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AndrewSolomon_2013X-_抑郁_我们各自隐藏的秘密_
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| '"I felt a funeral in my brain, and mourners to and fro kept treading , treading till I felt that sense was breaking through. |
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funeral:n.葬礼;麻烦事;adj.丧葬的,出殡的; mourners:哀悼者(mourner的名词复数); to and fro:来回地; treading:v.踩;踏;践踏;踩碎;行走;步行;(tread的现在分词)
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| And when they all were seated, a service, like a drum , kept beating, beating, till I felt my mind was going numb. |
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drum:n.鼓; v.打鼓;
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| And then I heard them lift a box and creak across my soul with those same boots of lead again, then space began to toll , as if the heavens were a bell and being were an ear, and I, and silence, some strange race wrecked , solitary , here. |
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creak:n.嘎吱嘎吱声;vi.发出咯吱咯吱声;勉强运转;vt.使咯吱咯吱响; toll:n.伤亡人数; v.(缓慢而有规律地)敲(钟); (尤指)鸣(丧钟); wrecked:adj.失事的; v.破坏; solitary:adj.孤独的;独居的;n.独居者;隐士;
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| Just then, a plank in reason broke, and I fell down and down and hit a world at every plunge , and finished knowing then." |
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plank:n.[木]厚木板;支架;政纲条款;v.在…上铺板;撂下;立刻付款; plunge:v.暴跌;使突然前冲(或下落);骤降;突降;n.跳水;突然跌落;突然分离;骤减;
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| We know depression through metaphors . |
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depression:n.沮丧;洼地;不景气;忧愁; metaphors:n.隐喻(metaphor的复数形式);
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| Emily Dickinson was able to convey it in language, |
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convey:vt.传达;运输;让与;
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| Goya in an image. |
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Goya:n.戈雅(西班牙画家);
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| Half the purpose of art is to describe such iconic states. |
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describe:v.描述;形容;把…称为;画出…图形; iconic:adj.图标的,形象的;
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| As for me, I had always thought myself tough, one of the people who could survive if I'd been sent to a concentration camp . |
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concentration camp:n.集中营;
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| In 1991, I had a series of losses. |
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series:n.系列,连续;[电]串联;级数;丛书;
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| My mother died, a relationship I'd been in ended, |
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| I moved back to the United States from some years abroad , and I got through all of those experiences intact . |
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United:adj.联合的; v.联合,团结; (unite的过去分词和过去式) abroad:adv.在国外;到海外;adj.往国外的;n.海外;异国; intact:adj.完整的;原封不动的;未受损伤的;
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| But in 1994, three years later, |
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| I found myself losing interest in almost everything. |
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| I didn't want to do any of the things |
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| I had previously wanted to do, and I didn't know why. |
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previously:adv.先前;以前;
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| The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality , and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment. |
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vitality:n.活力,生气;生命力,生动性;
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| Everything there was to do seemed like too much work. |
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| I would come home and I would see the red light flashing on my answering machine , and instead of being thrilled to hear from my friends, |
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flashing:n.防雨板,盖片; v.闪光; (flash的现在分词) answering machine:n.电话答录机; thrilled:adj.非常兴奋; v.使非常兴奋; (thrill的过去分词和过去式)
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| I would think, "What a lot of people that is to have to call back." |
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| Or I would decide I should have lunch, and then I would think, but I'd have to get the food out and put it on a plate and cut it up and chew it and swallow it, and it felt to me like the Stations of the Cross. |
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swallow:v.吞下;咽下;吞没;相信;n.吞;咽;燕;一次吞咽的量;
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| And one of the things that often gets lost in discussions of depression is that you know it's ridiculous . |
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ridiculous:adj.可笑的;荒谬的;
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| You know it's ridiculous while you're experiencing it. |
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| You know that most people manage to listen to their messages and eat lunch and organize themselves to take a shower and go out the front door and that it's not a big deal , and yet you are nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it. |
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organize:v.组织;安排;处理;分配;管理; a big deal:na.要人;重要的事; nonetheless:adv.尽管如此,但是; grip:n.紧握;柄;支配;握拍方式;拍柄绷带;vt.紧握;夹紧;vi.抓住;
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| And so I began to feel myself doing less and thinking less and feeling less. |
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| It was a kind of nullity . |
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nullity:n.无效;无价值的事物或人;[数]零度;退化阶数;
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| And then the anxiety set in. |
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anxiety:n.焦虑;渴望;挂念;令人焦虑的事;
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| If you told me that I'd have to be depressed for the next month, |
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depressed:adj.沮丧的; v.使抑郁; (depress的过去式和过去分词)
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| I would say, "As long I know it'll be over in November, I can do it." |
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| But if you said to me, "You have to have acute anxiety for the next month," |
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acute:adj.严重的,[医]急性的;敏锐的;激烈的;尖声的;
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| I would rather slit my wrist than go through it. |
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would rather:宁愿,宁可; slit:vt.撕裂;使有狭缝;n.裂缝;投币口;vi.纵裂; wrist:n.手腕;腕关节;v.用腕力移动[送出,抛掷等];
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| It was the feeling all the time like that feeling you have if you're walking and you slip or trip and the ground is rushing up at you, but instead of lasting half a second, the way that does, it lasted for six months. |
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slip:v.溜;下降;滑落;n.纸条;衬裙;
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| It's a sensation of being afraid all the time but not even knowing what it is that you're afraid of. |
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sensation:n.感觉;轰动;感动;
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| And it was at that point that I began to think that it was just too painful to be alive, and that the only reason not to kill oneself was so as not to hurt other people. |
