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AdamGalinsky_2016X-_如何为自己放声说话_
Speaking up is hard to do. 放大声音得说话并不简单。
I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, when my wife and I became new parents. 我直到整整一个月前,当我与妻子初为父母的时候 才理解这个短语的真正用意。
It was an amazing moment. 那是一个神奇的时刻。
It was exhilarating and elating , but it was also scary and terrifying . 那是一个令人兴奋与激动的时刻, 但是那也是可怕的,令人恐惧的时刻。
exhilarating:adj.令人兴奋的; v.使高兴; (exhilarate的现在分词) elating:vt.使…欢欣;使…兴高采烈;adj.得意的; terrifying:adj.令人恐惧的;骇人的;极大的;v.使害怕,使恐怖;(terrify的现在分词)
And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital, and we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding . 当我们刚从医院回到家的时候,尤其令人恐惧 我们并不确定 我们刚出生的宝宝是否能从母乳中得到足够的养分。
particularly:adv.特别地,独特地;详细地,具体地;明确地,细致地; unsure:adj.不确定的;不肯定的;没有自信的; nutrients:营养盐;[食品]营养素; breastfeeding:n.母乳哺育;v.用母乳喂养(breastfeed的现在分词);
And we wanted to call our pediatrician , but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. 我们想打电话给我们的儿科医生, 但是我们也不想给别人留下不好的第一印象, 或者被当作是疯狂的,神经质的父母。
pediatrician:n.儿科医师(等于pediatrist); impression:n.印象;影响;效果;感想; come across:偶然遇见;给人以…的印象; neurotic:adj.神经过敏的;神经病的;n.神经病患者;神经过敏者;
So we worried. 所以我们很担心。
And we waited. 但我们选择了等待。
When we got to the doctor's office the next day, she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated . 当我们第二天早上去见医生的时候, 她立刻给宝宝开了配方,因为他脱水很严重。
formula:n.公式; adj.(赛车)方程式的(指赛车要符合规定的体积,重量及汽缸容量等); dehydrated:v.使(食物)脱水;(身体)失水,脱水;(dehydrate的过去分词和过去式)
Our son is fine now, and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. 我们的儿子现在已经好了, 我们的医生也让我们放心,可以随时联系她。
reassured:adj.使消除疑虑的;使放心的;v.使安心;再次保证(reassure的过去式); contact:n.接触,联系;v.使接触,联系;
But in that moment, 但是在那个时刻,
I should've spoken up, but I didn't. 我应该大声说出来的,我却没做到。
But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. 但是有时我们也会在不该说话的时候放声大说, 我是在10年多以前,当我让我的双胞胎兄弟失望的时候,学会的。
My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker , and for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company. 我的双胞胎兄弟是一个纪录片摄影师, 在他的早期作品中, 有一部得到了分销公司的青睐。
filmmaker:n.电影制作人;电影摄制者; distribution:n.分布;分配;分发;分销;
He was excited, and he was inclined to accept the offer. 他很激动, 也倾向于接受这份邀请。
inclined:adj.有…倾向; v.(使)倾向于,有…的趋势; (incline的过去分词和过去式)
But as a negotiations researcher, 但是作为一名谈判研究员,
negotiations:n.谈判(negotiation的复数);磋商;
I insisted he make a counteroffer , and I helped him craft the perfect one. 我坚持要求他拒绝这份邀请, 并帮助他起草了一份完美的合同。
counteroffer:n.反要约;买方还价; craft:n.工艺;船;手艺;飞行器;v.(尤指用手工)精心制作;
And it was perfect — it was perfectly insulting . 而那确实是完美的－ 完美的侮辱行为。
insulting:adj.侮辱的,无礼的;污蔑的;损害人体的;v.侮辱;损害;(insult的现在分词);
The company was so offended , they literally withdrew the offer and my brother was left with nothing. 那家公司感到被冒犯了, 他们就真的撤回了他们的邀请, 然后我兄弟就一无所有了。
offended:v.得罪;冒犯;犯罪;犯法;(offend的过去分词和过去式) literally:adv.按字面:字面上:确实地: withdrew:v.收回(withdraw的过去式);
And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up: when they can assert themselves, when they can push their interests, when they can express an opinion, when they can make an ambitious ask. 我问过来自世界各地的人,关于大声说的两难问题: 当他们可以断言的时候, 当他们可以推动自身利益的时候, 当他们可以表达观点的时候, 当他们提出一个有抱负的要求的时候。
