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NinaWestbrook_2021C-_如何为正在经历悲伤的自己及他人提供支持_
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| Cloe Shasha Brooks: Hello, TED Community , you are watching a TED interview series called How to Deal with Difficult Feelings. |
克洛伊?莎夏?布鲁克斯: TED 社群的会员们,大家好。 你现在正在观看的是 TED 的系列访谈之一: 「如何处理负面情绪」。 |
| I’m your host, Cloe Shasha Brooks, and a curator at TED. |
我是克洛伊?莎夏?布鲁克斯, |
| This past year has been full of both personal and collective grief . |
去年是充满个人与集体悲伤的一年。 |
| And this grief has taken many forms. |
悲伤以很多形式出现。 |
| And to dive deeper into the world of understanding and managing grief, |
为了更深入理解与处理悲伤的世界,[00:21] |
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Community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体; interview:n.接见,采访;面试,面谈;v.采访;接见;对…进行面谈; series:n.系列,连续;[电]串联;级数;丛书; curator:n.馆长;监护人;管理者; personal:adj.个人的;身体的;亲自的;n.人事消息栏;人称代名词; collective:adj.集体的;共同的;集合的;集体主义的;n.集团;集合体;集合名词; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸; dive:n.潜水;跳水;俯冲;猛冲;v.猛冲;(头朝下)跳入水中;[体]跳水(运动);
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| I'll be speaking first with Nina Westbrook, a marriage and family therapist who has supported clients through loss. |
我会先访谈妮娜?卫斯特布鲁克。 她是婚姻与家庭治疗师, 为经历失去的个案提供支持。 |
| Hi, Nina. |
嗨,妮娜。 |
| Nina Westbrook: Hi, Cloe, good to see you. |
妮娜?卫斯特布鲁克: 嗨,克洛伊,很高兴见到妳。 |
| Thank you so much for having me. |
很高兴妳邀请我。 |
| CSB: Thanks for joining us. |
克:谢谢妳加入我们。[00:39] |
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therapist:n.临床医学家;治疗学家; clients:n.委托人;当事人;客户机;(client的复数)
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| Nina, you have talked about how grief can be about the loss of people and tangible things. |
妮娜,妳已经谈过失去亲人的悲伤, 以及失去实物的悲伤, |
| But that it can also be about the loss of dreams, something that many people have experienced over the past year. |
但失去梦想也会导致悲伤, 而这是去年一年中,许多人曾经历的。 |
| Can you give me some examples of grieving for lost dreams and talk about what it means to experience this kind of grief? |
妳能不能给我们一些 因梦想破碎而悲伤的例子, 并告诉我们, 经历这种悲伤的意义何在？ |
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tangible:adj.有形的;切实的;可触摸的;n.有形资产; grieving:v.悲伤,悲痛,伤心;使悲伤;使伤心;(grieve的现在分词)
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| NW: Absolutely . |
妮:当然。 |
| I believe that grief can take so many different forms, and I think oftentimes when we think about grief, we associate it with the emotional process that takes place when we're coping with the death of a loved one. |
我相信悲伤有很多种形式, 而且我发现,当我们想到悲伤的时候, 我们常将它与 |
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Absolutely:adv.绝对地;完全地; oftentimes:adv.时常地; associate:v.联合:联想:交往:adj.非正式的:副的:联合的:n.伙伴:同事: emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的; process:v.处理;加工;列队行进;n.过程,进行;方法,adj.经过特殊加工(或处理)的; coping:n.墙压顶;v.(成功地)对付,处理;(cope的现在分词)
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| I don't know. |
该怎么说呢？ |
| It's just not as common to associate grief or correlate grief with the loss of a dream. |
我们不那么常将悲伤 和失去梦想连结在一起。 |
| So when you think about dreams and when they begin and how deeply they're rooted into our daily lives and our routines and how much our dreams determine our decision-making process |
梦想和梦想甚么时候形成、 它们有多么深刻地 扎根在日常生活跟例行公事中、 我们的梦想 对我们做决定的过程影响有多大, |
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correlate:vi.关联;vt.使有相互关系;互相有关系;n.相关物;相关联的人;adj.关联的; determine:v.决定;确定;测定;查明;形成;影响;裁决;安排; decision-making:n.决策;
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| and the choices that we make throughout the course of our lives, they hold a pretty significant amount of space in our minds and in our hearts. |
以及我们在人生各阶段里做的选择, 这些事对我们的情感与理智而言, 意义都非常深刻。 |
| Imagine a child who, you know, from a young age, we begin to dream and they begin to dream about becoming an astronaut one day and walking on the moon or becoming a professional athlete . |
想像有个小孩, 就像我们都从很小的时候就开始做梦, 他开始梦想有一天 能变成太空人在月球上漫步, 或者变成一个职業运动员。 |
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throughout:adv.自始至终,到处;全部;prep.贯穿,遍及; significant:adj.重大的;有效的;有意义的;值得注意的;意味深长的;n.象征;有意义的事物; professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员; athlete:n.运动员,体育家;身强力壮的人;
