ColinGrant.2012X-.我们的故事如何跨越世代藩篱.；TED演讲稿

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ColinGrant_2012X-_我们的故事如何跨越世代藩篱_
This is a photograph of a man whom for many years	照片上的男人是多年前我曾經
I plotted to kill.	想密謀殺死的人。
plotted:v.密谋;暗中策划;标出;绘制(图表);(plot的过去分词和过去式)
This is my father,	這是我的父親。
Clinton George "Bageye" Grant .	克林頓．喬治．「大眼袋」．格蘭特。
Grant:v.授予;允许;承认;同意;n.拨款;[法]授予物;
He's called Bageye because he has permanent bags under his eyes.	他叫大眼袋是因為他的眼睛下面有永久性眼袋。
permanent:adj.永久的,永恒的;n.烫发;
As a 10-year-old, along with my siblings ,	我 10 歲時,和我的兄弟姐妹一起,
siblings:n.兄;弟;姐;妹;(sibling的复数)
I dreamt of scraping off the poison from fly-killer paper into his coffee, grounded down glass and sprinkling it over his breakfast, loosening the carpet on the stairs so he would trip and break his neck.	我夢想自己從黏蠅板刮取毒藥放進他的咖啡, 把玻璃磨碎然後灑在他的早餐, 掀開樓梯上的地毯使他絆倒扭斷他的脖子。
scraping:n.刮屑;削片;v.刮掉;削去;刮坏;(scrape的现在分词) sprinkling:n.少量;点滴;喷雾;v.洒;点缀(sprinkle的现在分词); loosening:v.(使)放松,变松;解开,松开(loosen的现在分词) carpet:n.地毯;v.用地毯铺(房间的)地板;
But come the day, he would always skip that loose step, he would always bow out of the house without so much as a swig of coffee or a bite to eat.	但每次這個時刻到來時, 他總能避開那鬆跨的階梯, 他匆匆離開家門以前總是一點咖啡都不喝、一點東西都沒吃。
without so much as:甚至于不;连…都没有; swig:vi.牛饮;大喝特喝;n.痛饮,大喝;牛饮;vt.牛饮;大喝特喝,豪饮;
And so for many years,	因此有好多年
I feared that my father would die before I had a chance to kill him.	我害怕我的父親在我有機會殺他時就先死了。
(Laughter)	（笑聲）
Up until our mother asked him to leave and not come back,	在我們母親要求他離開這個家永遠別回來之前,
Bageye had been a terrifying ogre .	大眼袋一直是隻怪獸。
terrifying:adj.令人恐惧的;骇人的;极大的;v.使害怕,使恐怖;(terrify的现在分词) ogre:n.食人魔鬼,怪物(童话等中的);令人害怕的人;
He teetered permanently on the verge of rage , rather like me, as you see.	他長期處於憤怒邊緣搖搖欲墜, 你們可以看到,有點像我。
teetered:v.摇晃:蹒跚行走:摇摇欲坠(teeter的过去分词和过去式) permanently:adv.永久地,长期不变地; on the verge of:濒临于;接近于; rage:n.狂怒;暴怒;(某情况引起的)愤怒;v.发怒;怒斥;猛烈地继续;激烈进行;
He worked nights at Vauxhall Motors in Luton and demanded total silence throughout the house, so that when we came home from school at 3:30 in the afternoon, we would huddle beside the TV, and rather like safe-crackers, we would twiddle with the volume control knob on the TV so it was almost inaudible .	他晚上在盧頓的佛賀汽車公司工作, 要求整棟房子要安靜無聲, 所以當我們在下午 3:30 放學回家時, 我們會一起縮在電視旁, 彷彿打開保險櫃的小偷, 我們會轉動電視的音量控制鈕, 所以幾乎沒有聲音。
throughout:adv.自始至终,到处;全部;prep.贯穿,遍及; huddle:vt.把...挤在一起; vi.蜷缩; n.拥挤; twiddle:vt.旋弄;抚弄;玩弄;捻起来;vi.旋弄;n.捻;转动; volume:n.体积;容积;音量;响度;一册;合订本 knob:n.把手;瘤;球形突出物;vi.鼓起;vt.使有球形突出物; inaudible:adj.听不见的;不可闻的;
And at times, when we were like this, so much "Shhh," so much "Shhh"	那時候,我們就像這樣, 在房子裡面經常聽到「噓」聲,
going on in the house that I imagined us to be like the German crew of a U-boat creeping along the edge of the ocean whilst up above, on the surface,	很多「噓」聲。我想像我們就像潛水艇裡的德國船員, 沿著海洋的邊緣爬行同時在海面上,
U-boat:n.U型潜水艇(德国的一种潜水艇); creeping:adj.爬行的; n.爬行; v.爬行; (creep的现在分词); whilst:conj.同时;时时,有时;当…的时候;
HMS Bageye patrolled ready to drop death charges at the first sound of any disturbance .	大眼袋海軍艦隊在巡邏, 一聽到任何干擾, 就下達死亡命令。
patrolled:;v.巡逻;(在街上)巡游;侦察(patrol的过去分词) disturbance:n.干扰;骚乱;忧虑;
So that lesson was the lesson that "Do not draw attention to yourself either in the home or outside of the home."	所以那堂課教了我「無論在家裡或外面都不要引起別人的注意。」