dilemma:n.困境;进退两难;两刀论法; assert:vt.维护,坚持;断言;主张;声称; express:v.表达; adj.特快的; n.特快列车; v.使用快速服务; ambitious:adj.野心勃勃的;有雄心的;热望的;炫耀的;
And the range of stories are varied and diverse , but they also make up a universal tapestry . 我听过大量的,各不相同的故事, 但他们却共同编织了同一幅绣帷。
varied:adj.多变的;各式各样的;杂色的;v.改变;使多样化;(vary的过去式和过去分词) diverse:adj.不同的;多种多样的;变化多的; universal:adj.普遍的;全体的;全世界的;共同的; tapestry:n.织锦;挂毯;绣帷;vt.用挂毯装饰;
Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? 我能在老板们犯错时纠正他们的错误吗？
Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes ? 我能与老是踩到我脚趾的同事对质吗？
confront:v.直面;无法回避;降临于;处理;对抗; coworker:n.同事;合作者; toes:n.脚趾;足尖部;有…脚趾的;v.用脚尖走;(toe的第三人称单数和复数)
Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? 我能质疑朋友讲的不合时宜的笑话吗？
insensitive:adj.感觉迟钝的,对…没有感觉的;
Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities ? 我能告诉我最爱的人我内心深处的不安全感吗？
insecurities:n.不安全;不牢靠;无把握;心神不定;
And through these experiences, I've come to recognize that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. 通过这些经历,我开始认识到 我们每个人都是有一个可接受行为范围的。
recognize:v.认识;认出;辨别出;承认;意识到; acceptable:adj.认同的;可接受的;令人满意的;
Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. 有些时候,我们太强势了:我们给自己负压太大。
That's what happened with my brother. 那就是发生在我兄弟身上的事件所表明的。
Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior. 甚至提出一个建议,都是在他可接受行为范围之外的了
But sometimes we're too weak. 但是有时,我们又太软弱了。
That's what happened with my wife and I. 就是我和我妻子所表现出来的。
And this range of acceptable behaviors — when we stay within our range, we're rewarded . 而这个可接受行为范围－ 当我们呆在范围内的时候,我们就会被奖励。
rewarded:v.奖励;奖赏;给以报酬;(reward的过去分词和过去式)
When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. 当我们跨出范围圈的时候,我们就会受到不同形式的惩罚。
variety:n.多样;种类;杂耍;变化,多样化;
We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized . 我们被开除或贬低,甚至被排斥。
dismissed:v.不予考虑;摒弃;去除,消除;解雇;(dismiss的过去分词和过去式) demeaned:v.降低身份;失去尊重;贬低;(demean的过去分词和过去式) ostracized:v.排挤;排斥;(ostracize的过去式和过去分词)
Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal. 我们失去加薪或晋升,或是一笔交易。
Now, the first thing we need to know is: 现在,我们需要明白的第一件事就是:
What is my range? 我的域是什么？
But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed; it's actually pretty dynamic . 但关键问题是,我们的可接受范围并不固定; 它实际上是高度动态的。
dynamic:n.动力; adj.充满活力的;
It expands and it narrows based on the context . 它会随具体语境而放大或缩小。
expands:v.展开; (expand的第三人称单数) context:n.环境;上下文;来龙去脉;
And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, and that's your power. 有一样东西在可接受范围大小这件事上起决定性作用, 那就是你的实力。
determines:v.查明;测定;准确算出;决定;裁决;安排;(determine的第三人称单数)
Your power determines your range. 你的实力决定了你的可接受范围域。
What is power? 实力是指什么？
Power comes in lots of forms. 实力是以各种形式呈现的。
In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives . 在谈判中,实力以其他解决方案的形式呈现。
alternatives:n.可供选择的事物;(alternative的复数)
So my brother had no alternatives; he lacked power. 而我的兄弟没有其他选择; 他的实力不够。
The company had lots of alternatives; they had power. 公司就有很多的备用选择; 他们的实力很强。
Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant , or new to an organization or new to an experience, like my wife and I as new parents. 有时是新到一个国家,例如移民, 或是新加入一个组织, 或是对什么事情没有经验, 就像我和我妻子初为人父母。
