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LBHannahs_2017X-_当变性爸爸是什么滋味_
So the other morning I went to the grocery store and an employee greeted me with a "Good morning, sir, can I help you with anything?" 有天早上,我去一间杂货店, 一位员工和我打招呼, 说:「早安,先生, 有什么我能协助您的吗？」
grocery:n.食品杂货店;食品杂货;
I said, "No, thanks, I'm good." 我说:「不用,没关系,我不需要。」
The person smiled and we went our separate ways. 他微笑一下, 我们就各自做各自的事了。
I grabbed Cheerios and I left the grocery store. 我买了早餐谷片（Cheerios）后, 离开了杂货店。
grabbed:v.抓住;攫取;抓住,夺得;(grab的过去分词和过去式)
And I went through the drive-through of a local coffee shop . 接着我开车到 本地咖啡店的得来速车道。
drive-through:n.乘车穿过;驱车穿越;adj.免下车的;得来速式; coffee shop:na.咖啡店;(一般的)小餐馆;
After I placed my order, the voice on the other end said, "Thank you, ma'am. Drive right around." 我点好餐之后,另一端的声音说: 「谢谢您,女士,请开过来。」
Now, in the span of less than an hour, 在不到一小时的时间内,
span:n.持续时间; v.持续;
I was understood both as a "sir" and as a "ma'am." 我被认为是「先生」及「女士」。
But for me, neither of these people are wrong, but they're also not completely right. 但对我来说, 这两个人都没有错, 但他们也没有完全正确。
This cute little human is my almost-two-year-old Elliot. 这个可爱的小家伙, 是我的艾略特,快要两岁了。
Yeah, alright. 是的,没错。
And over the past two years, this kid has forced me to rethink the world and how I participate in it. 在过去两年间, 这个孩子迫使我重新思考这个世界, 及我要如何参与其中。
rethink:v.重新考虑;再想;n.重新考虑;反思;新想法; participate:v.参加;参与;
I identify as transgender and as a parent, that makes me a transparent . 我是变性人（transgender） 也是家长 （parent）,
identify:v.识别:鉴定:确认:发现: transgender:n.跨性别;跨性别者; transparent:adj.透明的;显然的;坦率的;易懂的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
(Applause) （掌声）
(Cheering) （欢呼）
(Applause) （掌声）
As you can see , I took this year's theme super literal . 你们可以发现,我完全取用了 今年 TED 主题的字面意思。
As you can see:正如你所看到的;你是知道的; literal:adj.文字的;逐字的;无夸张的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Like any good dad joke should. 老爸笑话本来就该如此。
More specifically , I identify as genderqueer. 更明确来说,我是性别酷儿,
specifically:adv.特别地;明确地;
And there are lots of ways to experience being genderqueer, but for me that means I don't really identify as a man or a woman. 而身为性别酷儿的体验有很多种, 但对我来说,那就意味着 我不被视为男人或女人。
I feel in between and sometimes outside of this gender binary . 我感觉身在两性中间, 有时还觉得在两性之外。
binary:adj.[数]二进制的;二元的,二态的;
And being outside of this gender binary means that sometimes I get " sired " and "ma'amed" 而身在两性之外, 就意味着,我只是出门做例行事项,
sired:v.(种马等雄性动物)生殖,繁殖;成为父亲;(sire的过去分词和过去式)
in the span of less than an hour when I'm out doing everyday things like getting Cheerios. 有时也会在不到一小时中, 被称为「先生」及「女士」。 但我走在中间这线道上 才感到最舒适。
But this in between lane is where I'm most comfortable. 但我走在中间这线道上 才感到最舒适。
lane:n.车道;小巷;泳道;胡同;
This space where I can be both a sir and a ma'am feels the most right and the most authentic . 在这个空间中,我可以 既是先生也是女士, 这是我觉得最对也最真实的空间。
authentic:adj.真正的,真实的;可信的;
But it doesn't mean that these interactions aren't uncomfortable. 但那并不表示这些互动是舒服的。
interactions:n.[计]交互,相互作用;相互交流;干扰;(interaction复数)
Trust me, the discomfort can range from minor annoyance to feeling physically unsafe . 相信我,不舒服的范围 可以从小小的烦扰感 到实际觉得不安全。
discomfort:n.不适,不安;不便之处;vt.使…不舒服;使…不安; minor:adj.未成年的; n.未成年人; vi.副修; annoyance:n.烦恼;可厌之事;打扰; unsafe:adj.不安全的;危险的;不安稳的;