draw attention to:吸引对;吸引注意力;指出;对;
Maybe it's a migrant lesson.	或許這是給移民者的一堂課。
migrant:n.候鸟;移居者;随季节迁移的民工;adj.移居的;流浪的;
We were to be below the radar , so there was no communication, really, between Bageye and us and us and Bageye, and the sound that we most looked forward to, you know when you're a child and you want	我們不要引人注意, 所以我們之間沒有交談,真的, 大眼袋和我們之間,以及我們和大眼袋之間, 我們最期待的聲音是, 你知道你小時候,
radar:n.雷达;
your father to come home and it's all going to be happy and you're waiting for that sound of the door opening.	會期待父親回家,一切都會很快樂, 你等待著開門的聲音。
Well the sound that we looked forward to was the click of the door closing, which meant he'd gone and would not come back.	然而我們所期待的聲音是關門時發出的咔嗒聲音, 意思是他離開了而且不再回來。
So for three decades,	所以 30 年的時間,
I never laid eyes on my father, nor he on me.	我從未注視過我的父親,他也從未注視過我。
We never spoke to each other for three decades, and then a couple of years ago, I decided to turn the spotlight on him.	我們彼此不說話有 30 年了, 幾年以前,我決定把注意力轉到他身上。
spotlight:n.聚光灯;反光灯;公众注意的中心;v.聚光照明;使公众注意;
'"You are being watched.	「你被監視了。
Actually, you are.	事實上,你的確是。
You are being watched."	你被監視了。」
That was his mantra to us, his children.	那是他對子女的口頭禪。
mantra:n.咒语(尤指四吠陀经典内作为咒文或祷告唱念的);颂歌;
Time and time again he would say this to us.	他會一次又一次地這樣對我們說。
Time and time again:一次次;一次又一次;多次;不断地;
And this was the 1970s, it was Luton, where he worked at Vauxhall Motors, and he was a Jamaican .	這是 1970 年代,這裡是盧頓, 是他在佛賀汽車公司工作的地方, 而他是牙買加人。
Jamaican:adj.牙买加的;牙买加人的;n.牙买加人;
And what he meant was, you as a child of a Jamaican immigrant are being watched to see which way you turn, to see whether you conform to the host nation's stereotype of you, of being feckless , work-shy, destined for a life of crime.	他想說的是, 身為牙買加移民者的孩子, 你被監視著, 看你轉哪個方向, 看你是否符合所在國對你的刻板印象, 也就是無能、懶惰、注定要犯罪。
immigrant:n.(外来)移民;外侨;adj.侨民的; conform:v.遵守;相一致;顺从;相符合; stereotype:vt.使用铅版;套用老套,使一成不变;n.陈腔滥调,老套;铅版; feckless:adj.无效的;软弱的;没精神的;不负责任的;无气力的; destined:adj.注定的;命定的;去往…的;v.注定;(destine的过去式和过去分词)
You are being watched, so confound their expectations of you.	你被監視著。所以打破他們對你的期待。
confound:v.使困惑惊讶;使惊疑;证明…有错;战胜; expectations:n.预料;预期;期待;希望;指望;(expectation的复数)
To that end, Bageye and his friends, mostly Jamaican, exhibited a kind of Jamaican bella figura:	這一方面,大眼袋和他的朋友們, 大多是牙買加人, 表現出某種牙買加的美好形象:
exhibited:adj.展出的;v.展出;表现出(exhibit的过去分词);
Turn your best side to the world, show your best face to the world.	向世界表現你最好的一面, 向世界展現你最美麗的臉龐。
If you have seen some of the images of the Caribbean people arriving in the '40s and '50s, you might have noticed that a lot of the men wear trilbies.	如果你有看過一些加勒比人在 40、50 年代抵達的圖片, 你可能會注意到很多男人戴著呢帽。
images:n.印象;声誉;形象;画像;雕像;(image的第三人称单数和复数) Caribbean:adj.加勒比海的;加勒比人的;加勒比语的;n.加勒比海;
Now, there was no tradition of wearing trilbies in Jamaica.	其實在牙買加沒有戴呢帽的傳統。
They invented that tradition for their arrival here.	是他們抵達這裡時,發明了這項傳統。
They wanted to project themselves in a way that they wanted to be perceived , so that the way they looked and the names that they gave themselves defined them.	他們想用這一個方式表現自己被人察覺, 所以他們戴帽的樣子以及他們給自己取的名字定義了他們。
perceived:v.注意到;意识到;将…视为;认为;(perceive的过去式和过去分词) defined:adj.有定义的,确定的; v.使明确;