immigrant:n.(外来)移民;外侨;adj.侨民的; organization:n.组织;机构;体制;团体;
Sometimes it's at work, where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate . 有的时候是在工作上, 有人是老板,而另一些人是下属。
subordinate:n.下属,下级;部属,属下;adj.从属的;次要的;vt.使…居下位;使…服从;
Sometimes it's in relationships, where one person's more invested than the other person. 有时是在情感上, 一个人比另一个人投入更多
invested:v.投资;投入;(invest的过去分词和过去式)
And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, our range is very wide. 重点是,当我们有强大的实力时, 我们的可接受范围就会变得非常广。
We have a lot of leeway in how to behave . 我们的行动就有了很大的余地。
leeway:n.余地;风压差;偏航;落后; behave:v.表现;(机器等)运转;举止端正;(事物)起某种作用;
But when we lack power, our range narrows. 但是当我们实力不足时,我们的域就会缩小。
We have very little leeway. 我们行动就变得局限。
The problem is that when our range narrows, that produces something called the low-power double bind . 问题是当我们的可接受范围缩小的时候, 就会进入一种“弱势两难”的处境。
double bind:n.两难境地;
The low-power double bind happens when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed , but if we do speak up, we get punished. 当我们陷入“弱势两难”的处境时, 我们不为自己说话,就会被忽视, 当我们说出来的时候,又会被惩罚。
unnoticed:adj.被忽视的;不引人注意的;未被注意的;
Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind" 你们中的很多人都听过“双重约束”这个短语,
and connected it with one thing, and that's gender . 并把它和另一样事物挂钩,就是性别。
gender:n.性别;
The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed, and women who do speak up get punished. 性别两难就是指当女性不发声,就会被忽视, 但女性为自己说话,又会被惩罚的情况。
And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up, but they have barriers to doing so. 关键是,女性有着与男性同样的为自己说话的需求 但她们这样做会遇到更多的障碍。
barriers:n.障碍;栅栏;篱笆墙(barrier的复数形式);
But what my research has shown over the last two decades is that what looks like a gender difference is not really a gender double bind, are really often just power differences in disguise . 但是我在过去二十年里的研究中发现, 这个看似是性别差异, 其实并不是真正的性别两难困境, 其实质只是实力差异伪装成的样子。
disguise:v.掩饰;假装;隐瞒;n.伪装;假装;用作伪装的东西;
Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman or men and women, and think, " Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different about the sexes." 很多时候,当我们看到一位男性和一位女性之间的差距时, 我们就会想,“生理因素。 两性在本质上就是不同的。”
Oftentimes:adv.时常地; Biological:adj.生物学的;生物的;与生命过程有关的;加酶的;n.[药]生物制品; fundamentally:adv.从根本上;基础地;重要地
But in study after study, 但是在一个又一个的研究当中,
I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences is really power. 我找到了一个能更好解释很多案例中性别差距的原因 那就是实力。
And so it's the low-power double bind. 所以把它称作弱势两难困境。
And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range, and we lack power. 处于弱势两难就意味着我们的可接受范围很窄 我们实力不足。
narrow:adj.狭窄的; v.使窄小; n.峡谷; (场所,物品等的)狭窄部分;
We have a narrow range, and our double bind is very large. 我们的可接受范围越窄, 我们的弱势两难就越明显。
So we need to find ways to expand our range. 所以我们必须找到方法,扩大我们的可接受范围。
And over the last couple decades, my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. 在过去的几十年中, 我和我的同事找到了两个重要的影响因素
colleagues:n.同事;同行(colleague的复数);
The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. 第一点:你在自己眼中是实力者。
The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. 第二点:你在他人眼中是实力者。
When I feel powerful, 当感到自己实力强大,
