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PriyaParker_2019-_将每日聚会变革创新的三个步骤_-
When I was a child, every other Friday, 当我还是个孩子的时候, 每个周五
I would leave my mother and stepfather's home -- an Indian and British, atheist , Buddhist , agnostic , vegetarian , new age-y sometimes, 我都会离开我妈妈和继父的家—— 一个英国和印度结合的, 不信神明的,信仰佛教的 不可知论的,素食主义的, 有时还有些前卫的
atheist:n.无神论者; Buddhist:n.佛教徒;adj.佛教的; agnostic:n.不可知论者;adj.不可知论的; vegetarian:n.素食者;食草动物;adj.素食的;
Democratic household . 民主制度的家庭。
Democratic:adj.民主的;民主政治的;大众的; household:n.家庭;一家人;同住一所(或一套)房子的人;adj.家庭的;家常的;王室的;
And I would go 1.4 miles to my father and stepmother's home and enter a white, Evangelical Christian, conservative , Republican , twice-a-week-churchgoing, meat-eating family. 然后我会走1.4英里, 去我爸爸和继母的家, 进入一个白色的,福音派基督教的, 保守的,共和党的, 每周去两次教堂 并且吃肉的家庭。
Evangelical:adj.福音的;福音派教会的;新教会的;n.福音派信徒; conservative:adj.保守的;n.保守派,守旧者; Republican:adj.共和国的;共和政体的;共和主义的;拥护共和政体的;n.共和主义者; meat-eating:adj.食肉的;
It doesn't take a shrink to explain how I ended up in the field of conflict resolution . 不需要心理学家来解释 我是如何进入冲突解决领域的。
shrink:v.收缩;减少;退缩;畏缩;n.精神病学家;心理学家; in the field of:在…方面,在…领域; conflict:n.冲突;矛盾;争执;抵触;v.抵触; resolution:n.解决;分辨;解析;决议;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Whether I was facilitating dialogues in Charlottesville or Istanbul or Ahmedabad, the challenge was always the same: despite all odds , and with integrity , how do you get people to connect meaningfully , to take risks, to be changed by their experience? 无论我是在促进 夏洛茨维尔或伊斯坦布尔 亦或是阿默达巴德的对话, 面对的挑战永远是一样的: 尽管有 各种各样的困难, 怎样让人们有意义的联系起来, 去冒险, 通过他们的经历做出改变呢？
facilitating:v.促进;促使;使便利;(facilitate的现在分词) despite:prep.尽管,不管;n.轻视;憎恨;侮辱; odds:n.几率;胜算;不平等;差别; integrity:n.完整;正直;诚实;廉正; meaningfully:adv.有意义地;意味深长地;有意图地;
And I would witness extraordinarily beautiful electricity in those rooms. 我会在这些房间里 看到异常美丽的火花,
witness:n.证人;目击者;证据;v.目击;证明;为…作证; extraordinarily:adv.非常;格外地;非凡地; electricity:n.电力;电流;强烈的紧张情绪;
And then I would leave those rooms and attend my everyday gatherings like all of you -- a wedding or a conference or a back-to-school picnic -- and many would fall flat. 然后我会离开这些房间, 像你们一样 去参加我每天的聚会, 婚礼,会议或者是返校野餐, 而且大多数会归于平淡。
gatherings:n.聚会;集会;收集;采集;(gathering的复数) conference:n.会议;研讨会;商讨会;体育协会(或联合会) back-to-school:返校;开学;返校潮;
There was a meaning gap between these high-intensity conflict groups and my everyday gatherings. 这些高度矛盾的群体 和我的日常聚会之间, 有一个明显的差距。
gap:n.差距;间隙;缺口;间隔;v.使豁裂;豁开; high-intensity:n.[力]高强度;
Now, you could say, sure, somebody's birthday party isn't going to live up to a race dialogue, but that's not what I was responding to. 你可能会说, 在某人的生日会上 肯定不会出现关于矛盾的对话, 但那不是我要回应的。
live up to:不辜负;做到;实践; responding:v.响应;作出反应;反应灵敏;(respond的现在分词)
As a facilitator , you're taught to strip everything away and focus on the interaction between people, whereas everyday hosts focus on getting the things right -- the food, the flowers, the fish knives -- and leave the interaction between people largely to chance. 作为一个促进者, 你被教导抛开所有的事情, 专注于人与人之间的相互影响, 然而每天,主持者 都关注怎么把事情做好 ——食物,鲜花,餐刀—— 并且把人与人之间的交流 很大程度上留给机遇。