Like the time at a bar in college when a bouncer physically removed me by the back of the neck and threw me out of a woman's restroom. 比如,大学时,有次在酒吧里, 有位保镖从我脖子后面抓我, 直接把我拖出女厕。
bouncer:n.保镖;巨大的东西;跳跃的人;吹牛者;
But for me, authenticity doesn't mean "comfortable." 但对我来说, 真实并不表示「舒服」。
authenticity:n.真实性,确实性;可靠性;
It means managing and negotiating the discomfort of everyday life, even at times when it's unsafe. 它意味着,要处理和协调 日常生活中的不舒服, 即使是在不安全的时候。
negotiating:v.谈判;磋商;协商;商定;达成协议;(negotiate的现在分词)
And it wasn't until my experience as a trans person collided with my new identity as a parent that I understood the depth of my vulnerabilities and how they are preventing me from being my most authentic self. 一直到我身为变性者的经验 和我作为家长的新身份产生冲突时, 我才知道我的脆弱有多深, 以及脆弱如何让我无法 做最真实的自己。
collided:v.碰撞,冲突(collide的过去分词); identity:n.身份;同一性,一致;特性;恒等式; vulnerabilities:n.缺陷(vulnerability的复数形式);脆弱点;
Now, for most people, what their child will call them is not something that they give much thought to outside of culturally specific words or variations on a gendered theme like "mama," "mommy," or "daddy," "papa." 对大部分人来说, 他们的孩子要如何称呼他们, 是不用多想的事情, 用文化上很明确的用词即可, 或性别称谓的其他同义词, 如「妈妈」、「妈咪」、 「爹地」、「爸爸」。
give much thought to:把某种因素考虑进去; culturally:adv.从文化角度,文化意义上;在人文学方面; variations:n.变奏曲,变更;[生物]变种(variation的复数形式); gendered:adj.依照性别而分类的;
But for me, the possibility is what this child, who will grow to be a teenager and then a real-life adult, will call me for the rest of our lives, was both extremely scary and exciting. 但对我来说, 这个孩子将来也会长大 成为青少年,成为成人, 而在我们接下来的生命中, 他会如何称呼我, 非常让人害怕,却也让人兴奋。
real-life:adj.现实的;实在的; extremely:adv.非常,极其;极端地;
And I spent nine months wrestling with the reality that being called "mama" 我花了九个月的时间, 为了「妈妈」这件事挣扎,
wrestling:n.摔跤运动;v.摔跤;奋力对付;全力解决;(wrestle的现在分词)
or something like it didn't feel like me at all. 类似这类的事, 让我觉得完全不像自己。
And no matter how many times or versions of "mom" I tried, it always felt forced and deeply uncomfortable. 不论我试过多少次, 换过多少版本的「妈妈」, 感觉就是很生硬, 且有种深深的不舒服。
I knew being called "mom" or "mommy" would be easier to digest for most people. 我知道对多数人,被称为「妈妈」 或「妈咪」会比较容易消化。
digest:n.摘要;文摘;概要;汇编;v.消化;领会;领悟;理解;
The idea of having two moms is not super novel , especially where we live. 有两个妈妈并不是非常新奇的事, 特别是在我们住的地方。
novel:adj.新奇的;异常的;n.小说; especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分;
So I tried other words. 所以,我试了其他的用词。
And when I played around with "daddy," it felt better. 当我用「爹地」胡闹着玩时, 感觉是比较好。
Better, but not perfect. 比较好,但不完美。
It felt like a pair of shoes that you really liked but you needed to wear and break in. 感觉就像一双你真的很喜欢的鞋子, 但你得穿它、适应它。
And I knew the idea of being a female-born person being called "daddy" 我知道因为我出生是女生, 要被称为「爹地」
was going to be a harder road with a lot more uncomfortable moments. 会是很艰辛的路, 且必然会有很多不舒服的时刻。
But, before I knew it, the time had come and Elliot came screaming into the world, like most babies do, and my new identity as a parent began. 但是不知不觉间,时间就到了, 艾略特就像大部分的 宝宝一样,呱呱落地, 而我身为家长的新身份就开始了。
I decided on becoming a daddy, and our new family faced the world. 我决定要当爹地, 我们的新家庭要面对这个世界。
Now one of the most common things that happens when people meet us is for people to "mom" me. 当大家遇到我们的时候, 最常发生的状况是 他们会称我为「妈」。