I feel confident , not fearful; 就会很自信,不会害怕;
confident:adj.自信的;确信的;
I expand my own range. 就能扩大自己的域。
When other people see me as powerful, they grant me a wider range. 当他人把自己看作实力强大的人时, 他们就给予了我更广的可接受范围。
So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. 所以我们需要工具去扩大我们的可接受行为范围。
And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. 我今天就要给你们一套工具。
Speaking up is risky, but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up. 大声说是有风险的一件事, 但是这些工具会降低大声说的风险。
The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations in an important finding. 我要给你们的第一个工具是在协商领域被发现的, 是很重要的一个发现。
On average, women make less ambitious offers and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table. 平均来看,女性在谈判桌上,相比男性, 更少的提出有野心的条件,并取得更差的结果。
outcomes:n.结果;成果;后果;出路;(outcome的复数) bargaining:n.讨价还价;商谈;商讨;v.讨价还价,商讨条件;(bargain的现在分词)
But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men and are just as ambitious. 但是汉娜·赖利·鲍里斯和艾米丽·阿曼图拉发现 在有一种情况下,女性和男性是同等的野心勃勃 也能得到同等的结果。
Riley:adj.生气的;
That's when they advocate for others. 那就是当她们在为他人说话的时候。
advocate:v.拥护;支持;提倡;n.支持者;提倡者;辩护律师;出庭辩护人;
When they advocate for others, they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind. 当她们在为他人说话时, 她们就会发觉自己的可接受范围并在脑海中扩大它。
They become more assertive . 她们变得更加自信。
assertive:adj.肯定的;独断的;坚定而自信的;
This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." 这就是我们经常说的“熊妈妈效应”。
Like a mama bear defending her cubs , when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice. 就像熊妈妈在维护自己的熊宝宝, 当我们为他人声张的时候,我们就能发掘自己的声音。
cubs:n.(美)小熊; v.(野兽)生仔; adj.没经验的; (cub的复数)
But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. 但是有些时候,我们必须为自己放声说。
How do we do that? 我们应该怎么做呢？
One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves is something called perspective-taking. 为自己讲话需要的最重要的工具就是 一种叫做“换位思考”的东西。
And perspective-taking is really simple: it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person. “换位思考”其实很简单: 就仅仅是通过另一个人的眼睛看世界而已。
It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range. 这是我们扩大自身可接受范围的最重要的工具。
When I take your perspective , and I think about what you really want, you're more likely to give me what I really want. 当我站在你的立场, 去想你真正想要什么的时候, 你就更有可能给我,我真正想要的。
perspective:n.观点;远景;透视图;adj.透视的;
But here's the problem: perspective-taking is hard to do. 但是这有一个问题: “换位思考”是一件很难的事情。
So let's do a little experiment. 让我们做一点儿实验。
I want you all to hold your hand just like this: your finger — put it up. 我希望你们所有人都像这样,把手举起来, 把手指竖起来,
And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead as quickly as possible. 我希望你们在自己的额头上写一个大写的E 越快越好。
capital letter:na.大写;见"capital"; forehead:n.前额;
OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways, and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking. 好吧,结果表明我们有两种不同的书写方法, 这就是原本用来测试换位思考的实验。
originally:adv.原来;起初;
I'm going to show you two pictures of someone with an E on their forehead — my former student, Erika Hall. 我要给你们展示两张人们 在额头上写着E的图片－ 这是我以前的学生,艾丽卡·赫尓。
And you can see over here, that's the correct E. 你们在这里看到的, 是正确的E。
I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person. 我这样画E,所以其他人就能把它认成E。
