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GuyWinch_2017-_如何修复破碎的心_
At some point in our lives, almost every one of us will have our heart broken. 几乎每个人,在人生中的某个时点, 都会遇到心碎的状况。
My patient Kathy planned her wedding when she was in middle school . 我的病人凯西还在中学时 就规划了她的婚礼。
patient:adj.有耐心的,能容忍的;n.病人;患者; middle school:n.初中;(英国为9到13岁儿童所设的)中间学校;
She would meet her future husband by age 27, get engaged a year later and get married a year after that. 她遇到未来老公的时间 会是在二十七岁时, 一年后他们会订婚, 再一年后结婚。
engaged:adj.已订婚的; v.吸引住; (engage的过去分词和过去式)
But when Kathy turned 27, she didn't find a husband. 但当凯西二十七岁时, 她没有找到老公。
She found a lump in her breast. 她找到的,是胸部的肿块。
lump:n.肿块;(通常为无定形的)块;隆起;笨重的人;v.把…归并一起(或合起来考虑);
She went through many months of harsh chemotherapy and painful surgeries , and then just as she was ready to jump back into the dating world, she found a lump in her other breast and had to do it all over again. 她经历了很多个月的辛苦化疗, 以及痛苦的手术, 接着,就在她准备要 跳回来约会的世界时, 她在另一边的胸部发现了肿块, 整个过程都得再重来一次。
harsh:adj.严厉的;严酷的;刺耳的;粗糙的;刺目的; chemotherapy:n.[临床]化学疗法; painful:adj.痛苦的;疼痛的;令人不快的; surgeries:n.外科手术(surgery复数);
Kathy recovered, though, and she was eager to resume her search for a husband as soon as her eyebrows grew back in. 不过,凯西恢复了, 她很热切地想继续寻找她的老公, 她打算等眉毛长回来就马上行动。
resume:n.简历;v.继续;重返; as soon as:一…就; eyebrows:n.眉;眉毛;(eyebrow的复数)
When you're going on first dates in New York City, you need to be able to express a wide range of emotions . 当你在纽约市去赴第一次约会, 你得要能够表现出很多种情绪。
express:v.表达; adj.特快的; n.特快列车; v.使用快速服务; emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数)
(Laughter) （笑声）
Soon afterwards, she met Rich and fell in love. 没多久之后, 她遇见了雷奇,陷入热恋。
The relationship was everything she hoped it would be. 这段感情完全是她所希望的那样子。
Six months later, after a lovely weekend in New England, 六个月之后, 在新英格兰度过了 一个美好的周末之后,
Rich made reservations at their favorite romantic restaurant. 雷奇订了他们最喜欢的浪漫餐厅。
reservations:n.保留;预定(reservation的复数形式); romantic:adj.浪漫的;爱情的;n.浪漫的人;耽于幻想的人;
Kathy knew he was going to propose , and she could barely contain her excitement . 凯西知道他要求婚了, 她兴奋难耐。
propose:v.建议;提议;求婚;打算; barely:adv.仅仅,勉强;几乎不;公开地;贫乏地; excitement:n.兴奋;刺激;令人兴奋的事物;
But Rich did not propose to Kathy that night. 但那晚,雷奇并没有向凯西求婚。
He broke up with her. 他和她分手了。
As deeply as he cared for Kathy -- and he did -- he simply wasn't in love. 尽管他对凯西的关心很深 ──他真的关心过── 但他就是没有爱上她。
Kathy was shattered . 凯西很震惊。
shattered:adj.受到严重打击的; v.(使)破碎,碎裂; (shatter的过去式和过去分词)
Her heart was truly broken, and she now faced yet another recovery . 她的心真的碎了, 她现在又要面临一次复原。
recovery:n.恢复,复原;痊愈;重获;
But five months after the breakup, 但在分手后五个月,
Kathy still couldn't stop thinking about Rich. 凯西仍然无法不去想雷奇。
Her heart was still very much broken. 她的心仍然支离破碎。
The question is: 问题是:
Why? 为什么？
Why was this incredibly strong and determined woman unable to marshal the same emotional resources that got her through four years of cancer treatments ? 为什么这个极度坚强且坚定的女性, 没有办法去整理这些和她 四年癌症治疗同样的情绪来源？
