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HannahGadsby_2019-_三个观点，三个矛盾。（或许不是三个）_-
My name is Hannah. 我的名字叫汉纳 (Hannah)
And that is a palindrome . 这是一个回文名字。
palindrome:n.回文;
That is a word you can spell the same forwards and backwards, if you can spell. 这个名字, 你正读反读都一样。 如果你会拼写的话。
But the thing is -- 但问题是---
(Laughter) （笑声）
my entire family have palindromic names. 我全家人的名字都是回文。
It's a bit of a tradition. 是我们家的一个传统。
We've got Mum, Dad -- 像妈妈,爸爸--
(Laughter) （笑声）
Nan, Pop. 奶奶, 爷爷
(Laughter) （笑声）
And my brother, Kayak . 还有我哥哥,卡亚克 (Kayak)
Kayak:n.皮船;爱斯基摩小艇;
(Laughter) (笑声)
There you go. 还不错吧。
That's just a bit a joke, there. 先开个玩笑。
(Laughter) （笑声）
I like to kick things off with a joke because I'm a comedian . 我喜欢用玩笑作开场白, 因为我是喜剧演员。
comedian:n.滑稽演员;喜剧演员;
Now there's two things you know about me already: my name's Hannah and I'm a comedian. 现在你对我已经有两点了解: 我的名字叫汉纳 并且我是喜剧演员。
I'm wasting no time. 我就不浪费时间了。
Here's a third thing you can know about me: 接下来说我的第三点:
I don't think I'm qualified to speak my own mind. 我觉得我没有资格 来讲我的想法。
qualified:adj.有资格的; v.合格; (qualify的过去分词和过去式)
Bold way to begin a talk, yes, but it's true. 用这种方式开始演讲很冒险 是的。 但这是实话。
Bold:adj.大胆的,英勇的;黑体的;厚颜无耻的;险峻的;
I've always had a great deal of difficulty turning my thinking into the talking. 我总是觉得我很难以 用语言来表达我的思想。
a great deal of:大量;
So it seems a bit of a contradiction , then, that someone like me, who is so bad at the chat, could be something like a stand-up comedian. 所以就有点矛盾, 像我这样的人, 不擅长聊天 却成了一个单口喜剧演员。
contradiction:n.矛盾;反驳;驳斥; stand-up:起立
But there you go. There you go. 但就这样, 就这样。
It's what it is. 事实如此。
I first tried my hand at stand-up comedi -- comedie ... See? 我第一次做单口喜...喜剧, 你看？
See? See? 我口误了吧？你看！
(Laughter) （笑声）
I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy in my late 20s, and despite being a pathologically shy virtual mute with low self-esteem who'd never held a microphone before, 我第一次做 单口喜剧表演的时候 才二十几岁。 尽管我那时病态地害羞, 几乎沉默无语, 极度自卑 并且从未拿过麦克风讲话,
comedy:n.喜剧;喜剧性;有趣的事情; despite:prep.尽管,不管;n.轻视;憎恨;侮辱; pathologically:adv.病理上,病理地; virtual:adj.[计]虚拟的;实质上的,事实上的(但未在名义上或正式获承认); mute:adj.沉默的;无声的;哑的;n.弱音器;哑巴;v.消音;减音;减弱;缓解; self-esteem:n.自尊;自负;自大; microphone:n.麦克风;传声器;话筒;
I knew as soon as I walked and stood in front of the audience, 我一走过去,站在观众面前, 我就知道,
as soon as:一…就;
I knew, before I'd even landed my first joke, 我还没讲第一个笑话, 我就知道,
I knew that I really liked stand-up, and stand-up really liked me. 我知道我真的 喜欢单口喜剧。 单口喜剧也特别喜欢我。
But for the life of me, I couldn't work out why. 可是无论如何 我也想不出为什么。
Why is it I could be so good at doing something I was so bad at? 为什么我会擅长一件 我这么不擅长的事情。
(Laughter) （笑声）
I just couldn't work it out, I could not understand it. 我就是想不明白, 也不能理解。
That is, until I could. 后来 我才想明白。
Now, before I explain to you why it is that I can be good at something I'm so bad at, let me throw another spanner of contradiction into the work by telling you that not long after I worked out why that was, 现在,我先不解释 我会擅长一件 我这么不擅长的事情。 让我再讲一个我工作中 自相矛盾的事情。 想告诉你们的是, 我一想出答案不久,
spanner:n.扳手;螺丝扳手;测量器;用手掌量的人;
I decided to quit comedy. 我就决定不做喜剧了。
quit:v.离开;放弃;停止;使…解除;n.离开;[计]退出;adj.摆脱了…的;已经了结的;
And before I explain that little oppositional cat 但是在我给你们这些 爱思考的听众
oppositional:adj.对抗的;反对的;