So Bageye is bald and has baggy eyes.	所以大眼袋是個光頭,有很深的眼袋。
bald:adj.秃顶的;秃头的;无毛的; baggy:adj.袋状的,膨胀的;宽松而下垂的;
Tidy Boots is very fussy about his footwear .	取名為整潔靴子的那位非常挑剔他的鞋子。
Tidy:adj.整齐的:整洁的:v.使整洁: fussy:adj.爱挑剔的,难取悦的;易烦恼的; footwear:n.鞋类;
Anxious is always anxious.	取名為緊張的那位永遠總是緊張。
Clock has one arm longer than the other.	取名為時鐘的那位,是一手臂長,一手臂短。
(Laughter)	（笑聲）
And my all-time favorite was the guy they called Summerwear.	我最喜歡的一個傢伙,
all-time:adj.空前的;全部时间的;历来的;
When Summerwear came to this country from Jamaica in the early '60s, he insisted on wearing light summer suits,no matter the weather, and in the course of researching their lives,	早期 1960 年代,當夏天穿著從牙買加來到這個國家, 不管天氣如何,他都堅持穿著輕盈夏天衣服。我在研究他們生活的時候,
in the course of:在…过程中;在…期间;
I asked my mom, "Whatever became of Summerwear?"	我問母親:「夏天穿著後來怎麼了？」
And she said, "He caught a cold and died." (Laughter)	她說:「他著涼感冒死掉了。」（笑聲）
But men like Summerwear taught us the importance of style.	但是像夏天穿著這樣的男人教導我們風格的重要性。
Maybe they exaggerated their style because they thought that they were not considered to be quite civilized , and they transferred that generational attitude or anxiety onto us, the next generation, so much so that when I was growing up, if ever on the television news or radio a report came up about a black person committing some crime — a mugging , a murder, a burglary — we winced along with our parents, because they were letting the side down.	也許他們誇大了自己的風格, 因為他們以為自己被認為不是相當文明。他們把自己在那個年代的態度或焦慮放到下一代,我們的身上, 以至於當我漸漸長大時, 如果有電視新聞或收音機報導關於一個黑人犯罪的一些消息, 例如搶劫、謀殺、盜竊, 我們會和父母親畏縮在一起, 因為他們做的這些事情使我們感到失望。
exaggerated:adj.夸张的,言过其实的;v.夸张,夸大(exaggerate的过去分词和过去式) civilized:adj.文明的; v.教化; (civilize的过去式和过去分词) transferred:v.(使)转移,搬迁;(使)调动;(transfer的过去分词和过去式) generational:adj.一代的;生育的; attitude:n.态度;看法;意见;姿势; anxiety:n.焦虑;渴望;挂念;令人焦虑的事; committing:v.做出;犯罪或错等;自杀;承诺,保证;(commit的现在分词) mugging:n.公然行凶抢劫案;拦路抢劫罪;v.(公开)行凶抢劫;扮鬼脸;(mug的现在分词) burglary:n.盗窃,夜盗;盗窃行为;v.入室行窃; winced:vi.畏缩,退避;n.畏缩;脸部肌肉的抽搐;
You did not just represent yourself.	你不只是代表你自己一個人,
represent:v.代表;表现;描绘;回忆;再赠送;
You represented the group, and it was a terrifying thing to come to terms with , in a way, that maybe you were going to be perceived in the same light.	你代表了整個團體。這是一件必須正視的可怕事件。在某種程度上, 你也會被用同樣的眼光審視。
represented:v.代表; (represent的过去式和过去分词) come to terms with:达成协议;让步;
So that was what needed to be challenged.	這就是需要挑戰的地方。
Our father and many of his colleagues exhibited a kind of transmission but not receiving.	我們的父親和他的很多同事展現出某種宣言而不是接受。
colleagues:n.同事;同行(colleague的复数); transmission:n.传输;传染;播送;发射;广播;传动装置;
They were built to transmit but not receive.	他們是用來傳輸不是接收。
transmit:v.传送;发射;播送;传播;传染;
We were to keep quiet .	我們被要求保持安靜。
keep quiet:保持安静;
When our father did speak to us, it was from the pulpit of his mind.	當我們的父親跟我們說話時, 是來自他的思想傳教。
pulpit:n.讲道坛;高架操纵台;神职人员;
They clung to certainty in the belief that doubt would undermine them.	他們堅定不移, 深信懷疑將會破壞他們的信念。
clung:v.坚持(cling的过去分词);紧握;贴近; certainty:n.必然;确实;确实的事情; undermine:vt.破坏,渐渐破坏;挖掘地基;
