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LidiaYuknavitch_2016-_不适者如何呐喊自己的心声_

So I know TED is about a lot of things that are big, but I want to talk to you about something very small. 我知道 TED 总是谈一些大事 但是我想讲一件微不足道的小事
So small, it's a single word. 小到只有一个词
The word is " misfit ." “异类。”
misfit:n.不适合;不适应环境的人;vt.对…不适合;
It's one of my favorite words, because it's so literal . 这是我最喜欢的词,因为简单明了
literal:adj.文字的;逐字的;无夸张的;
I mean, it's a person who sort of missed fitting in. 这样的人是一个无法融入,
fitting:adj.适合的;恰当的;n.试衣;小配件,附件;v.适合,合身;试穿;(fit的现在分词)
Or a person who fits in badly. 或者融入得很差的人,
Or this: "a person who is poorly adapted to new situations and environments." 或者“一个很难适应 新位置和新环境的人。”
adapted:adj.适于…的; v.使适应,使适合; (adapt的过去分词和过去式)
I'm a card-carrying misfit. 我是真正的异类。
card-carrying:adj.持有正式成员证的;正式的;
And I'm here for the other misfits in the room, because I'm never the only one. 我代表这里的所有异类站在这里, 因为我并不孤单。
misfits:不适应生活环境的人,不善和别人共事的人(misfit的复数);
I'm going to tell you a misfit story. 我将讲述一个异类的故事。
Somewhere in my early 30s, the dream of becoming a writer came right to my doorstep . 在我三十岁出头的时候, 成为作家的梦想在向我招手。
doorstep:n.门阶;
Actually, it came to my mailbox in the form of a letter that said I'd won a giant literary prize for a short story I had written. 准确地说我在我的邮箱里 发现了一封信信上说我写的小说 为我赢得了一份大奖。
giant:n.巨人;伟人;巨兽;adj.巨大的;特大的 literary:adj.文学的;书面的;精通文学的; short story:短篇小说(指一万字以内的小说);
The short story was about my life as a competitive swimmer and about my crappy home life, and a little bit about how grief and loss can make you insane . 小说讲述了一名历经糟糕的家庭生活的 优秀的游泳运动员的故事, 还有一些关于悲痛和困惑如何让人抓狂的情节。
competitive:adj.竞争的;比赛的;求胜心切的; swimmer:n.游泳者; crappy:adj.蹩脚的;糟糕的;没价值的; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸; insane:adj.疯狂的;精神病的;极愚蠢的;
The prize was a trip to New York City to meet big-time editors and agents and other authors. 赢得的奖励是去纽约和知名的编辑、代理 和其他作家见面。
big-time:adj.一流的;快乐时光; agents:n.代理人,经纪人;原动力;(agent的复数)
So kind of it was the wannabe writer's dream, right? 这是每个作家的梦想,对吧?
wannabe:n.想达到目标的人;赶超崇拜者的人;adj.想要成为的;自封的;
You know what I did the day the letter came to my house? 各位知道我看到信后做了什么吗?
Because I'm me, 因为我是不适者,
I put the letter on my kitchen table, 我把信放在厨房桌子上,
I poured myself a giant glass of vodka with ice and lime , and I sat there in my underwear for an entire day, just staring at the letter. 给自己倒了一大杯加了冰和柠檬的 伏特加, 就这样穿着内衣看着那封信 坐了一整天。
poured:v.使(液体)连续流出;倾倒;倒出;喷发;(pour的过去分词和过去式) vodka:n.伏特加酒; lime:n.石灰;酸橙;绿黄色;vt.撒石灰于;涂粘鸟胶于;adj.绿黄色的; staring:adj.凝视的,目不转睛的;显眼的;v.凝视;盯着看;显眼;(stare的现在分词)
I was thinking about all the ways I'd already screwed my life up. 我在考虑以前把我的生活毁了的各种方式。
screwed:v.用螺丝固定;旋紧;拧紧;拧上去;(screw的过去分词和过去式)
Who the hell was I to go to New York City and pretend to be a writer? 那个要去纽约装作是一位作家的我 到底是谁?