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painful:adj.痛苦的;疼痛的;令人不快的;
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| And finally one day, I woke up and I thought perhaps I'd had a stroke , because I lay in bed completely frozen, looking at the telephone, thinking, "Something is wrong and I should call for help," |
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finally:adv.终于;最终;(用于列举)最后;彻底地; stroke:n.中风;笔画;钟声;抚摩;v.抚摩(动物的毛皮);轻抚;轻挪;轻触;
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| and I couldn't reach out my arm and pick up the phone and dial. |
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| And finally, after four full hours of my lying and staring at it, the phone rang, and somehow I managed to pick it up, and it was my father, and I said, "I'm in serious trouble. |
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staring:adj.凝视的,目不转睛的;显眼的;v.凝视;盯着看;显眼;(stare的现在分词) somehow:adv.以某种方法;莫名其妙地;
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| We need to do something." |
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| The next day I started with the medications and the therapy . |
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medications:n.药;药物;(medication的复数) therapy:n.治疗,疗法;
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| And I also started reckoning with this terrible question: |
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reckoning:n.计算;清算;算帐;v.计算;认为;指望(reckon的现在分词);
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| If I'm not the tough person who could have made it through a concentration camp, then who am I? |
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| And if I have to take medication, is that medication making me more fully myself, or is it making me someone else? |
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| And how do I feel about it if it's making me someone else? |
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| I had two advantages as I went in to the fight. |
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advantages:n.有利条件; v.有利于;
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| The first is that I knew that, objectively speaking, |
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objectively:adv.客观地;
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| I had a nice life, and that if I could only get well, there was something at the other end that was worth living for. |
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| And the other was that I had access to good treatment . |
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treatment:n.治疗;疗法;对待;处理;讨论;
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| But I nonetheless emerged and relapsed , and emerged and relapsed , and emerged and relapsed , and finally understood |
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emerged:v.(从隐蔽处或暗处)出现;暴露;露出真相;显现;(emerge的过去分词和过去式) relapsed:v.退回原状;(好转后)再倒退;(relapse的过去分词和过去式)
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| I would have to be on medication and in therapy forever. |
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| And I thought, "But is it a chemical problem or a psychological problem? |
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chemical:n.化学制品,化学药品;adj.化学的; psychological:adj.心理的;心理学的;精神上的;
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| And does it need a chemical cure or a philosophical cure?" |
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philosophical:adj.哲学的(等于philosophic);冷静的;
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| And I couldn't figure out which it was. |
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| And then I understood that actually, we aren't advanced enough in either area for it to explain things fully. |
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advanced:adj.先进的; v.前进; (advance的过去式和过去分词形式)
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| The chemical cure and the psychological cure both have a role to play, and I also figured out that depression was something that was braided so deep into us that there was no separating it from our character and personality . |
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braided:adj.编辫子的;有饰带镶缀的; personality:n.性格;个性;人格;魅力;气质;名人;特色;
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| I want to say that the treatments we have for depression are appalling . |
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treatments:n.治疗;疗法;对待;处理;讨论;(treatment的复数) appalling:adj.可怕的;令人震惊的;v.使惊愕;惊吓;(appal的现在分词)
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| They're not very effective . |
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effective:adj.有效的,起作用的;实际的,实在的;给人深刻印象;
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| They're extremely costly . |
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extremely:adv.非常,极其;极端地; costly:adj.昂贵的;代价高的;
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| They come with innumerable side effects. |
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innumerable:adj.无数的,数不清的;
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| They're a disaster . |
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disaster:n.灾难,灾祸;不幸;
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| But I am so grateful that I live now and not 50 years ago, when there would have been almost nothing to be done. |
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| I hope that 50 years hence , people will hear about my treatments and be appalled that anyone endured such primitive science. |
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hence:adv.因此;今后; appalled:adj.震惊; v.使大为震惊; (appal的过去分词和过去式) endured:v.忍耐;忍受;持续;持久;(endure的过去分词和过去式) primitive:adj.原始的,远古的;简单的,粗糙的;n.原始人;
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| Depression is the flaw in love. |
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flaw:n.瑕疵,缺点; v.使生裂缝,使有裂纹; vi.生裂缝;
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| If you were married to someone and thought, "Well, if my wife dies, I'll find another one," |
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| it wouldn't be love as we know it. |
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| There's no such thing as love without the anticipation of loss, and that specter of despair can be the engine of intimacy . |
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anticipation:n.希望;预感;先发制人;预支; specter:n.幽灵;妖怪;恐怖之物; despair:v.绝望;失去希望;丧失信心;n.绝望; intimacy:n.亲密;密切;关系密切;性行为;
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| There are three things people tend to confuse : depression, grief and sadness. |
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confuse:v.混同;使迷惑;使糊涂;使更难于理解; grief:n.悲痛;忧伤;不幸;
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| Grief is explicitly reactive . |
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explicitly:adv.明确地;明白地; reactive:adj.反应的;电抗的;反动的;
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| If you have a loss and you feel incredibly unhappy, and then, six months later, you are still deeply sad, but you're functioning a little better, it's probably grief, and it will probably ultimately resolve itself in some measure. |
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incredibly:adv.难以置信地;非常地; ultimately:adv.最终;最后;归根结底;终究; resolve:vt.决定; vi.解决; n.坚决;
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| If you experience a catastrophic loss, and you feel terrible, and six months later you can barely function at all, then it's probably a depression that was triggered by the catastrophic circumstances . |