But when I am working in my house and writing, after a day's writing, I rush downstairs and I'm very excited to talk about Marcus Garvey or Bob Marley and words are tripping out of my mouth like butterflies and I'm so excited that my children stop me, and they say, "Dad, nobody cares."	但是當我在家裡工作時, 日復一日的寫作之後, 我衝到樓下, 很興奮地談著馬科斯·加維或巴布·馬利, 文字像蝴蝶般從我的嘴裡飛舞而出, 我興奮到我的孩子阻止我, 他們說:「老爸,沒有人會在乎的。」
downstairs:adv.在楼下;往楼下;adj.楼下的;n.楼下(尤指地面的一层); Garvey:n.加维驳船(美国新泽西州沿海的一种小船);
(Laughter)	（笑聲）
But they do care, actually.	但是事實上他們很在意。
They cross over.	他們跨越了。
Somehow they find their way to you.	不知怎麼的他們能找到你。
Somehow:adv.以某种方法;莫名其妙地;
They shape their lives according to the narrative of your life, as I did with my father and my mother, perhaps, and maybe Bageye did with his father.	他們根據你的生活敘事,塑造他們的生活, 或許,就像我和父母親做的一樣, 可能大眼袋和他的父親也這麼做。
according to:根据,据说; narrative:n.叙述;故事;讲述;adj.叙事的,叙述的;叙事体的;
And that was clearer to me in the course of looking at his life and understanding, as they say, the Native Americans say, "Do not criticize the man until you can walk in his moccasins ."	我明白了, 看著他的生活歷程, 我明白一件事,如他們說的, 美國原住民說, 「不要輕易批評一個人, 除非你已經歷過他所經歷的事。」
Native:adj.本国的;土著的;天然的;与生俱来的;天赋的;n.本地人;土产;当地居民; criticize:v.批评;批判;挑剔;指责;评论;评价; moccasins:n.[服装]鹿皮鞋;便鞋;软鞋(moccasin的复数);
But in conjuring his life, it was okay and very straightforward to portray a Caribbean life in England in the 1970s with bowls of plastic fruit, polystyrene ceiling tiles , settees permanently sheathed in their transparent covers that they were delivered in.	但在他魔術般的人生中, 非常直接描述英國 1970 年代的加勒比生活。桌上擺著塑膠水果、聚苯乙烯塑料天花板, 以及沙發還套著購買時外罩的透明塑膠套。
conjuring:n.魔术;关于魔术的; straightforward:adj.简单的;坦率的;明确的;径直的;adv.直截了当地;坦率地; portray:vt.描绘;扮演; polystyrene:n.[高分子]聚苯乙烯; tiles:n.[建]瓷砖(tile的复数形式);v.铺砖(tile的第三人称单数形式); sheathed:adj.覆盖的; v.使入鞘; transparent:adj.透明的;显然的;坦率的;易懂的;
But what's more difficult to navigate is the emotional landscape between the generations, and the old adage that with age comes wisdom is not true.	但是更難描繪出的是世代之間的情感面, 古老的格言說年齡會帶來智慧不是真的。
navigate:vt.驾驶,操纵;使通过;航行于;vi.航行,航空; emotional:adj.情绪的;易激动的;感动人的; landscape:n.景观;乡村风景画;(文件的)横向打印格式;v.对…做景观美化;美化…的环境; adage:n.格言,谚语;箴言; wisdom:n.智慧;明智;才智;学问;
With age comes the veneer of respectability and a veneer of uncomfortable truths.	年齡增長帶來令人尊敬的表相和不愉快事實的表相。
veneer:n.外表;虚饰;饰面;胶合板的一层;薄木片;vt.胶合;虚饰;给…镶以饰片; respectability:n.体面;可尊敬;有社会地位;
But what was true was that my parents, my mother, and my father went along with it, did not trust the state to educate me.	但真相是我的父母都附合這樣的說法, 他們不信任國家來教育我。
So listen to how I sound.	所以聽聽我的說話方式。
They determined that they would send me to a private school , but my father worked at Vauxhall Motors.	他們決定送我去私立學校, 但是我的父親在佛賀汽車公司工作,
determined:adj.决定了的:v.决定;(determine的过去分词和过去式) private school:n.私立学校;私立中小学;
It's quite difficult to fund a private school education and feed his army of children.	很難負擔私校的費用和養育他眾多小孩。
fund:n.基金;资金;存款;v.投资;资助;
I remember going on to the school for the entrance exam, and my father said to the priest — it was a Catholic school — he wanted a better "heducation" for the boy, but also, he, my father, never even managed to pass worms , never mind entrance exams.	我記得去學校做入學考試時, 我的父親告訴神父, 這是一間天主教學校, 他說,他想要孩子接受比較好的「郊」育, 而且我的父親, 連衛生檢查都沒及格過, 更別說入學考試。
