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AshBeckham_2013X-_人都有秘密，让我们找到敞开心胸的勇气吧_
I'm going to talk to you tonight about coming out of the closet , and not in the traditional sense, not just the gay closet. 今晚我要分享 關於出櫃的故事。 並非只是一般人所認為的 同性戀出櫃。
out of the closet:出柜;衣柜外面;出柜者; traditional:传统的,惯例的,
I think we all have closets. 我認為所有人都有櫃子。
Your closet may be telling someone you love her for the first time, or telling someone that you're pregnant , or telling someone you have cancer , or any of the other hard conversations we have throughout our lives. 你的櫃子也許是對某人 初次告白說你愛她, 或者告訴某人妳懷孕了, 亦或告訴某人你罹患癌症, 又或者我們一生中任何其難以啟齒的對話,
pregnant:adj.怀孕的;富有意义的; cancer:n.癌症;恶性肿瘤; throughout:adv.自始至终,到处;全部;prep.贯穿,遍及;
All a closet is is a hard conversation, and although our topics may vary tremendously , the experience of being in and coming out of the closet is universal . 櫃子所代表的是困難的對話, 雖然每個人的難題可能完全不同, 但被困在櫃子裡 以及走出櫃子的經驗是舉世皆然的。
vary:vi.变化;变异;违反;vt.改变;使多样化;变奏; tremendously:adv.非常地;可怕地;惊人地; universal:adj.普遍的;全体的;全世界的;共同的;
It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done. 這很可怕,我們都痛恨它,但又不得不做。
Several years ago, 幾年前
I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe, a local diner in town, and during my time there I would go through phases of militant lesbian intensity : not shaving my armpits , quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel . 我在南岸胡桃咖啡店工作, 那是當地的小餐廳, 我在那工作的那段時間 經歷了激進女同性戀階段: 我不刮腋毛, 並把安妮．荻芙蘭蔻的歌當聖旨。
Walnut:n.胡桃;胡桃木;adj.胡桃科植物的; phases:n.阶段,时期(phase的复数形式);v.逐步实行(phase的三单形式); militant:adj.好战的;n.富有战斗性的人;好斗者;激进分子; lesbian:adj.[心理]女同性恋的;n.女同性恋者; intensity:n.强度;强烈;[电子]亮度;紧张; shaving:n.刮胡子,修面;削;刨花;v.修面,剃(shave的现在分词); armpits:n.腋窝(armpit的复数形式); quoting:v.引用;报价;举例说明;开价;为(企业的股份)上市;(quote的现在分词) lyrics:n.歌词;抒情诗(lyric的复数); gospel:n.真理;信条;adj.传播福音的;福音赞美诗的;
And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts and how recently I had shaved my head, the question would often be sprung on me, usually by a little kid: "Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?" 如果我穿著垮垮短褲, 剛好又剪了超短髮, 就會常有人拋出這問題, 通常是小孩子: 「嗯,你是男生還是女生？」
bagginess:n.膨胀状; cargo:n.(船或飞机装载的)货物; recently:adv.最近;新近; shaved:v.剃(须发);(尤指)刮脸;(少量地)削减;(shave的过去分词和过去式)
And there would be an awkward silence at the table. 接著是桌上的一陣尷尬沉默。
awkward:adj.尴尬的;笨拙的;棘手的;不合适的;
I'd clench my jaw a little tighter, hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance . 我便會咬緊嘴唇, 抓緊咖啡壺,開始不爽。
clench:vt.紧握;确定;把…敲弯;vi.握紧;钉牢;n.紧抓;敲环脚; vengeance:n.复仇;报复;报仇;
The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid. 孩子的爸會尷尬地翻閱報紙, 媽媽則會對那孩子使眼色。
awkwardly:adv.笨拙地;无技巧地; shuffle:v.洗牌; n.洗牌,洗纸牌; chilling:adj.令人恐惧的,令人害怕的;v.使冰冷;使恐惧;恐吓(chill的现在分词) stare:v.凝视;盯着看;注视;n.凝视;
But I would say nothing, and I would seethe inside. 但我悶不作聲, 內心真是快爆炸了。
seethe:vi.沸腾;冒泡;激动;vt.使浸透;使煮沸;n.沸腾;感情等的迸发;
And it got to the point where every time I walked up to a table that had a kid anywhere between three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight. 搞到最後,每次走到桌前 看到有 3-10 歲的小孩,我就進入戰鬥模式。