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catastrophic:adj.灾难的;悲惨的;灾难性的,毁灭性的; barely:adv.仅仅,勉强;几乎不;公开地;贫乏地; triggered:v.发动;引起;触发;开动;起动;(trigger的过去分词和过去式) circumstances:n.情况;环境;情形;(circumstance的复数)
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| The trajectory tells us a great deal. |
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trajectory:n.[物]轨道,轨线;[航][军]弹道;
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| People think of depression as being just sadness. |
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| It's much, much too much sadness, much too much grief at far too slight a cause. |
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slight:adj.轻微的;略微的;细小的;纤细的;n.侮慢;冷落;轻视;v.侮慢;冷落;轻视;
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| As I set out to understand depression, and to interview people who had experienced it, |
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interview:n.接见,采访;面试,面谈;v.采访;接见;对…进行面谈;
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| I found that there were people who seemed on the surface to have what sounded like relatively mild depression who were nonetheless utterly disabled by it. |
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relatively:adv.相当程度上;相当地;相对地; mild:adj.温和的; n.(英国的一种)淡味麦芽啤酒; utterly:adv.完全地;绝对地;全然地;彻底地,十足地;
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| And there were other people who had what sounded as they described it like terribly severe depression who nonetheless had good lives in the interstices between their depressive episodes . |
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described:v.描述;形容;把…称为;做…运动;(describe的过去分词和过去式) severe:adj.极为恶劣的;十分严重的;严厉的;苛刻的; interstices:n.间隙;缝(interstice的复数); depressive:adj.抑郁的;压抑的; episodes:n.一段经历;片段,插曲;一集;(episode的复数)
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| And I set out to find out what it is that causes some people to be more resilient than other people. |
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resilient:adj.弹回的,有弹力的;
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| What are the mechanisms that allow people to survive? |
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mechanisms:n.机制;[机]机构(mechanism的复数);机械;[机]机构学;
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| And I went out and I interviewed person after person who was suffering with depression. |
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interviewed:v.对(某人)进行面试(或面谈); (媒体)采访(interview的过去分词和过去式)
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| One of the first people I interviewed described depression as a slower way of being dead, and that was a good thing for me to hear early on because it reminded me that that slow way of being dead can lead to actual deadness , that this is a serious business. |
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reminded:v.提醒;使想起;(remind的过去分词和过去式) deadness:n.死;死的状态;无生气;(酒等的)走味;
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| It's the leading disability worldwide , and people die of it every day. |
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disability:n.残疾;无能;无资格;不利条件; worldwide:adj.全世界的;adv.在世界各地;
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| One of the people I talked to when I was trying to understand this was a beloved friend who I had known for many years, and who had had a psychotic episode in her freshman year of college, and then plummeted into a horrific depression. |
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beloved:adj.心爱的;挚爱的;n.心爱的人;亲爱的教友; psychotic:adj.精神病的;n.精神病患者;疯子; plummeted:n.[测]铅锤,坠子;vi.垂直落下;(价格,水平等)骤然下跌; horrific:adj.可怕的;令人毛骨悚然的;
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| She had bipolar illness, or manic depression, as it was then known. |
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bipolar:adj.有两极的,双极的; manic:adj.躁狂的;狂热的;n.躁狂症者;
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| And then she did very well for many years on lithium , and then eventually , she was taken off her lithium to see how she would do without it, and she had another psychosis , and then plunged into the worst depression th at I ha d ever seen in which she sat in her parents' apartment, |
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lithium:n.锂(符号Li); eventually:adv.最后,终于; psychosis:n.精神病;精神错乱;
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| more or less catatonic , essentially without moving, day after day after day. |
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more or less:或多或少; catatonic:adj.紧张性精神症的;n.紧张性精神症患者; essentially:adv.本质上;本来; day after day:日复一日;
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| And when I interviewed her about that experience some years later -- she's a poet and psychotherapist named Maggie Robbins — when I interviewed her, she said, "I was singing 'Where Have All The Flowers Gone' over and over to occupy my mind. |
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psychotherapist:n.精神治疗医师; over and over:反复;再三; occupy:v.占据,占领;居住;使忙碌;
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| I was singing to blot out the things my mind was saying, which were, 'You are nothing. You are nobody. |
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blot:vi.吸墨水; vt.涂污,弄脏; n.污点,污渍;
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| You don't even deserve to live.' |
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deserve:vi.应受,应得;
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| And that was when I really started thinking about killing myself." |
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| You don't think in depression that you've put on a gray veil and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood . |
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veil:n.面纱;面罩;遮蔽物;托词;v.遮蔽;掩饰;以面纱遮掩;用帷幕分隔; haze:n.薄雾;烟雾;迷蒙;迷糊;v.(使)笼罩在薄雾中;戏弄; mood:n.情绪,语气;心境;气氛;
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| You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness, and that now you're seeing truly. |
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| It's easier to help schizophrenics who perceive that there's something foreign inside of them that needs to be exorcised , but it's difficult with depressives , because we believe we are seeing the truth. |
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schizophrenics:adj.精神分裂症的;n.精神分裂症的患者; perceive:v.注意到;意识到;将…理解为;认为; exorcised:v.驱除(妖魔等);从…驱魔;(exorcise的过去分词和过去式) depressives:adj.抑郁的;压抑的;
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| But the truth lies. |
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| I became obsessed with that sentence: "But the truth lies." |
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obsessed:v.使痴迷;使迷恋;使着迷;(obsess的过去式和过去分词)
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| And I discovered, as I talked to depressive people, that they have many delusional perceptions . |
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delusional:adj.妄想的; perceptions:n.认知;观念(perception的复数);理解;
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| People will say, "No one loves me." |
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| And you say, "I love you, your wife loves you, your mother loves you." |
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| You can answer that one pretty readily , at least for most people. |
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readily:adv.容易地;乐意地;无困难地;