I just threw amongst the thinking pigeons , let me also tell you this: quitting launched my comedy career . 解释这个自相矛盾之前, 让我来告诉你: 离开喜剧才让我真正开始 我的喜剧事业。
amongst:prep.在…之中;在…当中(等于among); pigeons:n.鸽子(pigeon的复数);杂波; quitting:v.离开;离任;离校;停止;戒掉;(quit的现在分词) launched:v.发射;发起;开展;开始;(launch的过去式和过去分词) career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Like, really launched it, to the point where after quitting comedy, 真的,真正开始, 是在我离开喜剧之后。
I became the most talked-about comedian on the planet, because apparently , I'm even worse at making retirement plans than I am at speaking my own mind. 我成了全球 最热点的喜剧演员, 显然,相比较于语言 来表达我的思想, 我更不擅长 作退休的准备。
apparently:adv.显然地;似乎,表面上; retirement:n.退休;退职;退休年龄;退休生活;
Now, all I've done up until this point apart from giving over a spattering of biographical detail is to tell you indirectly that I have three ideas that I want to share with you today. 那么,到目前为止, 我所做的, 除了给你们讲我这些 零零碎碎的生平, 就是含蓄地告诉你们 我有三个想法, 是我想要跟你们分享的。
biographical:adj.传记的,传记体的; indirectly:adv.间接地;不诚实;迂回地;
And I've done that by way of sharing three contradictions : one, I am bad at talking, I am good at talking; 而我是用三个自相矛盾的例子 来告诉你们的。 第一,我不擅长讲话, 而我又很擅长讲话。
by way of:经由;当作; contradictions:n.不一致,矛盾,对立;反驳;驳斥;(contradiction的复数)
I quit, I did not quit. 我离开喜剧, 但是我其实没有离开。
Three ideas, three contradictions. 三个想法,三个自相矛盾。
Now, if you're wondering why there's only two things on my so-called list of three -- 现在,如果你们在想着, 为什么只有两件事。 我刚才不是说三件吗。
so-called:adj.所谓的;号称的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
I remind you it is literally a list of contradictions. 我提醒你一下, 这就是一系列的自相矛盾。
remind:v.提醒;使想起; literally:adv.按字面:字面上:确实地:
Keep up. 继续。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, the folks at TED advised me that with a talk of this length, it's best to stick with just sharing one idea. TED的工作人员建议我 由于时间关系, 我最好只专注讲一件事情。
advised:adj.考虑过的; v.劝告; (advise的过去分词和过去式)
I said no. 我说,不。
(Laughter) （笑声）
What would they know? 他们怎么能懂呢。
To explain why I have chosen to ignore what is clearly very good advice, 要想解释我为什么会 不听这么好的建议,
ignore:v.驳回诉讼;忽视;不理睬;
I want to take you back to the beginning of this talk, specifically , my palindrome joke. 我得跟你们 从最开始的那个笑话说起。 具体就是那个 回文名字的笑话。
specifically:adv.特别地;明确地;
Now that joke uses my favorite trick of the comedian trade, the rule of three, whereby you make a statement and then back that statement up with a list. 那个笑话用的 是我最喜欢的喜剧技巧: 三法则。 也就是说, 你先作一个陈述, 然后用一连串的陈述 来印证它。
whereby:adv.凭借;通过…;借以;与…一致; statement:n.声明;陈述,叙述;报表,清单;
My entire family have palindromic names: 我所有的家人 都有回文名字:
Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop. 妈妈,爸爸,奶奶,爷爷。
The first two ideas on that list create a pattern, and that pattern creates expectation . 这两个陈述就为这个系列 提供了一个模式, 这个模式就能让人产生期待。
expectation:n.预料;预期;期待;希望;指望;
And then the third thing -- bam! -- Kayak. What? 接下来,第三个陈述- “哐” 卡亚克 （Kayak） ,啊？
That's the rule of three. 这就是三法则。
One, two, surprise! Ha ha. 一,二,然后是抖包袱！ 哈,哈。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, the rule of three is not only fundamental to the way I do my craft , it is also fundamental to the way I communicate. 三法则不但是我 写稿子的基本原则, 它也是我交流的 基本方式。
fundamental:n.基础; adj.十分重大的; craft:n.工艺;船;手艺;飞行器;v.(尤指用手工)精心制作;
