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LidiaYuknavitch_2016-_不适者如何呐喊自己的心声_
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So I know TED is about a lot of things that are big, but I want to talk to you about something very small. |
我知道 TED 总是谈一些大事 但是我想讲一件微不足道的小事 |
So small, it's a single word. |
小到只有一个词 |
The word is " misfit ." |
“异类。” |
misfit:n.不适合;不适应环境的人;vt.对…不适合;
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It's one of my favorite words, because it's so literal . |
这是我最喜欢的词,因为简单明了 |
literal:adj.文字的;逐字的;无夸张的;
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I mean, it's a person who sort of missed fitting in. |
这样的人是一个无法融入, |
fitting:adj.适合的;恰当的;n.试衣;小配件,附件;v.适合,合身;试穿;(fit的现在分词)
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Or a person who fits in badly. |
或者融入得很差的人, |
Or this: "a person who is poorly adapted to new situations and environments." |
或者“一个很难适应 新位置和新环境的人。” |
adapted:adj.适于…的; v.使适应,使适合; (adapt的过去分词和过去式)
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I'm a card-carrying misfit. |
我是真正的异类。 |
card-carrying:adj.持有正式成员证的;正式的;
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And I'm here for the other misfits in the room, because I'm never the only one. |
我代表这里的所有异类站在这里, 因为我并不孤单。 |
misfits:不适应生活环境的人,不善和别人共事的人(misfit的复数);
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I'm going to tell you a misfit story. |
我将讲述一个异类的故事。 |
Somewhere in my early 30s, the dream of becoming a writer came right to my doorstep . |
在我三十岁出头的时候, 成为作家的梦想在向我招手。 |
doorstep:n.门阶;
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Actually, it came to my mailbox in the form of a letter that said I'd won a giant literary prize for a short story I had written. |
准确地说我在我的邮箱里 发现了一封信信上说我写的小说 为我赢得了一份大奖。 |
giant:n.巨人;伟人;巨兽;adj.巨大的;特大的 literary:adj.文学的;书面的;精通文学的; short story:短篇小说(指一万字以内的小说);
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The short story was about my life as a competitive swimmer and about my crappy home life, and a little bit about how grief and loss can make you insane . |
小说讲述了一名历经糟糕的家庭生活的 优秀的游泳运动员的故事, 还有一些关于悲痛和困惑如何让人抓狂的情节。 |
competitive:adj.竞争的;比赛的;求胜心切的; swimmer:n.游泳者; crappy:adj.蹩脚的;糟糕的;没价值的; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸; insane:adj.疯狂的;精神病的;极愚蠢的;
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The prize was a trip to New York City to meet big-time editors and agents and other authors. |
赢得的奖励是去纽约和知名的编辑、代理 和其他作家见面。 |
big-time:adj.一流的;快乐时光; agents:n.代理人,经纪人;原动力;(agent的复数)
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So kind of it was the wannabe writer's dream, right? |
这是每个作家的梦想,对吧? |
wannabe:n.想达到目标的人;赶超崇拜者的人;adj.想要成为的;自封的;
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You know what I did the day the letter came to my house? |
各位知道我看到信后做了什么吗? |
Because I'm me, |
因为我是不适者, |
I put the letter on my kitchen table, |
我把信放在厨房桌子上, |
I poured myself a giant glass of vodka with ice and lime , and I sat there in my underwear for an entire day, just staring at the letter. |
给自己倒了一大杯加了冰和柠檬的 伏特加, 就这样穿着内衣看着那封信 坐了一整天。 |
poured:v.使(液体)连续流出;倾倒;倒出;喷发;(pour的过去分词和过去式) vodka:n.伏特加酒; lime:n.石灰;酸橙;绿黄色;vt.撒石灰于;涂粘鸟胶于;adj.绿黄色的; staring:adj.凝视的,目不转睛的;显眼的;v.凝视;盯着看;显眼;(stare的现在分词)
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I was thinking about all the ways I'd already screwed my life up. |