(Laughter) （笑聲）
And that is a terrible feeling. 那感覺很糟。
So I promised myself, the next time, I would say something. 所以我告訴自己,下次要替自己發聲。
I would have that hard conversation. 我會完成那困難的對話。
So within a matter of weeks, it happens again. 不到幾星期,一樣的事又發生了。
'"Are you a boy or are you a girl?" 「你是男生還是女生？」
Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready, and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101 on this table. (Laughter) 一樣的沉默,但這次我準備好了, 準備好好教育這桌客人女權主義是什麼。
Familiar:adj.熟悉的;常见的;亲近的;n.常客;密友;
I've got my Betty Friedan quotes . 我準備了女權主義者貝蒂．傅瑞丹的名言、
Betty:n.贝蒂(皮包品牌); quotes:n.引用,引号;报价(quote的复数);v.报价(quote的第三人称单数);引用;复述;
I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes. 也想好葛羅莉亞．斯坦能的名言,
I've even got this little bit from " Vagina Monologues " I'm going to do. 我甚至還準備了《陰道獨白》裡的台詞。
Vagina:n.[解剖]阴道;叶鞘;鞘; Monologues:独白;
So I take a deep breath and I look down and staring back at me is a four-year-old girl in a pink dress, not a challenge to a feminist duel , just a kid with a question: "Are you a boy or are you a girl?" 然後我深呼吸了一口氣,低下頭, 眼睛直盯著我的是一位穿著粉色洋裝的四歲女孩, 不是女權主義一對一決鬥的對手, 只是個問問題的孩子: 「你是男生還女生？」
staring:adj.凝视的,目不转睛的;显眼的;v.凝视;盯着看;显眼;(stare的现在分词) feminist:n.男女平等主义者;adj.主张男女平等的; duel:n.决斗;斗争,抗争;vi.决斗;
So I take another deep breath, squat down to next to her, and say, "Hey, I know it's kind of confusing . 我又深呼吸一口氣, 蹲在她身旁說: 「嘿,我知道這有點讓人搞不清楚。
squat:v.蹲,蹲下;蹲坐;蹲伏;使蹲坐;n.蹲坐,蜷伏;adj.蹲着的;矮胖的; confusing:adj.令人困惑; v.使糊涂; (confuse的现在分词)
My hair is short like a boy's, and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl, and you know how sometimes you like to wear a pink dress, and sometimes you like to wear your comfy jammies ? 我的頭髮跟男生一樣短, 我穿男生的衣服,但我是女生, 就像有時候你喜歡穿粉色洋裝, 有時候喜歡穿寬鬆舒服的睡衣一樣。
comfy:adj.舒服的;轻松的(等于comfortable); jammies:睡衣裤;
Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl." 我只是那種喜歡穿寬鬆睡衣的女生。」
And this kid looks me dead in the eye, without missing a beat, and says, "My favorite pajamas are purple with fish. 然後這小孩沒什麼反應地看著我, 馬上說出: 「我喜歡的睡衣是紫色的,有魚的圖案,
pajamas:n.睡衣;宽长裤; purple:n.紫色;紫袍;v.变紫;使成紫色;adj.紫色的;华丽的文辞;
Can I get a pancake , please?" 我可以點個鬆餅嗎？」
pancake:n.薄饼;烙饼;(尤指舞台化妆用的)粉饼;v.(使)(飞机)平降;
(Laughter) （笑聲）
And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl. 就這樣,好像說:「好,妳是女生。
How about that pancake?" 我可以點鬆餅了嗎？」
It was the easiest hard conversation I have ever had. 這是我經歷過最簡單的困難對話。
And why? Because Pancake Girl and I, we were both real with each other. 為什麼呢？因為鬆餅女孩跟我 都很真誠的對待彼此。
So like many of us, 跟許多人一樣,
I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah, most often, my walls happened to be rainbow . 我一生中也被困在些櫃子中, 大部份時候,我的牆正好是彩虹色的。
rainbow:n.彩虹
But inside, in the dark, you can't tell what color the walls are. 但裡面一片漆黑, 根本無法得知牆的顏色。
You just know what it feels like to live in a closet. 你只知道困在櫃中的感受。