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| But people who are depressed will also say, " No matter what we do, we're all just going to die in the end." |
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No matter what:不管什么…;
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| Or they'll say, "There can be no true communion between two human beings. |
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communion:n.共享;恳谈;宗教团体;圣餐仪式;
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| Each of us is trapped in his own body." |
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trapped:adj.受困的;受限制的;v.使落入险境;使陷入困境;(trap的过去分词和过去式)
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| To which you have to say, "That's true, but I think we should focus right now on what to have for breakfast." |
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| (Laughter) |
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| A lot of the time, what they are expressing is not illness, but insight , and one comes to think what's really extraordinary is that most of us know about those existential questions and they don't distract us very much. |
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expressing:v.表示;表达;表露;显而易见;(express的现在分词) insight:n.洞察力;洞悉; extraordinary:adj.非凡的;特别的;离奇的;临时的;特派的; existential:adj.存在主义的;有关存在的;存在判断的; distract:v.转移(注意力);分散(思想);使分心;
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| There was a study I particularly liked in which a group of depressed and a group of non-depressed people were asked to play a video game for an hour, and at the end of the hour, they were asked how many little monsters they thought they had killed. |
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particularly:adv.特别地,独特地;详细地,具体地;明确地,细致地; video game:n.电子游戏;
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| The depressive group was usually accurate to within about 10 percent, and the non-depressed people guessed between 15 and 20 times as many as they had actually killed. |
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accurate:adj.精确的;
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| A lot of people said, when I chose to write about my depression, that it must be very difficult to be out of that closet , to have people know. |
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closet:n.贮藏室;壁橱adj.隐藏(身份等)的;v.把…关在房间里;
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| They said, "Do people talk to you differently?" |
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| And I said, "Yes, people talk to me differently. |
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| They talk to me differently insofar as they start telling me about their experience, or their sister's experience, or their friend's experience. |
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insofar as:na.在…限度内;
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| Things are different because now I know that depression is the family secret that everyone has. |
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| I went a few years ago to a conference , and on Friday of the three-day conference , one of the participants took me aside, and she said, "I suffer from depression and |
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conference:n.会议;研讨会;商讨会;体育协会(或联合会) participants:n.参与者(participant的复数形式);
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| I'm a little embarrassed about it, but I've been taking this medication, and I just wanted to ask you what you think?" |
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embarrassed:adj.尴尬的;窘迫的;v.使...局促不安;(embarrass的过去分词和过去式)
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| And so I did my best to give her such advice as I could. |
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| And then she said, "You know, my husband would never understand this. |
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| He's really the kind of guy to whom this wouldn't make any sense, so I just, you know, it's just between us." |
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| And I said, "Yes, that's fine." |
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| On Sunday of the same conference, her husband took me aside, and he said, "My wife wouldn't think that I was really much of a guy if she knew this, but I've been dealing with this depression and I'm taking some medication, and I wondered what you think?" |
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| They were hiding the same medication in two different places in the same bedroom. |
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| And I said that I thought communication within the marriage might be triggering some of their problems. |
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triggering:n.[电子]触发;起动;v.引起(trigger的ing形式);扣…的扳机;
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| (Laughter) |
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| But I was also struck by the burdensome nature of such mutual secrecy . |
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burdensome:adj.繁重的;累赘的;恼人的; mutual:adj.共同的;相互的,彼此的; secrecy:n.保密;秘密;隐蔽;
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| Depression is so exhausting . |
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exhausting:adj.使人精疲力竭的;v.耗尽;使筋疲力尽;(exhaust的现在分词)
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| It takes up so much of your time and energy, and silence about it, it really does make the depression worse. |
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| And then I began thinking about all the ways people make themselves better. |
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| I'd started off as a medical conservative . |
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conservative:adj.保守的;n.保守派,守旧者;
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| I thought there were a few kinds of therapy that worked, it was clear what they were -- there was medication, there were certain psychotherapies, there was possibly electroconvulsive treatment, and that everything else was nonsense . |
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electroconvulsive:adj.电休克的;电惊厥的; nonsense:n.胡说;废话;adj.荒谬的;int.胡说;
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| But then I discovered something. |
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| If you have brain cancer , and you say that standing on your head for 20 minutes every morning makes you feel better, it may make you feel better, but you still have brain cancer , and you'll still probably die from it. |
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cancer:n.癌症;恶性肿瘤;
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| But if you say that you have depression, and standing on your head for 20 minutes every day makes you feel better, then it's worked, because depression is an illness of how you feel, and if you feel better, then you are effectively not depressed anymore. |
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| So I became much more tolerant of the vast world of alternative treatments. |
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tolerant:adj.宽容的;容忍的;有耐药力的; alternative:adj.供选择的;选择性的;交替的;n.二中择一;供替代的选择;
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| And I get letters, I get hundreds of letters from people writing to tell me about what's worked for them. |
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| Someone was asking me backstage today about meditation . |
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backstage:adv.在后台;向后台; meditation:n.冥想;沉思,深思;
