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EldraJackson_2018W-_我如何抛掉危险男子气概的观念_
Big boys don't cry. 男子汉有泪不轻弹。
Suck it up . 吞回去！
Suck it up:振作起来;别抱怨了;
Shut up and rub some dirt on it. 闭上嘴,想办法克服。
rub:n.擦;抹;搓;揉;v.擦;磨;搓;(使)相互磨擦; dirt:n.污垢;尘土;下流话;
Stop crying before I give you something to cry about. 再哭哭啼啼的话,小心我揍你。
These are just a few of the phrases that contribute to a disease in our society, and more specifically , in our men. 上面的话只是几个例子, 这类字眼造成我们社会的一种病, 特别是在男性社群中。
contribute to:有助于;捐献; disease:n.病,[医]疾病;弊病;vt.传染;使…有病; specifically:adv.特别地;明确地;
It's a disease that has come to be known as " toxic masculinity ." 这种病就是众所周知的 「毒性男子气概」。
toxic:adj.有毒的;中毒的; masculinity:n.男性;男子气;刚毅;
It's one I suffered a chronic case of, so much so that I spent 24 years of a life sentence in prison for kidnapping, robbery , and attempted murder. 我长期蒙受这种病害, 致使我坐监服刑了 24 年, 因为我绑架、抢劫及杀人未遂。
chronic:adj.慢性的;长期的;习惯性的; life sentence:n.无期徒刑;终身监禁; robbery:n.盗窃;抢劫;掠夺; attempted:adj.未遂的;v.努力;尝试;试图;(attempt的过去分词和过去式)
Yet I'm here to tell you today that there's a solution for this epidemic . 但今天我在这里要告诉各位, 这种流行病有解药。
solution:n.解决方案;溶液;溶解;解答; epidemic:n.流行病;蔓延;adj.传染病;流行性的;
I know for a fact the solution works, because I was a part of human trials. 我之所以知道这解药有效, 是因为我是该人体实验的一份子。
The solution is a mixture of elements . 这解药是多种元素的混合体。
mixture:n.混合;结合体;混合物;集合体; elements:n.要素;基本部分;少量;一群;(element的复数)
It begins with the willingness to look at your belief system and how out of alignment it is and how your actions negatively impact not just yourself, but the people around you. 首先你要愿意檢视自己的信念, 檢视信念偏离正轨的程度, 以及檢视你的行为如何负面地 不只影响你自己, 还殃及你周遭的人。
willingness:n.乐意;心甘情愿;自动自发; alignment:n.队列,成直线;校准;结盟; negatively:adv.消极地;否定地; impact:n.影响;效果;碰撞;冲击力;v.挤入,压紧;撞击;对…产生影响;
The next ingredient is the willingness to be vulnerable with people who would not just support you, but hold you accountable . 这解药的下个成分是, 在支持你且要求你负责任的人面前,
ingredient:n.原料;要素;组成部分;adj.构成组成部分的; vulnerable:adj.易受攻击的,易受…的攻击;易受伤害的;有弱点的; accountable:adj.有责任的;有解释义务的;可解释的;
But before I tell you about this, 但在我告诉各位这些之前,
I need to let you know that in order to share this, 我需要让各位知道, 为了分享这个,
I have to bare my soul in full. 我必须完全袒露自己的心灵。
bare:adj.空的;赤裸的,无遮蔽的;v.露出,使赤裸;
And as I stand here, with so many eyes fixed on me, 当我站在这里, 如此多双眼睛注视着我,
I feel raw and naked . 我感到赤身露体。
naked:adj.裸体的;无装饰的;无证据的;直率的;
When this feeling is present, 当有这种感觉时,
I'm confident that the next phase of healing is on the horizon , and that allows me to share my story in full. 我很自信下个复原阶段即将发生, 我才能和各位分享我全部的故事。
confident:adj.自信的;确信的; phase:n.阶段;时期;月相;(月亮的)盈亏;v.分阶段进行;逐步做; healing:n.康复; adj.痊愈中的; v.(使)康复,复原; (heal的现在分词) horizon:n.地平线;(欲望、知识或兴趣的)范围;
For all appearances' sake , I was born into the ideal family dynamic : mother, father, sister, brother. 从表面看,我出生于 家人互动美好的家庭: 有母亲、父亲、姐姐、哥哥、
sake:n.目的;利益;理由;日本米酒; dynamic:n.动力; adj.充满活力的;
Bertha, Eldra Jr., Taydama and Eldra III. 伯莎、小艾尔达、泰达玛、埃尔德拉三世,
That's me. 那就是我。
My father was a Vietnam veteran who earned a Purple Heart and made it home to find love, marry, and begin his own brood . 我父亲是得过紫心勋章的 越战退伍军人, 回到家找到爱、结婚, 建立了自己的小家庭。