So really, my closet is no different than yours or yours or yours. 真的,我的櫃子跟你們的沒兩樣。 跟你的一樣、還有你的。
different than:不同于;
Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons why coming out of my closet was harder than coming out of yours, but here's the thing: Hard is not relative . 當然,我可以提出一百個理由 說明為什麼我出櫃會比你出櫃困難, 但要知道,困難並非相對的。
relative:adj.相对的;有关系的;成比例的;n.亲戚;相关物;[语]关系词;亲缘植物;
Hard is hard. 困難就是困難。
Who can tell me that explaining to someone you've just declared bankruptcy is harder than telling someone you just cheated on them? 誰可以告訴我,跟別人坦承你剛破產 比告訴別人你出軌還要困難？
bankruptcy:n.破产;
Who can tell me that his coming out story is harder than telling your five-year-old you're getting a divorce ? 誰可以跟我說,他的出櫃故事 比告訴你五歲小孩爸媽要離婚更難？
divorce:n.离婚;分离;v.与某人离婚;使分离;
There is no harder, there is just hard. 根本沒有什麼比較難,難就是難。
We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard to make us feel better or worse about our closets and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard. 我們不該將困難跟別人的困難比 來讓自己好過或難過, 而是要用同情心,知道每個人都面臨著難事。
commiserate:v.同情;怜悯;
At some point in our lives, we all live in closets, and they may feel safe, or at least safer than what lies on the other side of that door. 我們生命中,一定有些時候是住在櫃子裡的, 我們在櫃中覺得安全, 至少比走出櫃子感覺更安全。
on the other side:另一面;在另一边;
But I am here to tell you, no matter what your walls are made of, a closet is no place for a person to live. 但我要告訴各位, 不管你牆裝飾得多美, 櫃子不是人住的地方。
no matter what:不管什么…;
Thanks. (Applause) 謝謝。（掌聲）
So imagine yourself 20 years ago. 想像一下自己二十年前的樣子。
Me, I had a ponytail , a strapless dress, and high-heeled shoes. 我二十年前留著馬尾、穿著平口洋裝, 腳踩高跟鞋。
ponytail:n.马尾辫; strapless:adj.无带的;无背带的;无肩带的; high-heeled:adj.高跟的;
I was not the militant lesbian ready to fight any four-year-old that walked into the cafe. 我並不是激進女同志, 不是個要跟咖啡廳裡的四歲小孩打仗的人。
I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner of my pitch-black closet clutching my gay grenade , and moving one muscle is the scariest thing I have ever done. 我被恐懼冰凍,蜷曲在 漆黑櫃子的角落, 手上緊抓著同性戀手榴彈, 將手中的手榴彈放開
curled:adj.卷曲的;鬈发的;v.[纸]卷曲;环绕(curl的过去分词); pitch-black:adj.漆黑的;墨黑的;极黑的; clutching:v.紧握;抱紧;抓紧(clutch的现在分词) grenade:n.手榴弹;灭火弹;v.扔手榴弹;用催泪弹攻击; muscle:n.肌肉;力量;v.加强;使劲搬动;使劲挤出;
My family, my friends, complete strangers -- 我的家人、朋友、甚至陌生人,
I had spent my entire life trying to not disappoint these people, and now I was turning the world upside down on purpose . 我終其一生 試圖不讓他們失望, 而我現在我顛覆了世界, 我有意這麼做的。
upside down:adj.颠倒的;乱七八糟的; on purpose:有目的地,故意地;
I was burning the pages of the script we had all followed for so long, but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you. 我將我們長久以來的認知燒得一乾二淨, 但如果你不將手榴彈丟出,它會殺了你。
script:n.剧本;电影剧本;笔迹;广播(或讲话等)稿;v.为电影(或戏剧等)写剧本;
One of my most memorable grenade tosses was at my sister's wedding. 我印象最深刻的丟手榴彈時刻 是在我姐姐的婚禮上。
memorable:adj.显著的,难忘的;值得纪念的; tosses:v.扔,抛,掷;(使)摇摆,挥动,颠簸;(toss的第三人称单数)
(Laughter) （笑聲）
It was the first time that many in attendance knew I was gay, so in doing my maid of honor duties, in my black dress and heels , 當時是第一次有很多賓客 知道我是同性戀,所以我在執行伴娘任務時, 穿著黑色洋裝和高跟鞋