And when I get "momed", there are several ways the interaction can go, and I've drawn this map to help illustrate my options . 当我被称为「妈」时, 接下来的互动会有几种可能状况, 我画了张地图协助说明我的选项。
illustrate:v.解释;加插图于;给(书等)做图表;表明…真实; options:n.选择; v.得到或获准进行选择; (option的三单形式)
(Laughter) （笑声）
So, option one is to ignore the assumption and allow folks to continue to refer to me as "mom," 选项一是无视这个假设, 让大家继续把我称为「妈」,
ignore:v.驳回诉讼;忽视;不理睬; assumption:n.假定;设想;担任;采取; refer:v.参考;涉及;提到;查阅;
which is not awkward for the other party, but is typically really awkward for us. 这样对方并不会觉得尴尬, 但尴尬的通常是我们。
awkward:adj.尴尬的;笨拙的;棘手的;不合适的; typically:adv.代表性地;作为特色地;
And it usually causes me to restrict my interaction with those people. 且这会造成我没那么想和那些人互动。
restrict:v.限制;约束;阻碍;束缚;
Option one. 选项一。
Option two is to stop and correct them and say something like, "Actually, I'm Elliot's dad" or "Elliot calls me 'daddy.'" 选项二是停下来,指正他们, 说类似这样的话: 「其实,我是艾略特的爸爸。」 或「艾略特称我为『爹地』。」
And when I do this, one or two of the following things happen. 当我这么做时, 下面的这些事有可能会发生。
Folks take it in stride and say something like, "Oh, OK." 对方从容应对,说:「喔,好。」
stride:n.大步;步幅;进展;v.跨过;大踏步走过;跨坐在…;
And move on. 就继续聊下去。
Or they respond by apologizing profusely because they feel bad or awkward or guilty or weird . 或是他们会再三道歉, 因为他们感觉很糟、 很尴尬、很罪恶,或很怪。
respond:vi.回答;作出反应;承担责任;n.应答;唱和; profusely:adv.丰富地; guilty:adj.有罪的;内疚的; weird:adj.奇怪的;奇异的;离奇的;n.命运;宿命;命运女神;
But more often, what happens is folks get really confused and look up with an intense look and say something like, "Does this mean you want to transition ? 但通常,会发生的是, 对方感到十分困惑, 表情会很紧绷, 接着说类似这样的话: 「这表示你想要变性吗？
confused:adj.困惑的; v.使糊涂; (confuse的过去分词和过去式) intense:adj.强烈的;紧张的;非常的;热情的; transition:n.过渡;转变;变革;变迁;v.经历转变过程;过渡;
Do you want to be a man?" 你想要当男人？」
Or say things like, "How can she be a father? 或是说: 「她怎么能当父亲？
Only men can be dads." 只有男人才能当爹地。」
Well, option one is oftentimes the easier route . 选项一通常是比较简单的路。
oftentimes:adv.时常地; route:n.路线;路途;固定线路;途径;v.按某路线发送;
Option two is always the more authentic one. 选项二是则向来都是比较真实的。
And all of these scenarios involve a level of discomfort, even in the best case. 以上所有情境, 都带有一定程度的不舒服, 在最好的状况下也一样。
scenarios:n.情节;脚本;情景介绍(scenario的复数); involve:v.包含;需要;牵涉;牵连;影响;(使)参加;
And I'll say that over time, my ability to navigate this complicated map has gotten easier. 随着时间过去,我使用 这张复杂地图找方向的能力 有变得比较容易。
navigate:vt.驾驶,操纵;使通过;航行于;vi.航行,航空; complicated:adj.复杂的;难懂的;v.使复杂化;(complicate的过去分词和过去式)
But the discomfort is still there. 但仍然会有不舒服。
Now, I won't stand here and pretend like I've mastered this, it's pretty far from it. 我不会站在这里假装 我已经精通了窍门,还远得很。
And there are days when I still allow option one to take place because option two is just too hard or too risky. 还是有些时候,我会让选项一发生, 只因为选项二实在 太困难或太冒险了。
take place:发生;举行;
There's no way to be sure of anyone's reaction , and I want to be sure that folks have good intentions , that people are good. 没办法确定任何人的反应会是什么。 而我想要确定大家有好的意圆, 大家是好人。
to be sure:诚然;的确;哎呀(表惊奇); reaction:n.反应,感应;反动,复古;反作用; intentions:n.目的,意向,意图;打算;(intention的复数)
But we live in a world where someone's opinion of my existence can be met with serious threats to me or even my family's emotional or physical safety. 但在我们所居住的世界, 某些人对我的存在会有意见, 这会对我造成严重的威胁, 甚至会威胁到我家人的 情绪或实体安全,
emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的; physical:adj.[物]物理的;身体的;物质的;符合自然法则的;n.体格检查;