我在考虑以前把我的生活毁了的各种方式。 |
screwed:v.用螺丝固定;旋紧;拧紧;拧上去;(screw的过去分词和过去式)
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Who the hell was I to go to New York City and pretend to be a writer? |
那个要去纽约装作是一位作家的我 到底是谁? |
Who was I? |
我是谁? |
I'll tell you. |
我来告诉各位。 |
I was a misfit. |
我是一个异类。 |
Like legions of other children, |
就像千千万万其他的孩子, |
legions:n.罗马军团;军队(legion的复数);万马千军;
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I came from an abusive household that I narrowly escaped with my life. |
我来自一个受虐待的家庭, 只不过我侥幸逃脱了。 |
abusive:adj.辱骂的;滥用的;虐待的; household:n.家庭;一家人;同住一所(或一套)房子的人;adj.家庭的;家常的;王室的; narrowly:adv.仔细地;勉强地;狭窄地;严密地;
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I already had two epically failed marriages underneath my belt . |
在我的生命中已经经历了两次婚姻的大失败。 |
epically:adv.宏伟地;史诗式地; underneath:prep.在…的下面;在…的支配下;n.下面;底部;adj.下面的;底层的; belt:n.皮带;腰带;传动带;传送带;v.猛击;狠打;飞奔;飞驰;
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I'd flunked out of college not once but twice and maybe even a third time that I'm not going to tell you about. |
我考大学失败了两次, 也许会有第三次我不会告诉你们的。 |
flunked:v.失败,不及格;给(某人)不及格;(flunk的过去分词和过去式)
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(Laughter) |
(笑声) |
And I'd done an episode of rehab for drug use. |
我还有一段戒毒的美妙经历。 |
episode:n.一段经历;片段,插曲;一集; rehab:n.修复(等于rehabilitation);v.修复(等于rehabilitate);
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And I'd had two lovely staycations in jail . |
我还在监狱里度过两次假。 |
jail:n.监狱;监牢;拘留所;v.监禁;下狱;
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So I'm on the right stage. |
所以我应该站在这里。 |
(Laughter) |
(笑声) |
But the real reason, I think, I was a misfit, is that my daughter died the day she was born, and I hadn't figured out how to live with that story yet. |
但是我想,真正的原因是我是一个异类。 我的女儿在出生的那天就去世了, 我当时根本无法接受这件事。 |
After my daughter died I also spent a long time homeless, living under an overpass in a kind of profound state of zombie grief and loss that some of us encounter along the way. |
女儿去世后我无家可归了一段时间, 住在一个天桥下。 那种无尽的悲痛和困惑 是很多人一生中都会遇到的。 |
overpass:vt.超越;胜过;忽略;n.天桥;陆桥; profound:adj.深厚的;意义深远的;渊博的; zombie:n.行尸走肉;蛇神;木讷呆板的人; encounter:v.遭遇,邂逅;遇到;n.遭遇,偶然碰见;
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Maybe all of us, if you live long enough. |
如果活得够久也许所有人都会遇到。 |
You know, homeless people are some of our most heroic misfits, because they start out as us. |
无家可归的人是我们之中最伟大的异类, 因为从那时起他们就成为了我这样的人。 |
heroic:adj.英雄的;英勇的;记叙英雄及其事迹的;夸张的;n.史诗;英勇行为;
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So you see, I'd missed fitting in to just about every category out there: daughter, wife, mother, scholar . |
可以看到我与所有的生活格格不入: 作为女儿,作为妻子,作为妈妈,作为学者。 |
category:n.种类,分类;[数]范畴; scholar:n.学者;奖学金获得者;聪颖勤奋的学生;
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And the dream of being a writer was really kind of like a small, sad stone in my throat. |
而想要成为作家的梦想 也一直如鲠在喉。 |
It was pretty much in spite of myself that I got on that plane and flew to New York City, where the writers are. |
我没有理会自己的不适就登上了飞机, 准备前往纽约 和各位作家见面。 |
in spite of:尽管;不管,不顾;
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Fellow misfits, I can almost see your heads glowing . |
异类们,我几乎可以看到你们头上的光芒。 |
glowing:adj.灼热的;热情洋溢的;鲜艳的;v.发光;容光焕发;发热;(glow的现在分词)
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I can pick you out of a room. |
我可以在屋子里认出你来。 |