Who was I? 我是谁?
I'll tell you. 我来告诉各位。
I was a misfit. 我是一个异类。
Like legions of other children, 就像千千万万其他的孩子,
legions:n.罗马军团;军队(legion的复数);万马千军;
I came from an abusive household that I narrowly escaped with my life. 我来自一个受虐待的家庭, 只不过我侥幸逃脱了。
abusive:adj.辱骂的;滥用的;虐待的; household:n.家庭;一家人;同住一所(或一套)房子的人;adj.家庭的;家常的;王室的; narrowly:adv.仔细地;勉强地;狭窄地;严密地;
I already had two epically failed marriages underneath my belt . 在我的生命中已经经历了两次婚姻的大失败。
epically:adv.宏伟地;史诗式地; underneath:prep.在…的下面;在…的支配下;n.下面;底部;adj.下面的;底层的; belt:n.皮带;腰带;传动带;传送带;v.猛击;狠打;飞奔;飞驰;
I'd flunked out of college not once but twice and maybe even a third time that I'm not going to tell you about. 我考大学失败了两次, 也许会有第三次我不会告诉你们的。
flunked:v.失败,不及格;给(某人)不及格;(flunk的过去分词和过去式)
(Laughter) (笑声)
And I'd done an episode of rehab for drug use. 我还有一段戒毒的美妙经历。
episode:n.一段经历;片段,插曲;一集; rehab:n.修复(等于rehabilitation);v.修复(等于rehabilitate);
And I'd had two lovely staycations in jail . 我还在监狱里度过两次假。
jail:n.监狱;监牢;拘留所;v.监禁;下狱;
So I'm on the right stage. 所以我应该站在这里。
(Laughter) (笑声)
But the real reason, I think, I was a misfit, is that my daughter died the day she was born, and I hadn't figured out how to live with that story yet. 但是我想,真正的原因是我是一个异类。 我的女儿在出生的那天就去世了, 我当时根本无法接受这件事。
After my daughter died I also spent a long time homeless, living under an overpass in a kind of profound state of zombie grief and loss that some of us encounter along the way. 女儿去世后我无家可归了一段时间, 住在一个天桥下。 那种无尽的悲痛和困惑 是很多人一生中都会遇到的。
overpass:vt.超越;胜过;忽略;n.天桥;陆桥; profound:adj.深厚的;意义深远的;渊博的; zombie:n.行尸走肉;蛇神;木讷呆板的人; encounter:v.遭遇,邂逅;遇到;n.遭遇,偶然碰见;
Maybe all of us, if you live long enough. 如果活得够久也许所有人都会遇到。
You know, homeless people are some of our most heroic misfits, because they start out as us. 无家可归的人是我们之中最伟大的异类, 因为从那时起他们就成为了我这样的人。
heroic:adj.英雄的;英勇的;记叙英雄及其事迹的;夸张的;n.史诗;英勇行为;
So you see, I'd missed fitting in to just about every category out there: daughter, wife, mother, scholar . 可以看到我与所有的生活格格不入: 作为女儿,作为妻子,作为妈妈,作为学者。
category:n.种类,分类;[数]范畴; scholar:n.学者;奖学金获得者;聪颖勤奋的学生;
And the dream of being a writer was really kind of like a small, sad stone in my throat. 而想要成为作家的梦想 也一直如鲠在喉。
It was pretty much in spite of myself that I got on that plane and flew to New York City, where the writers are. 我没有理会自己的不适就登上了飞机, 准备前往纽约 和各位作家见面。
in spite of:尽管;不管,不顾;
Fellow misfits, I can almost see your heads glowing . 异类们,我几乎可以看到你们头上的光芒。
glowing:adj.灼热的;热情洋溢的;鲜艳的;v.发光;容光焕发;发热;(glow的现在分词)
I can pick you out of a room. 我可以在屋子里认出你来。
At first, you would've loved it. 一开始旅程是美妙的。