veteran:n.老兵; adj.(尤指军事方面)老练的; Purple Heart:n.(美国授予作战负伤军人的)紫心勋章; brood:vt.孵;沉思;n.一窝;一伙;
So how did I wind up serving life in the California prison system? 而我是怎么会 进入加州的监狱服刑呢？
Keeping secrets, believing the mantra that big boys don't cry, not knowing how to display any emotion confidently other than anger, participating in athletics 保守秘密、 相信男子汉有泪不轻弹的口号、 不知如何自信地表达 愤怒之外的其他情绪, 我参与体育运动,
mantra:n.咒语(尤指四吠陀经典内作为咒文或祷告唱念的);颂歌; display:n.显示;炫耀;vt.显示;表现;陈列;vi.[动]作炫耀行为;adj.展览的;陈列用的; emotion:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感; confidently:adv.自信地;安心地; participating:v.参加;参与(participate的现在分词) athletics:n.竞技;体育运动;田径运动;
and learning that the greater the performance on the field, the less the need to worry about the rules off it. 了解到在运动场上表现越好, 就越不需要担心场外的规则。
performance:n.性能;表现;业绩;表演;
It's hard to pin down any one specific ingredient of the many symptoms that ailed me. 在众多症状中, 很难确定是哪个特殊因素困扰了我。
pin:n.大头针;饰针;旗杆;胸针;v.别上;使不能动弹;按住;钳住; symptoms:n.症状;征候;征兆;(symptom的复数) ailed:vt.使苦恼,使烦恼;vi.生病;n.病痛,苦恼;
Growing up as a young black male in Sacramento , California in the 1980s, there were two groups I identified as having respect: athletes and gangsters . 我是在 1980 年代,于加州沙加缅度市 成长的年轻黑人男性, 我发现有两群人受到尊敬: 运动员和幫派份子。
Sacramento:n.萨克拉门托(美国加州首府); identified:v.确认;认出;找到;发现;说明身份;(identify的过去式和过去分词) athletes:n.运动员;身强体健的人(athlete的复数形式); gangsters:n.匪徒;黑帮;诈骗犯(gangster的复数);
I excelled in sports, that is until a friend and I chose to take his mom's car for a joyride and wreck it. 我在运动方面很出色, 直到我和朋友偷开他母亲的车子, 飙速兜风而撞毁了它。
excelled:v.优于;超过;超越(excel的过去分词形式);胜过; joyride:n.驾车游玩;兜风;追求享乐; wreck:n.严重损毁人或物;沉船;v.破坏;损坏;毁掉;使遇难;
With my parents having to split the cost of a totaled vehicle , 因为我父母必须分担 被毁车子的费用,
split:v.分离;使分离;劈开;离开;分解;n.劈开;裂缝;adj.劈开的; totaled:v.总数达;合计;(total的过去分词和过去式) vehicle:n.[车辆]车辆;工具;交通工具;运载工具;传播媒介;媒介物;
I was relegated to a summer of household chores and no sports. 我被分派做了一个暑假的家务, 而且不准运动。
relegated:v.使贬职;使降级;降低…的地位;(relegate的过去分词和过去式) household:n.家庭;一家人;同住一所(或一套)房子的人;adj.家庭的;家常的;王室的;
No sports meant no respect. 无运动即无尊敬,
No respect equaled no power. 无尊敬即无权力,
equaled:adj.平等的;相等的;胜任的;vt.等于;比得上;n.对手;匹敌;同辈;相等的事物;
Power was vital to feed my illness. 对我的「有毒男子气概」病来说, 权力显得尤其至关重要。
vital:adj.至关重要的;生死攸关的;有活力的;
It was at that point the decision to transition from athlete to gangster was made and done so easily. 就在这节骨眼, 我决定从运动员转为幫派份子, 而且很容易就办到了。
transition:n.过渡;转变;变革;变迁;v.经历转变过程;过渡;
Early life experiences had set the stage for me to be well-suited to objectify others, act in a socially detached manner, and above all else, seek to be viewed as in a position of power. 早期的生活经验让我很容易 将他人视为物品, 用与社会脱节的方式行事, 而且最重要的是 找寻被视为权力的地位。
well-suited:adj.便利的;适当的; objectify:vt.使具体化,使客观化;体现; detached:adj.独立的; v.拆卸; (detach的过去分词和过去式) seek:v.寻求;寻找;谋求;
A sense of power 权力的感觉
(Sighs) （叹息声）
equaled strength in my environment, but more importantly, it did so in my mind. 在我生活环境中就等于权势, 但更重要的是 在我心中也是这么想。
My mind dictated my choices. 我的想法主宰了我的选择,
dictated:adj.口述的(dictate的过去分词);v.口述(dictate的过去分词);
My subsequent choices put me on the fast track to prison life. 我之后的各种选择 将我快速地送进监狱生活。
subsequent:adj.后来的,随后的; fast track:快速立法;