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| And then as we grow older, we begin to focus in on what our needs are and what our wants are, and our dreams begin to look more like acquiring our dream careers or job positions or opening businesses, having children or finding love. |
但是,当我们渐渐长大, 我们开始专注思考 「我们到底需要甚么」, 还有「我们想要甚么」, 我们的梦想也会逐渐改变: 像是得到心中梦想的事業、 工作职位、创業、 生小孩,或是找到真爱。 |
| And the reality is that these dreams do not always work out and manifest themselves in a way that we have imagined, right? |
很现实的是,这些梦想 并不一定都能实现, 也不一定会以想像中的 那种样子实现对吧？ |
| And that can be so devastating for so many people. |
这对很多人来说,是很大的打击。 |
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acquiring:n.捕获,探测;习得;瞄准;v.获得;(acquire的现在分词); careers:n.职业(career的复数);事业;职业生涯;v.全速前进(career的三单形式); manifest:v.表明;显现;使人注意到;adj.明显的;显而易见的;n.旅客名单; devastating:adj.毁灭性的; v.毁灭; (devastate的现在分词)
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| The loss of careers and jobs or our divorces, the loss of relationships, or infertility can all be extremely devastating things and those types of devastating events propel you into the emotional process that takes place during grief. |
职涯生活的结束、失業、 离婚、分手 或是不孕,都可以让人心情荡到谷底。 而这些毁灭性的事件, 会将你推进 陷入悲伤时的情绪历程。 |
| CSB: Let's bring a question up from the audience. |
克:我们先回答观众提出的一个问题: |
| What are comforting things to do or say when someone is grieving? |
当一个人陷入哀伤时, 我们能说甚么或做呢？ |
| So I guess someone else in this case. |
意思是说陷入哀伤的不是自己。 |
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infertility:n.不毛;不肥沃;贫瘠; extremely:adv.非常,极其;极端地; propel:v.推进;驱使;激励;驱策;
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| NW: That's a really amazing question. |
妮:这是个很棒的问题。 |
| A lot of the time, simply being present and offering support and encouragement is really going to be important when you're trying to support someone else through their grief. |
大多时候,当你在努力 支持别人度过悲伤的时候, 只是在身边陪伴他们, 提供支持和鼓励, 是非常重要的。 |
| I think communication is also important, asking that person, "What can I do," |
沟通也是很重要的。 可以问问对方: 「我可以做甚么？」 |
| or "What do you need from me in this moment and how can I best support you," |
或者「你现在需要我为你做甚么？」 还有「我要怎么做 才能给你最大的支持？」 |
| is kind of going to be the best way to figure out how to support this person. |
这些都是很棒的方法, 能幫助你了解如何支持对方。 |
| Sometimes they just want someone to listen to. |
有时候,他们只是想要有个倾听者。 |
| Sometimes they need someone to make them laugh or to help, you know, keep them distracted for a moment or sometimes they just need someone to be around them. |
有时候,他们需要一个能逗他们笑 或幫他们暂时转移注意力的人。 有时候他们只是需要有人在身边。 |
| It just really depends on the person, since grief is so subjective in the way that we go through it. |
这真的很看个人, 因为每个人经历哀伤的历程都不一样。 |
| CSB: Totally. |
克:真的。 |
| And let's go right into some strategies , too. |
我们也来谈谈一些方法吧。 |
| So I'm sure you have strategies for managing the grief of lost dreams. |
我相信妳一定有些方法, 能调适梦想破碎的悲伤。[04:05] |
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distracted:adj.心烦意乱; v.转移(注意力); (distract的过去分词和过去式) subjective:adj.主观的;个人的;自觉的; in the way:妨碍;挡道; strategies:n.策略;行动计划;部署;战略;(strategy的复数)
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| How do people pick themselves back up after that? |
人们该怎么在梦想破碎后, 慢慢拼凑回一个完整的自己？ |
| NW: You want to give yourself permission to grieve , first off. |
首先,你要允许自己拥有悲伤的权利。 |
| And it's not a linear journey , there is going to be lots of ups and downs that take place . |
悲伤不会是直线般的旅程, 而会起起落落。 |
| Some days you're going to be OK and some days you might cry and sometimes you might go a month without crying. |
有时候你会没事, 但有时候你可能会哭, 有时候你可能整个月都没哭, |
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grieve:v.使悲伤,使苦恼;悲痛,哀悼; linear:adj.线的,线型的;直线的,线状的;长度的; journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行; ups and downs:n.沉浮;盛衰;高低; take place:发生;举行;
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| And then one day everything comes crashing down all at once. |
但有一天,一切都突然崩溃。 |
| It's just a matter of giving yourself permission to go through these feelings and knowing and reassuring yourself that this is OK and it's normal. |
关键在于,允许自己经历这些感受, 了解这是被允许且正常的, 并以此安慰自己。 |