facilitator:n.服务商;促进者; strip:n.带; v.夺; adj.脱衣舞的; interaction:n.[计]交互,相互作用;相互交流;干扰; whereas:conj.然而;鉴于;反之; hosts:n.主人; v.主办,主持(活动); (host的第三人称单数和复数) largely:adv.主要地;大部分;大量地;
So I began to wonder how we might change our everyday gatherings to focus on making meaning by human connection, not obsessing with the canapés. 所以我开始思考 怎样才能改变我们日常的聚会, 专注于通过人与人的联系来创造意义, 而不是沉迷于开胃菜。
obsessing:v.使痴迷;使迷恋;使着迷;唠叨;挂牵(obsess的现在分词)
And I set out and interviewed dozens of brave and unusual hosts -- an Olympic hockey coach, a Cirque du Soleil choreographer , a rabbi , a camp counselor-- to better understand what creates meaningful and even transformative gatherings. 我开始去采访一些 勇敢的,与众不同的人—— 一位奥林匹克曲棍球教练, 一位太阳马戏团的编舞者, 一位犹太教士, 一位营地顾问—— 去更好地了解 是什么创造了有意义的 甚至是改革性的聚会。
interviewed:v.对(某人)进行面试(或面谈); (媒体)采访(interview的过去分词和过去式) Cirque:n.圆环;天然圆形剧场;盆地谷; choreographer:n.编舞者,舞蹈指导; rabbi:n.拉比(犹太人的学者);法师;犹太教律法专家;先生; transformative:adj.变化的,变形的;有改革能力的;
And I want to share with you some of what I learned today about the new rules of gathering. 我想与你们分享一些 我今天学到的 关于聚会的新规则。
So when most people plan a gathering, they start with an off-the-rack format. 当大多数人计划聚会的时候, 他们从现成的方式开始。
off-the-rack:adj.(美)现成的(等于off-the-peg);
Birthday party? Cake and candles. 生日聚会？ 蛋糕和蜡烛。
Board meeting? 董事会议？
One brown table, 12 white men. 一个棕色的桌子和十二个白人。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Assuming the purpose is obvious , we skip too quickly to form. 假设目的是显而易见的, 我们都急匆匆的直奔目的。
Assuming:conj.假设…为真; adj.傲慢的; v.假定; (assume的现在分词) obvious:adj.明显的;显著的;平淡无奇的;
This not only leads to dull and repetitive gatherings, it misses a deeper opportunity to actually address our needs. 这不仅带来了沉闷的, 千篇一律的聚会, 还错过了更深层次的 满足我们需求的机会。
dull:v.减轻; adj.枯燥无味的; repetitive:adj.重复的;
The first step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings is to embrace a specific disputable purpose. 创造有意义的日常聚会的第一步 是包含一个特定的有争议的目标。
embrace:n.拥抱,怀抱;v.拥抱;乐意采纳(思想、建议等);信奉;包括; specific:adj.特殊的,特定的;明确的;详细的;[药]具有特效的;n.特性;细节;特效药; disputable:adj.有讨论余地的;真假可疑的;
An expectant mother I know was dreading her baby shower. 我认识的一位准妈妈 为产前派对感到担忧。
expectant:adj.期待的;怀孕的;预期中的;n.期待者;候选人; dreading:v.非常害怕;极为担心;(dread的现在分词)
The idea of " pin the diaper on the baby" games and opening gifts felt odd and irrelevant . “将尿布别在宝宝身上”的游戏 和打开礼物的想法 有些奇怪并且不扣主体。
pin:n.大头针;饰针;旗杆;胸针;v.别上;使不能动弹;按住;钳住; diaper:n.尿布;v.给孩子换尿布; irrelevant:adj.不相干的;不切题的;
So she paused to ask: 所以她停下来问:
What is the purpose of a baby shower ? 产前派对的目的是什么？
a baby shower:新生儿派对;
What is my need at this moment? 我在这个时候的需求是什么？
And she realized it was to address her fears of her and her husband's -- remember that guy? -- transition to parenthood . 她意识到,这是为了消除 她和她丈夫向父母转变的—— 记得这个家伙吗？—— 那种担心。
transition:n.过渡;转变;变革;变迁;v.经历转变过程;过渡; parenthood:n.亲子关系;父母身份;
And so she asked two friends to invent a gathering based on that. 于是她请她的两个好友 在这个基础上组织一个聚会。
And so on a sunny afternoon, six women gathered. 在一个阳光明朗的下午, 六个女人聚在一起。
And first, to address her fear of labor -- she was terrified -- they told her stories from her life to remind her of the characteristics she already carries -- bravery , wonder, faith , surrender -- that they believed would carry her and help her in labor as well. 首先谈了谈她对分娩的恐惧—— 她很害怕—— 她们给她讲了一些她生活中的故事 来提醒她她已经具备的一些特点—— 勇敢,能干,信仰,顺服—— 她们相信这些会带给她帮助, 也会在分娩时帮助她。