So I won't be changing anything for nobody, not even TED, which, I will point out, stands for three ideas: technology , entertainment and dickheads . 我不会为任何人,任何事 来做出改变, 即便是TED. 其实它也是代表了 三个观点: （T）科技, （E）娱乐 还有 （D）蠢货
technology:n.技术;工艺;术语; dickheads:n.笨蛋,蠢货,蠢家伙;(dickhead的复数)
(Laughter) (笑声)
Works every time, doesn't it? 每次都有效,是吧！
But you need more than just jokes to be able to cut it as a professional comedian. 但是作为一个 专业喜剧演员 你不仅需要笑话。
professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员;
You need to be able to walk that fine line between being charming and disarming . 你还需要在舞台魅力 和释放善意之间 寻找平衡点。
charming:adj.令人着迷的;吸引人的;v.吸引;迷住;控制,保护;(charm的现在分词) disarming:adj.使解除警戒心的;使人消气的;v.解除武装;使息怒(disarm的现在分词);
And I discovered the most effective way to generate the amount of charm I needed to offset my disarming personality was through not jokes but stories. 我就发现为了达到最好的 舞台效果,最有效的 释放善意的方法 不是讲笑话, 而是讲我的故事。
effective:adj.有效的,起作用的;实际的,实在的;给人深刻印象; generate:v.产生;引起; offset:vt.抵消;弥补;补偿;adj.胶印的;n.开端;出发;平版印刷;抵消;补偿 personality:n.性格;个性;人格;魅力;气质;名人;特色;
So my stand-up routines are filled with stories: stories about growing up, my coming out story, stories about the abuse I've copped for being not only a woman but a big woman and a masculine-of-center woman. 所以我在单口喜剧秀里, 都是在讲故事。 关于我成长的故事 我出柜的故事 我被霸凌的故事, 不仅因为我是一个女人, 而且是体型很大的女人 一个充满阳刚气的女人。
abuse:n.滥用;虐待;辱骂;弊端;恶习,陋习;v.滥用;虐待;辱骂; copped:v.遭受;忍受;注意到;(cop的过去分词和过去式)
If you watch my work online, check the comments out below for examples of abuse. 如果你在网上看我的表演, 看看下面的评论, 就知道什么是霸凌。
(Laughter) （笑声）
It's that time in the talk where I shift into second gear , and I'm going to tell you a story about everything I've just said. 通常在这个时候 我就会开始提速了。 我会用一个故事来告诉你 我刚才所说的一切。
shift:n.移动;变化;手段;轮班;v.移动;转变;转换; second gear:第二档;
In the last few days of her life, my grandma was surrounded by people, a lot of people, because my grandma was the loving matriarch of a large and loving family. 在我奶奶生命的最后几天, 她身边围满了人, 很多人。 因为奶奶是我们这个 相亲相爱的 大家族的慈爱的族长。
matriarch:n.女家长;女统治者;女负责人;受人尊敬的妇女;
Now, if you haven't made the connection already, 如果现在你还没弄清楚 这里的关系,
I am a member of that family. 跟你说,我是这个家族 的一员。
I was lucky enough to be able to say goodbye to my grandma on the day she died. 我很幸运能有机会 与祖母道别 就在她临终的那一天。
But as she was already cocooned within herself by then, it was something of a one-sided goodbye. 但那时她已经 蜷缩在她自己的世界里, 所以这个道别 其实是单向的。
cocooned:n.茧;卵囊;vt.把…紧紧包住; one-sided:adj.片面的,单方面的;不公正的;
So I thought about a lot of things, things I hadn't thought about in a long time, like the letters I used to write to my grandma when I first started university, letters I filled with funny stories and anecdotes that I embellished for her amusement. 我想了很多事情, 那些我很久都 没有想过的事情。 我过去常常给奶奶写信, 那是在我刚上大学的时候。 信里写了很多好笑的 轶闻趣事, 我就是为了博她一笑。
anecdotes:n.奇闻轶事(anecdote的复数); embellished:v.美化;装饰;布置;对…添枝加叶;(embellish的过去分词和过去式)
And I remembered how I couldn't articulate the anxiety and fear that filled me as I tried to carve my tiny little life into a world that felt far too big for me. 我还记起, 我无法启齿 我心中的焦虑和恐惧, 面对着过于庞大的世界, 我不知如何安放自己 渺小的生命。
articulate:vt.清晰地发(音); vi.发音; adj.发音清晰的; anxiety:n.焦虑;渴望;挂念;令人焦虑的事; carve:vt.雕刻;切开;开创;vi.切开;做雕刻工作;
But I remembered finding comfort in those letters, because I wrote them with my grandma in mind. 但是我记得这些信 带给我的慰藉, 因为写信的时候 我心里想着奶奶。