incredibly:adv.难以置信地;非常地; determined:adj.决定了的:v.决定;(determine的过去分词和过去式) marshal:n.元帅;司仪;执行官;v.收集;安排;控制人群; emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的; resources:n.[计][环境]资源; v.向…提供资金(resource的第三人称单数); cancer:n.癌症;恶性肿瘤; treatments:n.治疗;疗法;对待;处理;讨论;(treatment的复数)
Why do so many of us flounder when we're trying to recover from heartbreak ? 为什么有这么多人 试着从心碎中复原时,都那么挣扎？
flounder:vi.挣扎,折腾;错乱地做事或说话;n.挣扎,辗转;比目鱼; heartbreak:n.心碎;伤心事;
Why do the same coping mechanisms that get us through all kinds of life challenges fail us so miserably when our heart gets broken? 为什么明明这些处理机制 能幫我们走过各种人生中的困难, 却在我们的心碎时刻, 完全派不上用场？
coping:n.墙压顶;v.(成功地)对付,处理;(cope的现在分词) mechanisms:n.机制;[机]机构(mechanism的复数);机械;[机]机构学; miserably:adv.贫困地;可悲地;糟糕地;非常不幸地;
In over 20 years of private practice , 我私人执業的时间超过二十年,
private practice:n.私人开业;私人医生开业;
I have seen people of every age and background face every manner of heartbreak, and what I've learned is this: when your heart is broken, the same instincts you ordinarily rely on will time and again lead you down the wrong path. 我见过各种年龄层、各种背景的人 面临各种心碎, 而我所学到的是: 当你的心碎了, 你平常所仰赖的那些直觉 会一而再,再而三地 引导你走向错误的路。
instincts:n.本能;天性;直觉;(instinct的复数) ordinarily:adv.通常地;一般地; time and again:adv.屡次;常常;
You simply cannot trust what your mind is telling you. 你就是不能相信你的大脑告诉你的。
For example, we know from studies of heartbroken people that having a clear understanding of why the relationship ended is really important for our ability to move on. 比如,我们从关于 心碎的人的研究得知, 清楚了解为什么感情关系会结束 对于我们能否继续 走下去是很重要的。
heartbroken:adj.悲伤的,伤心的;
Yet time and again, when we are offered a simple and honest explanation like the one Rich offered Kathy, we reject it. 但,一而再,再而三, 我们得到的是一个 简单且诚实的解释, 就像雷奇给凯西的解释, 而我们不愿接受。
reject:v.排斥;拒收;拒绝接受;不予考虑;n.废品;次品;不合格者;被剔除者;
Heartbreak creates such dramatic emotional pain, our mind tells us the cause must be equally dramatic. 心碎会造成非常戏剧性的痛苦, 我们的大脑告诉我们, 它的成因一定也是同等戏剧性的。
dramatic:adj.突然的;巨大的;令人吃惊的;激动人心的;
And that gut instinct is so powerful, it can make even the most reasonable and measured of us come up with mysteries and conspiracy theories where none exist. 那种直觉十分强大, 甚至会让最理性、最慎重的人, 都会想出些根本不存在的谜团 和阴谋论。
gut:n.勇气;肠道;内脏;v.损毁内部;取出…的内脏;adj.非理性的;本能的 reasonable:adj.合理的,公道的;通情达理的; measured:adj.缓慢谨慎的; v.测量; (measure的过去分词和过去式) come up with:提出;想出;赶上; conspiracy:n.阴谋;共谋;阴谋集团;
Kathy became convinced something must have happened during her romantic getaway with Rich that soured him on the relationship, and she became obsessed with figuring out what that was. 凯西深信,在她和雷奇 浪漫之旅的过程中 一定发生了什么事, 导致他对这段感情感到不快, 而她变得执着在要想出原因是什么。
convinced:adj.坚信; v.使确信; (convince的过去分词和过去式) getaway:n.逃走;逃跑;短假;适合旅行的地方; obsessed:v.使痴迷;使迷恋;使着迷;(obsess的过去式和过去分词)
And so she spent countless hours going through every minute of that weekend in her mind, searching her memory for clues that were not there. 于是,她花了无数小时, 在脑中回想那个周末的每一分钟, 在记忆中寻找根本不存在的线索。
