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JuneTangney_2021C-_羞耻和内疚的区别_
[How to Deal with Difficult Feelings] 【如何处理困难的情绪】
[What's the difference between shame and guilt?] 【羞耻和内疚的区别是什么？】
These are emotions that we often use interchangeably , but it turns out they're quite different. 我们经常会交替使用这两种情绪, 但实际上,它们是有些许差别的。
So when people feel shame, they feel bad about themselves: "I'm a bad person for having done this." 当人们感到羞耻, 他们会对自己感到难过: “我做了这件事,所以我是个坏人。”
When people feel guilt, they feel bad not about the self, but about a specific behavior: "I did a bad thing." 当人们感到内疚, 他们不是对自己感到难过, 而是对一个特定的行为: “我做了件坏事。”
emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数) interchangeably:adv.[数]可交换地; specific:adj.特殊的,特定的;明确的;详细的;[药]具有特效的;n.特性;细节;特效药;
And it's a subtle distinction , but it turns out that it leads to very different motivations . 而这有细微的差别, 但实际上会导致截然不同的动机。
So, when people feel shame about "Who I am because I did a bad thing, I'm a horrible person," 当人们对“自己”感到羞耻——“我是个很糟糕的人, 因为我做了一件坏事。”
there's a sense of shrinking and being small, a sense of worthlessness and powerlessness . 同时会感觉自己十分渺小, 感觉自己没用且无力。
subtle:adj.微妙的;精细的;敏感的;狡猾的;稀薄的; distinction:n.区别;区分;差别;卓越; motivations:n.动机(motivation的复数);表明动机; horrible:可怕的,极讨厌的, shrinking:v.(使)缩水,收缩,缩小,退缩;(shrink的现在分词) worthlessness:n.一无是处的感觉; powerlessness:n.无力;无能为力;无力量;
And when people feel shame, they want to hide. 而且当人们感到羞耻, 他们会想躲起来。
They want to sink into the floor and disappear . 他们想要钻进地里, 然后消失。
They minimize . 他们贬低自己,
They often blame other people. 他们也经常会责怪别人。
But what they don't do, typically , is try to make things better. 不过他们,通常,不会做的是 努力使事情往好的方向发展。
When people feel guilt about a specific behavior -- "I feel bad that I did that" -- they're focused on the behavior and the effects on other people, and that seems to push people in a much more constructive direction. 当人们为一个特定行为 感到内疚—— “我因为做了那件事情,感到愧疚。” 这些人的注意力集中在 某个行为及其对他人的影响, 而这似乎能把他们 推向一个更具建设性的方向。[01:09]
disappear:v.消失;失踪;不复存在; minimize:v.使减少到最低限度;降低;贬低;使显得不重要; typically:adv.代表性地;作为特色地; constructive:adj.建设性的;推定的;构造上的;有助益的;
People who feel guilt about a behavior without feeling shame about the self are more inclined to confess , apologize, in some way, try to repair the harm that was done. 对自己的行为感到内疚, 而不对自己本人产生羞耻情绪的人 更倾向于承认、道歉, 从某种程度上说, 会尝试弥补自己造成的伤害。
[What’s an example of how guilt can lead a person to make a positive change?] 【内疚使人产生积极变化的例子？】
You know, if you really have been responsible , responsibly hurt somebody else's feelings, it's your fault. 如果你真的有责任心, 要为伤害别人的感情负起责任, 因为这是你的错。
inclined:adj.有…倾向; v.(使)倾向于,有…的趋势; (incline的过去分词和过去式) confess:v.承认;坦白;忏悔;供认; repair:v.修理;修补;修缮;补救;n.修理;修补;修缮; positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片; responsible:adj.负责的,可靠的;有责任的; responsibly:adv.负责地,可信赖地;
And to think about that and think about the effect on the other person, 去考虑一下, 考虑你对受害者造成的影响,
I think apologizing, reconnecting with that person in some way, repairing the harm that was done. 某种程度上,我认为道歉, 与那人重新建立联系, 能弥补已经造成的伤害。
And I want to make a distinction between that and situations where people feel guilt, unwarranted guilt, unfair guilt. 而且我也想把这 与人们感到内疚, 无理由、不公平的内疚区分开来。
There are times when we feel guilty over things that we're not responsible for. 很多时候, 我们会为与自己无关的事情 感到内疚。
reconnecting:n.重新连线中;正在重新连接;v.再接合(reconnect的现在分词); unwarranted:adj.无根据的;无保证的; guilty:adj.有罪的;内疚的;
And that's a different issue that is potentially problematic because it's hard to fix something that you're really not responsible for. 这与上述情况不同, 潜在的问题是—— 因为你很难去解决一件 你无法掌控的事情。
It leaves you in a tough spot, and it's unfair. 这会使你陷入一个艰难的处境, 而且这也不公平。