priest:n.司祭,神父;教士,祭司,僧侣;v.使成为教士;任命…为祭司; Catholic:adj.天主教的;宽宏大量的;n.天主教徒;罗马天主教; worms:n.蠕虫;寄生虫;幼虫;v.蠕动,曲折行进;(worm的第三人称单数和复数) never mind:没关系;
But in order to fund my education, he was going to have to do some dodgy stuff , so my father would fund my education by trading in illicit goods from the back of his car, and that was made even more tricky because my father, that's not his car by the way .	但為了我的教育基金, 他不得不做些偷雞摸狗的事。他會在車子後面進行非法交易, 以籌湊我的教育基金, 但更棘手的是, 那台車子並不是我父親的。
dodgy:adj.狡猾的,逃避的;善于骗人的;躲闪的; stuff:n.东西:物品:基本特征:v.填满:装满:标本: illicit:adj.违法的;不正当的; tricky:adj.难办的;难对付的;狡猾的;诡计多端的; by the way:顺便说一下;
My father aspired to have a car like that, but my father had a beaten-up Mini, and he never, being a Jamaican coming to this country, he never had a driving license , he never had any insurance or road tax or MOT.	我父親渴望有台那樣的車, 但他有的只是台破舊的 Mini 車, 做為牙買加移民, 他未曾有過駕照, 他沒有任何保險、路稅或駕照考試。
aspired:v.向往;热望(aspire的过去分词); license:v.许可;批准; insurance:n.保险;保险业;保险费;保费;adj.胜券在握的;
He thought, "I know how to drive; why do I need the state's validation ?"	他認為:「反正我知道如何開車, 為什麼還需要國家的驗證？」
validation:n.确认;批准;生效;
But it became a little tricky when we were stopped by the police, and we were stopped a lot by the police, and I was impressed by the way that my father dealt with the police.	但是當我們被警察攔截,事情變得有些棘手, 很多警察攔截我們, 我父親和警察交涉的方式令我印象深刻。
impressed:adj.印象深刻; v.使钦佩; (impress的过去分词和过去式)
He would promote the policeman immediately, so that P.C. Bloggs became Detective Inspector Bloggs in the course of the conversation and wave us on merrily.	他會立即替警察升等, 所以在談話的過程中,警察布洛格斯會變成探長布洛格斯, 最後還跟我們快樂的揮手。
promote:v.促进;推动;促销;提升;晋升; Detective:n.侦探;警探;私人侦探;adj.侦查(用)的
So my father was exhibiting what we in Jamaica called "playing fool to catch wise."	所以我的父親展現我們在牙買加稱為「扮豬吃老虎」。
exhibiting:v.展览;展出;表现,显示,显出;(exhibit的现在分词)
But it lent also an idea that actually he was being diminished or belittled by the policeman — as a 10-year-old boy, I saw that — but also there was an ambivalence towards authority .	但它也增添了一個想法實際上是警察貶低或輕視他 — 作為一個 10 歲小男孩,我看到這個景象 — 但是還一種對權威的矛盾心理。
diminished:adj.减少的; v.减少; (diminish的过去式和过去分词) belittled:v.贬低;小看(belittle的过去分词和过去式) ambivalence:n.[心理]矛盾情绪;正反感情并存; authority:n.权威;权力;当局;
So on the one hand , there was a mocking of authority, but on the other hand , there was a deference towards authority, and these Caribbean people had an overbearing obedience towards authority, which is very striking, very strange in a way, because migrants are very courageous people.	所以一方面, 有一種嘲弄權威的心理, 但另一方面, 有一種對權威感的尊重。這些加勒比人有一種對權威跋扈的服從, 是一種非常引人注目、非常奇怪的方式, 因為移民者是非常勇敢的人。
on the one hand:一方面; mocking:adj.嘲弄的;v.嘲笑(mock的现在分词); on the other hand:另一方面; deference:n.尊重;遵从;听从; overbearing:adj.傲慢的;压倒一切的;v.压住;否定;专横地对待;(overbear的现在分词); obedience:n.顺从;服从;遵守; migrants:n.移民;移居者;候鸟(migrant的复数形式); courageous:adj.有胆量的,勇敢的;
They leave their homes. My father and my mother left Jamaica and they traveled 4,000 miles, and yet they were infantilized by travel.	他們離鄉背井。我的父母親離開牙買家, 旅行 400 英里, 但是他們不擅長旅行。
infantilized:vt.使幼儿化;将当作幼儿对待;使…的幼儿状态延长;
They were timid , and somewhere along the line, the natural order was reversed .	他們很膽小, 在前往的過程中, 自然秩序被推翻。
timid:adj.胆小的;羞怯的; reversed:v.颠倒; (reverse的过去分词和过去式)