So I weigh the costs against the risks and sometimes the safety of my family comes before my own authenticity. 所以我权衡了风险和成本, 且有时我家人的安全比 我自己的真实性更重要。
But despite this risk, 但尽管有这样的风险,
despite:prep.尽管,不管;n.轻视;憎恨;侮辱;
I know as Elliot gets older and grows into her consciousness and language skills, if I don't correct people, she will. 我知道当艾略特长大些, 开始有意识且学会语言技巧之后, 若我不去指正别人,她也会去做。
consciousness:n.意识;知觉;觉悟;感觉;
I don't want my fears and insecurities to be placed on her, to dampen her spirit or make her question her own voice. 我不希望我的恐惧和 不安全感被加诸在她身上, 让她意志消沉,或是 让她质疑她自己的声音。
insecurities:n.不安全;不牢靠;无把握;心神不定; dampen:vt.抑制;使…沮丧;使…潮湿;vi.潮湿;丧气;
I need to model agency , authenticity and vulnerability , and that means leaning into those uncomfortable moments of being "momed" 我得要示范出能动性、 真实性,和脆弱性, 而那就意味着要去接触那些 被称为「妈」的不舒服时刻,
agency:n.代理,中介;代理处,经销处; vulnerability:n.易损性;弱点; leaning:n.倾向;偏向;爱好;v.前俯(或后仰);倾斜;倚靠;(lean的现在分词)
and standing up and saying, "No, I'm a dad. 并站出来说:「不,我是爸爸。
And I even have the dad jokes to prove it." 我甚至会说爸爸笑话,可以当证明。」
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, there have already been plenty of uncomfortable moments and even some painful ones. 我已经遇过了许多不舒服的时刻, 但在我当爸爸的这短短两年中,
painful:adj.痛苦的;疼痛的;令人不快的;
But there's also been, in just two short years, validating and at times transformative moments on my journey as a dad and my path towards authenticity. 但在我当爸爸的这短短两年中, 这是我迈向真实性的路。
validating:n.确认;adj.确认的;有效的;v.验证(validate的ing形式);确认; transformative:adj.变化的,变形的;有改革能力的; journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行;
When we got our first sonogram , we decided we wanted to know the sex of the baby. 看到第一张超音波图时, 我们决定想要知道宝宝的性别。
sonogram:n.声波图;声谱记录;语图;
The technician saw a vulva and slapped the words "It's a girl" 技师看到阴部,把「是女孩」 这几个字打在萤幕上,
technician:n.技术员;技师;(艺术、体育等的)技巧精湛者; vulva:n.阴户;[解剖]女阴;孔; slapped:v.(用手掌)打,拍,掴;随意扔放;(slap的过去分词和过去式)
on the screen and gave us a copy and sent us on our way. 给我们一份复本,就让我们走了。
We shared the photo with our families like everyone does and soon after, my mom showed up at our house with a bag filled -- 就和一般人一样, 我们把这照片和家人分享, 没多久,我妈妈带着一个袋子 来我们家,装满了──
I'm not exaggerating , it was like this high and it was filled, overflowing with pink clothes and toys. 我没誇饰, 它大概有这么高,装得满满的, 全是粉红的衣服和玩具。
exaggerating:v.夸张;夸大;言过其实(exaggerate的现在分词) overflowing:adj.过剩的;充满的;v.漫出;溢出;挤满了人;过度延伸;(overflow的现在分词)
Now I was a little annoyed to be confronted with a lot of pink things, and having studied gender and spent countless hours teaching about it in workshops and classrooms, 面对一大堆粉红色的东西, 其实让我感到有点烦, 我研究过性别, 也在研讨会和教室教性别, 投入无数个小时,
annoyed:adj.恼怒;生气;烦恼;v.使恼怒;使生气;打扰;骚扰(annoy的过去分词和过去式) confronted:v.使…无法回避;降临于;处理;面对;对抗;(confront的过去分词和过去式) countless:adj.无数的;数不尽的; workshops:n.工作坊,[工业]车间;研习会,讲习班(workshop的复数形式);
I thought I was pretty well versed on the social construction of gender and how sexism is a devaluing of the feminine and how it manifests both explicitly and implicitly . 我以为我很了解性别的社会建构, 以及性别主义如何贬低女性, 以及它用什么方式显现, 包括内在以及外在。
versed:adj.精通的;熟练的; construction:n.建设;建筑物;解释;造句; sexism:n.(针对女性的)性别歧视;男性至上主义; devaluing:vt.使贬值;降低…的价值;vi.贬值; feminine:adj.女性的;妇女(似)的;阴性的;娇柔的; manifests:vt.证明,表明; vi.显示,出现; n.载货单,货单; adj.显然的,明显的; explicitly:adv.明确地;明白地; implicitly:adv.含蓄地;暗中地;