And even once in prison, I continued my history of running over the rights of others, even knowing that that was the place that I would die. 而且甚至入监服刑, 我仍延续过去所作所为 倾轧别人的权利, 即使明知我可能会死在那里。
Once again, I wound up in solitary confinement for stabbing another prisoner nearly 30 times. 再次,我被单独拘禁, 因为捅了另一位犯人将近 30 刀。
wound:n.创伤,伤口;v.使受伤;受伤,伤害; solitary confinement:n.单独监禁;单独禁闭; stabbing:n.持刀伤人事件; adj.突然而剧烈的; v.刺,戳,捅; (stab的现在分词)
I'd gotten to a place where I didn't care how I lived or if I died. 我已走到我不在乎 如何活或是否会死的地步。
But then, things changed. 但接着,事情有了变化。
One of the best things that happened in my life to that point was being sent to New Folsom Prison. 从我有生以来,发生最好的事之一 就是被送到新佛森监狱。
Folsom:adj.福尔松(文化)的(落基山脉东部的史前文化遗迹);
Once there, I was approached to join a group called Inside Circle. 一到那儿,我被找去 加入一个「内省圈」的团体。
approached:v.走近;临近;探讨;建议;(approach的过去分词和过去式)
Initially , I was hesitant to join a group referred to around the yard as "hug-a-thug." 刚开始,我犹豫 是否要加入被囚犯称为 「拥抱一个暴徒」的团体。
Initially:adv.最初,首先;开头; hesitant:adj.迟疑的;踌躇的;犹豫不定的; referred:v.提到;引用;认为;指示;涉及;(refer的过去式和过去分词)
(Laughter) （笑声）
Initially, yeah, that was a little much, but eventually , I overcame my hesitancy . 一开始,是啊,有一点太过了。 但最后,我克服了我的犹豫。
eventually:adv.最后,终于; overcame:v.克服(overcome的过去式); hesitancy:n.踌躇,犹豫;
As it turned out, the circle was the vision of a man named Patrick Nolan, who was also serving life and who had grown sick and tired of being sick and tired of watching us kill one another over skin color, rag color, being from Northern or Southern California, or just plain breathing in the wrong direction on a windy day. 事实上,这个内省圈 是位名叫帕特里克·诺兰的构想, 他也在服刑, 他已经厌倦、也受够了 看着我们互相残杀, 而残杀只因为我们的肤色、 衣服颜色、 来自加州北方或南方, 或只是在一个有风的日子 朝着错误的方向呼吸。
vision:n.视力;美景;幻象;想象力;v.想象;显现;梦见; sick and tired:筋疲力尽的,完全厌烦的; rag:n.抹布;破布;质量低劣的报纸;小报;v.嘲笑;捉弄;
Circle time is men sitting with men and cutting through the bullshit , challenging structural ways of thinking. 聚会时间男男比肩而坐, 撇开胡扯废话, 直接质疑结构思维方式。
bullshit:v.胡说,哄骗;n.胡说; structural:adj.结构的;建筑的;
I think the way that I think and I act the way that I act because I hadn't questioned that. 我用我的想法来思考, 我依我的作风来行事, 因为我从没对此怀疑过。
Like, who said I should see a woman walking down the street, turn around and check out her backside ? 例如,谁说看一个女生走在路上时, 我应该转头看她的屁股？
backside:n.背部;后方;臀部;
Where did that come from? 这是从那里开始的？
If I don't question that, I'll just go along with the crowd. 假如我不去质疑, 我就只会从众行事,
go along with:赞同;陪…一起去;
The locker-room talk. 说些下流粗俗的话。
In circle, we sit and we question these things. 我们围成圆圈坐着,质疑那些事。
Why do I think the way that I think? 为什么我会那样想？
Why do I act the way that I act? 为什么我会那样做？
Because when I get down to it, I'm not thinking, 因为当我执着于此, 我就根本没有在思考。
get down to:开始认真考虑;着手处理;
I'm not being an individual , 我不是一个个体,
individual:n.个人;有个性的人;adj.单独的;个别的;
I'm not taking responsibility for who I am and what it is I put into this world. 我没有为我是什么样的人, 及对世界有什么贡献而负责。
It was in a circle session that my life took a turn. 一次自省会扭转了我的生命,
session:n.会议;(法庭的)开庭;(议会等的)开会;学期;讲习会;
I remember being asked who I was, and I didn't have an answer, at least not one that felt honest in a room full of men who were seeking truth. 我记得被问到我是谁, 我没有答案。 在这个坐满追求真理的男人的房间里, 没有一个答案感觉是真的。