remind:v.提醒;使想起; characteristics:n.特征;特点;品质;(characteristic的复数) bravery:n.勇敢;勇气; faith:n.信心;信任;宗教信仰; surrender:v.投降;(被迫)放弃,交出;n.投降;屈服;屈从;放弃,交出
And as they spoke, they tied a bead for each quality into a necklace that she could wear around her neck in the delivery room. 她们每说一个品质, 就将一颗珠子串在项链上, 这样她可以在产房里 将项链戴在脖子上。
bead:n.有孔小珠; v.把…连成一串; necklace:n.项链; delivery:n.[贸易]交付;分娩;递送;
Next, her husband came in, and they wrote new vows , family vows , and spoke them aloud, first committing to keep their marriage central as they transitioned to parenthood, but also future vows to their future son 接着,她的丈夫进来, 他们写下新的誓约, 家庭誓约,并大声地读出来, 首先承诺当他们的身份 转变为父母时, 要保持自己的婚姻的核心位置, 但同时,他们还向未来的儿子期许,
vows:n.婚誓;誓约(vow的复数);v.发誓;郑重声明(vow的三单形式); committing:v.做出;犯罪或错等;自杀;承诺,保证;(commit的现在分词) transitioned:v.过渡;转变;变迁;(transition的过去式和过去分词)
of what they wanted to carry with them from each of their family lines and what would stop with this generation. 里面包含了他们希望儿子 从两个家族继承的东西 和到这一代为止 不会再继续传下去的部分。
Then more friends came along, including men, for a dinner party . 接着,更多的朋友来 参加晚宴,包括男士。
dinner party:晚宴;
And in lieu of gifts, they each brought a favorite memory from their childhood to share with the table. 取代礼物的是他们每个人都带来了 他们儿时最好的记忆 与大家分享。
lieu:n.代替;场所; childhood:n.童年;幼年;孩童时期
Now, you might be thinking this is a lot for a baby shower, or it's a little weird or it's a little intimate . 现在你可能会觉得 这对于产前派对有点小题大做了, 或者有点奇怪, 或者是过于亲密了。
weird:adj.奇怪的;奇异的;离奇的;n.命运;宿命;命运女神; intimate:n.知己; v.暗示; adj.亲密的;
Good. 很好。
It's specific. 这很具体。
It's disputable. 这是有争议的。
It's specific to them, just as your gathering should be specific to you. 这是为他们详细制定的, 就像是你自己的聚会 应该针对你自己的情况。
The next step of creating more meaningful everyday gatherings is to cause good controversy . 创造更加有意义的 日常聚会的下一个步骤, 是引起良好的争端。
controversy:n.争论;论战;辩论;
You may have learned, as I did, never to talk about sex, politics or religion at the dinner table . 你可能跟我一样学到了, 不要在餐桌上谈论性, 政治或者宗教。
politics:n.政治;钩心斗角;政治观点;v.(贬)从事政治活动;(politic的第三人称单数) dinner table:n.餐桌;同一桌进餐;
It's a good rule in that it preserves harmony , or that's its intention . 这是一个好的规则, 它保持了和谐, 或者这就是它的意图。
preserves:n.果酱;蜜饯; harmony:n.协调;和睦;融洽;调和; intention:n.意图;目的;意向;愈合;
But it strips away a core ingredient of meaning, which is heat, burning relevance . 但是这剥夺了意义的 核心要素,即热度, 强烈的相关性。
strips:n.条(strip的复数); v.剥夺(stirp的三单形式); core:n.核心;要点;果心;[计]磁心;vt.挖...的核; ingredient:n.原料;要素;组成部分;adj.构成组成部分的; relevance:n.关联;适当;中肯;
The best gatherings learn to cultivate good controversy by creating the conditions for it, because human connection is as threatened by unhealthy peace as by unhealthy conflict. 最好的聚会应该通过创造条件 来学习培养良好的争端, 不健康的和平和不健康的冲突 同样威胁着人类的联系。
cultivate:vt.培养;陶冶;耕作; unhealthy:不健康的
I was once working with an architecture firm, and they were at a crossroads . 我处理过一所建筑公司的案子, 他们面临着艰难的抉择。
architecture:n.建筑学;建筑风格;建筑式样;架构; crossroads:n.十字路口;交叉路口;聚会的中心地点(crossroad的复数形式);
They had to figure out whether they wanted to continue to be an architecture firm and focus on the construction of buildings or pivot and become the hot new thing, a design firm, focusing on beyond the construction of spaces. 他们必须弄清楚 到底应该继续作为建筑公司 致力于打造建筑, 还是应该转型成为一家新型设计公司, 也专注于空间建造之外的领域。
