返回首页

JuliaDhar_2021S-_如何进行有建设性的谈话？_
Three planes, 25 hours, 10,000 miles. 我父亲从澳大利亚飞到美国, 他换了三架不同的飞机,
My dad gets off a flight from Australia with one thing in mind and it's not a snack or a shower or a nap . 时间长达25个小时,飞行了一万英里。 然而他刚一下飞机, 不是去洗澡、吃饭或者睡觉。
It's November 2016 and Dad is here to talk to Americans about the election. 那时正好是在2016年11月, 我爸的目的是跟美国人聊大选。
Now, Dad's a news fiend , but for him, this is not just red or blue, swing states or party platforms . 我爸是个新闻迷,但对他来说, 他不仅仅是在讨论红州、蓝州、 摇摆州或政纲。
snack:n.点心;小吃;快餐;易办到的事;v.吃点心(或快餐、小吃); nap:n.打盹;短绒毛;赛马情报;v.打盹;(naps是nap的复数) fiend:魔鬼;恶魔 platforms:n.平台; v.把…放在台上;
He has some really specific intentions . 他想从交流中获得更多。
He wants to listen, be heard and understand. 他希望能够互相倾听,并且互相理解。
And over two weeks, he has hundreds of conversations with Americans from New Hampshire to Miami. 两周以来,从新罕布什尔到迈阿密, 他跟不同州的美国人, 进行了几百场谈话。
Some of them are tough conversations, complete differences of opinions, wildly different worldviews, radically opposite life experiences. 但是他和有些人聊得并不愉快, 他们的观点完全不同, 因为他们有着截然不同的世界观 和完全不一样的生活经历。
specific:adj.特殊的,特定的;明确的;详细的;[药]具有特效的;n.特性;细节;特效药; intentions:n.目的,意向,意图;打算;(intention的复数) Hampshire:n.汉普郡(英国南部之一郡); wildly:adv.野生地;野蛮地;狂暴地;鲁莽地; radically:adv.根本上;彻底地;以激进的方式;
But in all of those interactions , 但在每一词的交谈后,
Dad walks away with a big smile on his face and so does the other person. 我父亲和对方都会 笑容满面地离开。
You can see one of them here. 你可以看到,图中就是其中一个。
And in those interactions, he's having a version of what it seems like we have less of, but want more of -- a constructive conversation. 我父亲在聊天的时候, 使用了一种特殊的交流方式, 这是我们很多人缺乏的, 叫做“建设性谈话”。
interactions:n.[计]交互,相互作用;相互交流;干扰;(interaction复数) constructive:adj.建设性的;推定的;构造上的;有助益的;
We have more ways than ever to connect. 我们比以往有着更多的沟通方式,
And yet, politically , ideologically , it feels like we are further and further apart. 但在政治和意识形态上, 我们却越来越相去甚远。
We tell pollsters that we want politicians who are open-minded . 在进行民意调查中, 我们表示希望政治家们思维开放。
And yet when they change their point of view , we say that they lacked conviction . 但是一旦他们改变了观点, 我们又说他们缺乏信念。
For us, when we're confronted with information that challenges an existing worldview , our tendency is not to open up, it's to double down. 对我们来说,当我们所接收到的信息 和我们现有的世界观相冲突时, 我们不会倾向于开放自己的思维, 而是会更坚定原有观念。
politically:adv.政治上; ideologically:adv.思想上;意识形态上; pollsters:民意测验专家;民意调查人(pollster的名词复数); politicians:n.政治家;(蔑)政客;(美)政治贩;(politician的复数) open-minded:adj.虚心的;思想开明的;无偏见的; point of view:观点;见地;立场; conviction:n.判罪;定罪;坚定的看法(或信念);坚信;肯定; confronted:v.使…无法回避;降临于;处理;面对;对抗;(confront的过去分词和过去式) worldview:n.世界观; tendency:n.倾向,趋势;癖好;
We even have a term for it in social psychology . 在社会心理学中,有个专业术语,
It's called belief perseverance . 将这种现象称为“信念固着”。
And boy, do some people's beliefs seem to persevere . 有些人的信念真的很顽强。
I'm no stranger to tough conversations. 我很熟悉这种艰难的交谈。
I got my start in what I now call productive disagreement in high school debate . 在高中的辩论赛中, 我开始使用一种新的辩论方式, 我称它为“有效争论”法。[02:05]