But as the world got more and more overwhelming and my ability to negotiate it got worse, not better, 但是当这个世界 越来越让人窒息, 而我应对它的能力 没有提高,而是更糟的时候,
overwhelming:adj.势不可挡的; v.压倒; (overwhelm的现在分词) negotiate:v.谈判,商议;转让;越过;
I stopped writing those letters. 我便不再写信了。
I just didn't think I had the life that Grandma would want to read about. 我只是觉得我那时的生活, 没有什么可以讲给奶奶听的。
Grandma did not know I was gay, and about six months before she died, out of nowhere , she asked me if I had a boyfriend. 奶奶不知道我是同性恋, 而她去世的半年前, 她无缘无故地问我 有没有男朋友。
nowhere:v.无处; n.无处; adj.不存在的;
Now, I remember making a conscious decision in that moment not to come out to my grandmother. 现在我还记得, 当时做了一个清醒的决定, 就是不在她面前出柜。
conscious:adj.意识到的;故意的;神志清醒的;
And I did that because I knew her life was drawing to an end, and my time with her was finite , and I did not want to talk about the ways we were different. 之所以那么做,是我觉得 她的生命已经到了尽头, 而我与她共处的时光有限, 我就不想跟她讨论 我们之间的不同。
finite:adj.有限的;限定的;n.有限之物;
I wanted to talk about the ways were we connected. 我那时只想跟她谈那些, 我们可以交谈的东西,
So I changed the subject. 于是我就转移了话题。
And at the time, it felt like the right decision. 在当时,我觉得那是个 正确的决定。
But as I sat witness to my grandmother's life as it tapered to its inevitable end, 但是当我坐在她身旁, 目睹着她的生命 渐渐地消失在 无可避免的尽头,
witness:n.证人;目击者;证据;v.目击;证明;为…作证; tapered:adj.锥形的;v.逐渐变少(taper的过去式和过去分词); inevitable:adj.必然的,不可避免的;
I couldn't help but feel I'd made a mistake not to share such a significant part of my life. 我不禁感到, 我犯了一个错误, 因为我没能跟她分享 我生命中最重要的一部分。
significant:adj.重大的;有效的;有意义的;值得注意的;意味深长的;n.象征;有意义的事物;
But I also knew that I'd missed my opportunity, and as Grandma always used to say, "Ah, well, it's all part of the soup. 但是我也知道, 我已经没有机会了。 就如同奶奶常说的, “嗯,现在都已经炖在汤里了,
Too late to take the onions out now." 想把洋葱捞上来是不可能的。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
And I thought about that, and I thought about how I had to deal with too many onions as a kid, growing up gay in a state where homosexuality was illegal . 我想到了那些事, 想到了我还是个孩子的时候, 我不得不面对 太多的”洋葱“ 同性恋的我,成长在一个 把同性恋视为非法的州里。
homosexuality:n.同性恋; illegal:adj.不合法的;非法的;n.非法移民;非法劳工;
And with that thought, I could see how tightly wrapped in the tendrils of my own internalized shame I was. 想到那些,我就能看到 自己如何紧紧地 把自己包裹在内心的 耻辱里,
tightly:adv.紧紧地;坚固地; wrapped:adj.极高兴的;十分满意的;v.用…包裹;用…缠绕;(wrap的过去分词和过去式) tendrils:n.[植]卷须;卷须状物(tendril的复数形式); internalized:v.内在化(internalize的过去分词);
And with that, I thought about all my traumas : the violence , the abuse, my rape . 想到那些,我记起了我 所有的心灵创伤, 那些暴力,虐待 和强暴。
traumas:n.外伤;精神创伤(trauma的复数); violence:n.暴力;侵犯;激烈;歪曲; rape:n.强奸罪;强奸案;v.强奸;强暴;
And with all that cluster of thinking, a thought, a question, kept popping into my mind to which I had no answer: 伴随着 这一系列的记忆和思考, 我的脑海里浮现出 这样一个思考和问题, 一个我还没有答案的问题:
cluster:n.群;簇;丛;串;vi.群聚;丛生;vt.使聚集;聚集在某人的周围;
What is the purpose of my human? 作为一个人,我生命的意义是什么？
Out of anyone in my family, I felt the most akin to my grandmother. 在我的家庭里, 我跟奶奶是最像的。
akin:adj.类似的;同类的;同族的;
I mean, we share the most traits in common. 我是说,我们有太多相似的地方。
traits:n.特性,特质,性格(trait的复数);
Not so much these days. 这些天有所改变了。
Death really changes people. 死亡真是太能改变一个人了。
But that -- 但是,那就是
(Laughter) （笑声）
is my grandmother's sense of humor . 那就是我奶奶的幽默感。
humor:n.幽默;心情;情绪;脾气;v.迎合;迁就;