At first, you would've loved it. |
一开始旅程是美妙的。 |
You got to choose the three famous writers you wanted to meet, and these guys went and found them for you. |
每个人可以选择三位最想见的知名作家 会有人为你联系他们。 |
You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel, where you got to drink Scotch late in the night with cool, smart, swank people. |
大家下榻在格拉梅西公园酒店, 在那里可以和出色,聪明,华丽的人喝 苏格兰威士忌直到深夜。 |
Gramercy:int.不得了!;多谢!; Scotch:vi.弄伤;制止转动;扑灭;镇压;n.刻痕; swank:n.出风头;虚张声势;vi.炫耀;出风头;adj.爱打扮的,华丽的;
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And you got to pretend you were cool and smart and swank, too. |
你要装作同样出色,聪明,华丽。 |
And you got to meet a bunch of editors and authors and agents at very, very fancy lunches and dinners. |
你会在无比精美的午餐和晚宴中 会见一系列的编辑作家和经纪人。 |
a bunch of:一群;一束;一堆; fancy:n.幻想; adj.想象的; v.想象;
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Ask me how fancy. |
快问我多么精美。 |
Audience: How fancy? |
观众:有多么精美? |
Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession : I stole three linen napkins -- |
我承认我从三个不同的饭店偷了三块 |
confession:n.忏悔,告解;供认; linen:n.亚麻布,亚麻线;亚麻制品;adj.亚麻的;亚麻布制的; napkins:n.餐巾;餐巾纸;(napkin的复数)
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(Laughter) |
(笑声) |
from three different restaurants. |
亚麻餐巾。 |
And I shoved a menu down my pants. |
我还在裤子里藏了一张菜单。 |
shoved:v.猛推;乱挤;推撞;乱放;(shove的过去分词和过去式)
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(Laughter) |
(笑声) |
I just wanted some keepsakes so that when I got home, |
我只是想在我回家时还能看到一些我带回来的纪念品 |
keepsakes:n.纪念品;(keepsake的复数)
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I could believe it had really happened to me. |
让我相信我真的去过这里。 |
You know? |
你明白么? |
The three writers I wanted to meet were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman and Peggy Phelan. |
我想见的三位作家是 卡罗尔·马索,琳恩·蒂尔曼和佩吉·费伦。 |
These were not famous, best-selling authors, but to me, they were women-writer titans . |
她们不算是最知名和畅销的作家, 但是我把她们奉若神明。 |
best-selling:adj.最畅销的;畅销作品的;n.畅销品; titans:n.泰坦巨神;(美)大力神Ⅱ型洲际导弹(Titan的复数);
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Carole Maso wrote the book that later became my art bible . |
卡罗尔·马索的书后来成为了我的艺术指导。 |
bible:n.有权威的书;
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Lynne Tillman gave me permission to believe that there was a chance my stories could be part of the world. |
琳恩·蒂尔曼给了我信心让我相信 将来我的故事会被世界上的人所知晓。 |
And Peggy Phelan reminded me that maybe my brains could be more important than my boobs . |
佩吉·费伦则提醒我 我的头脑比胸部更加重要。 |
reminded:v.提醒;使想起;(remind的过去分词和过去式) boobs:n.乳房;胸部;笨蛋(boob的复数形式)
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They weren't mainstream women writers, but they were cutting a path through the mainstream with their body stories, |
她们不是主流女作家, 但是她们用自己的故事题材在主流文学中 独树一帜, |
mainstream:n.主流;
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I like to think, kind of the way water cut the Grand Canyon . |
另辟蹊径。 |
Canyon:n.(周围有悬崖峭壁的)峡谷;(
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It nearly killed me with joy to hang out with these three over-50-year-old women writers. |
能和这三位 50多岁的女作家聊天快把我乐疯了。 |
hang out with:与…出去玩;与…闲逛;
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And the reason it nearly killed me with joy is that I'd never known a joy like that. |
因为我从来不知道 生活可以这么开心。 |
I'd never been in a room like that. |
我的生活中从来没有打开过这样美好的一扇门。 |
My mother never went to college. |