| And also keeping in mind that it's OK to feel joy even in those moments of sadness that you're going to experience when you're grieving. |
也要记得, 当你陷在悲伤中时, 就算你应该要难过, 但却感受到快乐,也没有关系。 |
| The other thing that I think is really important is just to be proactive in the grieving process. |
另外一件我认为相当重要的事是, 在悲伤历程中,要积极主动。 |
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reassuring:adj.安心的;可靠的;鼓气的;v.使放心(reassure的现在分词); proactive:adj.前摄的(前一活动中的因素对后一活动造成影响的);
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| Don't ignore your grief. |
不要故意忽视自己的悲伤。 |
| You can seek support. |
你可以寻求支持。 |
| You can't be afraid to ask for support or lean on others, people that you trust, friends, family members, coworkers , whomever it may be for support. |
你不能害怕请求他人的支持, 或是害怕依赖他人, 不论是你信任的人、 朋友、家人、同事, 任何能提供你支持的人。 |
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ignore:v.驳回诉讼;忽视;不理睬; seek:v.寻求;寻找;谋求; lean:v.前俯(或后仰):倾斜:adj.肉少的:难以赚钱的:贫乏的:n.瘦肉: coworkers:n.同事;合作人;(coworker的复数形式) whomever:pron.whoever的宾格,无论谁;
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| And then making a plan, making a new plan. |
然后做一个计画,一个新的计画。 |
| Mourning happens over time. |
哀痛是逐渐发生的。 |
| What it's doing, what we're doing, and all of the emotions that were going through during that mourning process is we're literally detaching ourselves emotionally from the dream that we are mourning or from the object that we're mourning. |
在哀痛的历程中, 哀痛所带来的意义、 我们为哀痛所做的事, 以及我们经历的所有情绪, 其实都是我们在与哀悼的梦想 或哀悼的事物, 做出情感上的切割。 |
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Mourning:n.伤逝;哀悼;丧服;v.哀悼,忧伤;(mourn的现在分词) emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数) literally:adv.按字面:字面上:确实地: detaching:v.分离(detach的ing形式); emotionally:adv.感情上;情绪上;令人激动地;情绪冲动地;
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| And what that's doing is opening yourself up and making space for new dreams and new experiences and new opportunities in the future. |
这能幫助你对自己 和自己的感情更坦率, 同时为未来的新梦想、新经验, 以及新机会预留空间。 |
| So goal setting and planning is going to be key. |
所以,设定目标跟制定计划是关键。 |
| A lot of the time we really focus on plan A. |
有很多时候,我们太专注于主计画, |
| So this is a great time to pivot and focus on planning for a new future and a new outcome . |
所以,这是个调适 并专注于计画新未来 跟新结局的好机会。 |
| CSB: Absolutely. |
克:说的没错。 |
| And just one final quick question for you, which is that sometimes people get mad at themselves for not getting over their grief. |
最后还有个问题想请教妳: 有时候人们会因为无法跨越悲伤, 而对自己感到愤怒。 |
| What would you say to those people? |
妳会向这些人说甚么？ |
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pivot:n.枢轴; vt.以…为中心旋转; vi.在枢轴上转动; adj.枢轴的; outcome:n.结果,结局;成果;
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| NW: It's really important to keep healing at the forefront of your mind. |
妮:将「治愈」铭记在心真的很重要。 |
| And I think that understanding the grief process and going through the ups and downs and knowing that that's all a part of it, you have to be patient with yourself, you have to give yourself grace |
而我也认为,了解悲伤历程, 经历高低起伏, 了解这都是悲伤历程的一部分, 你需要耐心地对待自己, 允许自己犯错, |
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healing:n.康复; adj.痊愈中的; v.(使)康复,复原; (heal的现在分词) forefront:n.最前线,最前部;活动的中心; patient:adj.有耐心的,能容忍的;n.病人;患者; grace:n.优雅;恩惠;魅力;慈悲;v.使优美;
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| and understand that you're going to have good days, you're going to have bad days. |
知道自己有时能一帆风顺, 有时也会跌到谷底。 |
| But when it all comes down to it, if you're keeping the idea of healing in the forefront, then you can focus your energy and your time into that process and going through it in a way that is productive to your emotional well-being in the future. |
但当它发生的时候, 如果你还记得「治愈自己」这个想法, 那么在悲伤历程里, 你就能聚焦在自己的精力跟时间上, 而这也能对你未来的心理健康 产生正面影响。 |
| CSB: Wonderful. |
克:太棒了。 |
| Well, thank you so much for this conversation, Nina. |
妮娜,真的很谢谢妳今天的访谈。 |
| We have come to the end, but really grateful to you for joining us. |
我们的访谈已经进到尾声, 真的很感谢妳愿意加入我们。 |
| Take care. |
保重。[07:06] |
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productive:adj.能生产的;生产的,生产性的;多产的;富有成效的; well-being:n.幸福;康乐;
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| NW: Thank you so much for having me. Take care. |
谢谢妳邀请我,妳也保重。 |