But the person I felt most akin to in the world was a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother , a great-great-grandmother. 但是在这个世界上 我最亲近的人 是母亲,祖母,曾祖母, 曾曾祖母。
great-grandmother:n.曾祖母;外曾祖母;
Me? I represented the very end of my branch of the family tree . 我呢？我家族的这棵大树, 在我这里终结。
represented:v.代表; (represent的过去式和过去分词) family tree:n.家谱;谱系图;
And I wasn't entirely sure I was still connected to the trunk. 我都不确定我是否 跟这棵树还连在一起。
What was the purpose of my human? 那我生命的意义是什么呢？
The year after my grandmother's death was the most intensely creative of my life. 我祖母去世之后的一年, 是我有生以来 创作最活跃的一年。
intensely:adv.强烈地;紧张地;热情地; creative:adj.创造性的;
And I suppose that's because, at an end, my thoughts gather more than they scatter . 我想那是因为,终于, 我可以把思绪聚拢起来, 而不像过去那样 散落一地。
suppose:v.推断:假定:假设:设想: scatter:v.分散;驱散;散开;撒播;n.散落;三三两两;
My thought process is not linear . 我的思维过程不是线性的,
process:v.处理;加工;列队行进;n.过程,进行;方法,adj.经过特殊加工(或处理)的; linear:adj.线的,线型的;直线的,线状的;长度的;
I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts. 我是一个视觉思考者。 我可以看到我的思想。
visual:adj.视觉的,视力的;栩栩如生的;
I don't have a photographic memory , and nor is my head a static gallery of sensibly collected think pieces. 我没有那种图片式的记忆, 我的头脑也不是一个静态的画廊, 能理性地收藏各种思绪的片段。
photographic memory:n.精确的记忆力; static:adj.静止的; n.[物]静电(干扰); gallery:n.画廊;走廊;旁听席;地道;v.在…修建走廊;挖地道; sensibly:adv.明显地;容易感知地;聪明地;
It's more that I've got this ever-evolving language of hieroglyphics that I've developed and can understand fluently and think deeply with. 它更像是不断累计的 象形文字。 我自己创造了这些文字, 并且可以轻松地理解和 用来做深度思考,
ever-evolving:循环的;旋转的,轮转式的; hieroglyphics:n.[语]象形文字;难以辨认或理解的文字(hieroglyphic的复数形式); fluently:adv.流利地;通畅地;
but I struggle to translate . 但是我无法翻译这些象形文字。
translate:v.翻译;被翻译;被译成;(使)转变;
I can't paint, draw, sculpt , or even haberdash, and as for the written word, 我不会油画,素描,雕塑 我甚至不会搭配衣服。 而对于书面文字
sculpt:vt.造型;雕刻;vi.造型;雕刻;n.雕刻品;
I'm OK at it but it's a tortuous process of translation, and I don't feel it does the job. 我还可以但是这个 翻译过程太折磨人了。 而且我总觉得词不达意。
tortuous:adj.扭曲的,弯曲的;啰嗦的;
And as far as speaking my own mind, like I said, I'm not great at it. 所以就像我说的, 我不擅长表达自己的思想。
as far as:至于…;
Speech has always felt like an inadequate freeze-frame for the life inside of me. 总是觉得语言对于 我内心的表达 如同错误定格的照片。
inadequate:adj.不充分的,不适当的; freeze-frame:n.定格;vt.把(图像)定格;
All this to say, 总而言之,
I've always understood far more than I've ever been able to communicate. 我思考的深度远远 胜过我的表达能力。
Now, about a year before Grandma died, 在我奶奶去世一年前,
I was formally diagnosed with autism . 我被正式诊断患有自闭症。
diagnosed:v.诊断(疾病);判断(问题的原因);(diagnose的过去分词和过去式) autism:n.[心理][内科]孤独症;自我中心主义;
Now for me, that was mostly good news. 这对于现在的我,差不多 算是一个好消息。
I always thought that I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person because I was depressed and anxious. 我总是觉得我无法像正常人一样 理清我的生活, 因为我总是抑郁和焦虑。
depressed:adj.沮丧的; v.使抑郁; (depress的过去式和过去分词)
But it turns out 但事实是,
I was depressed and anxious because I couldn't sort my life out like a normal person, because I was not a normal person, and I didn't know it. 我的抑郁和焦虑 是由于我无法像正常人一样, 理清我的生活, 因为我就不是一个“正常”的人。 可我那时并不知道。
Now, this is not to say I still don't struggle. 现在,并不是说, 我不再挣扎了。
Every day is a bit of a struggle, to be honest. 每一天还是会挣扎, 坦白讲。