我的母亲没有上过大学。 |
And my creative career to that point was a sort of small, sad, stillborn thing. |
从这一点来说我的创作生涯 本来就是一个很小的,卑微的,会胎死腹中的事。 |
creative:adj.创造性的; career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历; stillborn:adj.死胎的,生下来已死的;
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So kind of in those first nights in New York I wanted to die there. |
在纽约的前几天我希望就死在那里。 |
I was just like, "Kill me now. I'm good. This is beautiful." |
我想说“杀了我吧。我要葬在这美好之中。” |
Some of you in the room will understand what happened next. |
接下来发生了什么屋子里的一些人会理解。 |
First, they took me to the offices of Farrar, Straus and Giroux. |
首先,他们把我带到了法勒,斯特劳斯和吉鲁的办公室。 |
Farrar, Straus and Giroux was like my mega-dream press. |
法勒,斯特劳斯和吉鲁是我的终极梦想出版社。 |
I mean, T.S. Eliot and Flannery O'Connor were published there. |
艾略特的诗集和弗兰纳里·奥康纳的小说都在那里出版。 |
The main editor guy sat me down and talked to me for a long time, trying to convince me I had a book in me about my life as a swimmer. |
主编让我坐下和我聊了很久, 一直在试图让我相信我写了一本关于 我自己是游泳运动员的书。 |
convince:v.使确信;使相信;说服,劝说;
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You know, like a memoir . |
就像用备忘录让我回忆一样。 |
memoir:n.回忆录;研究报告;自传;实录;
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The whole time he was talking to me, |
整个谈话期间 |
I sat there smiling and nodding like a numb idiot , with my arms crossed over my chest, while nothing, nothing, nothing came out of my throat. |
我双手交叉在胸前不住地微笑和点头, 却一句话都不说, 麻木的像个傻子。 |
idiot:n.笨蛋,傻瓜;白痴;
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So in the end, he patted me on the shoulder like a swim coach might. |
最后他像一个游泳教练一样 拍了拍我的肩膀。 |
patted:轻拍;
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And he wished me luck and he gave me some free books and he showed me out the door. |
他祝我好运 送了我几本免费的书 请我出去了。 |
Next, they took me to the offices of W.W. Norton, where I was pretty sure I'd be escorted from the building just for wearing Doc Martens. |
接下来他们让我去W.W.诺顿的办公室, 我以为穿了马腾斯博士靴的我 一定会有人陪同一起过去。 |
escorted:v.护卫;护送(escort的过去分词和过去式)
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But that didn't happen. |
但是并没有人陪我。 |
Being at the Norton offices felt like reaching up into the night sky and touching the moon while the stars stitched your name across the cosmos . |
在诺顿的办公室里 就像身处洪荒,摘星揽月 群星闪烁在无尽的宇宙中编织着我的名字。 |
stitched:v.缝;缝补;缝合(伤口);(stitch的过去分词和过去式) cosmos:n.宇宙;和谐;秩序;大波斯菊;
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I mean, that's how big a deal it was to me. |
这是我人生中多么重大的一件事啊。 |
You get it? |
你明白了么? |
Their lead editor, Carol Houck Smith, leaned over right in my face with these beady , bright, fierce eyes and said, "Well, send me something then, immediately!" |
他们的主编,卡罗尔·霍克史密斯, 靠在我面前闪烁着有神,明亮,犀利的目光 跟我说:“寄给我你的一些作品,马上!” |
Carol:v.欢乐地歌唱;唱耶诞颂歌;n.颂歌,赞美诗;欢乐之歌; leaned:v.前俯后仰;倾斜;倚靠;使斜靠;(lean的过去分词和过去式) beady:adj.起泡的;饰有珠子的;晶亮如小珠的; fierce:adj.凶猛的;猛烈的;暴躁的;
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See, now most people, especially TED people, would have run to the mailbox, right? |
大部分人,尤其是来能TED的人 马上会去寄,对吧? |
especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分;
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It took me over a decade to even imagine putting something in an envelope and licking a stamp. |
而我花了很久的时间来思考 要不要做这件事。 |
envelope:n.信封,封皮;包膜;[天]包层;包迹; licking:n.惨败,一败涂地;v.舔;舔吃;掠过;舔食;(lick的现在分词)