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| My favorite of the letters that I got was the one that came from a woman who wrote and said that she had tried therapy, she had tried medication, she had tried pretty much everything, |
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| and she had found a solution and hoped I would tell the world, and that was making little things from yarn . |
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solution:n.解决方案;溶液;溶解;解答; yarn:纱线
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| (Laughter) |
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| She sent me some of them. (Laughter) |
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| And I'm not wearing them right now. |
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| I suggested to her that she also should look up obsessive compulsive disorder in the DSM. |
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obsessive compulsive disorder:n.强迫性神经(官能)症;
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| And yet, when I went to look at alternative treatments, |
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| I also gained perspective on other treatments. |
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perspective:n.观点;远景;透视图;adj.透视的;
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| I went through a tribal exorcism in Senegal that involved a great deal of ram's blood and that I'm not going to detail right now, but a few years afterwards I was in Rwanda working on a different project, |
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tribal:adj.部落的;部族的;n.(尤指南亚的)部落成员; exorcism:n.驱魔;驱邪;用魔法召鬼魂; involved:adj.有关的; v.涉及; (involve的过去式和过去分词) a great deal of:大量;
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| and I happened to describe my experience to someone, and he said, "Well, you know, that's West Africa, and we're in East Africa, and our rituals are in some ways very different, but we do have some rituals that have something in common with what you're describing ." |
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have something in common with:与…有共同之处; describing:v.描述;形容;把…称为;做…运动;(describe的现在分词)
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| And I said, "Oh." And he said, "Yes," he said, "but we've had a lot of trouble with Western mental health workers, especially the ones who came right after the genocide ." |
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mental:adj.精神的;脑力的;疯的;n.精神病患者; especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分; genocide:n.种族灭绝;灭绝整个种族的大屠杀;
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| And I said, "What kind of trouble did you have?" |
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| And he said, "Well, they would do this bizarre thing. |
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bizarre:adj.奇异的(指态度,容貌,款式等);
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| They didn't take people out in the sunshine where you begin to feel better. |
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sunshine:n.阳光;日光;欢乐;幸福
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| They didn't include drumming or music to get people's blood going. |
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| They didn't involve the whole community . |
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community:n.社区;[生态]群落;共同体;团体;
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| They didn't externalize the depression as an invasive spirit. |
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externalize:vt.给…以外形;使具体化,使客观化; invasive:adj.侵略性的;攻击性的;
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| Instead what they did was they took people one at a time into dingy little rooms and had them talk for an hour about bad things that had happened to them." |
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one at a time:每次一个;一次一个; dingy:adj.昏暗的;肮脏的;
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| (Laughter) (Applause) |
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| He said, "We had to ask them to leave the country." |
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| (Laughter) |
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| Now at the other end of alternative treatments, let me tell you about Frank Russakoff. |
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Frank:adj.坦白的,直率的;老实的;n.免费邮寄特权;v.免费邮寄;
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| Frank Russakoff had the worst depression perhaps that I've ever seen in a man. |
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| He was constantly depressed. |
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constantly:adv.不断地;时常地;
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| He was, when I met him, at a point at which every month he would have electroshock treatment. |
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electroshock:n.电击疗法;
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| Then he would feel sort of disoriented for a week. |
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disoriented:adj.无判断力的; v.使迷失方向; (disorient的过去时和过去分词)
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| Then he would feel okay for a week. |
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| Then he would have a week of going downhill . |
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downhill:adv.下坡;向下;每况愈下;adj.下坡的;容易的;n.下坡;滑降;
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| And then he would have another electroshock treatment. |
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| And he said to me when I met him, "It's unbearable to go through my weeks this way. |
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unbearable:adj.难以忍受的;承受不住的;
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| I can't go on this way, and I've figured out how I'm going to end it if I don't get better. |
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| But," he said to me, "I heard about a protocol at Mass General for a procedure called a cingulotomy , which is a brain surgery , and I think I'm going to give that a try." |
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protocol:n.协议;草案;礼仪;vt.拟定;vi.拟定; Mass:n.块,团; adj.群众的,民众的; v.聚集起来,聚集; procedure:n.步骤;手术;(商业、法律或政治上的)程序; cingulotomy:扣带回切开术; surgery:n.外科;外科手术;手术室;诊疗室;
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| And I remember being amazed at that point to think that someone who clearly had so many bad experiences with so many different treatments still had buried in him somewhere enough optimism to reach out for one more. |
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optimism:n.乐观;乐观主义;
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| And he had the cingulotomy, and it was incredibly successful. |
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| He's now a friend of mine. |
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| He has a lovely wife and two beautiful children. |
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| He wrote me a letter the Christmas after the surgery, and he said, "My father sent me two presents this year, |
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| First, a motorized C.D. rack from The Sharper Image that I didn't really need, but I knew he was giving it to me to celebrate the fact that I'm living on my own and have a job I seem to love. |
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motorized:adj.摩托化的;机动化的;v.使…机械化(motorize的过去分词); rack:n.架子; v.使痛苦不堪; Sharper:n.骗子;赌棍;欺诈犯;
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| And the other present was a photo of my grandmother, who committed suicide . |
