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EstelleGibson_2019X-_财务依赖的真正成本_-
I grew up in a family where my father managed all of the money. 我在一个由父亲管理 所有钱的家庭中长大。
But for some reason, when I was eight or nine years old, he started showing me things about money. 但由于某种原因, 当我八、九岁时, 他开始向我展示一些关于钱的事情。
We would sit at the kitchen table, and he'd show me all the bank books. 我们坐在厨房的桌子旁, 他会开始给我看所有的银行存折。
Now, that was back in the day before the internet, when we used to have little books that we used to keep our information in. 但是,那是在 互联网出现之前, 我们曾经使用存折 去储存我们的信息。
back in the day:在过去,在以前;
And he would show me how he saved in these accounts, and he'd pay bills out of these. 他会告诉我 他如何保存这些账户, 然后用这些钱来支付账单。
And every time he would show me something about money, he would end by saying, "And don't you tell your mother." 每当他向我展示 一些关于钱的东西时, 最后都会附上一句, “千万不要告诉妈妈。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, to this day , I really don't know why he said that, but what I do know is, to that eight-year-old girl sitting at the kitchen table, it meant, "Don't say a word." 直到今天,我都完全不知道 他为什么这么说, 但是我知道的是, 对于坐在厨房桌子旁的八岁女孩, 这意味着“一个字都不要说。”
to this day:至今;
Years later, when I got my first job, my father said, "You'll bring me your check, and I'll put it in the bank for you." 几年后,当我找到 第一份工作时,父亲说: “你要把你的支票给我, 我会为你把它存进银行。”
But because of what he taught me years before, I said, "I'd like my bank book." 但是因为他在几年前 教我的事,我说: “我要我自己的银行存折。”
And to my surprise, he gave it to me. 让我惊讶的是, 他把存折给我了。
Right then, at 16 years old, 在那时,十六岁的我,
I began managing my own money. 开始管理我自己的钱。
I went on to college and then to start my new career as a CPA, but now, with students loans, getting an apartment and a new job, 大学毕业后,我开始了 注册会计师的职业生涯, 但是现在,背负了学生贷款, 找到了住所和新的工作,
career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历;
I began the roller-coaster ride of accumulating debt , paying it off and accumulating more. 我开始了“积累债务— 还清债务—积累更多债务”的 跌宕起伏的财物之旅。
roller-coaster:过山车; accumulating:n.[数]累加;v.积累(accumulate的ing形式); debt:n.债务;借款;罪过;
Many years later, after getting married, I went through an unexpected divorce , and I was left with a house I couldn't afford and bills I couldn't pay. 多年以后,我经历了一次意外的离婚, 我无法负担余下的房屋贷款 和账单。
unexpected:adj.意外的,想不到的; divorce:n.离婚;分离;v.与某人离婚;使分离; afford:v.给予,提供;买得起;
You might be wondering, "How does that happen to someone that's educated and skilled at managing people's money?" 你可能想知道, “这件事为什么会发生在 一个曾经受过高等教育, 并且善于与钱打交道的人身上呢？”
skilled:adj.熟练的;有技能的;需要技能的;
I had reverted back to what I learned growing up: that one person managed all the money. 我从自己的成长经历开始反思: 即一个人管理所有的钱。
reverted:回复;
I had handed over my financial power, and I had become financially dependent . 我交出了我的理财权, 并产生了财务依赖。
financially:adv.财政上;金融上; dependent:adj.取决于;依靠的;依赖的;有瘾的;n.受赡养者;扈从;依存[从属]物;
Financial dependency is when someone is dependent on a person, a job or a situation for money, and they feel trapped . 财务依赖是指 某人在财务上依赖于他人, 一份工作或者是一份收入, 然后他们就会感觉被困住了。
dependency:n.属国;从属;从属物; dependent on:依赖于;依靠; trapped:adj.受困的;受限制的;v.使落入险境;使陷入困境;(trap的过去分词和过去式)
People fall into two categories : dependent with choice and dependent without a choice. 这样的人通常分为两类: 有选择的依赖和 没有选择的依赖。
categories:n.(人或事物的)类别,种类(category的复数)