countless:adj.无数的;数不尽的; clues:n.(调查,研究等的)线索;迹象;(故事的)关键情节;(clue的复数)
Kathy's mind tricked her into initiating this wild goose chase . 凯西的大脑骗了她, 让她开始了这场徒劳的追寻。
initiating:v.开始;发起;使了解;传授;使加入;(initiate的现在分词) wild goose chase:徒劳无功;荒谬无益之追求;
But what compelled her to commit to it for so many months? 但,是什么强迫她投入 这么多个月的时间？
compelled:v.强迫;迫使;使必须;引起(反应);(compel的过去分词和过去式) commit:v.犯(罪等);干(坏事等);[法]提(审);判处;
Heartbreak is far more insidious than we realize. 心碎比我们知道的 还要更会在暗中滋生。
insidious:adj.阴险的;隐伏的;暗中为害的;狡猾的;
There is a reason we keep going down one rabbit hole after another, even when we know it's going to make us feel worse. 这就是我们会重蹈覆彻的原因, 即使我们知道这么做 会让我们感觉更糟糕。
Brain studies have shown that the withdrawal of romantic love activates the same mechanisms in our brain that get activated when addicts are withdrawing from substances like cocaine or opioids . 关于大脑的研究指出, 脱离一段爱情 会启动的大脑机制, 和成瘾者要脱离古柯碱 或鸦片这类物质时是一样的。
withdrawal:n.撤退,收回;提款;取消;退股; activates:v.[电子][物]激活;活化(activate的三单形式); activated:v.使活动;激活;使活化;(activate的过去式和过去分词) addicts:有瘾的人;对...入迷的人(addict的复数); withdrawing:v.取出;拆下;后退;回收(withdraw的现在分词); substances:n.[物]物质;基本内容;物品药物(substance的复数); cocaine:n.[药]可卡因; opioids:n.阿片类药物;类阿片;鸦片类药剂(opioid的复数形式);
Kathy was going through withdrawal. 凯西在经历的就是脱离。
And since she could not have the heroin of actually being with Rich, her unconscious mind chose the methadone of her memories with him. 她的海洛因就是 和雷奇在一起,但她得不到, 她无意识的大脑选择用 她和他的记忆当作止痛药,
heroin:n.[药][毒物]海洛因,吗啡; unconscious:adj.无意识的;失去知觉的;未发觉的; methadone:n.美沙酮;美散痛;
Her instincts told her she was trying to solve a mystery, but what she was actually doing was getting her fix. 她的直觉告诉她, 她是在试着解一个谜团, 但她真正在做的事, 是给自己注射毒品。
This is what makes heartbreak so difficult to heal . 就是这样,让心碎很难治愈。
heal:v.复原;治疗(病人);使又愉快起来;(使)结束
Addicts know they're addicted . 成瘾者知道自己有瘾。
addicted:adj.上瘾的;上瘾;成瘾;有瘾;入迷;
They know when they're shooting up. 他们在注射毒品时是有自觉的。
But heartbroken people do not. 但心碎的人没有。
But you do now. 但你现在知道了。
And if your heart is broken, you cannot ignore that. 如果你的心碎了,你不能忽略它。
ignore:v.驳回诉讼;忽视;不理睬;
You have to recognize that, as compelling as the urge is, with every trip down memory lane , every text you send, every second you spend stalking your ex on social media , you are just feeding your addiction , deepening your emotional pain and complicating your recovery. 尽管冲动很难抗拒,你仍必须了解, 你每一次的回想, 你发出的每一则讯息, 你花在社交媒体上追踪 前任情人的每一秒钟, 你都只是在满足你的瘾, 加深你情绪上的痛苦, 让你的复原变得更复杂。
recognize:v.认识;认出;辨别出;承认;意识到; compelling:adj.引人入胜的; v.强迫; (compel的现在分词) lane:n.车道;小巷;泳道;胡同; media:n.媒体;媒质(medium的复数);血管中层;浊塞音;中脉; addiction:n.瘾;嗜好;入迷; deepening:n.加深,延深;向下侵蚀;v.使深化;加深(deepen的现在分词); complicating:v.使复杂化;(complicate的现在分词)
Getting over heartbreak is not a journey . 度过心碎并不是一趟旅程。
journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行;
