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MazJobrani_2010G-_你听过一个伊朗裔美国人的幽默吗_
I was one of the founding members of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour. 我是邪恶轴心喜剧团 的创始成员之一。
Axis of Evil:邪恶轴心; Comedy:n.喜剧;喜剧性;有趣的事情;
The other founding members included Ahmed Ahmed, who is an Egyptian-American, who actually had the idea to go to the Middle East and try it out. 其他的创始成员包括 一个埃及裔美国人艾哈迈德·艾哈迈德, 他有了这个喜剧团想法就来到中东进行创作。
Middle East:n.中东(包括亚洲西南部和非洲东北部);
Before we went out as a tour, he went out solo and did it first. 在我们开始喜剧团巡回演出前, 艾哈迈德首当其冲地进行个人表演。
solo:n.独奏; adj.独奏的; v.单人攀登; v.单独地;
Then there was Aron Kader, who was the Palestinian-American. 接下来是巴勒斯坦裔美国人阿隆·卡德尔,
And then there was me, the Iranian-American of the group. 还有我,这团队里的伊朗裔美国人。
Now, being Iranian-American presents its own set of problems, as you know. 现在,就如大家所知,作为伊朗裔美国人 我内心有很多矛盾。
Those two countries aren't getting along these days. 这两个国家最近关系不好。
So it causes a lot of inner conflict , you know, like part of me likes me, part of me hates me. 这就造成我很多内心冲突, 比如我有时喜欢我自己,有时又恨我自己的一部分。
inner:n.内部;射中接近靶心部分的一发;adj.里面的;向内的;内部的;接近中心的; conflict:n.冲突;矛盾;争执;抵触;v.抵触;
Part of me thinks I should have a nuclear program, the other part thinks I can't be trusted with one. 我自身一部分认为伊朗有核计划, 另一部分又认为美国不可信。
nuclear:adj.原子能的;[细胞]细胞核的;中心的;原子核的;
These are dilemmas I have every day. 每天我都会有这些困境。
dilemmas:n.困境(dilemma的复数);
But I was born in Iran; I'm now an American citizen, which means I have the American passport, which means I can travel. 但是我出生在伊朗,现在是美国公民, 这意味着我持有美国护照, 可以旅游。
Because if you only have the Iranian passport, you're kind of limited to the countries you can go to with open arms, you know -- 假如你仅持有伊朗的护照, 有限的国家会 热烈欢迎你,比如
Iranian:adj.伊朗的;伊朗人的;伊朗语的;n.伊朗人;伊朗语; limited:adj.有限的; n.高级快车; v.限制; (limit的过去分词和过去式)
Syria , Venezuela , North Korea. 叙利亚,委内瑞拉和朝鲜。
Syria:n.叙利亚共和国; Venezuela:n.委内瑞拉;
(Laughter) （笑声）
So anyone who's gotten their passport in America will tell you, when you get your passport, it still says what country you were born in. 所以在美国持有护照的人会知道, 在你的护照上 还标有你的出生国。
So I remember getting my American passport. 所以我记得我拿到美国护照时,
I was like, "Woohoo! I'm going to travel." 我有点兴奋,“哇噢,我可以去旅游了。”
And I opened it up, it said, "Born in Iran." I'm like, "Oh, come on, man." 但我一打开看,护照上写“出生地伊朗”。我很失意“哦,不会吧这都写,山姆大叔。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"I'm trying to go places." “我还想去很多地方呢。”
But what's interesting is, I've never had trouble traveling in any other Western countries with my American passport, even though it says, "Born in Iran." No problems. 但有意思的是持有美国护照在任何西方国家旅游,我从来没有遇到 任何麻烦, 尽管有“出生地伊朗”没问题。