You got to choose the three famous writers you wanted to meet, and these guys went and found them for you. 每个人可以选择三位最想见的知名作家 会有人为你联系他们。
You got set up at the Gramercy Park Hotel, where you got to drink Scotch late in the night with cool, smart, swank people. 大家下榻在格拉梅西公园酒店, 在那里可以和出色,聪明,华丽的人喝 苏格兰威士忌直到深夜。
Gramercy:int.不得了!;多谢!; Scotch:vi.弄伤;制止转动;扑灭;镇压;n.刻痕; swank:n.出风头;虚张声势;vi.炫耀;出风头;adj.爱打扮的,华丽的;
And you got to pretend you were cool and smart and swank, too. 你要装作同样出色,聪明,华丽。
And you got to meet a bunch of editors and authors and agents at very, very fancy lunches and dinners. 你会在无比精美的午餐和晚宴中 会见一系列的编辑作家和经纪人。
a bunch of:一群;一束;一堆; fancy:n.幻想; adj.想象的; v.想象;
Ask me how fancy. 快问我多么精美。
Audience: How fancy? 观众:有多么精美?
Lidia Yuknavitch: I'm making a confession : I stole three linen napkins -- 我承认我从三个不同的饭店偷了三块
confession:n.忏悔,告解;供认; linen:n.亚麻布,亚麻线;亚麻制品;adj.亚麻的;亚麻布制的; napkins:n.餐巾;餐巾纸;(napkin的复数)
(Laughter) (笑声)
from three different restaurants. 亚麻餐巾。
And I shoved a menu down my pants. 我还在裤子里藏了一张菜单。
shoved:v.猛推;乱挤;推撞;乱放;(shove的过去分词和过去式)
(Laughter) (笑声)
I just wanted some keepsakes so that when I got home, 我只是想在我回家时还能看到一些我带回来的纪念品
keepsakes:n.纪念品;(keepsake的复数)
I could believe it had really happened to me. 让我相信我真的去过这里。
You know? 你明白么?
The three writers I wanted to meet were Carole Maso, Lynne Tillman and Peggy Phelan. 我想见的三位作家是 卡罗尔·马索,琳恩·蒂尔曼和佩吉·费伦。
These were not famous, best-selling authors, but to me, they were women-writer titans . 她们不算是最知名和畅销的作家, 但是我把她们奉若神明。
best-selling:adj.最畅销的;畅销作品的;n.畅销品; titans:n.泰坦巨神;(美)大力神Ⅱ型洲际导弹(Titan的复数);
Carole Maso wrote the book that later became my art bible . 卡罗尔·马索的书后来成为了我的艺术指导。
bible:n.有权威的书;
Lynne Tillman gave me permission to believe that there was a chance my stories could be part of the world. 琳恩·蒂尔曼给了我信心让我相信 将来我的故事会被世界上的人所知晓。
And Peggy Phelan reminded me that maybe my brains could be more important than my boobs . 佩吉·费伦则提醒我 我的头脑比胸部更加重要。
reminded:v.提醒;使想起;(remind的过去分词和过去式) boobs:n.乳房;胸部;笨蛋(boob的复数形式)
They weren't mainstream women writers, but they were cutting a path through the mainstream with their body stories, 她们不是主流女作家, 但是她们用自己的故事题材在主流文学中 独树一帜,
mainstream:n.主流;
I like to think, kind of the way water cut the Grand Canyon . 另辟蹊径。
Canyon:n.(周围有悬崖峭壁的)峡谷;(
It nearly killed me with joy to hang out with these three over-50-year-old women writers. 能和这三位 50多岁的女作家聊天快把我乐疯了。
hang out with:与…出去玩;与…闲逛;
And the reason it nearly killed me with joy is that I'd never known a joy like that. 因为我从来不知道 生活可以这么开心。
I'd never been in a room like that. 我的生活中从来没有打开过这样美好的一扇门。