It's a fight, and your reason is your strongest weapon. 它是场战斗,而你的理智 是你最强的武器。
There is no breakup explanation that's going to feel satisfying. 没有任何分手解释会让人感到满意。
No rationale can take away the pain you feel. 没有逻辑理由能带走 你所感受到的痛苦。
rationale:n.基本原理;原理的阐述;
So don't search for one, don't wait for one, just accept the one you were offered or make up one yourself and then put the question to rest, because you need that closure to resist the addiction. 所以不用去找理由了, 不要再等理由了, 就接受你得到的理由吧, 不然就自己编一个, 然后就让这个问题安息, 因为你需要那个结束, 来对抗你的瘾。
closure:n.关闭;终止,结束;v.使结束;使终止;; resist:v.抵制;阻挡;反抗;回击;抵抗;忍住;n.防染剂;防蚀用涂料;防腐剂;
And you need something else as well: you have to be willing to let go, to accept that it's over. 你还需要别的: 你得要愿意放手, 接受感情已经结束。
Otherwise, your mind will feed on your hope and set you back . 不然,你的大脑会再给你希望, 让你无法前进。
set you back:让你破费;
Hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken. 当你心碎时,希望 是非常有毁灭性的。
destructive:adj.破坏的;毁灭性的;有害的,消极的;
Heartbreak is a master manipulator . 心碎,是操弄大师。
manipulator:n.[机]操纵器,调制器;操作者;
The ease with which it gets our mind to do the absolute opposite of what we need in order to recover is remarkable . 它利用舒适当手段, 让我们的大脑去做的事, 和复原所需要的完全相反, 这手段很强大。
remarkable:adj.卓越的;非凡的;值得注意的;
One of the most common tendencies we have when our heart is broken is to idealize the person who broke it. 当我们心碎时,最常见的倾向之一, 就是会理想化那个让我们心碎的人。
tendencies:趋势; idealize:vi.理想化;形成思想;vt.使理想化;理想化地描述;
We spend hours remembering their smile, how great they made us feel, that time we hiked up the mountain and made love under the stars. 我们花数小时的时间 去回想他们的笑容、 那笑容带给我们的感觉有多棒, 及我们爬上山在星空下做爱的时光。
hiked:vi.远足;徒步旅行;上升;vt.提高;拉起;使…高涨;n.远足;徒步旅行;涨价;
All that does is make our loss feel more painful. 这唯一的效果,就是 让我们的失去变得更痛苦。
We know that. 我们知道这一点。
Yet we still allow our mind to cycle through one greatest hit after another, like we were being held hostage by our own passive-aggressive Spotify playlist . 但我们仍然允许我们的大脑 陷在这不断重击的循环中, 彷佛我们被自己被动攻击的 Spotify 音乐播放清单给挾持当人质了。
hostage:n.人质;抵押品; passive-aggressive:adj.消极攻击的; Spotify:音乐播放器;音乐服务网站; playlist:n.播放列表;演出剧目表;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Heartbreak will make those thoughts pop into your mind. 心碎会让那些念头出现在你脑中。
And so to avoid idealizing , you have to balance them out by remembering their frown , not just their smile, how bad they made you feel, the fact that after the lovemaking , you got lost coming down the mountain, argued like crazy and didn't speak for two days. 为了避免理想化, 你得要将它们平衡掉, 做法就是回想起他们的 皱眉,而不只是笑容、 他们带给你多不好的感觉, 以及在做爱后,你们下山时迷了路, 吵得非常兇,两天都不说话。
idealizing:v.使理想化(idealize的现在分词); frown:n.皱眉;蹙眉头;v.皱眉; lovemaking:n.调情,求爱;性交;寄情;求婚; like crazy:拼命地;发疯似的; speak for:要求得到;代表…讲话;
What I tell my patients is to compile an exhaustive list of all the ways the person was wrong for you, all the bad qualities, all the pet peeves , and then keep it on your phone. 我告诉我的病人, 编汇一份详尽的清单, 列出这个人不适合你的每一点、 所有不好的特质、所有惹你恼火的事, 然后把那清单放在手机里。
