls to protect themselves from being hurt again. 被领养的孩子通常会筑起情绪高墙 来保护自己不再次被伤害。
emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的;
I certainly did this, and like many transracially adopted children, there were many moments growing up where I wished that I was white like the other kids around me. 我肯定这么做了, 和许多跨种族领养的孩子一样, 我在成长过程中也经常 会希望我是白人, 跟我身边的其他孩子一样。
Other kids made fun of my eyes and nose. 其他孩子会笑我的眼睛和鼻子。
Now, the '80s styles were particularly brutal to me, with glasses that didn't fit well, hairstyles -- 1980年代的造型 对我而言特别残酷, 戴着不合的眼镜, 发型——
particularly:adv.特别地,独特地;详细地,具体地;明确地,细致地; brutal:adj.残忍的;野蛮的,不讲理的; hairstyles:n.发型;发式;(hairstyle的复数)
(Laughter) （笑声）
that looked ridiculous on me. 我留这种发型很可笑。
ridiculous:adj.可笑的;荒谬的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
This narrative of adoption might be uncomfortable for you to hear. 这种关于领养的说法, 各位听起来可能会觉得不舒服。
narrative:n.叙述;故事;讲述;adj.叙事的,叙述的;叙事体的;
The narrative that we usually hear is that of a new parent, who is eagerly awaiting a child that they've been wanting for so long. 我们通常听到的说法 是来自渴望孩子已久的 新手父母的说法。
eagerly:adv.急切地;渴望地;热心地; awaiting:v.等候;等待;期待;将发生在,将降临到(某人头上);(await的现在分词)
The parents' story is told with love, joy and excitement , and as they bring a newly adopted child into their home, family and friends celebrate and congratulate the parents on their wonderful decision to adopt. 诉说父母的故事时, 总是会讲到爱、喜悦、兴奋, 当他们把新收养的孩子 带到他们的家中时, 家人朋友会庆祝和恭喜这对父母 做出美好的决定,收养孩子。
excitement:n.兴奋;刺激;令人兴奋的事物;
My parents' adoption story was like a beautiful blanket that kept me warm. 我父母的领养故事就像是 让我们保暖的美丽毛毯。
But after a while, it felt like the focus was more on the blanket, covering me and my point of view entirely. 但一阵子之后,感觉起来 比较多焦点是在毛毯上, 完全覆盖了我和我的观点。
point of view:观点;见地;立场;
I couldn't emotionally breathe. 情绪上,我无法呼吸。
emotionally:adv.感情上;情绪上;令人激动地;情绪冲动地;
My parents would say things to me like, "I fell in love with you the first time I saw your photo." 我父母会对我说这样的话: 「我一看到你的照片就爱上了你。
My heart broke. 我的心都碎了。」
They love me, I know that, and I was wanted. 他们爱我,我知道, 且我是有人要的。
But I wish that the only birth story I had wasn't so sad, so humanitarian . 但我只有这一个出生故事,我希望它不要那么悲伤、慈善。
humanitarian:adj.人道主义的;博爱的;基督凡人论的;n.人道主义者;基督凡人论者;
I would often confuse love with gratitude , especially when other people would say things to me like, "You're so lucky to be adopted to America," 我通常会把爱和感激搞混, 特别是当其他人 对我说这样的话时: 「你真幸运被领养到美国」,
confuse:v.混同;使迷惑;使糊涂;使更难于理解; gratitude:n.感谢(的心情);感激; especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分;
or, "Your parents are such angels to adopt you." 或「你的父母会领养你, 他们真的是天使」。
To a child, it felt like these comments were constant reminders to be grateful to my parents' charity . 对孩子来说,这些说法经常 在提醒我要感激我父母的慈善。
reminders:n.引起回忆的事物;提醒人的事物;通知单,提示信;(reminder的复数) charity:n.慈善;施舍;慈善团体;宽容;施舍物;
I resented that I couldn't tell these adults, "I don't like being reminded all the time that I'm adopted. 我很愤恨我无法告诉这些成人: 「我不喜欢时时刻刻 被提醒我是领养来的。
resented:v.愤恨;感到气愤;愤愤不平;(resent的过去分词和过去式) reminded:v.提醒;使想起;(remind的过去分词和过去式)
I just want to be a normal kid, and maybe even be ungrateful once in a while ." 我只想当个正常的孩子, 甚至希望偶尔能不要感激。」