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committed:adj.坚信的; v.做出错事; (commit的过去分词和过去式) suicide:n.自杀;自杀行为;自杀者;adj.自杀的;v.自杀;vi.自杀;
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| As I unwrapped it, I began to cry, and my mother came over and said, 'Are you crying because of the relatives you never knew?' |
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unwrapped:adj.解缠的;v.打开(unwrap的过去分词); relatives:n.亲戚;亲属;同类事物;(relative的复数)
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| And I said, 'She had the same disease I have.' |
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disease:n.病,[医]疾病;弊病;vt.传染;使…有病;
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| I'm crying now as I write to you. |
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| It's not that I'm so sad, but I get overwhelmed , |
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overwhelmed:v.受打击,压倒;淹没;(overwhelm的过去分词和过去式)
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| I think, because I could have killed myself, but my parents kept me going, and so did the doctors, and I had the surgery. |
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| I'm alive and grateful. |
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| We live in the right time, even if it doesn't always feel like it." |
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| I was struck by the fact that depression is broadly perceived to be a modern, Western, middle-class thing, and I went to look at how it operated in a variety of other contexts , and one of the things I was most interested in was depression among the indigent . |
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broadly:adv.明显地;宽广地;概括地;露骨地;粗鄙地; perceived:v.注意到;意识到;将…视为;认为;(perceive的过去式和过去分词) middle-class:adj.中产阶级的;中层社会的; variety:n.多样;种类;杂耍;变化,多样化; contexts:n.环境,[计]上下文(context复数); indigent:adj.贫困的;贫穷的(副词indigently);
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| And so I went out to try to look at what was being done for poor people with depression. |
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| And what I discovered is that poor people are mostly not being treated for depression. |
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treated:v.以…态度对待;把…看作;(treat的过去分词和过去式)
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| Depression is the result of a genetic vulnerability , which is presumably evenly distributed in the population, and triggering circumstances, which are likely to be more severe for people who are impoverished . |
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genetic:adj.基因的;遗传学的; vulnerability:n.易损性;弱点; presumably:adv.大概;推测起来;可假定; evenly:adv.均匀地;平衡地;平坦地;平等地; distributed:adj.分布的;分散的;v.分发;分配;使分布(distribute的过去分词和过去式) impoverished:adj.穷困的;用尽了的,无创造性的;v.使贫困(impoverish的过去分词);
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| And yet it turns out that if you have a really lovely life but feel miserable all the time, you think, "Why do I feel like this? |
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miserable:adj.悲惨的;痛苦的;卑鄙的;
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| I must have depression." |
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| And you set out to find treatment for it. |
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| But if you have a perfectly awful life, and you feel miserable all the time, the way you feel is commensurate with your life, and it doesn't occur to you to think, "Maybe this is treatable ." |
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commensurate:adj.相称的;同量的;同样大小的; occur:v.发生;出现;存在于;出现在; treatable:adj.能治疗的;好对付的;能处理的;
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| And so we have an epidemic in this country of depression among impoverished people that's not being picked up and that's not being treated and that's not being addressed , and it's a tragedy of a grand order. |
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epidemic:n.流行病;蔓延;adj.传染病;流行性的; addressed:v.写(收信人)姓名地址:致函:演说:演讲:向…说话; (address的过去分词和过去式) tragedy:n.悲惨的事;不幸;灾难;悲剧作品;
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| And so I found an academic who was doing a research project in slums outside of D.C., where she picked up women who had come in for other health problems and diagnosed them with depression, and then provided six months of the experimental protocol. |
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academic:adj.学术的;理论的;学院的;n.大学生,大学教师;学者; slums:n.贫民,[经]贫民区(slum的复数); v.到贫民窟去; come in for:受到;接受;得到; diagnosed:v.诊断(疾病);判断(问题的原因);(diagnose的过去分词和过去式) provided:conj.假如; v.提供; (provide的过去分词和过去式) experimental:adj.实验的;根据实验的;试验性的;
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| One of them, Lolly , came in, and this is what she said the day she came in. |
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Lolly:n.棒棒糖;钱;
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| She said, and she was a woman, by the way , who had seven children. She said, "I used to have a job but I had to give it up because |
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by the way:顺便说一下;
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| I couldn't go out of the house. |
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| I have nothing to say to my children. |
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| In the morning, I can't wait for them to leave, and then I climb in bed and pull the covers over my head, and three o'clock when they come home, it just comes so fast." |
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| She said, "I've been taking a lot of Tylenol , anything I can take so that I can sleep more. |
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Tylenol:n.泰勒诺,泰诺(药品扑热息痛的一种品牌);
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| My husband has been telling me I'm stupid, I'm ugly . |
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ugly:adj.丑陋的;邪恶的;令人厌恶的;
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| I wish I could stop the pain." |
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| Well, she was brought into this experimental protocol, and when I interviewed her six months later, she had taken a job working in childcare for the U.S. Navy , she had left the abusive husband, and she said to me, "My kids are so much happier now." |
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childcare:n.儿童保育;儿童照管;adj.儿童保育的;托管的; Navy:n.海军;深蓝色的; abusive:adj.辱骂的;滥用的;虐待的;
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| She said, "There's one room in my new place for the boys and one room for the girls, but at night, they're just all up on my bed, and we're doing homework all together and everything. |
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| One of them wants to be a preacher , one of them wants to be a firefighter , and one of the girls says she's going to be a lawyer. |
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preacher:n.牧师;传教士;鼓吹者; firefighter:n.消防队员;
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| They don't cry like they used to, and they don't fight like they did. |
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| That's all I need now is my kids. |
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| Things keep on changing, the way I dress, the way I feel, the way I act. |
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| I can go outside not being afraid anymore, and I don't think those bad feelings are coming back, and if it weren't for Dr. Miranda and that, |
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Miranda:[美国法律]米兰达原则;