patients:n.接受治疗者,病人;(patient的复数) compile:vt.编译;编制;编辑;[图情]汇编; exhaustive:adj.详尽的;彻底的;消耗的; peeves:v.使怨恨;使气恼(peeve的三单形式);n.气恼;讨厌的对象(peeve的复数);
(Laughter) （笑声）
And once you have your list, you have to use it. 一旦你列出了清单, 你得要使用它。
When I hear even a hint of idealizing or the faintest whiff of nostalgia in a session , 每次与病人会面, 当我感觉到有一点点理想化 或是最微弱的怀旧之情要浮现时,
hint:n.提示;暗示;迹象;窍门;v.暗示;透露;示意; faintest:adj.一点也不的(用于否定句,加强语气);极小的; whiff:n.一点儿气味;一股气味;一点点;些许;v.有臭味;发臭;挥空棒(击球未中) nostalgia:n.乡愁;怀旧之情;怀乡病; session:n.会议;(法庭的)开庭;(议会等的)开会;学期;讲习会;
I go, "Phone, please." 我会说:「请拿出手机。」
(Laughter) （笑声）
Your mind will try to tell you they were perfect. 你的大脑会试着告诉你他们很完美。
But they were not, and neither was the relationship. 但他们并不完美, 你们的关系也不完美。
And if you want to get over them, you have to remind yourself of that, frequently . 如果你想要熬过去, 你就得提醒自己这件事, 常常提醒。
remind:v.提醒;使想起; frequently:adv.频繁地,经常地;时常,屡次;
None of us is immune to heartbreak. 没有人对心碎免疫。
immune:adj.免疫的;免于…的,免除的;n.免疫者;免除者;
My patient Miguel was a 56-year-old senior executive in a software company. 我的病人,米格,五十六岁, 是软体公司的高阶主管。
senior:adj.大;级别(或地位)高的;成人的;高级水平的;n.上级;上司;较…年长的人; executive:n.管理人员; adj.经营管理的;
Five years after his wife died, he finally felt ready to start dating again. 在他的太太过世五年后, 他终于觉得准备好 可以开始再次约会了。
finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地;
He soon met Sharon, and a whirlwind romance ensued . 他很快就遇到了雪伦, 接着展开热恋。
whirlwind:n.旋风;旋风般的快速行动;adj.旋风般的; romance:n.爱情;恋爱;风流韵事;传奇故事; ensued:vi.跟着发生,接着发生;继起;vt.追求;
They introduced each other to their adult children after one month, and they moved in together after two. 一个月后,他们把彼此介绍 给对方的成年子女认识, 两个月后,他们开始同居。
When middle-aged people date, they don't mess around . 中年人约会不浪费时间。
middle-aged:adj.中年的;具有中年人特点的;适合于中年人的; mess around:浪费时间;一片狼籍;弄混;
It's like "Love, Actually" meets "The Fast and the Furious ." 这就像《爱是您,爱是我》 遇见《玩命关头》。
Furious:adj.激烈的;狂怒的;热烈兴奋的;喧闹的;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Miguel was happier than he had been in years. 米格比过去几年来都更快乐。
But the night before their first anniversary, 但在他们一周年的前一晚,
Sharon left him. 雪伦离开了他。
She had decided to move to the West Coast to be closer to her children, and she didn't want a long-distance relationship. 她决定搬到西岸, 离她的孩子们近一点, 而她不想谈远距离恋爱。
West Coast:n.美国西海岸(尤指加利福尼亚州); long-distance:adj.[通信][交]长途的;长距离的;vt.打长途电话给;adv.通过长途电话;
Miguel was totally blindsided and utterly devastated . 米格在毫无防备下受到打击, 彻底身心交瘁。
blindsided:v.攻其不备;出其不意地袭击;(blindside的过去式和过去分词) utterly:adv.完全地;绝对地;全然地;彻底地,十足地; devastated:adj.不安的,混乱的,震惊的; v.彻底破坏; (devastate的过去分词和过去式)
He barely functioned at work for many, many months, and he almost lost his job as a result . 许多许多个月,他几乎无法工作, 结果他差点丢了饭碗。
as a result:结果;
Another consequence of heartbreak is that feeling alone and in pain can significantly impair our intellectual functioning, especially when performing complex tasks involving logic and reasoning. 心碎的另一个后果 就是孤独和痛苦的感受 能显着破坏我们的智力运作, 特别是在进行涉及逻辑 和推理的复杂工作时。