social psychology:n.社会心理学; perseverance:n.坚持不懈;不屈不挠;n.耐性;毅力; persevere:vi.坚持;不屈不挠;固执己见(在辩论中); productive:adj.能生产的;生产的,生产性的;多产的;富有成效的; debate:n.辩论;争论;考虑;v.辩论;争论;考虑;
I even went on to win the World Schools Debate Championship three times. 后来我甚至赢过三次 世界学校辩论锦标赛。
I've been in a lot of arguments, is what I'm saying, but it took watching my dad on the streets of the US to understand that we need to figure out how we go into conversations. 就像我说的,我经历了很多次辩论, 但看到我父亲在美国街头的谈话之后 我才意识到,我们应该仔细想想, 我们到底是如何展开谈话的。
Championship:n.锦标赛;冠军称号;冠军的地位;
Not looking for the victory, but the progress. 不是为了争赢,而是为了取得进展。
And so since November 2016, that's what I've been doing. 这就是从2016年11月以来, 我一直在做的事。
Working with governments, foundations , corporations , families, to uncover the tools and techniques that allow us to talk when it feels like the divide is unbridgeable . 我跟政府、基金会、 企业以及家庭合作, 寻找能够化解那些 无法调和的矛盾的工具和技巧。
And constructive conversations that really move the dialogue forward have these same three essential features. 能够让对话进行下去的“建设性谈话” 有三个重要的基本特征。
First, at least one party in the conversation is willing to choose curiosity over clash . 第一,至少谈话中的一方, 更愿意表现好奇心, 而不是产生冲突。
foundations:n.基础;地基;基金会;粉底;(foundations是foundation的复数) corporations:n.[贸易]公司,[经]企业(corporation的复数形式); uncover:v.揭开盖子;发现;揭露;揭发; techniques:n.技巧;技艺;工艺;技术;(technique的复数) unbridgeable:adj.不能架桥的;不能逾越的; essential:n.要点;要素;实质;必需品;adj.完全必要的;必不可少的;极其重要的;本质的; curiosity:n.好奇,好奇心;珍品,古董,古玩; clash:v.冲突; n.冲突;
They're open to the idea that the discussion is a climbing wall , not a cage fight, that they'll make progress over time and are able to anchor all of that in purpose of the discussion. 其次,他们愿意接受这场谈话更像是“攀岩运动”, 而不是“笼中搏击”。 随着时间的推移,他们会取得进展, 并能够在讨论的目的中锚定所有这些。
For someone trained in formal debate, it is so tempting to run headlong at the disagreement. 进行过正式辩论训练的人 很容易把有据的辩论,
In fact, we call that clash and in formal argumentation , it's a punishable offense if there's not enough of it. 直接变成冲突。 事实上,在正式的辩论中, 没有提供有效证据的发言, 是会受到惩罚的。
climbing wall:n.(室内供练习用的)攀登墙; formal:adj.适合正式场合的; n.(美)须穿礼服的社交集会; (口)夜礼服; tempting:adj.吸引人的;诱惑人的;v.引诱;(tempt的现在分词); headlong:adj.轻率的;头向前的;匆促而用力的;adv.头向前地;猛然用力地; argumentation:n.论证;争论;辩论; punishable:adj.可罚的;该罚的; offense:n.犯罪,过错;进攻;触怒;引起反感的事物;
But I've noticed, you've probably noticed, too, that in real life that tends to make people shut down, not just from the conversation, but even from the relationship. 但是我想我们都注意到了, 在实际生活中,谈话中的冲突, 人们更倾向于封闭自己, 这不止影响到谈话, 甚至会影响到彼此的关系。
It's actually one of the causes of unfriending, online and off. 无论在网络还是现实生活中, 这都是影响彼此关系的原因之一。
So instead, you might consider a technique made popular by the Hollywood producer Brian Grazer , the curiosity conversation. 所以我们应该如何做呢？ 好莱坞制片人布莱恩·格雷泽, 提出了一种方法, 叫做“好奇交谈”
And the whole point of a curiosity conversation is to understand the other person's perspective , to see what's on their side of the fence. 好奇交谈的主要目的, 就是尽可能的倾听交谈方的观点, 理解对方到底在表达什么。