But at least now I know what my struggle is, and getting to the starting line of normal is not it. 但少现在我知道 我为什么挣扎。 我并不是要挣扎着 成为一个“正常”的人
My struggle is not to escape the storm. 我的挣扎并不是 逃离风暴,
My struggle is to find the eye of the storm as best I can. 我的挣扎是尽我的能力, 找到风暴眼。
Now, apart from the usual way us spectrum types find our calm -- repetitive behaviors, routine and obsessive thinking -- 我除了使用通常的方法 找到心灵的宁静-- 比如强迫行为,习惯性的 强迫思维--
spectrum:n.光谱;频谱;范围;余象; repetitive:adj.重复的; obsessive:adj.强迫性的;着迷的;分神的;
I have another surprising doorway into the eye of the storm: stand-up comedy. 我惊讶地发现了另一个 通往风暴眼的途径: 单人喜剧表演。
doorway:n.门口;途径;
And if you need any more proof I'm neurodivergent, yes, 如果你需要更多证据的话, 没错,我是神经多样性的,
proof:n.证据;证实;adj.能抵御;可防护;
I am calm doing a thing that scares the hell out of most people. 有些事能把多数人吓得要死, 我却能镇定自若,
I'm almost dead inside up here. 因为我本来就心如死水。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Diagnosis gave me a framework on which to hang bits of me 这个诊断给了我一个空间, 可以归置那些,
Diagnosis:n.诊断;
I could never understand. 自己都不能理解的东西。
My misfit suddenly had a fit, and for a while , I got giddy with a newfound confidence 我的格格不入 忽然有了安放之地。 有一段时间,这刚刚找到 的思考的自信
misfit:n.不适合;不适应环境的人;vt.对…不适合; for a while:adv.片刻;暂时;一会儿;一时; giddy:adj.头晕的; v.使晕眩; vi.眼花; newfound:adj.新发现的;新得到的; confidence:n.信心;信任;秘密;adj.(美)诈骗的;骗得信任的;
I had in my thinking. 让我兴奋不已。
But after Grandma died, that confidence took a dive , because thinking is how I grieve . 但是奶奶过世后 这份自信跌入谷底, 因为我哀悼她的方式 就是思考。
dive:n.潜水;跳水;俯冲;猛冲;v.猛冲;(头朝下)跳入水中;[体]跳水(运动); grieve:v.使悲伤,使苦恼;悲痛,哀悼;
And in that grief of thought, 而在这哀伤的思考中,
grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸;
I could suddenly see with so much clarity just how profoundly isolated I was and always had been. 我忽然清晰地认识到 我一直以来是多么地 与世隔绝。
clarity:n.清楚,明晰;透明; profoundly:adv.深刻地;深深地;极度地; isolated:adj.偏远的; v.隔离,孤立,脱离;
What was the purpose of my human? 那么我生命的意义是什么呢？
I began to think a lot about how autism and PTSD have so much in common. 我开始思考很多 自闭症和PTSD（心理创伤）的相似之处。
PTSD:abbr.创伤后精神紧张性精神障碍(post-traumaticstressdisorder);
And I started to worry, because I had both. 我开始担心, 因为我受这两种病症的困扰。
Could I ever untangle them? 我能最终得到解脱吗？
untangle:vt.清理;整顿;解开…纠结;
I'd always been told that the way out of trauma was through a cohesive narrative . 我总是听说, 走出创伤的途径 是通过连贯的叙述。
cohesive:adj.有结合力的;紧密结合的;有粘着力的; narrative:n.叙述;故事;讲述;adj.叙事的,叙述的;叙事体的;
I had a cohesive narrative, but I was still at the mercy of my traumas. 我有过连贯的叙述, 但是我还是饱受 创伤之苦。
mercy:n.仁慈,宽容;怜悯;幸运;善行;
They're all part of my soup, but the onions still stung . 它们已经融入汤里, 但是洋葱还是辣的。
stung:刺,使疼痛(sting的过去式及过去分词)
And at that point, I realized that I'd been telling my stories for laughs. 那个时候,我意识到 我讲述故事的时候 只是为了娱乐效果。
I'd been trimming away the darkness, cutting away the pain and holding on to my trauma for the comfort of my audience. 我修剪掉了黑暗的部分, 切掉了痛苦, 我呈现给观众的创伤, 只为取悦他们。
trimming:n.(菜肴的)配料; v.修剪; (trim的现在分词)
I was connecting other people through laughs, yet I remained profoundly disconnected . 我是想通过笑声 与其他人建立联系。 但是内心深处, 我与人深深地隔绝。
disconnected:adj.分离的; v.切断(煤气、水或电的供应); (disconnect的过去式和过去分词)
What was the purpose of my human? 那么我生命的意义何在呢？
I did not have an answer, but I had an idea. 我那时没有一个答案。 但是我有了一个想法。