But this situation, this aversion to a bag full of pink stuff , forced me to explore my rejection of highly feminized things in my child's world. 但在这个情况下, 对一大袋粉红物品的反感, 迫使我去探究我 对于我孩子的世界中 那些高度女性化的物品的排拒。
aversion:n.厌恶;讨厌的人; stuff:n.东西:物品:基本特征:v.填满:装满:标本: explore:v.探索:探测:探险: rejection:n.抛弃;拒绝;被抛弃的东西;盖帽; highly:adv.高度地;非常;非常赞许地; feminized:v.(使)女性化;[生](使)雌性化;(feminized是feminize的过去分词);
I realized that I was reinforcing sexism and the cultural norms I teach as problematic . 我发现我反而是在增援那些我教学时 说有问题的事物: 性别主义以及文化标准。
reinforcing:vt.加强(reinforce的ing形式); norms:n.[标准]标准,规范;基准(norm复数形式); problematic:adj.问题的;有疑问的;不确定的;
No matter how much I believed in gender neutrality in theory, in practice , the absence of femininity is not neutrality, it's masculinity . 不论我多么相信理论上的性别中立, 在实际上,缺乏女性化并不是 表示中性,而是表示男性化。
neutrality:n.中立;中性;中立立场; in practice:在实践中;实际上,事实上; absence:n.没有;缺乏;缺席;不注意; femininity:n.温柔;柔弱性;女子本性; masculinity:n.男性;男子气;刚毅;
If I only dress my baby in greens and blues and grays, the outside world doesn't think, "Oh, that's a cute gender-neutral baby." 如果我只让我的宝宝穿 绿色、蓝色,以及灰色, 外在世界并不会认为:「喔, 那是个很可爱的性别中性宝宝。」
gender-neutral:adj.性别中立的;不分性别的;
They think, "Oh, what a cute boy." 他们会想:「喔,好可爱的男孩。」
So my theoretical understanding of gender and my parenting world collided hard. 所以,我对于性别理论的了解 和我教养子女的世界用力地相撞。
theoretical:adj.理论的;理论上的;假设的;推理的;
Yes, I want a diversity of colors and toys for my child to experience. 是的,我希望我的孩子 能体验到多样化的颜色和玩具。
diversity:n.差异(性):多样性:多样化:
I want a balanced environment for her to explore and make sense of in her own way. 我希望她去探索的 是一个平衡的环境, 让她用自己的方式去理解。
make sense of:搞清…的意思;
We even picked a gender-neutral name for our female-born child. 我们甚至为出生为女性的孩子 挑了一个中性的名字。
But gender neutrality is much easier as a theoretical endeavor than it is as a practice. 但要做到性别中性, 在理论上比实际上容易得多。
endeavor:n.v.努力;尽力;试图;
And in my attempts to create gender neutrality, 而在我试图创造性别中性的过程中,
attempts:n.企图,试图;尝试(attempt的复数);v.试图;努力去做(attempt的三单形式);
I was inadvertently privileging masculinity over femininity. 我不经意就会偏袒 男性化多于女性化。
inadvertently:adj.非故意地,无心地; privileging:n.特权; v.给…以特权; (privilege的现在分词);
So, rather than toning down or eliminating femininity in our lives, we make a concerted effort to celebrate it. 所以,我们不是将我们生活中的 女性成份给降低或消除, 而是同心协力去赞颂它。
toning:v.使更健壮;使更有力;与…协调;(tone的现在分词) eliminating:v.排除;清除;消除;淘汰;(eliminate的现在分词)
We have pinks among the variety of colors, we balance out the cutes with handsomes and the prettys with strongs and smarts and work really hard not to associate any words with gender. 我们有各种颜色,当中也有粉红色, 我们在可爱和帅气间找到平衡, 在美丽和强壮与聪明间找到平衡, 并非常努力不要把 字词和性别拉上关系。
variety:n.多样;种类;杂耍;变化,多样化; cutes:adj.可爱的;漂亮的;聪明的,伶俐的; strongs:用法,发音,音标,搭配,同义词,反义词和例句等在线英语服务。; associate:v.联合:联想:交往:adj.非正式的:副的:联合的:n.伙伴:同事:
We value femininity and masculinity while also being highly critical of it. 我们重视女性气质以及男子气概, 同时对此也非常吹毛求疵。
critical:adj.鉴定的;[核]临界的;批评的,爱挑剔的;危险的;决定性的;评论的;
And do our best to not make her feel limited by gender roles. 我们尽力不让她觉得 会受到性别角色的限制。
limited:adj.有限的; n.高级快车; v.限制; (limit的过去分词和过去式)
And we do all this in hopes that we model a healthy and empowered relationship with gender for our kid. 我们做这一切的目的, 是希望成为我们孩子的榜样, 展现健康且有自主权的关系。