seeking:v.寻找;寻求;谋求;争取;(向人)请求(seek的现在分词)
It would have been easy to say, "I'm a Blood," 本来这应该很容易说出来, 「我是热血的人。」
or, "My name is Vegas," 或「我的名字是维加斯。」
or any number of facades I had manufactured to hide behind. 或我曾经做过许多的虚伪面具。
facades:n.外立面(facade的复数); manufactured:adj.制造的,已制成的;v.制造,加工(manufacture的过去式);
It was in that moment and in that venue that the jig was up. 就在那一刻、那个会场, 我整个被揭露了。
venue:n.审判地;犯罪地点;发生地点;集合地点;
I realized that as sharp as I believed I was, 我发现虽然我觉得自己很聪明,
sharp:锋利的,尖的
I didn't even know who I was or why I acted the way that I acted. 我甚至不知道我是谁, 或为什么我依我的作风来行事。
I couldn't stand in a room full of men who were seeking to serve and support and present an authentic me. 屋里坐满想要幫助我、 支持我找到真正自我的男人, 我再也无法无动于衷了。
authentic:adj.真正的,真实的;可信的;
It was in that moment that I graduated to a place within that was ready for transformation . 就在那时,我达到了一个 准备转化的境界。
transformation:n.转变;(用于南非)民主改革;
For decades, 数十年来,
I kept being the victim of molestation at the hands of a babysitter a secret. 我保守曾受到保姆性骚扰的秘密,
victim:n.受害人;牺牲品;牺牲者; molestation:n.干扰,妨害;折磨;调戏; babysitter:n.临时照顾幼儿者;
I submitted to this under the threat of my younger sister being harmed. 我是在我妹妹 会被伤害的威胁下屈服的。
submitted:v.提交;顺从;投降;表示;认为;建议;(submit的过去分词和过去式)
I was seven, she was three. 那时我七岁、她三岁,
I believed it was my responsibility to keep her safe. 我坚信保护她的安全是我的责任,
It was in that instant that the seeds were sown for a long career of hurting others, be it physical , mental or emotional . 在那时候, 种下了我长期伤害他人 身体、心理或感情生涯的种子。
instant:n.瞬间; adj.立即的; conj.同"assoonas"; sown:vt.播种(sow的过去分词); career:n.职业;事业;生涯;经历; physical:adj.[物]物理的;身体的;物质的;符合自然法则的;n.体格检查; mental:adj.精神的;脑力的;疯的;n.精神病患者; emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的;
I developed, in that instant, at seven years old, the belief that going forward in life, if a situation presented itself where someone was going to get hurt, 从那时候, 就是七岁开始, 我开始相信日后 在某人会被伤害的情况下,
I would be the one doing the hurting. 我将是那个执行伤害的人。
I also formulated the belief that loving put me in harm's way. 我还想出一个念头, 爱会使我受伤害。
formulated:v.制订;规划;准备;确切表达;(formulate的过去分词和过去式)
I also learned that caring about another person made me weak. 我还学到关心他人会使我软弱,
So not caring, that must equal strength. 所以不关心就一定等于力量。
The greatest way to mask a shaky sense of self is to hide behind a false air of respect. 掩饰不知道真实自我的最好方法 就是躲在尊敬的虚幻感觉后面。
shaky:adj.摇晃的;不可靠的;不坚定的;
Sitting in circle resembles sitting in a fire. 坐在自省会里,就像坐在火中,
resembles:v.看起来像:显得像:像(resemble的第三人称单数)
It is a crucible that can and does break. 它是一个真正会打开人心扉的熔炉。
crucible:n.坩埚;严酷的考验;
It broke my old sense of self, diseased value system and way of looking at others. 它打破了陈旧的自我、 病态的价值观、 以及审视他人的方式。
diseased:adj.不健全的;患病的;病态的;v.使生病;传染;(disease的过去式和过去分词)
My old stale modes of thinking were invited into the open to see if this is who I wanted to be in life. 我老旧的思考模式 被摊开来檢视 是否这就是我所要的人生。
stale:v.走味; adj.不新鲜的; n.囮子; modes:n.模式(mode的复数形式);方法;分辨率;
I was accompanied by skilled facilitators on a journey into the depths of myself to find those wounded parts that not only festered but seeped out to create unsafe space for others. 一路上,有熟练的引导员 陪同我作深度自省, 去寻找一些创伤, 这些伤口既溃烂又渗出, 因而导致别人活在不安全中。