ungrateful:adj.忘恩负义的;不领情的;讨厌的;徒劳的; once in a while:偶尔;有时;
(Laughter) （笑声）
But I learned to smile without really smiling, and as I grew older, I wanted to be able to say, "Sara is still sad." 但我学会了在不想笑时也能笑, 长大一点时,我希望我能说: 「莎菈仍然悲伤。」
But I buried my feelings, and it wasn't until later in life that I realized I'd never really grieved my own adoption. 但我埋藏了我的感受,直到后来 我才了解到我从来没有 真正哀悼过我自己的领养。
grieved:adj.伤心的;v.悲伤(grieve的过去式);
While many of us understand that adopting a child from a different race, culture or country is never simple, we rarely acknowledge the complex emotions that children who are adopted can experience. 虽然很多人都了解 从不同的种族、文化, 或国家领养一个孩子 从来就不是件容易的事, 但我们很少了解被领养的孩子 会有多复杂的情绪。
adopting:v.收养;领养;采用;表决采纳;(adopt的现在分词) rarely:adv.很少地;难得;罕有地; complex:adj.复杂的;合成的;n.复合体;综合设施; emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数)
Some children experience feelings of loss, feelings of rejection , grief , shame, guilt, challenges with identity , difficulty with intimacy and control issues . 有些孩子会感觉到失去, 感觉到拒绝、 悲伤、 耻辱、 罪恶、 自我认同受挫、 难以建立亲密关系,及有控制问题。
rejection:n.抛弃;拒绝;被抛弃的东西;盖帽; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸; identity:n.身份;同一性,一致;特性;恒等式; intimacy:n.亲密;密切;关系密切;性行为; issues:n.重要议题;争论的问题;v.宣布;公布;发出;(issue的第三人称单数和复数)
Just ask my kids. 问我孩子就知道了。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Children who are adopted can still love their adoptive parents at the same time as experiencing these complex emotions. 被领养的孩子可以 一方面爱他们的养父母, 另一方面也感受到这些复杂的情绪。
at the same time:同时;另一方面;与此同时;
And many of us wonder: If we had had safe emotional spaces to own our own stories when we were younger, would we still be struggling to come to terms with adoption as adults? 我们许多人会想知道: 如果在我们小时候 能够有安全的情绪空间 让我们能正视自己的故事, 那么我们长大成人后 接受领养这件事是否还会这么困难？
come to terms with:达成协议;让步;
Where do we find the emotional oxygen to own our own stories? 在哪里才能找到情绪上的氧气, 让我们面对自己的故事？
Since the late 1990s and early 2000s, researchers like Dr. Richard Lee have focused on different parenting techniques for transracial adoption. 从 1990 年代末、 2000 年代初开始, 像理察李博士这样的研究者 就把焦点放在针对跨种族领养 采用不同的教养方法。
techniques:n.技巧;技艺;工艺;技术;(technique的复数)
The hope is to help children and their adoptive parents better adapt to their unique racial and ethnic circumstances . 他的目标是希望 协助孩子和他们的养父母 更适应他们独特的种族和人种处境。
adapt:vt.使适应;改编;vi.适应; unique:adj.独特的,稀罕的;[数]唯一的;n.独一无二的人或物; racial:adj.种族的;人种的; circumstances:n.情况;环境;情形;(circumstance的复数)
There's more inculturation encouraged, that exposes children to the people, places, languages and culture of their birth families. 这样的教养方式鼓励促进文化适应, 也就是让孩子接触原生家庭的 民族、地方、语言,和文化。
exposes:v.暴露;;揭露;揭穿;使面临(expose的第三人称单数)
Some parents focus on racial inculcation to specifically work with their children on the racism and discrimination that they will experience outside of the home. 有些父母把焦点放在 种族思想教诲上, 很明确地和他们的孩子一起处理 他们在外面会遇到的 种族主义与歧视。
inculcation:n.谆谆教诲;教授; specifically:adv.特别地;明确地; racism:n.种族主义,种族歧视;人种偏见; discrimination:n.歧视;区别,辨别;识别力;
And some parents allow children to choose as they get older the level of exposure to the culture of their birth families. 有些父母会在孩子长大一点时 让孩子自己选择 要接触多少原生家庭的文化。
exposure:n.暴露;显露;揭露;面临;