Where I've had some problems is some of the Arab countries, because I guess some of the Arab countries aren't getting along with Iran either. 相反在阿拉伯的一些国家遇到麻烦, 我猜是因为阿拉伯的一些国家也没和伊朗打好关系。
And so I was in Kuwait recently , doing a comedy show with some other American comedians . 最近我和其他一些美国同事在科威特 做喜剧演出。
recently:adv.最近;新近; comedians:n.滑稽演员;喜剧演员;(comedian的复数)
They all went through, and then the border patrol saw my American passport. 他们都通关了,然后边境巡逻看着我的美国护照。
patrol:n.巡逻;巡逻队;侦察队;vt.巡逻;巡查;vi.巡逻;巡查;
'"Ah ha! American, great." “啊哈,美国人,对吧。”
Then he opened it up. "Born in Iran? Wait." 然后他打开护照。“出生地伊朗？ 等等。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
And he started asking me questions. 然后他开始盘查我一些问题。
He said, "What is your father's name?" 他说:“你父亲叫什么？”
I said, "Well, he's passed away, but his name was Khosro." 我说:“噢,他已经去世了,他叫胡萨罗。”
He goes, "What is your grandfather's name?" 他继续说:“你祖父叫什么？”
I said, "He passed away a long time ago. 我说:“他也去世很久了,
His name was Jabbar." 他叫贾巴。”
He says, "You wait. I'll be back," and he walked away. 他说:“你等等,我快去快回,”他走之后。
And I started freaking out, because I don't know what kind of crap my grandfather was into. 我开始害怕起来, 因为我不晓得我祖父曾干过什么破烂事。
freaking:adj.该死的,他妈的;v.(使)强烈反应,畏惧;(freak的现在分词) crap:n.废话;废物;屎;拉屎;vi.掷骰子;拉屎;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Thought the guy was going to come back and be like, "We've been looking for you for 200 years." 设想那个人回来后会说, “我们通缉你有200年了。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"Your grandfather has a parking violation . It's way overdue . “你祖父曾经违规停车,这是过期罚款单。
violation:n.违反;妨碍,侵害;违背;强奸; overdue:adj.过期的;迟到的;未兑的;
You owe us two billion dollars." 你欠我们二十亿美元。”
owe:v.归功于;欠(债);欠(账);欠(情)
But as you can see , when I talk, 大家可以看出,
as you can see:正如你所看到的;你是知道的;
I speak with an American accent , which you would think as an Iranian-American actor, 我讲话的口音是美国口音,你就会理所当然地认为, 作为一名伊朗裔美国演员,
accent:n.口音;重音;强调;特点;重音符号;v.强调;重读;带…口音讲话;
I should be able to play any part, good, bad, what have you. 我应该能胜任任何角色,正面角色,反面角色,随心所欲。
But a lot of times in Hollywood, when casting directors find out you're of Middle Eastern descent , they go, "Oh, you're Iranian. Great. 但是许多次在好莱坞, 当选角导演知道我是中东后裔, 他们说,“哦,你是伊朗人,好极了。
Eastern:adj.东方的;向东的;东部的;东方国家的;n.东方人;东正教信徒; descent:n.下降;血统;袭击;vt.除去…的气味;使…失去香味;
Can you say 'I will kill you in the name of Allah ?'" 你能说台词‘以真主阿拉的名义我要杀死你’?”
in the name of:以…的名义; Allah:n.真主;阿拉;
'"I could say that, but what if I were to say, 'Hello. I'm your doctor?'" “我可以说这句台词,但假若我说, ‘你好,我是你的医生’呢？”
what if:如果…怎么办?