attendance:n.出席;到场;出席人数; heels:n.高跟鞋(heel的复数);脚踝;残余料;v.紧跟;给(鞋等)装跟(heel的三单形式);
I walked around to tables and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends, folks that had known me for years. 到各桌四處交際, 最後我來到我父母朋友的那桌, 那些人已經認識我好多年了。
finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地;
And after a little small talk , one of the women shouted out, "I love Nathan Lane !" 小聊完後,一位女士突然大喊: 「我愛內森．連恩（同性戀演員）！」
small talk:闲聊;聊天; Lane:n.车道;小巷;泳道;胡同;
And the battle of gay relatability had begun. 然後他們開始比賽誰對同性戀話題比較熟。
'"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?" 「艾許,你有去過卡斯楚（著名同性戀區）嗎？」
'"Well, yeah, actually, we have friends in San Francisco." 「其實我們在舊金山有朋友。」
'"Well, we've never been there but we've heard it's fabulous ." 「我們還沒去過但聽說那裡超棒！」
fabulous:adj.难以置信的;传说的,寓言中的;极好的;
'"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio? 「艾許,我的髮型師安東尼歐
hairdresser:n.美发师;
He's really good and he has never talked about a girlfriend." 非常厲害,但從沒提過女朋友。」
'"Ash, what's your favorite TV show? 「艾許,妳最喜歡的影集是哪部？
Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will Grace . 我們最喜歡《威爾和葛雷絲》
Grace:n.优雅;恩惠;魅力;慈悲;v.使优美;
And you know who we love? Jack. 而且劇中演員我們最愛傑克。
Jack is our favorite." 傑克是我們的最愛。」
And then one woman, stumped but wanting so desperately to show her support, to let me know she was on my side, she finally blurted out, "Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts." 然後有個女人愣住了, 但又急著想表示對同性戀的支持, 讓我知道她是站在我這邊的。 後來終於脫口說出: 「我老公有時候會穿粉紅色襯衫！」
stumped:v.犯愁;困惑;一筹莫展;(stump的过去式和过去分词); desperately:adv.拼命地;绝望地;不顾一切地;极度地; blurted:v.脱口而出;(blurt的过去分词和过去式)
(Laughter) （笑聲）
And I had a choice in that moment, as all grenade throwers do. 那瞬間,我有個選擇, 就像每個丟手榴彈的人一樣,
throwers:n.投掷者;抛油环;制陶坯的工人;
I could go back to my girlfriend and my gay-loving table and mock their responses , chastise their unworldliness and their inability to jump through the politically correct gay hoops I had brought with me, or I could empathize with them 我可以回到我女友那桌、回到同性戀擁護桌, 並嘲笑他們的反應, 鄙視他們的不諳世故以及無法 以正確的方式討論同性戀議題。 或者,我可以用同理心,
mock:n.英国模拟考试;adj.仿制的,虚假的;v.嘲笑;不尊重; responses:n.回答,答复;反应;响应;(response的复数) chastise:vt.惩罚;严惩;责骂; inability:n.无能力;无才能; politically correct:adj.政治上正确的(指言行上避免有歧视之嫌); hoops:n.箍;环;圈;(篮球)篮圈,篮框;(hoop的复数) empathize:vt.移情;神会;
and realize that that was maybe one of the hardest things they had ever done, that starting and having that conversation was them coming out of their closets. 試著了解這可能是他們做過最困難的事, 開啟、討論這個話題 是他們走出了櫃子。
Sure, it would have been easy to point out where they felt short. 當然,指責他們哪裡沒做好很容易,
It's a lot harder to meet them where they are and acknowledge the fact that they were trying. 難的是接受他們的態度 並理解他們也在嘗試接納。
And what else can you ask someone to do but try? 有人願意嘗試了,你還能要求什麼呢？
If you're going to be real with someone, you gotta be ready for real in return. 如果你要對別人坦誠, 那你也要準備好真誠以對。