That's the perspective-taking E because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point . 这就是“换位思考”的E, 因为它是别人眼中的E。
vantage point:n.(观察事物的)有利地点;(尤指考虑旧时事物的)有利时刻;
But this E over here is the self-focused E. 但是这边的E则是“自我中心”的E。
We often get self-focused. 我们时常会以自我为中心。
And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis . 特别是在危机情况下更容易。
crisis:n.危机;危险期;决定性时刻;adj.危机的;用于处理危机的;
I want to tell you about a particular crisis. 我希望和你们谈谈一次特别的危机。
A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. 一个男人走进一家位于加利福尼亚州,沃森维尔市的银行。
And he says, "Give me $2,000, or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb." 他说,“给我2000美金, 要不我就炸了整个银行。”
Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money. 而银行经理没有给他钱。
She took a step back. 她退了一步。
She took his perspective, and she noticed something really important. 她尝试站在他的角度, 她注意到了一件很重要的事情。
He asked for a specific amount of money. 他要求的是具体数额的钱。
specific:adj.特殊的,特定的;明确的;详细的;[药]具有特效的;n.特性;细节;特效药;
So she said, "Why did you ask for $2,000?" 所以她说, “为什么你需要2000美金？”
And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted unless I get him $2,000 immediately." 男人说,“如果不能立即拿到2000美金, 我的朋友就要被驱逐出境了。“
evicted:v.驱逐,赶出,逐出;(evict的过去分词和过去式)
And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank — you want to take out a loan." 然后经理说,“哦,那你不是要抢银行－ 你是需要贷款。”
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"Why don't you come back to my office, and we can have you fill out the paperwork ." “为什么不跟我回到办公室, 我们就可以让你填好需要的文件。”
paperwork:n.文书工作;
(Laughter) （笑声）
Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation. 她的快速换位思考的能力解除了一个危机形势。
defused:vt.平息;去掉…的雷管;使除去危险性; volatile:adj.[化学]挥发性的;不稳定的;爆炸性的;反覆无常的;n.挥发物;有翅的动物;
So when we take someone's perspective, it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable . 当我们能够从他人的角度看问题时, 我们就会变得有抱负,自信,但同时招人喜欢。
likable:adj.可爱的;
Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal flexibility . 还有另一种能让我们既自信,又能招人喜欢的办法, 那就是展现灵活性。
flexibility:n.灵活性;弹性;适应性;
Now, imagine you're a car salesperson , and you want to sell someone a car. 现在,想象自己是一名汽车销售员,你要卖给别人一辆车。
salesperson:n.售货员;
You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options . 如果你能给他们两种选择,你更容易卖出车。
options:n.选择; v.得到或获准进行选择; (option的三单形式)
Let's say option A: 比如选项A:
$24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty . 两万四美金购车,五年免修。
warranty:n.保证;担保;授权;(正当)理由;
Or option B: 或是选项B:
$23,000 and a three-year warranty. 两万三美金购车,三年免修。
My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, it lowers their defenses, and they're more likely to accept your offer. 我的研究显示了,当你给人们一些选择的余地时, 他们会降低自我防范意识, 他们更容易接受你的邀请。
And this doesn't just work with salespeople; it works with parents. 这不仅仅只在销售人员这里有用; 它在父母这里也有用。
When my niece was four, she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything. 当我的侄女四岁的时候, 她拒绝穿衣服,拒绝一切。
niece:n.外甥女,侄女; resisted:v.抵制;阻挡;反抗;回击;抵抗;忍住;(resist的过去分词和过去式) rejected:adj.被拒的;不合格的;v.拒绝,驳回;(reject的过去式和过去分词)
But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. 但是后来嫂子想出了一个绝妙的主意。
What if I gave my daughter a choice? 如果我给我的女儿一种选择呢？
What if:如果…怎么办?