They go, "Great. And then you hijack the hospital." 他们说,“那好吧,然后你劫持医院。”
hijack:v.抢劫;揩油;拦路抢劫;n.劫持;威逼;敲诈;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Like I think you're missing the point here. 我认为大家没完全理解我这的用意。
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind playing bad guys. 请别误解我,我不介意扮演反面角色。
I want to play a bad guy. I want to rob a bank. 我也想扮演反面角色。我想抢劫银行。
I want to rob a bank in a film. I want to rob a bank in a film, but do it with a gun, with a gun, not with a bomb strapped around me, right. 在一部电影里我想抢劫银行, 但我要带枪,而不是把炸弹绑在我身上。
strapped:adj.缺钱的; v.用带子系; (strap的过去分词和过去式)
(Laughter) （笑声）
Because I imagine the director: "Maz, I think your character would rob the bank with a bomb around him." 因为我设想导演用意,“马兹,我认为你是一个 在身上绑着炸药的抢劫犯角色。”
'"Why would I do that? “我为什么要那样做？
If I want the money, why would I kill myself?" 如果我想要钱,为什么我要送自己上西天？”
(Laughter) （笑声）
Right. 对吧。
(Applause) （掌声）
'" Gimme all your money, or I'll blow myself up." “掏出你们所有的钱,要不我就炸飞自己。”
Gimme:轻而易举的事;给我;
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"Well, then blow yourself up. “好吧,那你就去炸吧。
Just do it outside, please." 不过请在外面引爆。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
But the fact is, there's good people everywhere. 但事实是,全世界都有好人。
That's what I try and show in my stand-up . There's good people everywhere. 这也是我们喜剧团要展示的内容。全世界哪儿都有好人坏人,
stand-up:起立
All it takes in one person to mess it up. 只是一粒老鼠屎坏了一锅粥。
mess:n.混乱;餐厅;杂乱;肮脏;v.使不整洁;弄脏;弄乱;随地便溺;
Like a couple months ago in Times Square in New York, there was this Pakistani Muslim guy who tried to blow up a car bomb. 就如一两个月前在纽约时代广场, 有个巴基斯坦穆斯林男子试图自我引爆炸毁一个汽车。
Pakistani:adj.巴基斯坦的;n.巴基斯坦人;
Now, I happened to be in Times Square that night doing a comedy show. 当天晚上我也正好在时代广场 做喜剧秀。
And a few months before that, there was a white American guy in Austin, Texas who flew his airplane into the IRS building, and I happened to be in Austin that day doing a stand-up comedy show. 在此之前几个月,得克萨斯州奥斯汀市的一个美国白种人 开飞机撞美国国税局大楼, 我那一天也碰巧在奥斯汀 做脱口秀喜剧演出。
airplane:n.飞机;
Now I'll tell you, as a Middle Eastern male, when you show up around a lot of these activities, you start feeling guilty at one point. 我告诉大家,作为一个中东裔的男人, 当你老在这一类活动旁出现, 你某种程度上开始感到有罪。
guilty:adj.有罪的;内疚的;
I was watching the news. I'm like, "Am I involved in this crap?" 我看着这些消息,我有种罪恶感觉,“是不是我也参与进了这种破烂事？”
involved:adj.有关的; v.涉及; (involve的过去式和过去分词)
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"I didn't get the memo . What's going on?" “我没有收到犯罪备案。怎么回事啊？”
memo:n.备忘录;
(Laughter) （笑声）
But what was interesting was, the Pakistani Muslim guy -- see he gives a bad name to Muslims and Middle Easterners and Pakistanis from all over the world. 但有意思的是,巴基斯坦穆斯林男子的行为 搞坏了全球穆斯林信徒的名声, 以及所有中东国家的人们和所有巴基斯坦人的名声。
Easterners:n.东方人;居住在东部或东方的人;
And one thing that happened there was also the Pakistani Taliban took credit for that failed car bombing. 接下来是巴基斯坦塔利班组织 宣布对那场失败的汽车炸弹事件负责。
Taliban:塔利班;
My question is: why would you take credit for a failed car bombing? 我的疑问是:为什么你要对 一场失败的汽车炸弹事件负责？
'"We just wanted to say we tried." “我们只是想说, 我们尽心尝试过了。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"And furthermore , it is the thought that counts." “而且, 意思意思就行了。”
furthermore:adv.此外;而且;
(Laughter) （笑声）