And so the next time that someone says something you instinctively disagree with, that you react violently to, you only need one sentence and one question: “I never thought about it exactly that way before. 所以下次交谈的时候, 如果你听到某些跟你意见不同的观点, 当你本能的想立即反驳时, 你只需要这样说: “我从没以这个角度考虑过这个问题”,
Grazer:n.吃草的动物,食草动物; perspective:n.观点;远景;透视图;adj.透视的; instinctively:adv.本能地; react:v.起反应;回应;(对食物等)有不良反应,过敏;起化学反应; violently:adv.猛烈地,激烈地;极端地;
What can you share that would help me see what you see?” “你是否可以分享更多, 让我理解你的想法呢？”
What's remarkable about curiosity conversations is that the people you are curious about tend to become curious about you. “好奇交谈”的显着成效是, 你在谈话中表现出的好奇心, 也会使对方对你产生好奇。
Whether it's a friendly Australian gentleman, a political foe or a corporate rival , they begin to wonder what it is that you see and whether they could see it to. 无论对方是友好的澳大利亚人、 政敌或商业对手, 他们开始好奇你是如何看待问题, 他们是否也能够理解你的角度。
remarkable:adj.卓越的;非凡的;值得注意的; curious:adj.好奇的,有求知欲的;古怪的;爱挑剔的; foe:n.敌人;反对者;危害物; corporate:adj.公司的;组成公司(或团体)的;法人的;社团的; rival:v.与…相匹敌;比得上;adj.竞争的;n.竞争对手;
Constructive conversations aren't a one-shot deal. “建设性谈话”不是一次性解决矛盾。
If you go into an encounter expecting everyone to walk out with the same point of view that you walked in with, there's really no chance for progress. 如果展开一次谈话的时候, 你期待每个人都跟你的想法一致, 那就会失去进步的可能性。
Instead, we need to think about conversations as a climbing wall to do a variant of what my dad did during this trip, pocketing a little nugget of information here, adapting his approach there. 相反,我们要将谈话看成攀岩运动, 就像我父亲在这次旅行中做的, 抓住一块有用的信息,做为支撑点, 并寻找下一块有用的信息。
one-shot:adj.只有一次的; encounter:v.遭遇,邂逅;遇到;n.遭遇,偶然碰见; variant:adj.不同的;多样的;n.变体;转化; nugget:n.天然金块,矿块;珍闻,珍品; adapting:v.使适应,使适合;适应;改编;改写;(adapt的现在分词) approach:n.方法;路径;v.接近;建议;着手处理;
That's actually a technique borrowed from formal debate where you present an idea, it's attacked and you adapt and re-explain, it's attacked again, you adapt and re-explain. 这借鉴了正式辩论中使用的技能, 当你提出一个观点,被反方驳回, 你以对方的观点为基础, 继续论证自己的观点, 再次被对方驳回, 你再次重新论证自己的观点。
The whole expectation is that your idea gets better through challenge and criticism . 我们所期望的是, 通过不断的质疑和批判, 能够产生更好的想法。
And the evidence from really high-stakes international negotiations suggests that that's what successful negotiators do as well. 在高风险的国际谈判中, 成功的谈判者也是这样做的。
They go into conversations expecting to learn from the challenges that they will receive to use objections to make their ideas and proposals better. 在谈判中, 他们期待从反对意见中 吸取有价值的信息, 来完善自己的观点和建议。
expectation:n.预料;预期;期待;希望;指望; criticism:n.批评;批判;评论;指责; evidence:n.证据,证明;迹象;明显;v.证明; high-stakes:adj.高风险; negotiations:n.谈判(negotiation的复数);磋商; negotiators:n.谈判代表(negotiator的复数); objections:n.反对,异议(objection的复数形式);反对意见; proposals:n.建议书(Proposal的复数);求婚;
Development is in some way a service that we can do for others and that others can do for us. 从某种意义上说, 这种观点的发展,是一种服务,
It makes the ideas sharper , but the relationships warmer. 用这种方式交谈,会使观点变的尖锐, 但关系会变的更和谐。
Curiosity can be relationship magic and development can be rocket fuel for your ideas. 好奇是使关系变得融洽的魔法, 发展是你思想能量的来源。