The children became the parents to the parent.	父母的孩子變成父母。
The Caribbean people came to this country with a five-year plan: they would work, some money, and then go back, but the five years became 10, the 10 became 15,	加勒比人計劃在這國家待五年: 工作、賺一些錢,然後回國。但五年變成十年、十年變成十五年,
and before you know it, you're changing the wallpaper , and at that point, you know you're here to stay.	不知不覺中,你已經開始重新裝潢家裡, 到那時候就知道你不離開了。
wallpaper:n.[建]壁纸,墙纸;vi.贴墙纸,贴壁纸;v.贴墙纸于,贴壁纸于;
Although there's still the kind of temporariness that our parents felt about being here, but we children knew that the game was up.	雖然我的父母親對這裡仍然抱持一種暫時居住的態度, 但是我們孩子都知道一切玩完了。
temporariness:n.暂时,临时;
I think there was a feeling that they would not be able to continue with the ideals of the life that they expected.	我感覺到他們無法繼續過著他們所期望的理想生活。
The reality was very much different.	生活的真相是非常不一樣的。
And also, that was true of the reality of trying to educate me.	還有,這是試圖教我的真相。
Having started the process , my father did not continue.	在啟動教育的過程中,我的父親沒有繼續參與。
process:v.处理;加工;列队行进;n.过程,进行;方法,adj.经过特殊加工(或处理)的;
It was left to my mother to educate me, and as George Lamming would say, it was my mother who fathered me.	而是留給我的媽媽教育我。如同喬治雷明說的, 是我的母親盡了父親的責任。
Lamming:vi.潜逃;鞭打;狠打;vt.鞭打;狠打;逃脱;n.潜逃;逃亡;
Even in his absence , that old mantra remained:	即使在他缺席時,他仍然惦記著口頭禪:
absence:n.没有;缺乏;缺席;不注意;
You are being watched.	你被監視著。
But such ardent watchfulness can lead to anxiety, so much so that years later, when I was investigating why so many young black men were diagnosed with schizophrenia , six times more than they ought to be,	但是這種如此強烈的警備心會導致焦慮, 以至於在多年以後, 當我正在調查為什麼這麼多年輕黑人被診斷為精神分裂症, 比原本預期高出6倍。
ardent:adj.热情的;热心的;激烈的;燃烧般的; watchfulness:n.警觉性; investigating:v.调查;研究;审查;(investigate的现在分词) diagnosed:v.诊断(疾病);判断(问题的原因);(diagnose的过去分词和过去式) schizophrenia:n.[内科]精神分裂症;
I was not surprised to hear the psychiatrist say, "Black people are schooled in paranoia ."	聽到精神科醫生這麼說我不驚訝: 「黑人都接受偏受偏執的教育。」
psychiatrist:n.精神病学家,精神病医生; paranoia:n.[心理]偏执狂,[内科]妄想狂;
And I wonder what Bageye would make of that.	我很好奇大眼袋會怎麼想這論點。
Now I also had a 10-year-old son, and turned my attention to Bageye and I went in search of him.	現在我也有一個 10 歲的兒子, 把我的注意力轉向大眼袋並且去找他。
He was back in Luton, he was now 82, and I hadn't seen him for 30-odd years, and when he opened the door,	他回到盧頓,他現在 82 歲, 我已經 30 幾年沒有看過他, 當他開門時,
I saw this tiny little man with lambent , smiling eyes, and he was smiling, and I'd never seen him smile.	我看見這個小小的男人帶著一雙幽幽微笑的眼睛, 他在微笑,而我從來沒有看過他微笑。
lambent:adj.轻轻摇曳的;柔和而光亮的;
I was very disconcerted by that.	我對這點感到很不自在。
disconcerted:adj.不安的;惊慌的;v.使困惑;使仓皇失措(disconcert的过去分词);
But we sat down, and he had a Caribbean friend with him, talking some old time talk, and my father would look at me, and he looked at me as if I would miraculously disappear as I had arisen .	但是我們和他一個加勒比朋友坐下來, 談著一些過去的往事, 我的爸爸會看著我, 他看我的樣子, 好像是我出現後會奇蹟般消失。
miraculously:adv.奇迹般地;神奇地;非凡地;出乎意料地; disappear:v.消失;失踪;不复存在; arisen:v.出现;发生;兴起;(人早上)起来;(arisen是arise的过去分词)
And he turned to his friend, and he said, "This boy and me have a deep, deep connection, deep, deep connection."	他轉向他的朋友,然後他說: 「這個男孩和我有很深、很深的連結, 很深、很深的連結。」
But I never felt that connection.	但是我從來沒有感覺到那個連結。