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| I would still be at home with the covers pulled over my head, if I were still alive at all. |
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| I asked the Lord to send me an angel, and he heard my prayers." |
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Lord:n.(英国)贵族,大人,大臣;v.使成贵族;作威作福;
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| I was really moved by these experiences, and I decided that I wanted to write about them not only in a book I was working on, but also in an article, and so I got a commission from The New York Times Magazine to write about depression among the indigent. |
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commission:n.委员会;佣金;犯;委任;委任状;vt.委任;使服役;委托制作;
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| And I turned in my story, and my editor called me and said, "We really can't publish this." |
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publish:v.出版;发表;公布;
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| And I said, "Why not?" |
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| And she said, "It just is too far-fetched . |
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far-fetched:adj.强词夺理的;太牵强了;
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| These people who are sort of at the very bottom rung of society and then they get a few months of treatment and they're virtually ready to run Morgan Stanley? |
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rung:n.横档,脚蹬横木;地位;v.给…打电话(ring的过去式和过去分词); virtually:adv.事实上,几乎;实质上;
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| It's just too implausible ." |
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implausible:adj.难以置信的,不像真实的;
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| She said, I've never even heard of anything like it." |
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| And I said, "The fact that you've never heard of it is an indication that it is news." |
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indication:n.显示;表明;标示;象征;
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| (Laughter) (Applause) |
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| '"And you are a news magazine." |
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| So after a certain amount of negotiation , they agreed to it. |
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negotiation:n.谈判;转让;顺利的通过;
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| But I think a lot of what they said was connected in some strange way to this distaste that people still have for the idea of treatment, the notion that somehow if we went out |
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distaste:n.厌恶;讨厌;vt.厌恶;不喜欢;vi.不喜欢; notion:n.观念;信念;理解;
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| and treated a lot of people in indigent communities , that would be an exploitative thing to do, because we would be changing them. |
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communities:n.社区;社会;团体;共有(community的复数) exploitative:adj.剥削的;利用的;开发资源的;
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| There is this false moral imperative that seems to be all around us that treatment of depression, the medications and so on, are an artifice , and that it's not natural. |
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moral:n.寓意;品行;教益;adj.道德的;道义上的;道德上的;品行端正的; imperative:adj.重要紧急的; n.重要紧急的事; artifice:n.诡计;欺骗;巧妙的办法;
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| And I think that's very misguided . |
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misguided:adj.搞错的;v.误入歧途;指导错误;(misguide的过去式和过去分词)
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| It would be natural for people's teeth to fall out, but there is nobody militating against toothpaste , at least not in my circles. |
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toothpaste:n.牙膏;
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| And people then say, "Well, but isn't depression part of what people are supposed to experience? |
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supposed:adj.误信的;所谓的;v.认为;假设;设想;(suppose的过去分词和过去式)
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| Didn't we evolve to have depression? |
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evolve:v.(使)逐渐形成;进化;进化形成;
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| Isn't it part of your personality?" |
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| To which I would say, mood is adaptive . |
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adaptive:adj.适应的,适合的;
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| Being able to have sadness and fear and joy and pleasure and all of the other moods that we have, that's incredibly valuable . |
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moods:n.情绪(mood的复数); valuable:adj.有价值的;贵重的;可估价的;n.贵重物品;
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| And major depression is something that happens when that system gets broken. |
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| It's maladaptive . |
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maladaptive:adj.适应不良的;不适应的;不利于适应的;
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| People will come to me and say, "I think, though, if I just stick it out for another year, |
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| I think I can just get through this." |
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| And I always say to them, "You may get through it, but you'll never be 37 again. |
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| Life is short, and that's a whole year you're talking about giving up. |
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| Think it through." |
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| It's a strange poverty of the English language, and indeed of many other languages, that we use this same word, depression, to describe how a kid feels when it rains on his birthday, and to describe how somebody feels the minute before they commit suicide. |
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poverty:n.贫困;困难;缺少;低劣;
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| People say to me, "Well, is it continuous with normal sadness?" |
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continuous:adj.连续的,持续的;继续的;连绵不断的;
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| And I say, in a way it's continuous with normal sadness. |
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| There is a certain amount of continuity , but it's the same way there's continuity between having an iron fence outside your house that gets a little rust spot |
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continuity:n.连续性;一连串;分镜头剧本;
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| that you have to sand off and do a little repainting , and what happens if you leave the house for 100 years and it rusts through until it's only a pile of orange dust. |
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repainting:n.重新绘制;重涂;v.重画;重涂(repaint的ing形式); rusts:n.锈菌类(rust的复数);v.生锈(rust的第三人称单数); pile:n.桩;堆;摞;桩柱;v.堆放;摞起;叠放;放置;
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| And it's that orange dust spot, that orange dust problem, that's the one we're setting out to address. |
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| So now people say, "You take these happy pills , and do you feel happy?" |
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pills:n.药丸; v.起球; (pill的第三人称单数和复数)
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| And I don't. |