But there are some situations where it just feels like it's not worth the bother . 但是仍然有一些情况, 让我们认为不值得浪费精力, 使用这种交谈的方式。
sharper:n.骗子;赌棍;欺诈犯; bother:v.烦扰,打扰;使…不安;操心,麻烦;n.麻烦;烦恼;
And in those cases it can be because the purpose of the discussion isn't clear. 在这种情况下, 可能是因为讨论的目的并不明确。
I think back to how my dad went into those conversations with a really clear sense of purpose. 我希望分析我父亲是如何交谈的, 他谈话的目的都是清晰的。
He was there to learn, to listen, to share his point of view. 他一边以理解和倾听为基础, 一边分享自己的观点。
And once that purpose is understood by both parties, then you can begin to move on. 当谈话者双方都知道这个目的, 谈话就可以继续进行了。
Lay out our vision for the future. 阐述我们对未来的愿景。
Make a decision. 做出决定。
Get funding . 获得资金。
Then you can move on to principles . 然后可以再次进行。
When people shared with my dad their hopes for America, that's where they started with the big picture, not with personality or politics or policies . 当人们跟我父亲谈到对美国的期望时, 他们总是从全局开始, 而不是从个人、政治 或者某项政策开始。[07:04]
vision:n.视力;美景;幻象;想象力;v.想象;显现;梦见; funding:n.基金;资金;提供资金;v.为…提供资金;拨款给;(fund的现在分词) principles:n.原则;主义;本质;政策;(principle的复数) personality:n.性格;个性;人格;魅力;气质;名人;特色; politics:n.政治;钩心斗角;政治观点;v.(贬)从事政治活动;(politic的第三人称单数) policies:n.政策;方针;原则;为人之道;保险单(policy的复数)
Because inadvertently they were doing something that we do naturally with outsiders and find it really difficult sometimes to do with insiders . 因为人们在无意识中, 能自然的跟局外人交谈, 但是却很难跟局内人交谈。
They painted in broad strokes before digging into the details. 所以他们在探究细节之前, 先从全局开始。
But maybe you live in the same zip code or the same house and it feels like none of that common ground is there today. 可能你们住在同一个地区 或同一个屋檐下, 但是你们之间却没有任何共通之处。
inadvertently:adj.非故意地,无心地; naturally:adv.自然地;自然而然地;轻而易举;天生地;大方地; outsiders:n.[劳经]局外人,外来者(outsider复数形式); insiders:n.[劳经]内部人员(insider的复数);局内人; strokes:n.中风; v.轻抚; (stroke的第三人称单数和复数) common ground:n.共同点;
Then you might consider a version of disagreement time travel, asking your counterpart to articulate what kind of neighborhood , country, world, community , they want a year from now, a decade from now. 那么你们可以先从“时空旅行”开始, 比如你可以问对方: 世界或社会是什么样的？”
It is very tempting to dwell in present tensions and get bogged down in practicalities . 我们的谈话很容易 陷入当今紧张局势, 或陷入现实困境中。
Inviting people to inhabit a future possibility opens up the chance of a conversation with purpose. 但是邀请人们展望未来, 就开启了有目的对话的机会。
counterpart:n.副本;配对物;极相似的人或物; articulate:vt.清晰地发(音); vi.发音; adj.发音清晰的; neighborhood:n.附近;地区;街坊;adj.附近的; community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体; dwell:v.居住;栖身; tensions:张力;紧张; bogged:v.(使)陷于泥沼;(使)动弹不得;(bog的过去分词和过去式) practicalities:实践性; inhabit:v.居住在;栖居于;
Earlier in my career , 在我职业生涯的早期,
I worked for the deputy prime minister of New Zealand who practiced a version of this technique. 我为新西兰副总理工作, 他使用了这种技能。
New Zealand's electoral system is designed for unlikely friendships, coalitions , alliances , memoranda of understanding are almost inevitable . 新西兰的选举制度使得各党派之间, 不可能存在友好关系, 不同政党的联合、结盟、 签署谅解备忘录,都是不可避免的。