consequence:n.结果;重要性;推论; significantly:adv.意味深长地;值得注目地; impair:vt.损害;削弱;减少; intellectual:n.知识分子;脑力劳动者;adj.智力的;脑力的;理智的;有才智的; especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分; performing:adj.表演的;演奏的;v.做;执行;演出;运转(perform的现在分词) complex:adj.复杂的;合成的;n.复合体;综合设施; involving:v.包含;需要;牵涉;牵连;影响;(使)参加;(involve的现在分词) logic:n.逻辑;逻辑学;逻辑性;adj.逻辑的;
It temporarily lowers our IQ. 它会让我们的智商暂时下降。
temporarily:adv.临时地,临时;
But it wasn't just the intensity of Miguel's grief that confused his employers; it was the duration . 但让米格的老板感到困惑的, 不只是他的悲恸强度, 还有时间长度。
intensity:n.强度;强烈;[电子]亮度;紧张; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸; confused:adj.困惑的; v.使糊涂; (confuse的过去分词和过去式) duration:n.持续时间;期间;
Miguel was confused by this as well and really quite embarrassed by it. 米格自己也对此感到困惑, 且因此觉得很不好意思。
embarrassed:adj.尴尬的;窘迫的;v.使...局促不安;(embarrass的过去分词和过去式)
'"What's wrong with me?" he asked me in our session. 「我是怎么搞的？」 心理治疗时他这样问我。
'"What adult spends almost a year getting over a one-year relationship?" 「什么样的成人会花几乎一年 才能忘怀只维持一年的感情？」
Actually, many do. 其实,很多成人都如此。
Heartbreak shares all the hallmarks of traditional loss and grief: insomnia , intrusive thoughts, immune system dysfunction . 心碎,有着传统失去 和悲伤的所有特征: 失眠、烦扰的想法、 免疫系统失衡。
hallmarks:印记; traditional:传统的,惯例的, insomnia:n.失眠症,失眠; intrusive:adj.侵入的;打扰的; immune system:n.免疫系统; dysfunction:n.功能紊乱;机能障碍;官能不良;vi.功能失调;出现机能障碍;垮掉;
Forty percent of people experience clinically measurable depression . 有四成的人会经历忧郁, 且是临床上可测量出来的程度。
clinically:adv.临床地;门诊部地;不偏不倚;通过临床诊断; measurable:adj.可测量的;重要的;重大的; depression:n.沮丧;洼地;不景气;忧愁;
Heartbreak is a complex psychological injury . 心碎是一种复杂的心理伤害。
psychological:adj.心理的;心理学的;精神上的; injury:n.伤害,损害;受伤处;
It impacts us in a multitude of ways. 它以许多方式影响着我们。
impacts:n.影响; v.有影响,有作用; multitude:n.众多;大量;群众;民众;人群;
For example, Sharon was both very social and very active. 比如,雪伦非常乐于社交, 也非常主动。
She had dinners at the house every week. 每周她都会在家中办晚餐会。
She and Miguel went on camping trips with other couples. 她和米格会和其他情侣 或夫妻一起外出露营。
Although Miguel was not religious , he accompanied Sharon to church every Sunday, where he was welcomed into the congregation . 虽然米格没有宗教信仰, 每个星期日他会陪雪伦去教堂, 在教堂,他也被会众欢迎。
religious:adj.宗教的;虔诚的;严谨的;修道的;n.修道士;尼姑; accompanied:v.陪同;陪伴;与…同时发生;为…伴奏;(accompany的过去式和过去分词) congregation:n.集会;集合;圣会;
Miguel didn't just lose his girlfriend; he lost his entire social life, the supportive community of Sharon's church. 米格失去的不只是他的女友; 他失去了他的整个社交生活, 那个支持他的社群,雪伦的教堂。
supportive:adj.支持的;支援的;赞助的; community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体;
He lost his identity as a couple. 他失去了身为「一对」的身分。
identity:n.身份;同一性,一致;特性;恒等式;
Now, Miguel recognized the breakup had left this huge void in his life, but what he failed to recognize is that it left far more than just one. 米格了解到,这次分手 让他的人生留下了一个大空洞, 但他没有发现, 留下的空洞其实不只一个。