(Applause) （掌声）
'"And in conclusion , win some, lose some." “而在最后,有得也有失。（没炸成反而坏了名声。）”
in conclusion:总之;最后;
(Laughter) （笑声）
But what happened was, when the white guy flew his plane into the building, 但当一个白人开飞机撞向国税局大楼时,
I know all my Middle Eastern and Muslim friends in the States were watching TV, going, "Please, don't be Middle Eastern. 我知道所有我在美国的中东和穆斯林朋友们 边看着电视,边期待,“请不要是中东人。
Don't be Hassan. Don't be Hussein." 不是哈桑,不是侯赛因。”
And the name came out Jack. I'm like, "Woooo! 当名字出来时是杰克,我有种如释重负,“呜啊！
That's not one of us." 他不是我们中的一员。
But I kept watching the news in case they came back, they were like, "Before he did it, he converted to Islam." 但我继续看新闻,以防有新消息, 比如“在他做这事之前,他已改变信仰成为伊斯兰教徒。”
converted:adj.修改的;改变信仰的;v.转变;改变信仰(convert的过去式和过去分词形式);
'" Damn it! Why Jack? Why?" “可恶,为什么杰克？为什么？”
Damn:v.谴责;该死;n.诅咒;adj.可恶的;
But the fact is, I've been lucky to get a chance to perform all over the world, and I did a lot of shows in the Middle East. 但事实是,我一直很荣幸地有机会 在世界各地进行表演。 我在中东也有很多表演。
perform:v.表演;执行;履行;演出;工作,运转(好/不好);
I just did a seven-country solo tour. 我刚做完一个七个国家的个人秀演出。
I was in Oman, and I was in Saudi Arabia . 我在阿曼,沙特阿拉伯,
Saudi:adj.沙乌地阿拉伯(人或语)的;n.沙乌地阿拉伯人; Arabia:n.阿拉伯半岛(亚洲西南部,等于ArabianPeninsula);
I was in Dubai . 在迪拜表演。
Dubai:n.迪拜(阿拉伯联合酋长国的酋长国之一);
And it's great, there's good people everywhere. 到处我都见到好人,这真是太棒了。
And you learn great things about these places. 关于这些不同的地方,大家能学到很多东西。
I encourage people always to go visit these places. 我鼓励人们常去参观这些地方。
For example, Dubai -- cool place. 例如迪拜,非常酷的地方。
They're obsessed with having the biggest, tallest, longest, as we all know. 正如大家所知,那里痴迷于最大的,最高的,最长的等等。
obsessed:v.使痴迷;使迷恋;使着迷;(obsess的过去式和过去分词)
They have a mall there, the Dubai Mall. 那里有个迪拜购物中心。
It is so big, they have taxis in the mall. 它是如此之大,在迪拜购物中心竟然还有的士。
I was walking. I heard "Beep, beep." 我正走着,听到“嘟嘟声”。
I'm like, "What are you doing here?" 我想“的士怎么跑到这来了？”
He goes, "I'm going to the Zara store. It's three miles away. 他说,“我要去Zara精品店,有3英里远。
Out of my way. Out of my way. Out of my way." 让开,让开,别挡我。”
And what's crazy -- there's a recession going on, even in Dubai, but you wouldn't know by the prices. 最惊奇的是甚至在迪拜经济不景气的时候, 你从物价上还是看不出来。
recession:n.经济衰退;经济萎缩;退后;撤回;
Like in the Dubai Mall, they sell frozen yogurt by the gram. 在迪拜购物中心, 他们卖以克称量的冷冻酸奶。
It's like a drug deal. 搞得好像毒品交易。
I was walking by. The guy goes, " Psst . Habibi, my friend." 我正走过时,一个男子说,“嗨,嗨,我亲爱的朋友。”
Psst:int.喂！;为引起人的注意时所发的声音;
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"You want some frozen yogurt? “你想要一些冷冻酸奶吗？
Come here. Come here. Come here. 来这里,请来这里。
I have one gram, five gram, 10 gram. How many gram do you want?" 我有一克,五克,十克的,你想要几克？”
(Laughter) （笑声）
I bought five grams. 10 dollars. 10 dollars! I said, "What's in this?" 我买了五克,十美元。十美元啊! 我说,“这究竟是什么？”
He's like, "Good stuff , man. Columbian. Top of the line. Top of the line." 他说,“好东西,先生,产自哥伦比亚。上等货色。绝对好。”
stuff:n.东西:物品:基本特征:v.填满:装满:标本:
The other thing you learn sometimes when you travel to these countries in the Middle East, sometimes in Latin American countries, South American countries -- a lot of times when they build stuff, there's no rules and regulations . 当你在这些国家, 如中东国家, 拉丁美洲的国家,南美洲的国家旅行,有时你学到一些东西-- 很多他们建筑 没有规则和规章。