If there was a pulse , it was very weak or hardly at all.	那連結如果有脈動, 那也非常微弱或幾乎根本沒有。
pulse:n.脉冲;脉搏;脉率;强劲的音乐节拍;v.搏动;跳动;震动;洋溢着;
And I almost felt in the course of that reunion that I was auditioning to be my father's son.	我幾乎覺得團聚的過程中我在試鏡擔任我父親的兒子。
reunion:n.团聚;聚会;团圆;重逢; auditioning:v.试演;试唱;试音;(audition的现在分词)
When the book came out, it had fair reviews in the national papers, but the paper of choice in Luton is not The Guardian , it's the Luton News, and the Luton News ran the headline about the book, "The Book That May Heal a 32-Year-Old Rift ."	當書出版時, 它在全國報紙有不錯的評論, 但在盧頓,報紙的選擇不是衛報, 是盧頓報。盧頓報標題抖大地形容這本書: 「可以療癒 32 年分裂的書」。
reviews:n.综述; v.回顾; Guardian:n.[法]监护人,保护人;守护者;adj.守护的; Heal:v.复原;治疗(病人);使又愉快起来;(使)结束 Rift:n.裂缝;不和;[木]裂口;vt.使断裂;使分开;vi.裂开;
And I understood that could also represent the rift between one generation and the next, between people like me and my father's generation, but there's no tradition in Caribbean life of memoirs or biographies .	我了解到這也可能代表這一代和下一代之間的裂痕, 也就是我和我父親之間的裂痕。但是加勒比人並沒有寫回憶錄或傳記的傳統。
memoirs:n.回忆录; biographies:n.列传,传记(biographie的复数形式);
It was a tradition that you didn't chat about your business in public.	不在公共場合談論私事才是傳統。
But I welcomed that title, and I thought actually, yes, there is a possibility that this will open up conversations that we'd never had before.	但是實際上,我樂意看到那樣的標題。我認為,沒錯,這有可能開啟一個我們從來未曾有過的交談。
This will close the generation gap , perhaps.	也許,這將結束世代間的代溝,
generation gap:代沟;
This could be an instrument of repair .	這可能是一種修復工具。
instrument:n.仪器;工具;乐器;手段;器械; repair:v.修理;修补;修缮;补救;n.修理;修补;修缮;
And I even began to feel that this book may be perceived by my father as an act of filial devotion .	我甚至開始覺得我父親可能會認為這本書是種孝順的行為。
filial:adj.孝顺的;子女的,当做子女的; devotion:n.献身,奉献;忠诚;热爱;
Poor, deluded fool.	我真是可憐受騙的小傻瓜。
deluded:adj.轻信的;受蒙骗的;v.欺骗;使失望(delude的过去分词);
Bageye was stung by what he perceived to be the public airing of his shortcomings.	大眼袋認為自己的缺點被公開而覺得被捅了一刀,
stung:刺,使疼痛(sting的过去式及过去分词)
He was stung by my betrayal , and he went to the newspapers the next day and demanded a right of reply, and he got it with the headline "Bageye Bites Back."	他被我的背叛刺傷。隔天他去了報社並要求答覆的權利, 他秀出標題: 「大眼袋反擊。」
betrayal:n.背叛;辜负;暴露;
And it was a coruscating account of my betrayal.	這是我的背叛引人注目的敘述。
coruscating:v.闪光(coruscate的ing形式);
I was no son of his.	我不是他的孩子。
He recognized in his mind that his colors had been dragged through the mud, and he couldn't allow that.	他認為他的聲譽受到了玷污, 他無法接受這件事情。
recognized:v.认识;认出;辨别出;承认;意识到;(recognize的过去分词和过去式)
He had to restore his dignity , and he did so, and initially , although I was disappointed,	他必須修復他的尊嚴,而且他真的那麼做了, 一開始我雖然很失望,
restore:v.恢复;修复;恢复(某种情况或感受);使复原; dignity:n.尊严;高贵; initially:adv.最初,首先;开头;
I grew to admire that stance .	但我漸漸欣賞這個立場。
stance:n.立场;姿态;位置;准备击球姿势;
There was still fire bubbling through his veins , even though he was 82 years old.	即使他已經 82 歲, 仍然熱血沸騰。
bubbling:v.起泡;冒泡;洋溢着(某种感情);(bubble的现在分词) veins:n.[解剖]静脉(vein的复数); v.使有脉络;
And if it meant that we would now return to 30 years of silence, my father would say, "If it's so, then it's so."	如果這意謂著我們現在就回到 30 年的沉默, 我的父親會說:「如果是這樣,那就是了。」