career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历; deputy:n.代理人,代表;adj.副的;代理的; prime minister:n.首相;总理; Zealand:西兰岛(丹麦最大的岛) electoral:adj.选举的;选举人的; unlikely:adj.不大可能发生的;非心目中的;非想象的;难以相信的; coalitions:n.联合;结盟(coalition的复数); alliances:n.联盟,同盟;盟国(alliance的复数形式);联姻; memoranda:n.备忘录(memorandum的复数); inevitable:adj.必然的,不可避免的;
And this particular government set-up had some of almost everything -- small government conservatives , liberals , the Indigenous people's party, the Green Party. 新西兰政府几乎囊括了所有党派, 包括保守派、自由派、 原住民党和绿党。
And I recently asked him, what does it take to bring a group like that together but hold them together? 最近我请教他: “如何把这样一个群体聚集在一起, 并紧密的团结起来？”
He said, "Someone, you, has to take responsibility for reminding them of their shared purpose: 他说:“必须有人时刻提醒他们, 政府存在的共同目标,
set-up:n.计划;组织;机构;装配; conservatives:n.保守党,保守派; liberals:n.自由主义者(liberal的复数); Indigenous:adj.本土的;土著的;国产的;固有的; recently:adv.最近;新近; reminding:v.提醒;使想起;(remind的现在分词)
If we are more focused on what makes us different than the same, then every debate is a fight. 如果我们更多关注的是彼此的区别, 而不是相同点, 那么每场辩论,都会是一场战争。
If we put our challenges and our problems before us, then every potential ally becomes an adversary . 如果我们在辩论之前, 先把挑战和问题摆在前面, 那么每一个潜在的盟友都会变成敌人。
But as my dad packed his bags for the three flights, 25 hours, 10,000 miles back to Australia, he was also packing a collection of new perspectives , a new way of navigating conversations, and a whole set of new stories and experiences to share. 在我父亲乘坐了三趟航班, 共持续25个小时, 跨越了10000英里返回到澳大利亚, 他也带回了许多新的视角, 学会了引导谈话的新方式, 收获了一系列的新故事和经验。
different than:不同于; potential:n.潜能;可能性;[电]电势;adj.潜在的;可能的;势的; adversary:n.对手;敌手; perspectives:n.[数]透视,远景,看法;构面;观点展示(perspective的复数形式); navigating:v.航行,操纵(navigate的现在分词形式);adj.航行的,航行中;
But he was also leaving those behind with everyone that he'd interacted with. 但是他将这些技巧和心得 留给了与他对话的所有人。
We love unlikely friendships when they look like this. 我们喜欢像这样意外发生的友谊,
We've just forgotten how to make them. 我们只是忘了如何 成就意外的友谊。
And amid the cacophony of cable news and the awkwardness of family dinners, and the hostility of corporate meetings, each of us has this -- the opportunity to walk into every encounter, like my dad walked off that plane, to choose curiosity over clash, 在嘈杂的新闻电视台、 尴尬的家庭聚餐、 敌意满满的公司会议中, 我们中的每个人, 都有机会在展开每一次谈话时, 就像我父亲在那次旅行中一样, 选择好奇,而不是冲突,
interacted:v.交流;沟通;合作;相互影响;(interact的过去分词和过去式) amid:prep.在…过程中;在…中;四周是; cacophony:n.刺耳的音调;不和谐音; cable:n.电缆; v.打电报; (用锚链,缆索等)系住; awkwardness:n.尴尬;笨拙; hostility:n.敌意;战争行动;
to expect development of your ideas through discussion and to anchor in common purpose. 通过讨论使想法进步, 找到交谈的共同目标。
That's what really world-class persuaders do to build constructive conversations and move them forward. 这就是真正世界级谈判者所做的, 开启建设性的对话, 并不断向前推动。
It's how our world will move forward too. 我们的世界也将如此像前发展。
Thank you. 谢谢。
world-class:n.世界级;adj.世界级的; persuaders:n.劝说者;手枪;(俚)踢马刺;(美俚)威慑物;(persuaders是persuader的复数);