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ChristinaWallace_2018U-_如何停止在约会软件上滑屏搜寻，找到真正的白马王子_
I first tried online dating my freshman year of college, which was in 2001, in case you can't see my wrinkle . 大学一年级时, 我第一次尝试网上约会, 那是在2001年, 我承认这么说有些暴露年龄。
wrinkle:n.皱纹;皱褶,皱痕;v.(使脸上)起皱纹;皱起;
Now, as you may have noticed, I'm six-feet tall, and when I arrived at my chosen university and realized our men's Division III basketball team averaged five-foot-eight, 你可能已注意到 我的身高有一米八, 当我进入大学校园时, 就意识到校男子篮球队（第三区） 队员的平均身高也才一米七多点儿,
Division:n.师;分配;分开;分歧;
I abandoned the on-campus scene and went online. 所以就当机立断放弃校园约会, 而选择了网上约会。
abandoned:adj.被抛弃的放纵的;v.抛弃;丢弃,离开;放弃;(abandon的过去分词和过去式)
Now, back then, online dating was pretty close to the plot of "You've Got Mail." 那会儿的网上约会,像极了电影 《电子情书》里的情节。
plot:n.情节;阴谋;布局;小块土地;v.密谋;暗中策划;(在地图上)标出;绘制(图表);
You'd write long emails back and forth for weeks, before you finally met up in real life. 你会连续好几周 写很多很长的邮件, 才最终决定约出来见面。
back and forth:前后移动的,来回的,反复的; finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地;
Except, in my case, you'd realize you have no chemistry and so now, you're back to square one . 除了在我的例子里, 意识到俩人根本不来电后, 一切又回到原点。
back to square one:从头再来;退回起点;
So, while online dating has changed a lot in the last 17 years, many of the frustrations remain the same. 虽然过去17年里 网上约会已经改变了很多, 但其中很多问题依然存在。
frustrations:n.沮丧;受阻;阻止;挫败;(frustration的复数)
Because here's what it does well. 以下是网约软件做得好的地方:
It broadens your pool of potential dates beyond your existing social and professional circles. 它超越你现有的社交和工作圈, 拓宽了潜在约会对象群;
broadens:v.扩大,变阔;变宽,加宽; potential:n.潜能;可能性;[电]电势;adj.潜在的;可能的;势的; professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员;
And here's what it doesn't do well. 这是它做的不好的地方:
Literally everything else. 除了以上那条之外的所有方面。
Literally:adv.按字面:字面上:确实地:
(Laughter) （笑声）
A few things you should know about me: 我先做个自我介绍:
I'm an action-oriented overachieving math and theater nerd , who ended up with an MBA. 我是一个行动派, 数学超好,而且是个戏剧迷。 还有一个工商管理硕士学位。
action-oriented:行动导向; overachieving:vi.完成得比预期要好;vt.做得比预期的更好; nerd:n.呆子;讨厌的人;
So, when things aren't working out, I tend to take a step back, apply my business toolkit to figure out why, and to fix it. 所以当事情发展不顺时, 我一般会选择以退为进, 运用我的商业技能工具 找出问题并解决它。
apply:v.申请;涂,敷;应用;适用;请求; toolkit:n.工具包,工具箱;
My love life was no exception . 我的感情生活也不例外。
exception:n.例外;异议;
The summer before I turned 30, I took myself on a relationship off-site . 在我即将30岁那一个夏天, 我给自己的感情生活放了个假,
off-site:n.工地外;厂区外;
Which means I went camping solo in Maine for a week, to do a retro on my track record of mediocre relationships. 去缅因州独自露营了一周, 回顾了自己平凡的感情经历。
solo:n.独奏; adj.独奏的; v.单人攀登; v.单独地; Maine:n.缅因州(美国州名); retro:n.制动火箭,减速火箭; adj.复古的,(服装式样等)重新流行的; track record:n.径赛成绩记录;过去的成绩或成就; mediocre:adj.普通的;平凡的;中等的;
Because the thing was, I knew what I wanted in a partner. 事实是,我很清楚 自己想要什么样的伴侣。
Kindness, curiosity , empathy , a sense of purpose. 善良、有好奇心、同理心, 还要心怀大志。
curiosity:n.好奇,好奇心;珍品,古董,古玩; empathy:n.神入;移情作用;执着;
And yet, here's what I chose for online: 但是,我在网上写的 要求却是这样的:
Ivy League degree, six feet or taller, lives within 12 subway stops of me. 常青藤大学毕业、身高一米八或以上, 与我居住的地方 距离不超过12个地铁站。
Ivy League:n.[教]常春藤联盟;
It's not that I intentionally prioritized those things, it's just the easiest to vet for online. 我不是故意要 把那些东西摆在首位, 而是这样的描述在网上最容易筛查。