So I'm thinking of things like survivor guilt, or people who are in the position where they think they're responsible for a loved one's addiction , for example. 所以我在想, 像是幸存者内疚, 或是有人认为他们应为 爱人染上毒瘾而负责。
issue:n.重要议题;争论的问题;v.宣布;公布;发出;发行; potentially:adv.可能地,潜在地; problematic:adj.问题的;有疑问的;不确定的; addiction:n.瘾;嗜好;入迷;
No, that's not your responsibility, and not to feel guilt about that, and to really check, "Is this my responsibility?" 不,这不是你的责任, 你也不应该感到内疚。 而且你真的需要自问: “这是我的责任吗？”
Then I think in those cases, we have to kind of double-check and say, "Really, am I responsible? Is this fair? 我想在刚才的案例中, 我们必须仔细检查并自问: “我,真的,该为此负责吗？ 这样公平吗？
How would I advise a close friend who were in a similar situation?" 如果我的好友处于同样的处境, 我会给出怎样的建议呢？”
No, that's not your responsibility. 不,这不是你的责任。
There's not a good reason for feeling that guilt, and it's not helpful. 这不是感到内疚的充分理由, 而且对谁都没好处。
double-check:v将…仔细检查,复核;n.复核;第二次检查; advise:v.建议;通知;劝告;忠告;
[How can you support someone who's struggling with shame?] 【如何帮助在羞耻感中挣扎的人？】
I think if it's an ongoing sort of issue, that therapy is certainly an option , and I think there are many therapists who work with that and help people move away from problematic feelings of shame to being more self-compassionate and more realistic about what our responsibilities are. 我觉得如果这是一个长期性的问题, 那么肯定是要选择治疗。 我认为很多治疗师解决过类似的案例, 他们帮助人们走出病态的羞耻感, 学会自我关怀, 并且教会人们正确意识到 自己的责任范畴。
It could be a wise person that you trust. 一个你信任的明智之人 也能帮助你。
One of the things about shame is, when we talk about it, it tends to dispel it a little bit, make it easier to deal with if you put it into words. 关于羞耻有一点就是, 当我们谈论它, 羞耻感很可能会减轻。 如果你把这种情绪说出来 就会更好处理。
ongoing:n.发展; adj.持续存在的; therapy:n.治疗,疗法; option:n.选择;可选择的东西; therapists:n.治疗专家(therapist的复数); realistic:adj.现实的;现实主义的;逼真的;实在论的; dispel:vt.驱散,驱逐;消除(烦恼等);
We often don't talk about shame at all. 我们往往不愿谈论羞耻感。
It's sort ... of we're almost a shame-phobic society, I think. 好像,我感觉,我们生活在 一个近乎恐惧羞耻的社会。
I can't remember the last time a client came to me and said, "I feel shame." 我不记得上次一个客户来找我 提到:“我感到羞耻。”是什么时候,
We don't use that word. 我们也不使用那个词。
I think it's so hard to manage it and get out of it, and sometimes, we feel shame over things that we have done, and then there's this other set of things that we feel ashamed of, which is who we are. 我认为管理和摆脱羞耻太难了, 有时,我们对自己做的事感到羞耻, 其他时候还有另外一些事, 我们也感到羞耻—— 那便是,我们本身。
client:n.[经]客户;顾客;委托人; ashamed:adj.惭愧;尴尬;因惭愧而不情愿;
So there's a really unfair shame, shame over having a stigmatized identity and internalizing that shame, for example. 这种羞耻之情,真的不公平。 比如为拥有社会污名化的身份感到羞耻,并内化这种羞耻感。
So people who are, you know, in one minority group or another that's stigmatized part of the issue is: Do you buy into that? 所以身处少数群体 或是身处被污名化群体的人, 部分问题就是: 你相信那个说法吗？
Do you buy into that, and I think that's a really big question to work with. 你相信吗？我觉得这是 首先需要解决的一个大问题。
stigmatized:adj.受非难的;被污名化的;v.污辱;指责(stigmatize的过去分词); identity:n.身份;同一性,一致;特性;恒等式; internalizing:内在化; minority:n.少数民族;少数派;未成年;adj.少数的;属于少数派的;
[What strategies can help people change their shame into guilt and move on?] 【什么策略可以帮助人们将羞耻转变为内疚 并继续生活？】
I think that just knowing the difference between the two is sometimes an aha experience for people, if you can identify when you feel shame and sort of do some double-checking , you know, 我认为仅是了解这两个词的差别 就能让人有所顿悟。 如果你能分辨出什么时候你感到羞耻, 并且仔细核查,
strategies:n.策略;行动计划;部署;战略;(strategy的复数) identify:v.识别:鉴定:确认:发现: double-checking:vt.将…仔细检查,复核;vi.仔细检查,进行复核;n.复核;第二次检查;
'"Is it really fair for me to feel like a bad person because I lost my temper with my kids today? “因为今天我对孩子发火了, 我现在感觉自己是个坏人, 这对我真的公平吗？
Does that mean I'm a horrible parent? 这是否意味着我是糟糕的家长？