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On the last night, |
在最后一天晚上 |
I gave a big reading at the National Poetry Club. |
我在全国诗歌俱乐部做了一场读书会。 |
Poetry:n.诗;诗意,诗情;诗歌艺术;
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And at the end of the reading, |
在读书会结束的时候, |
Katharine Kidde of Kidde, Hoyt Picard Literary Agency , walked straight up to me and shook my hand and offered me representation , like, on the spot . |
凯德公司的凯瑟琳·凯德和霍伊特与皮卡德文学社的人 径直走向我与我握手 当场让我做他们的代表 |
Agency:n.代理,中介;代理处,经销处; representation:n.表现;代表;描述;陈述 on the spot:adj.现场的;
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I stood there and I kind of went deaf. |
我像失聪了一样站在那里。 |
Has this ever happened to you? |
这种事发生在各位身上过么? |
And I almost started crying because all the people in the room were dressed so beautifully, and all that came out of my mouth was: "I don't know. I have to think about it." |
我几乎要哭了出来 因为所有屋子里的人都如此华丽 然而我却只能说 “我不知道,我要再想想”那样的话。 |
And she said, "OK, then," and walked away. |
她说:“当然。”然后离开了。 |
All those open hands out to me, that small, sad stone in my throat ... |
尽管很多人伸来了橄榄枝我仍然如鲠在喉 |
You see, I'm trying to tell you something about people like me. |
各位,我尽量告诉大家像我这样的人的感受。 |
Misfit people -- we don't always know how to hope or say yes or choose the big thing, even when it's right in front of us. |
异类经常不知道怎样期待和回答 也不知道在大事面前如何选择。 哪怕它们就在我们面前。 |
It's a shame we carry. |
这是我们身上的耻辱。 |
It's the shame of wanting something good. |
这是想接受美好时就会有的耻辱。 |
It's the shame of feeling something good. |
这是想感受美好时就会有的耻辱。 |
It's the shame of not really believing we deserve to be in the room with the people we admire. |
这种耻辱让我们不敢相信我们应该和那些我们敬仰的人 站在同一个屋檐下。 |
deserve:vi.应受,应得;
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If I could, I'd go back and I'd coach myself. |
如果可以回到过去我要像那些 |
I'd be exactly like those over-50-year-old women who helped me. |
50多岁的女人告诉我的那样告诫自己。 |
I'd teach myself how to want things, how to stand up, how to ask for them. |
我要教自己去诉说我的需求, 站起来,要回属于我的东西。 |
I'd say, "You! Yeah, you! You belong in the room, too." |
我会跟我自己说:“你!就是你!你应该在这个屋子里。” |
The radiance falls on all of us, and we are nothing without each other. |
只有和大家团结在一起, 每个人才是光芒四射的。 |
radiance:n.辐射;光辉;发光;容光焕发;
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Instead, I flew back to Oregon , and as I watched the evergreens and rain come back into view, |
可现实是,我飞回了俄勒冈, 看着窗外的雨拍打着常青树 |
Oregon:n.俄勒冈州(美国州名); evergreens:n.常青树(evergreen的复数);
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I just drank many tiny bottles of airplane " feel sorry for yourself." |
我不禁借酒浇愁。 |
airplane:n.飞机; feel sorry for:为感到难过;
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I thought about how, if I was a writer, I was some kind of misfit writer. |
我想就算我是一个作家我也只是作家中的异类。 |
What I'm saying is, |
我想说, |
I flew back to Oregon without a book deal, without an agent, and with only a headful and heart-ful of memories of having sat so near the beautiful writers. |
我回到俄勒冈,没有签下一个书约, 没有经纪人同行, 有的只是满满的回忆。 我曾经和那些美丽的作家 离得那么近。 |
headful:n.头所能容纳的量;
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Memory was the only prize I allowed myself. |
回忆是我给自己的奖励。 |
And yet, at home in the dark, back in my underwear, |
然后当我回到家的黑暗中, 穿回我的内衣, |
I could still hear their voices. |
我还能够听见她们的声音。 |
They said, "Don't listen to anyone who tries to get you to shut up or change your story." |