accompanied:v.陪同;陪伴;与…同时发生;为…伴奏;(accompany的过去式和过去分词) skilled:adj.熟练的;有技能的;需要技能的; facilitators:n.辅助商;服务性企业;促进者; journey:n.旅行;行程;vi.旅行; wounded:adj.受伤的; n.伤员; v.使受伤; (wound的过去分词和过去式) festered:v.化脓;溃烂;更加苦恼;愈益恶化;(fester的过去分词和过去式) seeped:vi.漏;渗出;n.小泉;水陆两用的吉普车; unsafe:adj.不安全的;危险的;不安稳的;
At times, it resembled an exorcism , and in essence , it was. 有时,就像驱鬼除魔, 而实质上它就是。
resembled:像,类似(resemble的过去式); exorcism:n.驱魔;驱邪;用魔法召鬼魂; in essence:本质上;其实;大体上;
There was an extraction of old, diseased ways of thinking, being and reacting and an infusion of purpose. 从身上取出陈旧思想、 行为及反应, 并且注入人生的目的。
extraction:n.取出;抽出;拔出;抽出物;出身; reacting:v.起反应;(对…)作出反应;回应;(react的现在分词) infusion:n.灌输;浸泡;注入物;激励;
Sitting in those circles saved my life. 坐在自省会中拯救了我的生命。
I stand here today as a testament to the fact of the power of the work. 今天我站在这里证明治疗的成效。
testament:n.[法]遗嘱;圣约;确实的证明;
I was paroled in June 2014, following my third hearing before a panel of former law-enforcement officials who were tasked with determining my current threat level to society. 我在 2014 年六月获得假释, 第三次听证会后假释的, 听证会上,一组前任执法的人员 评估了我目前对社会威胁的程度。
paroled:v.假释;有条件地释放(parole的过去分词和过去式) panel:n.镶板;仪表盘;钣金;(衣服上的)镶条;v.镶板(用木或玻璃板等镶嵌或装饰); law-enforcement:执法; determining:v.查明;测定;准确算出;决定;支配;裁决;(determine的现在分词)
I stand here today for the first time since I was 14 years old not under any form of state supervision . 自我 14 岁以来,我首次站在这里, 不受政府任何形式的监管。
supervision:n.监督,管理;
I'm married to a tremendous woman named Holly , and together, we are raising two sons who I encourage to experience emotions in a safe way. 我与一位了不起的女性结婚, 她名叫荷莉。 我们一起养育两个儿子, 我鼓励他们用安全的方式 来表达情绪。
tremendous:adj.极大的,巨大的;惊人的;极好的; Holly:n.[植]冬青;[名]霍莉; emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数)
I let them hold me when I cry. 当我哭泣时,我让他们拥抱我,
They get to witness me not have all the answers. 他们目睹我并不是无事不晓。
witness:n.证人;目击者;证据;v.目击;证明;为…作证;
My desire is for them to understand that being a man is not some machismo caricature , and that characteristics usually defined as weaknesses are parts of the whole healthy man. 我想要他们了解 做为一位男性 不要像故事中的大男人, 还有那些常被视为软弱的特征 是正常健康男性的一部分。
machismo:n.(西)男子气概;男子汉; caricature:n.漫画;讽刺画;漫画手法;vt.画成漫画讽刺; characteristics:n.特征;特点;品质;(characteristic的复数) defined:adj.有定义的,确定的; v.使明确;
So today, I continue to work not just on myself, but in support of young males in my community . 所以今天,我持续服务, 不只是用在我身上, 还支援我社区里的年轻男性。
community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体;
The challenge is to eradicate this cycle of emotional illiteracy and groupthink that allows our males to continue to victimize others as well as themselves. 现在的挑战是消弭 情绪文盲与团体迷思的恶性循环, 这循环让我们男性 持续去伤害别人和自己。
eradicate:vt.根除,根绝;消灭; illiteracy:n.文盲;无知; groupthink:n.(研究小组,董事会等对某个问题的)集体处理;集体审议; victimize:vt.使受害;使牺牲;欺骗; as well as:也;和…一样;不但…而且;
As a result of this, they develop new ways of how they want to show up in the world and how they expect this world to show up on their behalf . 消弭后的结果, 是他们想出新方法, 如何在这世界展现自己, 以及如何期待这世界为他们而展现。
As a result:结果; behalf:n.代表;利益;
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）