Now, we might look at these signs of progress and think we've got it all figured out when it comes to transracial adoption. 我们可以看着这些进步的迹象 就说我们已经把 跨种族领养全都搞定了。
The Korean adoptees were the first massive wave of international adoptions , almost 30 years earlier than most other countries, and so there are entire generations of Korean adoptees -- 收养韩国孩童 是第一波大量的国际领养, 比大部分其他国家早了要近三十年, 所以有一整个世代的 韩国养子养女——
massive:adj.大量的;巨大的,厚重的;魁伟的; adoptions:n.采用;领养(adoption的复数);
from children all the way to adults in their 70s -- dealing with the impact of their assimilation , and there have only been a handful of studies that follow transracial adoptees over a lifetime. 从孩童到七十多岁的成人都有—— 在处理他们的同化所造成的影响, 而只有少数的研究 在追踪跨种族养子养女的一生。
impact:n.影响;效果;碰撞;冲击力;v.挤入,压紧;撞击;对…产生影响; assimilation:n.同化;吸收;[生化]同化作用;
I know that people around me could not understand my adoption grief. 我知道我身边的人 无法理解我的领养悲伤。
Rachel Rostad, another Korean adoptee , expressed what I was feeling when she said, "Loss is especially confusing to measure when it appears as if I haven't lost anything at all. 另一位被领养的韩国人 瑞秋罗斯塔表达出了我的感受, 她说: 「当表面看起来 我什么都没有失去时, 衡量失去就变得特别让人困惑。
adoptee:n.被收养者;被立嗣者; expressed:v.表示;表达;显而易见;不言自明;(express的过去分词和过去式) confusing:adj.令人困惑; v.使糊涂; (confuse的现在分词)
It's not missing like an organ . 这并不是像失去了一个器官,
organ:n.[生物]器官;机构;风琴;管风琴;嗓音;
It's missing like wherever dreams go when you blink awake into the morning light." 而是当你一眨眼醒来时 梦境就消失在晨光中的那种失去。」
blink:vt.眨眼;使…闪烁;vi.眨眼;闪烁;n.眨眼;瞬间;闪光;
Every year, hundreds of South Korean adoptees search for their birth families. 每年,有数百名被领养的韩国人 在寻找他们的原生家庭。
Korean agencies report that less than 15 percent are successful. 韩国机构的报告指出 成功率不到 15%。
agencies:n.代理;代理处(agency的复数);
Last year, I found my Korean birth family in just three months. 去年,我只花了三个月 就找到了我的韩国原生家庭。
I posted a photo of my redrawn tattoo on social media , which Korean groups generously shared. 我在社群媒体上贴出了 我重新画上去的刺青, 一些韩国社群很大方地幫我分享。
media:n.媒体;媒质(medium的复数);血管中层;浊塞音;中脉; generously:adv.慷慨地;宽大地;丰盛地;
And a friend of my brother saw the photo, and he knew instantly what the tattoo meant. 我哥哥的朋友看到了那张照片, 他马上就知道那个刺青的意义。
When my father decided to send us to children welfare services, he was worried that we would be separated and even adopted into foreign countries. 当我爸爸决定要把我们 交给儿童福利单位时, 他担心我们会被分开, 甚至被领养至国外。
And so he took the unusual step to place a large tattoo on each of our arms and on his own, so that we could find each other someday. 所以他采取了不寻常的做法, 他自己也有, 希望有一天我们能藉此找到彼此。
And he tried searching for me. 他尝试过找我。
And he was right: the tattoo did eventually lead me to find the family that I had lost. 他是对的: 刺青最后的确让我找到了 我曾经失去的家庭。
eventually:adv.最后,终于;
Unfortunately , he passed away nine years before he could see his children reunited . 不幸的是,他在他的孩子们 团聚的九年前就过世了。
Unfortunately:adv.不幸地; reunited:v.重聚;使再结合(reunite的过去式和过去分词);
But last year, I traveled to Korea to meet my two older brothers, my aunt and uncle, and I learned a lot of new things about myself, including my real birth date, which actually makes me seven months older. 但去年,我前往韩国 见我的两个哥哥、 我的姑姑和叔叔, 我对我自己有了许多新的了解, 包括知道了我真正的生日, 我的实际年龄是再大七个月。
(Laughter) （笑声）
This middle-aged woman did not love hearing that she is older. 这位中年女子不喜欢 听到自己其实更老。