recognized:v.认识;认出;辨别出;承认;意识到;(recognize的过去分词和过去式) void:adj.空的;无效的;无人的;n.空虚;空间;空隙;v.使无效;排放;
And that is crucial , not just because it explains why heartbreak could be so devastating , but because it tells us how to heal. 那是很关键的一点, 不单单因为它能解释为什么 心碎这么让人身心交瘁, 也因为它告诉我们如何能治愈。
crucial:adj.重要的;决定性的;定局的;决断的; devastating:adj.毁灭性的; v.毁灭; (devastate的现在分词)
To fix your broken heart , you have to identify these voids in your life and fill them, and I mean all of them. 要修补你破碎的心, 你得要辨识出你人生中的 那些空洞,并将之填补起来, 我指的是全部的空洞。
broken heart:n.破碎的心;哀恸; identify:v.识别:鉴定:确认:发现: voids:n.空洞,孔洞; v.使无效;
The voids in your identity: you have to reestablish who you are and what your life is about. 你身分中的空洞: 你得要重新建立你自己和你的生活。
reestablish:vt.恢复,重建;复兴;
The voids in your social life, the missing activities, even the empty spaces on the wall where pictures used to hang. 你社交生活中的空洞: 少掉的活动,甚至 墙壁上把以前挂的照片 取下后留下的空白处。
But none of that will do any good unless you prevent the mistakes that can set you back, the unnecessary searches for explanations, idealizing your ex instead of focusing on how they were wrong for you, 但这些都不会有用, 除非你能预防不要犯下 让你走回头路的错误, 不要一直去找没必要的解释, 不要把你的前任给理想化, 都不想想他们不适合你的地方,
indulging thoughts and behaviors that still give them a starring role in this next chapter of your life when they shouldn't be an extra . 还沉迷在让他们 像明星的行为与思想中, 在你人生的下一个章节 他们应该是多余的。
indulging:n.沉迷其中;v.沉迷(indulge的现在分词); extra:adj.额外的:n.额外的事物:adv.额外:另外:
Getting over heartbreak is hard, but if you refuse to be misled by your mind and you take steps to heal, you can significantly minimize your suffering. 度过心碎是很难的, 但如果你拒绝被你的大脑误导, 且能采取疗愈的步骤, 你就能显着地 将你所受的苦降至最低。
misled:v.把…带错方向(mislead的过去式); take steps:采取措施;采取步骤; minimize:v.使减少到最低限度;降低;贬低;使显得不重要;
And it won't just be you who benefit from that. 受惠的不只有你。
You'll be more present with your friends, more engaged with your family, not to mention the billions of dollars of compromised productivity in the workplace that could be avoided. 和朋友一起时,你就更能处在当下, 和家人更紧密, 更不用说在工作上 因为生产力降低而造成的 数十亿损失,那是可避免的。
not to mention:更不必说;不必提及; compromised:v.妥协,折中,让步; (compromise的过去分词和过去式) productivity:n.生产力;生产率;生产能力; workplace:n.工作场所;车间;
So if you know someone who is heartbroken, have compassion , because social support has been found to be important for their recovery. 所以,如果你认识一个心碎的人, 要有同理心, 因为社交上的支持已证实 对他们的恢复是很重要的。
compassion:n.同情;怜悯;
And have patience , because it's going to take them longer to move on than you think it should. 要有耐心, 因为要让他们继续前进 花的时间会比你预期的还长。
patience:n.耐性,耐心;忍耐,容忍;
And if you're hurting, know this: it's difficult, it is a battle within your own mind, and you have to be diligent to win. 如果你会痛, 要知道这一点: 这很辛苦,这是场 在你自己脑中的战斗, 你得要很勤奋才能赢。
diligent:adj.勤勉的;用功的,费尽心血的;
But you do have weapons. 但你确实有武器。
You can fight. 你能战斗。
And you will heal. 且你会复原。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）