Someone is dependent with choice when they hand over their financial power and their participation . 有选择的财务依赖指的是, 人们选择交出理财权, 并不再参与财务管理。
participation:n.参与;分享;参股;
It can happen in personal or business relationships when one person doesn't want to be involved with the money, so they hand over the responsibility to a spouse , a partner or a professional , like an accountant or a manager. 这种情况可能发生在个人 或者业务关系中—— 当一个人不想参与财务管理时, 会将责任移交给 配偶、伙伴或者专业人士, 比如会计师或经理。
personal:adj.个人的;身体的;亲自的;n.人事消息栏;人称代名词; involved:adj.有关的; v.涉及; (involve的过去式和过去分词) spouse:n.配偶;vt.和…结婚; professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员; accountant:n.会计;会计师;
This was my situation. 这就是我当时的情况。
I spent all day long managing other people's money, so I was relieved that my husband was interested and good at managing ours. 我整天都在管理别人的钱, 所以当我的丈夫表现得感兴趣, 并且擅长管理家庭财务, 我开始感到如释重负。
all day long:"allday"的变体;整天;一整天;终日; relieved:adj.释然的; v.缓解;
I was free! 我解放了！
For the first time since that first job at 16 years old, 自从 16 岁的第一份工作以来,
I didn't have to be responsible for managing my money. 我终于不必负责管理我的钱。
responsible:adj.负责的,可靠的;有责任的;
But what I failed to realize was what felt like freedom was really dependency. 但是我没有意识到的是, 所谓的自由 其实是一种依赖。
My mistake is that I didn't stay involved or understand what was going on with our money. 我的错误是,我没有参与其中, 或者了解家里的收支状况。
You may have experienced this yourself, or you may have heard stories of celebrities or professional athletes that have relied on family, friends and others to manage their money, and they are left broke, bankrupt and betrayed because they made the choice to hand over their financial power. 你可能自己经历过, 或者可能听过 名人或专业运动员 如何依靠家人、朋友 和其他人管理自己的钱, 导致他们破产了或者被出卖了, 因为他们做出了 交出财务权力的选择。
celebrities:n.名人;名誉;(celebrity的复数) athletes:n.运动员;身强体健的人(athlete的复数形式); relied:v.依赖;依靠;信赖;信任;(rely的过去分词和过去式) bankrupt:adj.破产;倒闭;完全缺乏(有价值的东西);n.(经法院判决的)破产者;v.使破产; betrayed:v.出卖;泄露机密;辜负;对…不忠;(betray的过去分词和过去式)
Someone that's dependent without a choice feels trapped because of their financial situation. 一个没有选择的依赖者 会因为他们的财务状况 而感到被困住了。
They can be in a job or career where they're unhappy or being harassed but they can't afford to leave. 他们可能在一份工作或职业中 感到不开心或受到了骚扰, 但是他们无法承担离开的代价。
harassed:adj.疲惫焦虑的;v.侵扰;骚扰;不断攻击(敌人);(harass的过去分词和过去式)
Or, someone that's had to move in with family and friends because they've had an illness or gone through a divorce or experienced a tragedy , and now they're financially dependent on others. 还有一些人因为疾病、离婚, 或者某些不幸的遭遇, 不得不搬去 和家人或者朋友一起住, 他们也只能在经济上依赖别人。
tragedy:n.悲惨的事;不幸;灾难;悲剧作品;
And how many of us know someone that has an elderly parent or a relative that can no longer take care of themselves, and they're left to rely on others, sometimes handing over their homes, their money and other assets . 此外,我们当中有多少人认识这样的人: 他们的家里有生活不能自理的 年迈父母或亲戚, 只能依赖别人维持生活, 有时不得不交出他们的房屋、 金钱或者其他资产作为交换？
elderly:adj.上了年纪的;过了中年的;稍老的; relative:adj.相对的;有关系的;成比例的;n.亲戚;相关物;[语]关系词;亲缘植物; rely:vi.依靠;信赖; assets:n.资产;宝贵的人材;(一项)财物;资产;(asset的名词复数)
Another type of dependency without a choice is financial abuse . 另一种没有选择的财务依赖 是财务虐待。
abuse:n.滥用;虐待;辱骂;弊端;恶习,陋习;v.滥用;虐待;辱骂;
Financial abuse is a pattern of abusive behavior used to control and intimidate a partner. 财务虐待是一种用来控制或者 恐吓伴侣的虐待行为模式。
abusive:adj.辱骂的;滥用的;虐待的; intimidate:vt.恐吓,威胁;胁迫;