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| But I don't feel sad about having to eat lunch, and I don't feel sad about my answering machine, and I don't feel sad about taking a shower. |
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| I feel more, in fact, I think, because I can feel sadness without nullity. |
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| I feel sad about professional disappointments , about damaged relationships, about global warming . |
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professional:adj.专业的;职业的;职业性的;n.专业人员;职业运动员; disappointments:n.失望;沮丧; global warming:n.全球(气候)变暖;地球大气层变暖;
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| Those are the things that I feel sad about now. |
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| And I said to myself, well, what is the conclusion ? |
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conclusion:n.结论;结局;推论;
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| How did those people who have better lives even with bigger depression manage to get through? |
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| What is the mechanism of resilience ? |
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resilience:n.恢复力;弹力;顺应力;
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| And what I came up with over time was that the people who deny their experience, the ones who say, "I was depressed a long time ago and I never want to think about it again and I'm not going to look at it and I'm just going to get on with my life," |
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deny:v.否定,否认;拒绝给予;拒绝…的要求; get on with:v.在…获得成功,于…友好相处;继续干;
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| ironically , those are the people who are most enslaved by what they have. |
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ironically:adv.讽刺地;说反话地; enslaved:v.使成为奴隶;奴役;使受控制;(enslave的过去分词和过去式)
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| Shutting out the depression strengthens it. |
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| While you hide from it, it grows. |
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| And the people who do better are the ones who are able to tolerate the fact that they have this condition. |
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tolerate:v.容忍;忍受;容许;包容;
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| Those who can tolerate their depression are the ones who achieve resilience. |
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| So Frank Russakoff said to me, "If I had it again to do over, |
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| I suppose I wouldn't do it this way, but in a strange way, I'm grateful for what I've experienced. |
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| I'm glad to have been in the hospital 40 times. |
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| It taught me so much about love, and my relationship with my parents and my doctors has been so precious to me, and will be always." |
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precious:adj.宝贵的;珍贵的;矫揉造作的;
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| And Maggie Robbins said, "I used to volunteer in an AIDS clinic , and I would just talk and talk and talk, and the people I was dealing with weren't very responsive , and I thought, 'That's not very friendly or helpful of them.' |
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volunteer:n.志愿者;志愿兵;adj.志愿的;v.自愿; clinic:n.诊所;临床实习;(医院的)门诊部;门诊时间; responsive:adj.响应的;应答的;回答的;
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| And then I realized, |
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| I realized that they weren't going to do more than make those first few minutes of small talk . |
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small talk:闲聊;聊天;
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| It was simply going to be an occasion where I didn't have AIDS and I wasn't dying, but could tolerate the fact that they did and they were. |
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| Our needs are our greatest assets . |
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assets:n.资产;宝贵的人材;(一项)财物;资产;(asset的名词复数)
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| It turns out I've learned to give all the things I need." |
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| Valuing one's depression does not prevent a relapse, but it may make the prospect of relapse and even relapse itself easier to tolerate. |
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prospect:n.展望;前景;希望;前途;v.勘探;探矿;
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| The question is not so much of finding great meaning and deciding your depression has been very meaningful . |
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meaningful:adj.严肃的;重要的;重大的;意味深长的;
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| It's of seeking that meaning and thinking, when it comes again, "This will be hellish , but I will learn something from it." |
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seeking:v.寻找;寻求;谋求;争取;(向人)请求(seek的现在分词) hellish:adj.地狱的;凶恶的;令人毛骨悚然的;
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| I have learned in my own depression how big an emotion can be, how it can be more real than facts, and I have found that that experience has allowed me to experience positive emotion in a more intense and more focused way. |
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emotion:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感; positive:adj.积极的;[数]正的,[医][化学]阳性的;确定的;n.正数;[摄]正片; intense:adj.强烈的;紧张的;非常的;热情的;
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| The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and these days, my life is vital, even on the days when I'm sad. |
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| I felt that funeral in my brain, and I sat next to the colossus at the edge of the world, and I have discovered something inside of myself that I would have to call a soul |
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colossus:n.巨像;巨人;巨大的东西;
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| that I had never formulated until that day 20 years ago when hell came to pay me a surprise visit. |
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formulated:v.制订;规划;准备;确切表达;(formulate的过去分词和过去式)
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| I think that while I hated being depressed and would hate to be depressed again, |
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| I've found a way to love my depression. |
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| I love it because it has forced me to find and cling to joy. |
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cling:v.依附;抓紧;紧抱;粘住;依恋;
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| I love it because each day I decide, sometimes gamely , and sometimes against the moment's reason, to cleave to the reasons for living. |
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gamely:adv.勇敢地;不屈地; cleave:vi.裂开;披荆斩棘地前进;粘住;坚持;vt.砍开;使分开;打通;
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| And that, I think, is a highly privileged rapture . |
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highly:adv.高度地;非常;非常赞许地; privileged:adj.有特权的; v.给予特权; (privilege的过去式和过去分词) rapture:n.兴高采烈;vt.使…狂喜;
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| Thank you. |
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| (Applause) |
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