empowered:v.授权;给(某人)…的权力;(empower的过去分词和过去式)
Now this work to develop a healthy relationship with gender for Elliot made me rethink and evaluate how I allowed sexism to manifest in my own gender identity. 为了艾略特,我们努力 与性别建立健康的关系, 这么做让我重新思考 和评估我要如何让性别主义 在我自己的性别身分中呈现。
evaluate:v.评价;评估;估计;
I began to reevaluate how I was rejecting femininity in order to live up to a masculinity that was not healthy or something I wanted to pass on. 我开始重新评估我如何抗拒女性特质, 只为了坚持不健康的男子气概, 或是我想要传递的讯息。
reevaluate:vt.再评估;重新估计;vi.再评估;重新估计; rejecting:v.拒绝接受;拒收;不录用;不出售,不出版;(reject的现在分词) live up to:不辜负;做到;实践;
Doing this self-work meant I had to reject option one. 进行这项自我功课 就意味着我得放弃选项一。
I couldn't ignore and move on. 我不能当作没事就继续下去。
I had to choose option two. 我得要选择选项二。
I had to engage with some of my most uncomfortable parts to move towards my most authentic self. 我得要面对一些 让我觉得最不舒服的部分, 才能朝向我最真实的自己前进。
engage:v.吸引,占用;使参加;雇佣;使订婚;预定;
And that meant I had to get real about the discomfort I have with my body. 那就表示,我得要实际点, 面对我对我身体的不舒服。
It's pretty common for trans people to feel uncomfortable in their body, and this discomfort can range from debilitating to annoying and everywhere in between. 对变性人来说,对自己的身体 感到不舒服是很常见的状况。 这种不舒服, 从无力感到厌烦感都有, 以及两者间的范围。
debilitating:adj.使衰弱的;v.使虚弱(debilitate的ing形式); annoying:adj.烦人的;使生气的;使烦恼的;v.使生气;打扰;骚扰;(annoy的现在分词)
And learning my body and how to be comfortable in it as a trans person has been a lifelong journey. 了解我的身体及如何舒适地 处在其中,扮演变性人的角色, 是一生的漫长旅程。
I've always struggled with the parts of my body that can be defined as more feminine -- my chest, my hips , my voice. 对于我身体上被定义为 比较女性化的部分, 总是让我很挣扎── 我的胸部、臀部、声音。
struggled:v.奋斗;努力;争取;艰难地行进;抗争;(struggle的过去式和过去分词) defined:adj.有定义的,确定的; v.使明确; hips:n.臀部;髋;臀部…的;野蔷薇果(hip的复数)
And I've made the sometimes hard, sometimes easy decision to not take hormones or have any surgeries to change it to make myself more masculine by society's standards . 我做了个有时困难、有时简单的决定, 就是不要用贺尔蒙或手术来做改变, 来让我更符合社会的男性化标准。
hormones:n.[生理]激素;荷尔蒙;性激素;荷尔蒙制剂(hormone的复数); surgeries:n.外科手术(surgery复数); masculine:adj.男性的;阳性的;男子气概的;n.男性;阳性,阳性词; standards:n.标准,水平,规格(standard的复数)
And while I certainly haven't overcome all the feelings of dissatisfaction , 虽然我肯定还没有 克服所有不满的感受,
overcome:vt.克服;胜过;vi.克服;得胜; dissatisfaction:n.不满;令人不满的事物;
I realized that by not engaging with that discomfort and coming to a positive and affirming place with my body, 但我了解到,若不去面对那种不舒服 并找到正面、肯定的方式 看待我的身体,
engaging:adj.有趣的; v.吸引住(注意力、兴趣); (engage的现在分词) positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片; affirming:v.肯定属实;申明;断言(affirm的现在分词)
I was reinforcing sexism, transphobia and modeling body shaming. 反而是在助长性别主义、 跨性别恐惧症、以及示范身体羞辱。
transphobia:对变性者的恐惧;
If I hate my body, in particular , the parts society deems feminine or female , 如果我讨厌我的身体, 特别是被社会视为 阴柔或女性化的部分,
in particular:尤其,特别; deems:vt.认为,视作;相信;vi.认为,持某种看法;作某种评价; female:adj.女性的;雌性的;柔弱的,柔和的;n.女人;[动]雌性动物;
I potentially damage how my kid can see the possibilities of her body and her feminine and female parts. 我可能就会让我的孩子 无法好好看见她的身体、 以及她阴柔或女性化的部分, 具有什么样的可能性。
potentially:adv.可能地,潜在地;
If I hate or am uncomfortable with my body, how can I expect my kid to love hers? 如果我讨厌我的身体 或对它感到不舒服, 我怎能期望我的孩子会爱她的身体？