Or am I generally a good parent, but this was a bad day, and I did a bad thing and let me address that and make amends , reconnect with my child and think about ways to avoid that going forward,” as opposed to getting mired in shame, shame, shame. 还是我总体上是一名好家长, 而今天只是糟糕的一天, 我做了不好的事,让我解决下, 做些弥补, 与我的孩子重新搞好关系, 并想想如何避免类似事件再发生,” 而非陷入无止尽的羞耻。
temper:n.脾气;情绪;心情;性情;v.使缓和;使温和;使(金属)回火; generally:adv.通常;普遍地,一般地; amends:v.修正;修订(法律文件、声明等);(amend的第三人称单数) opposed:adj.强烈反对; v.反对(计划、政策等); (oppose的过去分词和过去式) mired:v.陷入困境;处境艰难;陷入泥沼;(mire的过去分词和过去式)
I think shame is such a selfish emotion. 我认为羞耻是一个非常自私的情绪。
It's all about me. 所有事情都关乎于我,
It's not about the person that I hurt. 而不是那个我伤害的人。
It's, "Me, me, me, me, I'm a horrible person," “我,我,我, 我是一个糟糕的人。”
which takes the focus off of the person you've harmed. 这会让你不去关注你伤害的对象。
[How do you keep yourself from buying into feelings of internalized shame?] 【如何防止自己相信内化的羞耻感？】
Oh, yes -- buying into internalized shame, that's a really good question. 哦,相信内化的羞耻感, 这确实是一个好问题。
I think, first of all , finding a good, supportive group and also finding ways to celebrate and to appreciate the strengths and the beauties of one's group, even if it's stigmatized by the community . 我认为,首先, 去寻找一个能给予支持的好群体, 并寻找方式来庆祝 与欣赏 自己群体的优势和美好, 甚至是被社会污名化的群体。
internalized:v.内在化(internalize的过去分词); first of all:adv.首先; supportive:adj.支持的;支援的;赞助的; appreciate:v.欣赏;感激;感谢;理解; community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体;
I work with incarcerated and formerly incarcerated people. 我会和正在或曾经 进过监狱的人打交道,
And that is one stigmatized group, let me tell you. 让我告诉你,这就是 一个备受歧视的群体。
But one way to think about it is, you know, "I have come through a rough time, and I have, in spite of so many barriers , stuck with it," 但有一种思考的方式是 “我挺过了这么一段艰难的时期, 尽管有很多困难, 我依旧坚持了下来。”
incarcerated:v.监禁;关押;禁闭;(incarcerate的过去式和过去分词) formerly:adv.以前;原来; in spite of:尽管;不管,不顾; barriers:n.障碍;栅栏;篱笆墙(barrier的复数形式);
and to get support from other people who have made that transition . 并从有过同样经历的群体中 寻找精神支持。
[How can you deal with shame that you feel for not measuring up to expectations ?] 【当你感到自己无法达到预期, 你如何处理自己的羞耻感？】
Yes, I guess it depends whose expectations you're thinking of. 我想这取决于你指的是谁的预期。
If it's our own expectations, maybe they weren't realistic, or maybe we expected too much. 如果是你自己的预期, 可能你的预期本来就不够现实, 或者我们期待得太多了。
transition:n.过渡;转变;变革;变迁;v.经历转变过程;过渡; expectations:n.预料;预期;期待;希望;指望;(expectation的复数)
I think that in this world now, which moves so fast, 我认为在当今飞速前行的世界里,
I mean -- everybody's overloaded . 每个人都负担过重。
There's something wrong there! 这是世界有问题！
About measuring up to other people's expectation, that's a really, really important one, and I think it's critical to separate out what other people's expectations are of you and what your own expectations are, what your own values are. 关于从别人那里来的预期, 这是一个非常非常重要的点, 我认为将别人对你的预期 和你的自我预期、 自我价值区分开来 是关键。
overloaded:adj.超载的;超负荷的;超重的;v.使超载;使负担过重(overload的过去分词); critical:adj.鉴定的;[核]临界的;批评的,爱挑剔的;危险的;决定性的;评论的;
And we care about what loved ones and other people think about us, but ultimately , we want to be true to our own values and be sensitive to others who may have different feelings, different ideas. 而我们在意 自己所爱之人和其他人 对自己的想法, 但终究, 我们想要忠于自己的价值, 并且对于其他可能 有不同感受、不同想法的人 保持敏感。
Explain to the other person, "You know, you expect me to do X, 向他们解释: “你希望我做这件事,
I understand that you'd like me to do that, but I'm doing Y, and this is why. 我也理解你为什么想要我做这件事, 但是我在做另一件事, 而且这是我如此选择的原因。
ultimately:adv.最终;最后;归根结底;终究; sensitive:adj.敏感的;感觉的;易受影响的;n.敏感的人;有灵异能力的人;
It's really important to me." 这对我来说真的很重要。”
[How to Deal with Difficult Feelings] 【如何处理困难情绪】