My mother never went to college. 我的母亲没有上过大学。
And my creative career to that point was a sort of small, sad, stillborn thing. 从这一点来说我的创作生涯 本来就是一个很小的,卑微的,会胎死腹中的事。
creative:adj.创造性的; career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历; stillborn:adj.死胎的,生下来已死的;
So kind of in those first nights in New York I wanted to die there. 在纽约的前几天我希望就死在那里。
I was just like, "Kill me now. I'm good. This is beautiful." 我想说“杀了我吧。我要葬在这美好之中。”
Some of you in the room will understand what happened next. 接下来发生了什么屋子里的一些人会理解。
First, they took me to the offices of Farrar, Straus and Giroux. 首先,他们把我带到了法勒,斯特劳斯和吉鲁的办公室。
Farrar, Straus and Giroux was like my mega-dream press. 法勒,斯特劳斯和吉鲁是我的终极梦想出版社。
I mean, T.S. Eliot and Flannery O'Connor were published there. 艾略特的诗集和弗兰纳里·奥康纳的小说都在那里出版。
The main editor guy sat me down and talked to me for a long time, trying to convince me I had a book in me about my life as a swimmer. 主编让我坐下和我聊了很久, 一直在试图让我相信我写了一本关于 我自己是游泳运动员的书。
convince:v.使确信;使相信;说服,劝说;
You know, like a memoir . 就像用备忘录让我回忆一样。
memoir:n.回忆录;研究报告;自传;实录;
The whole time he was talking to me, 整个谈话期间
I sat there smiling and nodding like a numb idiot , with my arms crossed over my chest, while nothing, nothing, nothing came out of my throat. 我双手交叉在胸前不住地微笑和点头, 却一句话都不说, 麻木的像个傻子。
idiot:n.笨蛋,傻瓜;白痴;
So in the end, he patted me on the shoulder like a swim coach might. 最后他像一个游泳教练一样 拍了拍我的肩膀。
patted:轻拍;
And he wished me luck and he gave me some free books and he showed me out the door. 他祝我好运 送了我几本免费的书 请我出去了。
Next, they took me to the offices of W.W. Norton, where I was pretty sure I'd be escorted from the building just for wearing Doc Martens. 接下来他们让我去W.W.诺顿的办公室, 我以为穿了马腾斯博士靴的我 一定会有人陪同一起过去。
escorted:v.护卫;护送(escort的过去分词和过去式)
But that didn't happen. 但是并没有人陪我。
Being at the Norton offices felt like reaching up into the night sky and touching the moon while the stars stitched your name across the cosmos . 在诺顿的办公室里 就像身处洪荒,摘星揽月 群星闪烁在无尽的宇宙中编织着我的名字。
stitched:v.缝;缝补;缝合(伤口);(stitch的过去分词和过去式) cosmos:n.宇宙;和谐;秩序;大波斯菊;
I mean, that's how big a deal it was to me. 这是我人生中多么重大的一件事啊。
You get it? 你明白了么?
Their lead editor, Carol Houck Smith, leaned over right in my face with these beady , bright, fierce eyes and said, "Well, send me something then, immediately!" 他们的主编,卡罗尔·霍克史密斯, 靠在我面前闪烁着有神,明亮,犀利的目光 跟我说:“寄给我你的一些作品,马上!”
Carol:v.欢乐地歌唱;唱耶诞颂歌;n.颂歌,赞美诗;欢乐之歌; leaned:v.前俯后仰;倾斜;倚靠;使斜靠;(lean的过去分词和过去式) beady:adj.起泡的;饰有珠子的;晶亮如小珠的; fierce:adj.凶猛的;猛烈的;暴躁的;
See, now most people, especially TED people, would have run to the mailbox, right? 大部分人,尤其是来能TED的人 马上会去寄,对吧?
especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分;
It took me over a decade to even imagine putting something in an envelope and licking a stamp. 而我花了很久的时间来思考 要不要做这件事。
envelope:n.信封,封皮;包膜;[天]包层;包迹; licking:n.惨败,一败涂地;v.舔;舔吃;掠过;舔食;(lick的现在分词)
On the last night, 在最后一天晚上
I gave a big reading at the National Poetry Club. 我在全国诗歌俱乐部做了一场读书会。
Poetry:n.诗;诗意,诗情;诗歌艺术;
And at the end of the reading, 在读书会结束的时候,
Katharine Kidde of Kidde, Hoyt Picard Literary Agency , walked straight up to me and shook my hand and offered me representation , like, on the spot . 凯德公司的凯瑟琳·凯德和霍伊特与皮卡德文学社的人 径直走向我与我握手 当场让我做他们的代表
Agency:n.代理,中介;代理处,经销处; representation:n.表现;代表;描述;陈述 on the spot:adj.现场的;
I stood there and I kind of went deaf. 我像失聪了一样站在那里。
Has this ever happened to you? 这种事发生在各位身上过么?
And I almost started crying because all the people in the room were dressed so beautifully, and all that came out of my mouth was: "I don't know. I have to think about it." 我几乎要哭了出来 因为所有屋子里的人都如此华丽 然而我却只能说 “我不知道,我要再想想”那样的话。
And she said, "OK, then," and walked away. 她说:“当然。”然后离开了。
All those open hands out to me, that small, sad stone in my throat ... 尽管很多人伸来了橄榄枝我仍然如鲠在喉
You see, I'm trying to tell you something about people like me. 各位,我尽量告诉大家像我这样的人的感受。
Misfit people -- we don't always know how to hope or say yes or choose the big thing, even when it's right in front of us. 异类经常不知道怎样期待和回答 也不知道在大事面前如何选择。 哪怕它们就在我们面前。
It's a shame we carry. 这是我们身上的耻辱。
It's the shame of wanting something good. 这是想接受美好时就会有的耻辱。
It's the shame of feeling something good. 这是想感受美好时就会有的耻辱。
It's the shame of not really believing we deserve to be in the room with the people we admire. 这种耻辱让我们不敢相信我们应该和那些我们敬仰的人 站在同一个屋檐下。
deserve:vi.应受,应得;
If I could, I'd go back and I'd coach myself. 如果可以回到过去我要像那些
I'd be exactly like those over-50-year-old women who helped me. 50多岁的女人告诉我的那样告诫自己。
I'd teach myself how to want things, how to stand up, how to ask for them. 我要教自己去诉说我的需求, 站起来,要回属于我的东西。
I'd say, "You! Yeah, you! You belong in the room, too." 我会跟我自己说:“你!就是你!你应该在这个屋子里。”
The radiance falls on all of us, and we are nothing without each other. 只有和大家团结在一起, 每个人才是光芒四射的。
radiance:n.辐射;光辉;发光;容光焕发;
Instead, I flew back to Oregon , and as I watched the evergreens and rain come back into view, 可现实是,我飞回了俄勒冈, 看着窗外的雨拍打着常青树
Oregon:n.俄勒冈州(美国州名); evergreens:n.常青树(evergreen的复数);
I just drank many tiny bottles of airplane " feel sorry for yourself." 我不禁借酒浇愁。
airplane:n.飞机; feel sorry for:为感到难过;
I thought about how, if I was a writer, I was some kind of misfit writer. 我想就算我是一个作家我也只是作家中的异类。
What I'm saying is, 我想说,
I flew back to Oregon without a book deal, without an agent, and with only a headful and heart-ful of memories of having sat so near the beautiful writers. 我回到俄勒冈,没有签下一个书约, 没有经纪人同行, 有的只是满满的回忆。 我曾经和那些美丽的作家 离得那么近。
headful:n.头所能容纳的量;
Memory was the only prize I allowed myself. 回忆是我给自己的奖励。
And yet, at home in the dark, back in my underwear, 然后当我回到家的黑暗中, 穿回我的内衣,