Now it would be easier for me to choose option one: to ignore my kid when she asks me about my body or to hide it from her. 对我来说,选择选项一 是比较容易的: 若我的孩子问我关于我身体的问题, 不理会她或是对她隐瞒。
But I have to choose option two every day. 但我每天都得要选择选项二。
I have to confront my own assumptions about what a dad's body can and should be. 我得正视我对于父亲的身体可以 或应该是什么样子所做的假设。
assumptions:n.假定;假设;承担;获得;(assumption的复数)
So I work every day to try and be more comfortable in this body and in the ways I express femininity. 所以我每天都努力尝试, 对这具身体以及我的女性化表现 感到更舒适一些,
express:v.表达; adj.特快的; n.特快列车; v.使用快速服务;
So I talk about it more, 所以我更常去谈它,
I explore the depths of this discomfort and find language that I feel comfortable with. 我更深入去探索这种不舒服, 并找到我觉得舒服的表达方式。
And this daily discomfort helps me build both agency and authenticity in how show up in my body and in my gender. 这种日常的不舒服,协助我 针对如何呈现我的身体及 我的性别,建立能动性和真实性。
I'm working against limiting myself. 我在努力不要限制我自己。
I want to show her that a dad can have hips, a dad doesn't have to have a perfectly flat chest or even be able to grow facial hair. 我想要让她知道, 爸爸也可以有臀部, 爸爸不一定要有非常平坦的胸部, 甚至不用有胡子。
facial:adj.面部的,表面的;脸的,面部用的;n.美容,美颜;脸部按摩;
And when she's developmentally able to, 当她发育够成熟之后,
developmentally:adv.发育地;
I want to talk to her about my journey with my body. 我想要和她谈我身体的这段旅程。
I want her to see my journey towards authenticity even when it means showing her the messier parts. 我想要她了解 我朝向真实性前进的旅程, 即使那意味着要 让她看到比较糟的部分。
messier:较肮脏的;较散乱的(messy的比较级);
We have a wonderful pediatrician and have established a good relationship with our kid's doctor. 我们有个很棒的小儿科医生, 我们也和我们孩子的医生 建立了很好的关系。
pediatrician:n.儿科医师(等于pediatrist); established:adj.已确立的;著名的;v.建立;创立;设立;(establish的过去分词和过去式)
And as you all know, while your doctor stays the same, your nurses and nurse practitioners change in and out. 你们都知道,虽然医生是同一位, 但护士和执業护士的流动率很高。
practitioners:n.实践者;开业者;实习者(practitioner的复数);
And when Elliot was first born, we took her to the pediatrician and we met our first nurse -- we'll call her Sarah. 当艾略特刚出生时, 我们带她去看小儿科医生, 我们遇到了第一位护士── 我们叫她莎菈。
Very early in in our time with Sarah, we told her how I was going to be called "dad" 在我们和莎菈互动的很早期, 我们就告诉她我会被称为「爸爸」,
and my partner is "mama." 我的另一半是「妈妈」。
Sarah was one of those folks that took it in stride, and our subsequent visits went pretty smoothly . 莎菈是属于那种从容接受的人, 我们后续的造访就都很顺利。
subsequent:adj.后来的,随后的; smoothly:adv.平稳地,平滑地;流畅地,流利地;
And about a year later, Sarah switched shifts and we started working with a new nurse -- we'll call her Becky . 大约一年后,莎菈换班了, 我们开始要面对一个 新的护士──我们叫她贝琪。
shifts:n.转移; v.转移; (shift的第三人称单数) Becky:n.上挂钩;
We didn't get in front of the dad conversations and it didn't actually come up until Sarah, our original nurse, walked in to say hi. 我们并没有主动谈爸爸的事, 直到有一次原本的护士莎菈 走进来打招呼时, 莎菈很温暖很活泼, 和艾略特、我,和我妻子说嗨,
original:n.原件;原作;原物;原型;adj.原始的;最初的;独创的;新颖的;
Sarah's warm and bubbly and said hi to Elliot and me and my wife and when talking to Elliot said something like, "Is your daddy holding your toy?" 莎菈很温暖很活泼, 和艾略特、我,和我妻子说嗨, 她跟艾略特说了类似这样的话: 「你的爹地拿的是你的玩具吗？」
bubbly:adj.起泡的;多泡的;n.香槟酒;
Now out of the corner of my eye, 我从眼角余光可以看到
I could see Becky swing around in her chair and make daggers at Sarah. 坐着的贝琪突然转向, 怒目看着莎菈。
daggers:n.匕首(dagger的复数);短剑;v.用短剑刺(dagger的第三人称单数);