construction:n.建设;建筑物;解释;造句; pivot:n.枢轴; vt.以…为中心旋转; vi.在枢轴上转动; adj.枢轴的;
And there was real disagreement in the room, but you wouldn't know, because no one was actually speaking up publicly. 大家的意见存在分歧, 但是你并不知道, 因为没有人开诚布公地说出来。
And so we hosted good controversy. 于是我们主持了一场积极的辩论。
hosted:v.主办,主持(活动);做东;(host的过去分词和过去式)
After a lunch break, all the architects came back, and we hosted a cage match. 在午休结束后, 所有的建筑师们回到办公室, 于是我们举办了一场铁笼赛。
architects:n.建筑师;设计师;创造者;(architect的复数);
They walked in, we took one architect, put him in one corner to represent architecture, the other one to represent design. 他们走进去, 我们将一个建筑师 带到一个角落代表建筑, 另外一个代表设计。
represent:v.代表;表现;描绘;回忆;再赠送;
We threw white towels around their necks, stolen from the bathroom -- sorry -- played Rocky music on an iPad, got each a Don King-like manager to rev them up and prepare them with counterarguments, 我们将白色毛巾挂在他们的脖子上, 从浴室偷来的 ——抱歉—— 在ipad上播放“洛奇”配乐, 给每个人一个像唐·金那样的经理, 为他们加油鼓劲儿, 并为他们准备辩论,
Rocky:adj.岩石的;多岩石的;困难的;难以维持的;
and then basically made them each argue the best possible argument of each future vision . 接着让他们为各自未来的愿景 提出最好的,可能的观点。
basically:adv.主要地,基本上; vision:n.视力;美景;幻象;想象力;v.想象;显现;梦见;
The norm of politeness was blocking their progress. 常规的礼貌阻碍了他们的进程。
norm:n.规范;标准;定额;常态;v.规范;规定; politeness:n.有礼貌;优雅;
And we then had everybody else physically choose a side in front of their colleagues . 接着我们让其他人在同事面前 选择自己的立场。
colleagues:n.同事;同行(colleague的复数);
And because they were able to actually show where they stood, they broke an impasse . 因为他们能够真正地展示他们的立场, 他们打破了僵局。
impasse:n.僵局;死路;
Architecture won. 建筑（一方）赢了。
So that's work. 所以这是有效的。
What about a hypothetical tense Thanksgiving dinner? 一场假设的,紧张的感恩节晚餐怎么样？
hypothetical:adj.假设的;爱猜想的;
Anyone? 有人要参加吗？
(Laughter) （笑声）
So first, ask the purpose. 首先,询问目的。
What does this family need this year? 这个家庭在这一年需要什么？
If cultivating good heat is part of it, then try for a night banning opinions and asking for stories instead. 如果培养良好的热度是其中一个部分, 那么试着用一个晚上的时间 禁止发表言论,只要求听故事。
cultivating:v.培养(cultivate的现在分词); banning:n.禁止;禁令;v.禁止;取缔;限制(ban的ing形式);adj.禁止的;
Choose a theme related to the underlying conflict. 选择一个与潜在矛盾相关的主题。
underlying:adj.根本的; v.构成…的基础; (underlie的现在分词)
But instead of opinions, ask everybody to share a story from their life and experience that nobody around the table has ever heard, to difference or to belonging or to a time I changed my mind, giving people a way in to each other without burning the house down. 但是不同于（表达）观点, 让每一个人分享在场人没有听过的 来自他们的生活和经历的故事, 关于差异或者归属, 或者某一次我改变主意（的故事）, 在不吵翻天的情况下, 让人们相互接近。
And finally , to create more meaningful everyday gatherings, create a temporary alternative world through the use of pop-up rules. 最后,为了创造一个 有意义的每日聚会, 通过使用弹出式规则 创造一个临时的可代替的世界。
finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地; temporary:adj.暂时的,临时的;n.临时工,临时雇员; alternative:adj.供选择的;选择性的;交替的;n.二中择一;供替代的选择;
A few years ago, I started noticing invitations coming with a set of rules. 几年前,我开始注意到 邀请方会带着一系列的规则。