Latin:adj.拉丁语的;用拉丁语写成的;n.拉丁语; regulations:n.章程;规则;法规;管理,控制;(regulation的复数)
For example, I took my two year-old son to the playground at the Dubai Mall. 例如,我带我2岁的儿子到迪拜购物中心的游乐场。
And I've taken my two year-old son to playgrounds all over the United States. 我也曾带我2岁的儿子到全美的游乐场玩。
United:adj.联合的; v.联合,团结; (unite的过去分词和过去式)
And when you put your two year-old on a slide in the United States, they put something on the slide to slow the kid down as he comes down the slide. 在美国你把你2岁儿子放到滑梯, 美国人把滑梯设计得 可以减缓孩子下滑的速度,他就顺着滑梯慢慢下来。
Not in the Middle East. 这不会发生在中东。
(Laughter) （笑声）
I put my two year-old on the slide; he went frrmrmm! He took off. 我把2岁儿子放到滑梯,他滋溜一下滑了出去。
I went down. I go, "Where's my son?" 我下去接,我问,“我儿子到哪去了？”
'"On the third floor, sir. On the third floor." “在第三层楼,先生。在第三层。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"You take a taxi. You go to Zara. Make a left." “你要打的,到Zara,再左转。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"Try the yogurt. It's very good. Little expensive." “尝尝冷冻酸奶。它非常棒,一点点贵。”
But one of the things I try to do with my stand-up is to break stereotypes . 我在喜剧团要做的事其中之一是打破陈见旧习。
stereotypes:n.模式化观念(或形象); v.对…形成模式化(或类型化)的看法; (stereotype的第三人称单数和复数)
And I've been guilty of stereotyping as well. 我也因自己的成见而自责。
stereotyping:n.刻板印象;浇版;v.把…浇铸成铅版;使成为陈规(stereotype的现在分词);
I was in Dubai. And there's a lot of Indians who work in Dubai. 我曾在迪拜。在当地有很多印度人打工。
And they don't get paid that well. 他们的待遇很差。
And I got it in my head that all the Indians there must be workers. 在我脑海中,那里的所有印度人必是工人。
And I forgot there's obviously successful Indians in Dubai as well. 我忘记了在迪拜也明显有成功的印度人。
I was doing a show, and they said, "We're going to send a driver to pick you up." 我在做一个节目, 团队说,“我们派人来接送你。”
So I went down to the lobby , and I saw this Indian guy. 当我走出大厅,看到一个印度人。
lobby:n.大堂;门厅;民众接待厅;游说;v.游说(从政者或政府);
I go, "He's got to be my driver." 我想,“他可能是我的司机。”
Because he was standing there in like a cheap suit, thin mustache, staring at me. 因为他穿着便宜的西服站在那儿,留着小胡子,盯着我。
staring:adj.凝视的,目不转睛的;显眼的;v.凝视;盯着看;显眼;(stare的现在分词)
So I went over, "Excuse me, sir, are you my driver?" 所以我过去问,“打扰一下,先生,你是我的司机吗？”
He goes, "No, sir. I own the hotel." 他回复,“不,先生,我是酒店的主人。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
I go, "I'm sorry. Then why were you staring at me?" 我说,“很抱歉。那么你为什么盯着我？”
He goes, "I thought you were my driver." 他说,“我认为你是我的司机。””
(Applause) （掌声）
(Laughter) （笑声）
I'll leave you guys with this: I try, with my stand-up, to break stereotypes, present Middle Easterners in a positive light -- Muslims in a positive light -- and I hope that in the coming years, 我给你们大家展示的是:我尽力,以我们的喜剧团表演去打破成见旧习, 从积极正面的角度展示中东人们和穆斯林人们, 我也希望在未来几年,
positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片;
more film and television programs come out of Hollywood presenting us in a positive light. 更多好莱坞的电影和电视节目 从积极正面角度展现我们中东人和穆斯林人。
Who knows, maybe one day we'll even have our own James Bond, right. 谁晓得呢,说不准哪一天我们也会有我们自己的007詹姆斯.邦德超级特工,对吧。
'"My name is Bond, Jamal Bond." “我的名字是邦德,贾马勒.邦德。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
Til then, I'll keep telling jokes. I hope you keep laughing. 我会一直讲笑话。我希望大家继续开怀一笑。
Have a good day. Thank you. 祝大家愉快。谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）