This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. 这件衣服或是那件？好吧,那件。
This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. 这条裤子还是那条？好吧,那条。
pant:vi.喘息;渴望;气喘吁吁地说出某事;vt.气喘;n.气喘;喘息;喷气声;
And it worked brilliantly . 问题被出色的解决了。
brilliantly:adv.灿烂地;辉煌地;光亮地;
She got dressed quickly and without resistance . 她很快穿好了衣服,没有任何抵抗。
resistance:n.电阻;抵抗;阻力;抗力;
When I've asked the question around the world when people feel comfortable speaking up, the number one answer is: "When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies ." 当我在世界各地问这个问题, 什么时候人们能够舒服地大声说出想法, 排名第一的回答是: “当我能在观众中得到支持;当我有队友的时候。”
allies:n.盟友,支持者:v.与…结盟(ally的第三人称单数和复数)
So we want to get allies on our side. 所以我们希望有盟友支持自己。
How do we do that? 我们要如何做到这一点？
Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. 好吧,一种方式是做一只熊妈妈。
When we advocate for others, we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others, but we also earn strong allies. 当我们为他人发声的时候, 我们就扩大了我们自己的范围,也扩大了别人眼中的我们, 我们同时也得到了强有力的盟友。
Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, is by asking other people for advice. 另一种得到盟友的方式,特别是身居高位的时候, 就是寻求他人的建议。
especially:adv.尤其;特别;格外;十分;
When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, and we're expressing humility . 当我们向他人寻求建议时,他们就会因为我们重视他们而喜欢我们 因为我们表现出了谦恭。
expressing:v.表示;表达;表露;显而易见;(express的现在分词) humility:n.谦卑,谦逊;
And this really works to solve another double bind. 这能够帮助我们解决另外一个两难的局面。
And that's the self-promotion double bind. 那就是自我推销两难的情况。
self-promotion:n.自我推销;自促作用;
The self-promotion double bind is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments , no one notices. 自我推销两难 就是如果我们不宣传我们的成就, 就没人会注意。
advertise:v.做广告;登广告;(在报纸、公共场所公告牌、互联网等上)公布;展现; accomplishments:n.成就;成绩;才艺;技艺;完成;(accomplishment的复数)
And if we do, we're not likable. 如果我们宣传,我们就不讨喜。
But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments, we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable . 但是如果我们就自己的成就征求意见, 在他人眼中,我们就会变得能干且讨人喜欢。
competent:adj.胜任的;有能力的;能干的;足够的; likeable:adj.令人喜爱的,可爱的(等于likable);
And this is so powerful it even works when you see it coming. 这真的很有用, 甚至当你已经看穿这个策略时仍然有用
There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice. 我人生中有很多次,我已经预先被人提醒过 有些实力不足的人被建议来找我咨询
multiple:adj.数量多的;多种多样的;n.倍数; forewarned:vt.预先警告;
I want you to notice three things about this: 我希望你们在此注意三点:
First, I knew they were going to come ask me for advice. 第一,我知道他们要来找我询问建议。
Two, I've actually done research on the strategic benefits of asking for advice. 第二,我也研究过的征求意见的战略性好处。
strategic:adj.战略上的,战略的;
And three, it still worked! 第三,这仍然管用！
I took their perspective, 我站在他们的角度,
I became more invested in their cause, 我在他们的诉求上花费更多的时间,
I became more committed to them because they asked for advice. 我更加关注他们,因为他们向我寻求了帮助。
committed:adj.坚信的; v.做出错事; (commit的过去分词和过去式)
Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up is when we have expertise . 另一种情况下,我们也会有自信大声说, 那就是当我们掌握了专业知识。
expertise:n.专门知识;专门技术;专家的意见;
Expertise gives us credibility . 专业知识带给我们可信度。
credibility:n.可信性;确实性;
When we have high power, we already have credibility. 当我们实力强大的时候,我们就已经拥有了可信度。
We only need good evidence . 我们只需要好的证据。
evidence:n.证据,证明;迹象;明显;v.证明;
When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. 而我们实力不足的时候,我们就没有可信度。
We need excellent evidence. 我们就需要极佳的证据。
And one of the ways we can come across as an expert is by tapping into our passion . 一种帮助我们被认作为专家的方式 就是发掘我们的热情。