I could still hear their voices. 我还能够听见她们的声音。
They said, "Don't listen to anyone who tries to get you to shut up or change your story." 她们说:“不要让任何试图让你闭嘴的人 改变你的故事。”
They said, "Give voice to the story only you know how to tell." 她们说:“表达只有你才知道的感受。”
They said, "Sometimes telling the story is the thing that saves your life." 她们说:“有时候写书可以 改变你的一生。”
Now I am, as you can see , the woman over 50. 现在,我也50多岁了。
as you can see:正如你所看到的;你是知道的;
And I'm a writer. 我是一个作家。
And I'm a mother. 我是一位母亲。
And I became a teacher. 我也成为了一名老师。
Guess who my favorite students are. 猜猜我最喜欢的学生是谁。
Although it didn't happen the day that dream letter came through my mailbox, 我写了一篇回忆录, 尽管不是从邮筒拿出信的
I did write a memoir, called "The Chronology of Water." 那一天写的, 叫做“似水年华”。
Chronology:n.年表;年代学;
In it are the stories of how many times I've had to reinvent a self from the ruins of my choices, the stories of how my seeming failures were really just weird-ass portals to something beautiful. 书里讲述的是我如何在人生选择的废墟中 重生的故事。 书里讲述的是那些我的失败如何奇迹般地 通向美好的故事。
reinvent:v.以新形象示人;以新形式出现; ruins:n.遗迹(ruin的复数形式);废墟;v.毁灭(ruin的三单形式); portals:n.门户网站;[建]入口;大门(portal的复数);
All I had to do was give voice to the story. 我要做的就是让大家听到我的故事。
There's a myth in most cultures about following your dreams. 每一种文化中都有追梦的神话,
myth:n.神话;虚构的人,虚构的事;
It's called the hero's journey . 大多数叫做英雄之路。
journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行;
But I prefer a different myth, that's slightly to the side of that or underneath it. 不过我更喜欢另一种神话, 一种过程不同, 不为人所知的神话,
prefer:v.更喜欢;宁愿;提出;提升; slightly:adv.些微地,轻微地;纤细地;
It's called the misfit's myth. 叫做异类的神话。
And it goes like this: even at the moment of your failure, right then, you are beautiful. 它是这样的: 即使那时候你失败了, 失败的你也是美好的。
You don't know it yet, but you have the ability to reinvent yourself endlessly . 你可能没有发觉 那个不断地 试图重生的你
endlessly:adv.不断地;无穷尽地;
That's your beauty. 是最美丽的。
You can be a drunk, you can be a survivor of abuse , you can be an ex-con , you can be a homeless person, you can lose all your money or your job or your husband or your wife, or the worst thing of all, a child. 你可以醉酒, 你可以从虐待中逃脱出来, 你可以有前科, 你可以无家可归, 你可以失去所有的钱,工作甚至另一半, 或者最难过的莫过于, 你失去了你的孩子,
abuse:n.滥用;虐待;辱骂;弊端;恶习,陋习;v.滥用;虐待;辱骂; ex-con:n.以前的罪犯;有前科者;
You can even lose your marbles . 甚至失去理智。
marbles:n.大理石; v.使…显得斑驳; (marble的第三人称单数和复数)
You can be standing dead center in the middle of your failure and still, I'm only here to tell you, you are so beautiful. 你站在失败的正中心, 此时我要告诉你, 你是那么美好。
Your story deserves to be heard, because you, you rare and phenomenal misfit, you new species , are the only one in the room who can tell the story the way only you would. 你的故事应该被大家听到 因为你是稀有的,是独特的,是独一无二的异类, 这个屋子里 只有你可以 用只有你才会的方式 来讲述你的故事。
deserves:v.值得;应得;应受;(deserve的第三人称单数) phenomenal:adj.现象的;显著的;异常的;能知觉的;惊人的,非凡的; species:n.[生物]物种;种类;
And I'd be listening. 而我会静静地聆听。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) (掌声)