And as the conversation shifted to our pediatrician, 当对谈转到小儿科医生那边时,
shifted:转移;移动(shift的过去式和过去分词);
I saw Sarah and Becky's interaction continue, and it went something like this. 我看见莎菈和贝琪的互动持续着, 状况类似这样。
Becky, shaking her head "no" and mouthing the word "mom." 贝琪摇头表示「不」, 嘴型说的是「妈妈」。
Sarah, shaking her head "no" and mouthing the word "no, dad." 莎菈摇头表示「不」, 嘴型说的是「不,爸爸」。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Awkward, right? 很尴尬,对吧？
So this went back and forth in total silence a few more times until we walked away. 这样完全沉默地来来回回了几次, 直到我们离开。
back and forth:前后移动的,来回的,反复的;
Now, this interaction has stuck with me. 我无法忘怀这段互动。
Sarah could have chosen option one, ignored Becky, and let her refer to me as mom. 莎菈可以选择选项一, 不理会贝琪,就让她称为我妈妈。
ignored:v.忽视;对…不予理会;佯装未见;不予理睬;(ignore的过去分词和过去式)
It would have been easier for Sarah. 那对莎菈来说会比较容易。
She could have put the responsibility back on me or not said anything at all. 她本来应该把责任丢回来给我, 什么都不用多说。
But in that moment, she chose option two. 但在那一刻,她选择了选项二。
She chose to confront the assumptions and affirm my existence. 她选择勇敢面对那样的假设, 并肯定我的存在。
She insisted that a person who looks and sounds like me can in fact be a dad. 她坚持看起来、听起来 像我这样的人, 其实是可以当爸爸的。
And in a small but meaningful way, advocated for me, my authenticity and my family. 她以一种虽微小但有意义的方式 为我发声,为我的 真实性和我的家庭发声。
meaningful:adj.严肃的;重要的;重大的;意味深长的; advocated:vt.提倡,主张,拥护;n.提倡者;支持者;律师;
Unfortunately , we live in a world that refuses to acknowledge trans people and the diversity of trans people in general . 不幸的是,我们所居住的 世界拒绝承认变性人 一般来说, 也拒绝承认变性人的多样性。
Unfortunately:adv.不幸地; in general:总之,通常;一般而言;
And my hope is that when confronted with an opportunity to stand up for someone else, we all take action like Sarah, even when there's risk involved . 我的愿望是,当遇到可以为他人 站出来的机会时, 我们都能像莎菈一样 采取行动,即使会有风险。
stand up for:支持,坚持;拥护; involved:adj.有关的; v.涉及; (involve的过去式和过去分词)
So some days, the risk of being a genderqueer dad feels too much. 有些时候,身为性别酷儿 爸爸的风险让我难以承受。
And deciding to be a dad has been really hard. 决定要当爸爸也是一件很困难的事。
And I'm sure it will continue to be the hardest, yet the most rewarding experience of my life. 我相信这决定也会一直是最困难的, 但这却会是我人生中最有报酬的经验。
rewarding:adj.有益的;值得做的;报酬高的;v.奖励;奖赏;给以报酬;(reward的现在分词)
But despite this challenge, every day has felt 100 percent worth it. 尽管很有挑战,我仍然 觉得每天都 100% 值得。
So each day I affirm my promise to Elliot and that same promise to myself. 所以,每天我对艾略特做出承诺, 也正是我对我自己的承诺。
To love her and myself hard with forgiveness and compassion , with tough love and with generosity . 要努力去爱她以及爱我自己, 带着宽恕和同理心, 带着严厉的爱以及慷慨。
forgiveness:n.宽恕;原谅;宽宏大量 compassion:n.同情;怜悯; tough love:n.严厉的爱(为帮助而严厉对待有问题的人); generosity:n.慷慨,大方;宽宏大量;
To give room for growth, to push beyond comfort in hopes of attaining and living a more meaningful life. 给予成长的空间,走出舒适圈, 希望能够达成并过着更有意义的人生。
attaining:v.获得,得到;达到;(attain的现在分词)
I know in my head and in my heart that there are hard and painful and uncomfortable days ahead. 我的大脑和我的心都知道, 未来还有困难、痛苦、 不舒服的日子在等着。
My head and my heart also know that all of it will lead to a more rich, authentic life that I can look back on without regrets. 我的大脑和我的心也知道, 这一切终将会引我们 到更丰富、更真实的人生, 让我回头看时,也不会有遗憾。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）