Jamaicans will tell you that there's no such thing as facts, there are only versions.	牙買加人會說,根本沒有所謂的事實, 只有版本。
We all tell ourselves the versions of the story that we can best live with.	我們都在訴說可依循的最佳故事版本。
Each generation builds up an edifice which they are reluctant or sometimes unable to disassemble , but in the writing, my version of the story began to change, and it was detached from me.	每一代都在建造一個他們不願或有時無法拆缷的一棟宏偉建築, 但是在寫作時,我的故事版本開始改變, 與我分割了。
edifice:n.大厦;大建筑物; reluctant:adj.不情愿的;勉强的;顽抗的; disassemble:vt.拆开,解开;反汇编; detached:adj.独立的; v.拆卸; (detach的过去分词和过去式)
I lost my hatred of my father.	我不再憎恨父親。
hatred:n.仇恨;憎恨;厌恶;
I did no longer want him to die or to murder him, and I felt free, much freer than I'd ever felt before.	我不再希望他死或謀殺他, 我覺得我自由了, 前所未有的自由。
And I wonder whether that freedness could be transferred to him.	我在想那份自由是否能轉移給他。
In that initial reunion,	在最初的重聚,
I was struck by an idea that I had very few photographs of myself as a young child.	我突然想到我小時候很少有自己的照片。
This is a photograph of me, nine months old.	這是我的照片, 九個月大。
In the original photograph,	在原始的照片中,
original:n.原件;原作;原物;原型;adj.原始的;最初的;独创的;新颖的;
I'm being held up by my father, Bageye, but when my parents separated, my mother excised him from all aspects of our lives.	我的父親大眼袋舉起我, 但是當我的父母分居時, 我的母親把他從我們的生活中刪除。
excised:离体的;切离的; aspects:n.方面;相位;面貌(aspect的复数);
She took a pair of scissors and cut him out of every photograph, and for years, I told myself the truth of this photograph was that you are alone, you are unsupported .	她用剪刀把照片裡的他通通剪掉。多年來,我告訴自己這張照片的真相是我是自己一個人, 我是不被支持的。
scissors:n.剪刀;v.剪断;删除;(scissor的第三人称单数和复数) unsupported:adj.无支持的,无赞助的;未经证实的;没有支撑的;
But there's another way of looking at this photograph.	但可以用另一種方式看這張照片。
This is a photograph that has the potential for a reunion, a potential to be reunited with my father, and in my yearning to be held up by my father,	這是一張可能重聚的照片, 一個與父親重聚的潛在機會。我冀望父親把我舉起時,
potential:n.潜能;可能性;[电]电势;adj.潜在的;可能的;势的; reunited:v.重聚;使再结合(reunite的过去式和过去分词); yearning:n.向往;渴望;adj.思慕的;渴望的;v.渴望;渴求;(yearn的现在分词)
I held him up to the light.	其實是我將他舉到聚光燈前。
In that first reunion, it was very awkward and tense moments, and to lessen the tension , we decided to go for a walk.	在第一次的重聚, 是很尷尬和緊張的時刻, 為了減輕緊張, 我們決定去散步。
awkward:adj.尴尬的;笨拙的;棘手的;不合适的; lessen:vt.使…变小;使…减轻;使…变少;vi.减少;减轻;变小; tension:n.张力;拉伸;矛盾;紧张局势(或关系,状况);v.绷紧;
And as we walked, I was struck that I had reverted to being the child even though I was now towering above my father.	當我們在散步時, 我震驚的是雖然我的身高比父親高我變回了一個小孩。
reverted:回复;
I was almost a foot taller than my father.	我比父親幾乎高一英呎。
He was still the big man, and I tried to match his step.	他仍然是一個大男人, 我試著跟上他的腳步。
And I realized that he was walking as if he was still under observation , but I admired his walk.	我察覺他在走路彷彿仍然被監視著, 但是我欣賞他的走路方式。
observation:n.观察;观测;监视;(尤指据所见、所闻、所读而作的)评论;
He walked like a man on the losing side of the F.A. Cup Final mounting the steps to collect his condolence medal.	他走路像一個男人, 像世足盃總決賽失敗的一方走向階梯收集他的慰問獎章。
Cup Final:n.优胜杯决赛;锦标赛决赛; mounting:n.安装;固定;悬挂;adj.上升的;增长的;v.准备;安排;登上;(mount的现在分词) condolence:n.吊唁;慰唁;
There was dignity in defeat.	失敗中流露出尊嚴。
Thank you.	謝謝。
(Applause)	（掌聲）

ColinGrant_2012X-_我们的故事如何跨越世代藩篱_