她们说:“不要让任何试图让你闭嘴的人 改变你的故事。” |
They said, "Give voice to the story only you know how to tell." |
她们说:“表达只有你才知道的感受。” |
They said, "Sometimes telling the story is the thing that saves your life." |
她们说:“有时候写书可以 改变你的一生。” |
Now I am, as you can see , the woman over 50. |
现在,我也50多岁了。 |
as you can see:正如你所看到的;你是知道的;
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And I'm a writer. |
我是一个作家。 |
And I'm a mother. |
我是一位母亲。 |
And I became a teacher. |
我也成为了一名老师。 |
Guess who my favorite students are. |
猜猜我最喜欢的学生是谁。 |
Although it didn't happen the day that dream letter came through my mailbox, |
我写了一篇回忆录, 尽管不是从邮筒拿出信的 |
I did write a memoir, called "The Chronology of Water." |
那一天写的, 叫做“似水年华”。 |
Chronology:n.年表;年代学;
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In it are the stories of how many times I've had to reinvent a self from the ruins of my choices, the stories of how my seeming failures were really just weird-ass portals to something beautiful. |
书里讲述的是我如何在人生选择的废墟中 重生的故事。 书里讲述的是那些我的失败如何奇迹般地 通向美好的故事。 |
reinvent:v.以新形象示人;以新形式出现; ruins:n.遗迹(ruin的复数形式);废墟;v.毁灭(ruin的三单形式); portals:n.门户网站;[建]入口;大门(portal的复数);
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All I had to do was give voice to the story. |
我要做的就是让大家听到我的故事。 |
There's a myth in most cultures about following your dreams. |
每一种文化中都有追梦的神话, |
myth:n.神话;虚构的人,虚构的事;
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It's called the hero's journey . |
大多数叫做英雄之路。 |
journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行;
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But I prefer a different myth, that's slightly to the side of that or underneath it. |
不过我更喜欢另一种神话, 一种过程不同, 不为人所知的神话, |
prefer:v.更喜欢;宁愿;提出;提升; slightly:adv.些微地,轻微地;纤细地;
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It's called the misfit's myth. |
叫做异类的神话。 |
And it goes like this: even at the moment of your failure, right then, you are beautiful. |
它是这样的: 即使那时候你失败了, 失败的你也是美好的。 |
You don't know it yet, but you have the ability to reinvent yourself endlessly . |
你可能没有发觉 那个不断地 试图重生的你 |
endlessly:adv.不断地;无穷尽地;
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That's your beauty. |
是最美丽的。 |
You can be a drunk, you can be a survivor of abuse , you can be an ex-con , you can be a homeless person, you can lose all your money or your job or your husband or your wife, or the worst thing of all, a child. |
你可以醉酒, 你可以从虐待中逃脱出来, 你可以有前科, 你可以无家可归, 你可以失去所有的钱,工作甚至另一半, 或者最难过的莫过于, 你失去了你的孩子, |
abuse:n.滥用;虐待;辱骂;弊端;恶习,陋习;v.滥用;虐待;辱骂; ex-con:n.以前的罪犯;有前科者;
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You can even lose your marbles . |
甚至失去理智。 |
marbles:n.大理石; v.使…显得斑驳; (marble的第三人称单数和复数)
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You can be standing dead center in the middle of your failure and still, I'm only here to tell you, you are so beautiful. |
你站在失败的正中心, 此时我要告诉你, 你是那么美好。 |
Your story deserves to be heard, because you, you rare and phenomenal misfit, you new species , are the only one in the room who can tell the story the way only you would. |
你的故事应该被大家听到 因为你是稀有的,是独特的,是独一无二的异类, 这个屋子里 只有你可以 用只有你才会的方式 来讲述你的故事。 |
deserves:v.值得;应得;应受;(deserve的第三人称单数) phenomenal:adj.现象的;显著的;异常的;能知觉的;惊人的,非凡的; species:n.[生物]物种;种类;
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And I'd be listening. |
而我会静静地聆听。 |
Thank you. |
谢谢。 |
(Applause) |
(掌声) |