So hard conversations are still not my strong suit. 我不擅長困難的對話,
Ask anybody I have ever dated. 問以前跟我交往過的人就知道。
But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call the three Pancake Girl principles . 但我越來越厲害,我遵循 鬆餅女孩三原則。
principles:n.原则;主义;本质;政策;(principle的复数)
Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses , but know what it takes to come out of any closet is essentially the same. 請以同性戀的角度來看這些原則, 但請明白,不管要從哪個櫃子走出, 其實都是一樣的。
lenses:n.透镜;镜片;(眼球的)晶状体;(lens的复数) essentially:adv.本质上;本来;
Number one: Be authentic . 第一點:做真實的自己。
authentic:adj.真正的,真实的;可信的;
Take the armor off. Be yourself. 把盔甲卸下,做自己。
armor:n.[军]装甲;盔甲;v.为…装甲;
That kid in the cafe had no armor, but I was ready for battle. 咖啡店的小女孩並沒有盔甲, 但我本來準備好跟她拚命了。
If you want someone to be real with you, they need to know that you bleed too. 如果你要別人真誠待你, 那他們必須知道你也是有血有淚的。
bleed:v.流血;失血;放掉;散开;n.[印]出血版
Number two: Be direct. Just say it. Rip the Band-Aid off. 第二點:直接了當。直接說出來,長痛不如短痛。
Band-Aid:n.创可贴;adj.补缀的;
If you know you are gay, just say it. 如果你知道自己是同性戀,就說出來。
If you tell your parents you might be gay, they will hold out hope that this will change. 如果你告訴父母,你可能是同性戀, 他們會心存希望,認為這有天會改變。
Do not give them that sense of false hope. 不要給他們無謂的希望。
(Laughter) （笑聲）
And number three, and most important -- 第三點,也是最重要的——
(Laughter)
Be unapologetic . 別感到愧疚。
unapologetic:不愿道歉的;不认错的;
You are speaking your truth. 你坦白的說了實話,
Never apologize for that. 絕對不要為此道歉。
And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way, so sure, apologize for what you've done, but never apologize for who you are. 有些人可能會因你的實話而受傷, 當然,可以為此道歉, 但絕對不要為了做自己而道歉。
And yeah, some folks may be disappointed, but that is on them, not on you. 有些人可能因此失望, 但那是他們的問題,不是你的。
Those are their expectations of who you are, not yours. 那是他們對你的期望,而不是你自己的。
expectations:n.预料;预期;期待;希望;指望;(expectation的复数)
That is their story, not yours. 那是他們的故事,不是你的人生。
The only story that matters is the one that you want to write. 唯一重要的故事, 就是你想寫下的故事。
So the next time you find yourself in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade, know we have all been there before. 所以下次你發現自己 握著手榴彈蜷曲在漆黑櫃子裡時, 請記得我們都曾經歷過。
And you may feel so very alone, but you are not. 你或許覺得孤單,但並非如此。
And we know it's hard but we need you out here, no matter what your walls are made of, because I guarantee you there are others peering through the keyholes of their closets 我們知道這很困難,但需要你勇敢走出來, 不管將你困在裡面的原因是什麼, 我向你保證, 有很多人也從櫃子的鑰匙孔中探出,
guarantee:n.保证;担保;保证人;保证书;抵押品;v.保证;担保; peering:n.对等互连;对等操作;互传;同级化;v.凝视(peer的现在分词);同等,比得上; keyholes:n.锁眼;[建]键孔;adj.显示内情的;
looking for the next brave soul to bust a door open, so be that person and show the world that we are bigger than our closets and that a closet is no place for a person to truly live. 尋找下一個勇敢的人衝出門外,成為那個人吧！ 讓世界知道櫃子容不下我們, 而且櫃子絕對不是人住的地方。
bust:n.(石或金属的)半身像; v.打破; adj.破碎;
Thank you, Boulder . Enjoy your night. (Applause) 謝謝博爾德市的各位,祝你們有個美好夜晚。（掌聲）
Boulder:n.卵石,大圆石;巨砾;