intentionally:adv.故意地,有意地; prioritized:v.优先化(prioritize的过去分词); vet:n.兽医;兽医诊所;v.审查;仔细检查,审查(内容、质量等);
which is why these guys looked great on paper and never quite fit me. 这就是为什么这些男人 把自己写得那么棒, 却始终不适合我。
So when I went back online in the spring of 2016, 所以2016年春季, 我再次回归网上约会时,
I decided to reengineer the process through some classic business tools. 我决定用经典的商业手段 来调整我的作战策略。
reengineer:vt.再设计;重新建造;再设法处理; process:v.处理;加工;列队行进;n.过程,进行;方法,adj.经过特殊加工(或处理)的; classic:n.名著;优秀的典范;adj.最优秀的;第一流的;有代表性的;典型的;
First, I went to OkCupid, because I wanted to avoid the gamification of swipe-based apps. 首先我登陆了OkCupid, 因为我不想再用那些像游戏一样、 需要不停滑动手机屏幕的软件,
gamification:n.游戏化;
And also, because I wanted a writing sample. 而且还因为,我想要一份写作样本。
Next, I set up a sales funnel , throwing out any sense of my type, and instead defining the criteria that would qualify a lead. 接着我建立了一个销售漏斗模型, 列出了我想要的方方面面, 并且直接提供了符合要求的参考标准。
funnel:n.漏斗;烟囱;v.通过漏斗或烟囱等;使成漏斗形; defining:v.解释(词语)的含义;给(词语)下定义;阐明;界定;(define的现在分词) criteria:n.标准,条件(criterion的复数); qualify:vt.限制;使具有资格;证明…合格;vi.取得资格,有资格;
An inbound message had to do three things: had to be written in complete sentences and with good grammar; it had to reference something in my profile , so I know it's not a copy-and-paste situation; and it had to avoid all sexual content . 给我私信可以,但要做到三件事: 句子完整而语法无误, 还须提到我的 个人简介里的一些内容, 以此证明这不是复制粘贴, 并且还不能出现色情内容。
inbound:adj.入境的;归本国的;回内地的;n.入站; reference:n.参考,提及;参考书目;证明书;v.引用; profile:n.轮廓;简介;形象;外形;v.扼要介绍;概述;写简介; sexual:adj.性的;性别的;有性的; content:n.内容,目录;满足;容量;adj.满意的;vt.使满足;
I figured this was a pretty low bar, but it turns out, of my 210 inbound messages, only 14 percent cleared that hurdle . 我想这门槛已经很低了吧, 但事实证明,在收到的210条私信里, 只有14%的人全部符合要求。
hurdle:n.障碍;栏;跳栏;vt.克服;vi.克服;跳过;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Next, I wanted to meet in real life as quickly as possible, because the things I cared about, I couldn't see online. 接下来,我要在 现实生活中尽快见到他们, 因为网上看不出他们是否 具备我所在意的那些品质。
But the research, and my experience, shows you only need about 30 seconds with someone to tell if you click. 但根据研究以及自身经验得出, 你跟某人在一起只需要30秒, 就能确定彼此来不来电。
So I invented the zero date. 所以我发明了“零次约会”。
The zero date is one drink, one hour. 意思就是:一杯饮料、一个小时。
With the goal of answering one question: 目的就为了回答一个问题:
Would I like to have dinner with this person? “我想和这个人共进晚餐吗？”
Not "are they the one"? 而非“他们是我要找的人吗？”
Literally, "Would I like to spend three hours across the table from this person?" 真的只是,“我想和他在餐桌旁 呆三小时吗？”
You tell them you have a hard stop -- drinks with girlfriends, a conference call with China -- it doesn't matter, they don't know you. 要提前说好,时间一到 就要立即停止—— 说约了别的女性朋友也好, 与中国那边有个视像会议也罢—— 这些都不重要,他们根本无从考证。
conference call:n.电话会议;
The point is one hour. 关键是这一小时。
If it's awesome , you schedule a first date. 如果感觉很棒的话, 那就计划第一次约会;
awesome:adj.令人敬畏的;使人畏惧的;可怕的;极好的; schedule:工作计划,日程安排
And if it's not awesome, you downshift into entertainer mode and you workshop a few new stories for your next networking event. 如果感觉不好的话, 那就权且当作娱乐, 为下次网约添几个新段子而已。
downshift:vi.调低速档;工作降格;n.换低速档;vt.使…调低速挡;使工作降格; entertainer:n.演艺人员,表演者; workshop:n.车间;研讨会;讲习班;工场;v.学习;
Plus, because it's just an hour, you can squeeze up to three in one evening and then you only have to do your hair and pick out one great outfit a week. 另外,因为仅仅只有一个小时, 所以你一晚上可以约三个人, 唯一要做的就是弄好发型, 然后选一套一周里最好看的衣服。