Victims are in a relationship, and the other person has power over them, because they don't have access to money, information or the resources and support they need to leave. 受害者处于恋爱关系中, 而另一个人有权控制他们, 因为他们无法获取金钱、信息 或者离开的资源和支持。
resources:n.[计][环境]资源; v.向…提供资金(resource的第三人称单数);
The Allstate Foundation has a program called the Purple Purse that helps victims of domestic violence through financial empowerment . 好事达基金会（Allstate Foundation） 有一个名为“紫色钱包”的项目, 通过财务授权, 帮助遭受财务虐待的受害者。
Foundation:n.基础;地基;基金会;根据;创立; Purple:n.紫色;紫袍;v.变紫;使成紫色;adj.紫色的;华丽的文辞; Purse:n.钱包;资金;财源;备用款;v.噘嘴; domestic:n.佣人;家佣;家庭纠纷;家庭矛盾;adj.本国的;国内的;家用的;家庭的; violence:n.暴力;侵犯;激烈;歪曲; empowerment:n.许可,授权;
They report that 99 percent -- in 99 out of one hundred domestic violence cases -- financial abuse helps keep victims trapped in their relationship. 他们在报告中指出 —— 在 99% 的家庭暴力案件中, 财务虐待迫使受害者 受困于当前的恋爱关系中无法脱身。
The Purple Purse has coined financial abuse "the invisible weapon," “紫色钱包”创造了 金融虐待的“隐形武器”,
invisible:adj.看不见的;n.看不见的人或物;
because visible abuse leaves bruises and scars but financial abuse doesn't. 因为可见虐待会留下创伤和疤痕, 但财务虐待并不会。
bruises:v.(使)出现伤痕; n.碰伤; (bruise的第三人称单数和复数)
Financial abuse and financial dependency leave emotional scars that you can't see. 财务虐待和财务依赖 留下了看不见的情感伤疤。
emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的;
They include hopelessness , guilt, shame, depression , lack of confidence and self-esteem . 其中包括绝望、内疚、羞耻、沮丧、 缺乏自信和自尊。
hopelessness:n.绝望,无望;不抱希望; depression:n.沮丧;洼地;不景气;忧愁; confidence:n.信心;信任;秘密;adj.(美)诈骗的;骗得信任的; self-esteem:n.自尊;自负;自大;
Financial dependency is also invisible, because no one's talking about it. 财务依赖也是不可见的, 因为没有人在谈论它。
Why? 为什么？
Because no one wants to show their emotional scars, and because we're taught in our homes, on our jobs and in our community not to talk about money. 因为没有人愿意表现出 他们的情感伤痕, 而且因为我们在家里、 工作和社区中接受的教育是, 不要谈论金钱。
community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体;
So many people that I talk to about this issue , they can relate and they have a story, but they're not telling anyone their story. 很多跟我谈论过这个问题的人 都有切身体会, 但是不会告诉任何人他们的故事。
issue:n.重要议题;争论的问题;v.宣布;公布;发出;发行;
When I was told at the kitchen table, "Don't you tell," 就像我在厨房的桌子旁 被警告的,“不要说出去。”
I never told anyone. 我也从来没有告诉过任何人。
It's even hard for me right now to break that rule that I learned so long ago. 直到现在,我都很难打破 很久之前学到的那个规则。
So, what can I do? What can you do? 那么,要解除这种无形的武器, 我能做什么？
What can we all do to disarm this invisible weapon? 你能做些什么？ 我们所有人能做些什么？
disarm:vt.解除武装;裁军;缓和;vi.放下武器;裁减军备;
We can solve three problems. 我们可以解决三个问题。
The first problem is lack of awareness , because knowing about money and having money aren't always the solution . 第一个问题是缺乏财务独立意识, 因为了解金钱和拥有金钱 并不总是解决问题的办法。
awareness:n.意识,认识;明白,知道; solution:n.解决方案;溶液;溶解;解答;
In my situation, I was educated and experienced in managing money, but that didn't stop me from becoming financially dependent. 在我的例子中,我受过教育、 也有管理财务的经验, 但这并没有防止我产生 在经济上的依赖。
Why? 为什么？
Because of the beliefs and experiences I had growing up: one person manages all the money. 因为在我的成长过程中 一直充斥着这样的信仰和经历: 应该一个人管理所有的钱。
After my divorce, I had to rebuild my life financially and emotionally . 离婚后,我不得不在 经济上和情感上重建我的生活。
emotionally:adv.感情上;情绪上;令人激动地;情绪冲动地;