I had an idea to tell my truth, all of it, not to share laughs but to share the literal, visceral pain of my trauma. 我想出办法来讲出 故事真相, 毫无保留的真相。 不是为了取悦观众, 而是分享我真实的,切肤的创伤。
visceral:adj.内脏的;出于本能的;发自肺腑的;粗俗的;
And I thought the best way to do that would be through a comedy show. 我觉得最好的方式 就是通过喜剧表演。
And that is what I did. 于是我就这么做了。
I wrote a comedy show that did not respect the punchline , that line where comedians are expected and trusted to pull their punches and turn them into tickles . 我在创作的时候 没有遵循击中笑点的模式, 那种喜剧演员常用的方式, 来抖出他们的包袱, 让观众发笑。
punchline:n.结尾警语;妙语如珠; comedians:n.滑稽演员;喜剧演员;(comedian的复数) punches:v.用拳猛击(punch的第三人称单数形式); n.一拳(punch的复数); tickles:v.(使)发痒;逗乐;使高兴;使满足;(tickle的第三人称单数)
I did not stop. 我没有到此为止。
I punched through that line into the metaphorical guts of my audience. 我击穿了这个笑点, 就如同击中观众的肺腑。
punched:v.拳打;以拳痛击;给…打孔;按(键);(punch的过去分词和过去式) metaphorical:adj.比喻性的,隐喻性的; guts:n.勇气;肠道;内脏;v.损毁内部;取出…的内脏;(gut的第三人称单数和复数)
I did not want to make them laugh. 我不想让他们发笑,
I wanted to take their breath away, to shock them, so they could listen to my story and hold my pain as individuals , not as a mindless , laughing mob . 我想让他们感到窒息, 让他们震惊。 这样他们才能聆听 我的故事,碰触我的痛。 是作为一个人,而不是一群 没心没肺傻笑的观众。
individuals:n.[经]个人;[生物]个体(individual的复数); mindless:adj.愚蠢的;不小心的;不需要动脑筋的;不顾虑的; mob:n.人群;(尤指)暴民;一群;一帮;v.(鸟群或兽群)围攻;围拢;
And that's what I did, and I called that show "Nanette." 这就是我所做的, 我把那场演出叫做“娜娜”
Now, many -- 现在, 很多--
(Applause) （掌声）
Now, many have argued that "Nanette" is not a comedy show. 现在,很多人在争论, 说“娜娜”不是喜剧秀。
And while I can agree "Nanette" is definitely not a comedy show, those people are still wrong -- 尽管我认同“娜娜” 绝对不是喜剧秀, 这些人还是错了--
definitely:adv.清楚地,当然;明确地,肯定地;
(Laughter) （笑声）
because they have framed their argument as a way of saying I failed to do comedy. 因为他们的争论 局限在 我的喜剧秀是否失败了。
framed:v.给…做框;给…镶边;制订;拟订;(frame的过去分词和过去式)
I did not fail to do comedy. 我的喜剧秀没有失败。
I took everything I knew about comedy -- all the tricks, the tools, the know-how -- 我用我对喜剧所有的知识 -- 所有的技巧,工具和步骤--
know-how:n.诀窍;实际知识;专门技能;
I took all that, and with it, I broke comedy. 我运用了所有这些, 并把它们作为武器,冲破了喜剧。
You cannot break comedy with comedy if you fail at comedy. 你是没办法用喜剧 突破喜剧的, 要是你的喜剧秀失败的话。
Flaccid be thy hammer . 绵里藏针。
Flaccid:adj.[医]弛缓的;软弱的;无活力的; thy:pron.你的; hammer:n.锤子; v.锤打;
(Laughter) (Applause) （笑声） （掌声）
That was not my point. 但这不是我想说的,
The point was not simply to break comedy. 我想说的不仅仅是 冲破喜剧模式。
The point was to break comedy so I could rebuild it and reshape it, reform it into something that could better hold everything 我是说冲破喜剧模式后, 我可以重建和重塑它。 使它能更好地容纳一切
reshape:vt.改造;再成形; reform:v.改革;改进;改良;(使)悔改;n.改革;改良;改善;
I needed to share, and that is what I meant when I said I quit comedy. 我想要分享给大家的东西。 这就是我所说的, 离开喜剧。
Now, it's probably at this point where you're going, "Yeah, cool, but what are the three ideas, exactly? 现在,大约你们可以说一声 “哦,太棒了, 但是到底那三个观点 是什么呢？
It's a bit vague ." 还是没弄清楚。”
vague:adj.模糊的;含糊的;不明确的;暧昧的;
I'm glad I pretended you asked. 我很高兴你们问我 这个问题（我假装你们问的）。
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you who have already identified three ideas. 现在,我可以肯定很多人 已经发现了三个观点。
quite a few:不少,相当多; identified:v.确认;认出;找到;发现;说明身份;(identify的过去式和过去分词)
A smart crowd, by all accounts, so I wouldn't be surprised at all. 反正你们都挺聪明的, 所以我一点都不 感到意外。