middle-aged:adj.中年的;具有中年人特点的;适合于中年人的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
And that explains all those gifted and talented classes I had in school. 这就解释了我在学校 为什么能读资优班。
gifted:adj.有天赋的;有才华的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
But the most important thing that I learned was that I had a loving family in Korea who remembered me as a little baby and had never forgotten me. 但我得知了一件最重要的事, 我在韩国有一个有爱的家庭, 他们记得还是个小宝宝的我, 且从来没有忘记我。
I wasn't abandoned , like my adoption records said. 我的领养记录上写着 我是被抛弃的,但并非如此。
abandoned:adj.被抛弃的放纵的;v.抛弃;丢弃,离开;放弃;(abandon的过去分词和过去式)
I was wanted. 我是有人要的。
It's time to reframe our views on adoption. 该是重建我们的领养观念的时候了。
reframe:v.再构造,再组织;重新制订;给…装上新框架;
A healthy adoption ecosystem is one in which children, adoptive families and birth families each own their unique stories. 健康的领养生态系统是孩子、 领养家庭,以及原生家庭 都有他们自己独一无二的故事。
ecosystem:n.生态系统;
When these narratives are placed side by side , it creates better empathy and policies for the lives that adoption impacts . 当这些说法被放在一起时, 就会为领养所影响到的那些人 创造出更好的同理心和方针。
narratives:n.叙述,故事;叙述的手法(narrative复数); side by side:adj.并肩的;并行的; empathy:n.神入;移情作用;执着; policies:n.政策;方针;原则;为人之道;保险单(policy的复数) impacts:n.影响; v.有影响,有作用;
Here are two things that adults can do to better protect adopted children's stories. 成人能做两件事, 把被领养的孩子的故事保护得更好。
First, give children safe emotional spaces to express their emotions, both positive and negative . 第一,给孩子安全的情绪空间 去表达他们的情绪, 包括正面和负面的情绪。
positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片; negative:adj.[数]负的;消极的;否定的;阴性的;n.否定;负数;[摄]底片;v.否定;拒绝;
Phrases such as "tell me more," 可用的说词包括 「多告诉我一点」、
'"what do you wish for" 「你希望如何」,
and "those feelings are normal" 以及「那些感觉是正常的」,
are ways that parents can grant emotional oxygen to their children. 父母可以用这些方式 给孩子在情绪上需要的氧气。
grant:v.授予;允许;承认;同意;n.拨款;[法]授予物;
Second, validate a child's adoption story. 第二,认可孩子的领养故事。
validate:v.证实;确认;使生效;批准;认可;
Children may express emotions that may feel hurtful or worry an adoptive parent. 孩子所表现出来的情绪, 有可能让你感觉受伤, 或会让养父母担心。
hurtful:adj.造成损害的;
As a parent, work to hold and manage your fears separately from your child. 身为父母,要努力 约束和管理你的恐惧, 不要影响到孩子。
separately:adv.分别地;分离地;个别地;
Always acknowledge your child's story as valid and important. 一定要认可孩子的故事, 并承认它的重要性。
Now, it's natural to want to protect children from experiencing pain. 父母很自然会想要保护孩子 不让他们感到痛苦。
But my tattoo is a poignant reminder that every adoption starts with loss, and every child is affected differently. 但我的刺青会用力提醒我, 每个孩子受到的影响也都不同。
poignant:adj.尖锐的;辛酸的;深刻的;切中要害的;
Children who are adopted can live full, rich lives, as we accept and build upon this unique set of cards that we were dealt. 当我们这些被领养的孩子 能够接受发给我们的这一手 独特的牌,并好好发挥, 我们也能过着完整丰富的生活。
And as you listen to our narratives with empathy, you will hear other things as well: childlike curiosity , grace , resilience , courage, love and yes, even gratitude. 当你带着同理心 倾听我们的故事时, 你也会听到其他东西: 孩子般的好奇心、 优雅、 韧性、 勇气、 爱, 是的,甚至还有感激。
childlike:adj.天真烂漫的;孩子似的; curiosity:n.好奇,好奇心;珍品,古董,古玩; grace:n.优雅;恩惠;魅力;慈悲;v.使优美; resilience:n.恢复力;弹力;顺应力;
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）