So I took every self-development course and I read every self-help book I could find. 所以我参加了每一门 自我发展的课程, 读了每一本 我能找到的自助书籍。
self-help:n.自助;自救;自立;adj.自助的;
And that's when I began to understand the dynamics of the family I grew up in and how they played a role in me handing over my financial power. 从那时起,我开始了解 我的原生家庭环境 以及它如何在我移交 自己的理财权方面发挥了作用。
dynamics:n.动力学,力学;
When you become aware of your inner bruises and scars, you can begin to break free from financial dependency. 当你意识到 自己的内在创伤和疤痕, 你就可以开始摆脱财务依赖。
inner:n.内部;射中接近靶心部分的一发;adj.里面的;向内的;内部的;接近中心的;
The next problem is lack of information about financial literacy . 下一个问题是, 缺乏有关金融知识的信息。
literacy:n.读写能力;精通文学;
Financial literacy is having the skills and the knowledge to make informed decisions about your money. 金融知识指的是,掌握相关技能和知识 来做出关于财务的明智决定。
informed:adj.见多识广的; v.通知; (inform的过去分词和过去式)
It includes topics like savings and investing , budgeting and debt. 这包括诸如储蓄和投资, 预算和债务。
savings:n.节省物;节省;节约;储蓄金;存款;(saving的复数) investing:v.投资;投入(时间、精力等);(invest的现在分词) budgeting:n.编制预算;v.做预算(budget的ing形式);
In 2018, only 17 states required financial literacy in high school curriculums . 在 2018 年,美国只有 17 个州 要求在高中课程中 包含金融知识教育。
curriculums:n.课程(curriculum的复数);
This corresponds with recent studies that show that 66 percent of Americans are financially illiterate . 这与最近的研究相符, 该研究表明 66% 的美国人 金融知识匮乏。
corresponds:v.相一致;符合;类似于;相当于;通信;(correspond的第三人称单数) illiterate:adj.文盲的;不识字的;没受教育的;n.文盲;
If you are in a financial dependency situation, start by looking and going through your finances, making decisions, participate in making decisions about your money. 如果你处于财务依赖的状态, 可以从了解你的财务状况, 参与与自己的财务状况 有关的决定开始。
participate:v.参加;参与;
If you are in a financial abuse situation, get access to your information. 如果你正遭遇财务虐待, 从接触你的财务信息入手。
Look for financial documents like bank credit card statements , social security information and account pass codes. 查找财务文件, 例如银行信用卡对账单, 社会保障信息和账户密码。
credit card:n.[经]信用卡; statements:n.说明; v.(英国)对儿童进行特殊教育评估认定; (statement的第三人称单数和复数) social security:n.社会保障金(政府定期向贫穷、失业、患病等人发放);
The last problem is lack of giving and getting support. 最后一个问题是, 缺乏给予和获得支持。
Many people don't know that there are free resources online and in your local community to help you learn and establish healthy money habits. 许多人不知道在网上和当地社区 有免费的资源, 来帮助你学习和建立 健康的理财习惯。
establish:v.创立;设立;建立;确立;使立足;查实;
There are also free resources if you are a victim of financial abuse, like the Purple Purse. 作为财务虐待行为的受害者, 你也能找到免费的资源, 就像“紫色钱包”。
victim:n.受害人;牺牲品;牺牲者;
Giving support includes listening to others that are financially dependent without judgment or criticism . 给予支持包括倾听 财务依赖的人的遭遇, 而不做任何评判或批评。
judgment:n.判断;裁判;判决书;辨别力; criticism:n.批评;批判;评论;指责;
It also involves sharing your story, because when you share your story, you empower others, and you give them the permission to rewrite their own. 当然还包括分享你的故事, 因为当你分享自己的故事时, 就可以鼓舞他人, 给予他人 去改写自己故事的力量。
involves:v.包含;需要;牵涉;牵连;影响;(使)参加,加入(involve的第三人称单数)
It's my hope that by sharing my story, more people will learn about financial dependency, will share their own stories and will connect with others to shed a light on this hidden issue so that we can all have financial freedom. 我希望通过分享我的故事, 更多人能够了解财务依赖, 开始分享他们自己的故事, 并主动与其他人交流 以阐明这个隐藏的问题, 最终帮助所有人实现财务自由。
shed:v.摆脱;去除;蜕;落;n.工棚;简易房;剪羊毛棚;挤奶棚;
(Applause) （掌声）