But you might be surprised to find out that I don't have three ideas. 但你们可能会很意外, 其实我没有三个观点。
I told you I had three ideas, and that was a lie. 我跟你们说我有三个观点 其实是骗你们的。
That was pure misdirection -- I'm very funny. 纯粹是想误导你们--- 我好玩吧。
misdirection:n.指示错误,指导错误;写错信封地址;
What I've done instead is I've taken whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds, and I've scattered them all throughout my talk. 我刚才所做的, 是把我所有的观点当作种子, 撒播在我演讲的全过程里。
scattered:adj.零散的; v.撒; (scatter的过去分词和过去式) throughout:adv.自始至终,到处;全部;prep.贯穿,遍及;
And why did I do that? 我为什么要这么做？
Well, apart from shits and giggles , it comes down to something my grandma always used to say. 除了那些无聊和傻笑, 沉淀下来后, 就如同奶奶说的,
shits:v.拉屎(shit的第三人称单数); giggles:n.笑声;一阵傻笑(giggle的复数);vi.咯咯地笑(giggle的第三人称单数);
'"It's not the garden, it's the gardening that counts." “重要的不是花园本身, 而是耕种花草的过程。”
And "Nanette" taught me the truth to that truism . 而“娜娜”让我学会了 这句老生常谈中的真理。
truism:n.自明之理;老生常谈;老套;众所周知;真实性;
I fully expected by breaking the contract of comedy and telling my story in all its truth and pain that that would push me further into the margins of both life and art. 我当时是满心以为, 通过突破喜剧的束缚 通过讲述所有的真相 和痛苦, 我会被逼到生活和艺术 的边缘。
contract:v.收缩;感染;订约;n.合同;婚约; margins:n.边缘; v.给…镶边; (margin的复数)
I expected that, and I was willing to pay that cost in order to tell my truth. 我以为,为了讲述真相 我愿意付出这个代价。
But that is not what happened. 但是事实并不是这样。
The world did not push me away. It pulled me closer. 这个世界没有远离我, 而是拉近了我。
Through an act of disconnection , I found connection. 我用一种疏离的行为 找到了与世界的联系。
disconnection:n.[电]断开;分离,切断;
And it took me a long time to understand that what is at the heart of that contradiction is also at the heart of the contradiction as to why I can be so good at something I am so bad at. 我花了很长时间才明白, 这个矛盾的关键 也是我下一个矛盾的关键。 那就是为什么我会如此擅长 一件我这么不擅长的事情。
You see, in the real world, 你看,在现实世界中,
I struggle to talk to people because my neurodiversity makes it difficult for me to think, listen, speak and process new information all at the same time . 我跟人交谈都很困难, 因为我的神经多样性 使我很难去思考 聆听,讨论和处理新的信息。 无法同时进行。
neurodiversity:神经多元性;神经系统多元化; at the same time:同时;另一方面;与此同时;
But onstage , I don't have to think. 但是在舞台上 我不需要思考。
onstage:adj.台上的;台上演出的;adv.上台;上场;
I prepare my thinks well in advance . 我提前准备好了 我的思路。
in advance:adv.预先,提前;
I don't have to listen. That is your job. 我也不需要聆听, 那是你们的事儿。
(Laughter) （笑声）
And I don't really have to talk, because, strictly speaking, I'm reciting . 我都不需要交谈, 因为严格说来,我是在背诵。
reciting:v.背诵,吟诵,朗诵;列举;逐一讲述;(recite的现在分词)
So all that is left is for me to do my best to make a genuine connection with my audience. 所以,我所能做的, 就是尽我所能, 与我的观众建立 真诚的联系。
genuine:adj.真实的,真正的;诚恳的;
And if the experience of "Nanette" taught me anything, it's that connection depends not just on me. 如果说制作“娜娜” 让我学到了什么, 那就是这种联系 不是我一个人的事情,
You play a part. 也包括你们。
'"Nanette" may have begun in me, but she now lives and grows in a whole world of other minds, minds I do not share. “娜娜”是从我心里产生的, 但是她现在在世界各地, 许多人的心中生根发芽。 这些人想些什么, 我不得而知。
But I trust I am connected. 但我相信 我与他们建立了联系。
And in that, she is so much bigger than me, just like the purpose of being human is so much bigger than all of us. 从这个意义上说, 娜娜比我更宏大, 就如同生命的意义 要远远大于我们所有的人。
Make of that what you will. 如何理解这些 是你们自己的事情了。
Thank you, and hello. 谢谢,你好！
(Applause) （掌声）