squeeze:v.挤;紧握;勒索;压榨;n.压榨;紧握;拥挤;佣金; outfit:n.全套服装;团队;小组;分队;v.装备;配置设备;供给服装;
The zero date also gave me a chance to see how they responded to me asking them out. 零次约会还能让我看到 对方面对我的邀约 会作何反应。
responded:v.回答,回应;作出反应;响应;反应灵敏;(respond的过去式和过去分词)
I figured not everyone would dig my moxie , and I was right. 我猜想,不会每个人 都吃我这一套,而事实证明我猜对了。
moxie:n.精力;勇气;
Of my 29 qualified leads, only 15 replied to my message, and of those, six scheduled a zero date. 在精心挑选的29个人里, 只有15个人回了我的短信, 而在这15个人里, 只有6人和我进行了“零次约会”。
qualified:adj.有资格的; v.合格; (qualify的过去分词和过去式)
My first zero date was with a set designer. 我第一次“零次约会”的对象 是一名布景设计师。
And we were both into yoga and preferred our bagels with peanut butter , so it looked pretty promising. 我们都喜欢练瑜伽, 都喜欢吃花生酱味的百吉饼, 所以这一切看起来都挺有希望的。
yoga:n.瑜珈(意为"结合",指修行);瑜珈术;联想可360°翻转的平板电脑; preferred:v.较喜欢;喜欢…多于…;(prefer的过去式和过去分词) bagels:n.百吉圈(硬面包);(bagel的复数) peanut butter:n.花生酱;
But two minutes in, I could tell it wasn't going to be a thing and I was relieved not to be spending dinner with him. 但两分钟之后我感觉没什么戏了, 不用跟他吃晚餐, 让我松了一口气。
relieved:adj.释然的; v.缓解;
After that, I was a little nervous about going to my next zero date. 之后我对第二次的 “零次约会“有些紧张。
But we had agreed to meet on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade with a flask of whiskey to watch the sunset , and honestly, it was two blocks from my apartment. 但我们已经约好了在 布鲁克林高地步道见面, 带上威士忌、一起欣赏日落。 实话说,约会地点 离我的公寓只有两个街区。
Promenade:vi.散步;vt.散步,漫步;骑马;n.散步;舞会;骑马;adj.散步的; flask:n.[分化]烧瓶;长颈瓶,细颈瓶;酒瓶,携带瓶; whiskey:n.威士忌酒;adj.威士忌酒的; sunset:adj.霞红色的; n.日落(时分); v.(使)定期届满废止;
Plus, this guy had a podcast, I have a podcast, worst case scenario , we can talk about our podcasts . 而且,他有播客,我也有, 所以,最糟糕的情况 也不过是聊聊彼此的播客。
scenario:n.方案;情节;剧本; podcasts:n.播客(podcast的复数形式);
Then, Chaz set down next to me. 然后,查斯在我身边坐下,
And this kind and empathetic man told great jokes and asked even better questions. 这个善良、富有同理心的男人 讲了很棒的笑话, 还问了更好的问题。
empathetic:adj.移情作用的;同感的(等于empathic);
He was a lawyer and a writer, and his eyes twinkled when he laughed and they squeezed tight when I kissed him and at some point in the evening, our zero date became a first date. 他是一名律师兼作家, 笑得时候眼睛都闪烁着光芒, 在我亲他的时候,又会紧紧闭上, 所以某种程度上,当晚的“零次约会” 成了我们的“第一次约会”。
twinkled:vi.闪烁;发亮;vt.使闪耀;闪耀;n.闪烁; squeezed:v.挤压;捏;榨出,挤出,拧出;挤入;(squeeze的过去分词和过去式)
And two years later, we have a washer , dryer and two house plants together. 两年以后,我们拥有了共同的 洗衣机、吹风机和两盆室内盆栽。
washer:n.[机]垫圈;洗涤器;洗衣人; dryer:n.烘干机;[助剂]干燥剂;
Now, I can't promise you're going to end up with house plants. 我不能保证你们最后 也会有两盆室内盆栽,
But the point of this story is that online dating doesn't have to suck . 但我想说的是, 网上约会不一定总会很差劲。
suck:v.吸吮;吸取;n.吮吸;
Don't treat it like a game, and don't treat it like a resume review. 不要把它当作一种游戏, 但也不要像筛简历一样。
treat:v.治疗;处理;招待;款待;n.款待;乐事;乐趣; resume:n.简历;v.继续;重返;
Instead, use it to source and qualify leads and then get offline as quickly as possible with the zero date. 相反,要把它当作 搜集优质人选的过程, 然后尽快进行线下的“零次约会”,
source:n.来源;水源;原始资料; offline:n.脱机;挂线;adj.脱机的;离线的,未连线的;adv.未连线地;
Because the point of this isn't swiping . 因为网上约会的目的 不是滑动手机屏幕而已,
swiping:v.挥拳打;扬起巴掌打;挥起(物体)击打;偷窃;刷(磁卡);(swipe的现在分词)
It's finding your person. 而是找到那个对的人。
Good luck. 祝大家好运。
(Applause) （掌声）