invitations:n.邀请;获得邀请;请帖;(invitation的复数)
Kind of boring or controlling, right? 有点无聊或者受到约束,对吧？
boring:adj.无聊的;令人厌烦的;n.钻孔;v.使厌烦;钻孔;(bore的现在分词)
Wrong. 错了。
In this multicultural , intersectional society, where more of us are gathered and raised by people and with etiquette unlike our own, where we don't share the etiquette, unspoken norms are trouble, whereas pop-up r u les a llow us to connect meaningfully. 在这个多元化的,交互的社会里, 我们中的大部分人是由 与我们遵循着不同规矩的 人们召集和抚养, 我们不共享这些规矩, 潜规则会造成麻烦, 而弹出式规则能将我们 有意义地联系在一起。
multicultural:adj.多种文化的;融合或具有多种文化的; intersectional:adj.交点的;区间的; etiquette:n.礼节,礼仪;规矩;
They're one-time-only constitutions for a specific purpose. 它们是针对特定目的的一次性的体制。
constitutions:构成;
So a team dinner, where different generations are gathering and don't share the same assumptions of phone etiquette: whoever looks at their phone first foots the bill. 所以团队聚餐, 不同代的人聚集在一起, 并不共享相同的电话礼仪假设: 谁先看自己的手机, 谁买单。
assumptions:n.假定;假设;承担;获得;(assumption的复数) whoever:任何人:无论是谁:
(Laughter) （笑声）
Try it. 试一试。
(Applause) （掌声）
For an entrepreneurial advice circle of just strangers, where the hosts don't want everybody to just listen to the one venture capitalist in the room -- 对于只有陌生人的创业咨询圈, 主办方并不想要每个人 只听一个风险资本家（的建议）——
entrepreneurial:adj.企业家的,创业者的;中间商的; venture:v.敢于;冒险;投机;n.企业;风险;冒险; capitalist:n.资本家;资本主义者;adj.资本主义的;资本家的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
knowing laugh -- 大家娄出了会心一笑——
(Laughter) （笑声）
you can't reveal what you do for a living. 你不能透漏你自己是做什么的。
reveal:v.显示;透露;揭露;泄露;n.揭露;暴露;门侧,窗侧;
For a mom's dinner, where you want to upend the norms of what women who also happen to be mothers talk about when they gather, if you talk about your kids, you have to take a shot. 至于一个妈妈聚会, 你想要颠覆常态, 改变那些聚会时母亲常谈论的话题, 如果你提到了你的孩子, 你需要干一杯。
upend:vt.倒放,颠倒;竖立;
(Laughter) （笑声）
That's a real dinner. 这是一顿真正的晚餐。
Rules are powerful, because they allow us to temporarily change and harmonize our behavior. 规则是强大的, 因为它们让我们临时改变 和协调我们的行为。
temporarily:adv.临时地,临时; harmonize:vt.使和谐;使一致;以和声唱;vi.协调;和谐;以和声唱;
And in diverse societies, pop-up rules carry special force. 在不同的社会中, 弹出式规则有着特殊的力量。
diverse:adj.不同的;多种多样的;变化多的;
They allow us to gather across difference, to connect, to make meaning together without having to be the same. 它们让我们跨越差别, 聚集起来, 联系起来, 共同创造意义 而不用人人相同。
When I was a child, 在我小时候,
I navigated my two worlds by becoming a chameleon . 我通过变成“变色龙” 来驾驭我的两个世界。
navigated:vt.驾驶,操纵;使通过;航行于;vi.航行,航空; chameleon:变色龙,善变的人
If somebody sneezed in my mother's home, 如果有人在我妈妈家里打了个喷嚏,
sneezed:v.打喷嚏;(sneeze的过去分词和过去式)
I would say, "Bless you," 我会说:“保佑你。”
in my father's, "God bless you." 在我父亲家,我则会说: “‘上帝保佑你。”
To protect myself, I hid, as so many of us do. 为了保护自己,我将自己隐藏起来, 就像我们中很多人那样。
And it wasn't until I grew up and through conflict work that I began to stop hiding. 直到我长大并开始从事 解决冲突的工作, 我不再隐藏自己了。
And I realized that gatherings for me, at their best, allow us to be among others, to be seen for who we are, and to see. 然后我意识到,对我来说, 最好的聚会, 让我们能和他人在一起, 让别人看到我们是谁, 也让我们认识别人。
The way we gather matters because how we gather is how we live. 我们聚集的方式很重要, 因为我们怎样聚集在一起, 我们就是怎样生活的。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）