passion:n.激情;热情;酷爱;盛怒;
I want everyone in the next few days to go up to friend of theirs and just say to them, "I want you to describe a passion of yours to me." 我希望每个人都能在未来的几天当中,去见各自的朋友 和他们说, “我希望你能够和我分享一件你抱有热情的事。“
describe:v.描述;形容;把…称为;画出…图形;
I've had people do this all over the world and I asked them, "What did you notice about the other person when they described their passion?" 我在世界各地让人们做这件事, 然后我询问他们, “当朋友们向你们描述他们的热情时 你注意到了什么？“
described:v.描述;形容;把…称为;做…运动;(describe的过去分词和过去式)
And the answers are always the same. 答案永远是相同的。
'"Their eyes lit up and got big." “他们的眼睛变大了,变亮了。”
'"They smiled a big beaming smile." “他们笑的很灿烂。”
beaming:v.发射(电波);笑容满面;播送;射出光(或热);(beam的现在分词)
'"They used their hands all over — “他们用手不断的比划着－
I had to duck because their hands were coming at me." 我必须要躲闪,因为他们的手都伸向了我。”
'"They talk quickly with a little higher pitch ." “他们更快速的,用更高频的声调说话。”
pitch:v.抛:用力扔:针对:触地:n.场地:程度:力度:推销的话:纵摇:
(Laughter) （笑声）
'"They leaned in as if telling me a secret." “他们倾向我,好像要跟我讲什么秘密一样。”
leaned:v.前俯后仰;倾斜;倚靠;使斜靠;(lean的过去分词和过去式)
And then I said to them, "What happened to you as you listened to their passion?" 然后,我就和他们说, “你们听他们讲述的时候,你是什么样的反应呢？”
They said, "My eyes lit up. 他们说,“我的眼睛变亮了。
I smiled. 我笑了。
I leaned in." 我也倾向了他们。”
When we tap into our passion, we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up, but we also get the permission from others to speak up. 当我们发掘自己的热情时, 我们通过自己的眼睛,给予了自己大声说的勇气, 但是我们也得到了他人的准许。
Tapping into our passion even works when we come across as too weak. 发掘我们的热情,即使在我们软弱的时候也会起作用。
Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears. 无论是男性还是女性,工作时流泪都会受到惩罚。
shed:v.摆脱;去除;蜕;落;n.工棚;简易房;剪羊毛棚;挤奶棚;
But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion, the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women. 但是莉齐·沃尔夫发现 无论男性还是女性,就都不会因落泪而受到谴责。
frame:n.框架; v.设计; adj.有木架的; emotions:n.强烈的感情;激情;情感;(emotion的复数) condemnation:n.谴责;定罪;非难的理由;征用; disappears:v.消失;不见;消亡;失踪;丢失;(disappear的第三人称单数)
I want to end with a few words from my late father that he spoke at my twin brother's wedding. 我希望引用我已故的父亲的话来结束演讲 这是他在我的双胞胎兄弟的婚礼上说的。
Here's a picture of us. 这是我们的合影。
My dad was a psychologist like me, but his real love and his real passion was cinema, like my brother. 我的父亲和我一样,都是心理学家, 但是他真正热爱的,真正的热情在于电影, 就像我的兄弟一样。
psychologist:n.心理学家,心理学者;
And so he wrote a speech for my brother's wedding about the roles we play in the human comedy . 所以,他就在我兄弟的婚礼上发表了一个演讲 是关于我们在人类喜剧中所扮演的角色的。
comedy:n.喜剧;喜剧性;有趣的事情;
And he said, "The lighter your touch, the better you become at improving and enriching your performance . 然后他说,“你的触感越细腻, 你越能更好地提高和丰富你的表演能力
improving:v.改进;改善;(improve的现在分词) enriching:v.使丰富,充实;使饱含(某物);使富有;(enrich的现在分词) performance:n.性能;表现;业绩;表演;
Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance grow, change and expand the self. 那些带入角色当中,努力提高演技的人, 成长,改变,扩张自我。
embrace:n.拥抱,怀抱;v.拥抱;乐意采纳(思想、建议等);信奉;包括; improve:v.改进;改善;
Play it well, and your days will be mostly joyful ." 好好演, 你们的生活就会很快乐的。”
joyful:adj.欢喜的;令人高兴的;
What my dad was saying is that we've all been assigned ranges and roles in this world. 我父亲的意思是, 我们在这个世界上都有各自的可理解范围和角色。
assigned:v.分配(某物);分派;指定;委派;(assign的过去分词和过去式)
But he was also saying the essence of this talk: those roles and ranges are constantly expanding and evolving . 但他也讲出了这次演讲的精髓: 这些角色和范围是在不断扩大和进化的。
essence:n.本质;实质;精髓;香精; constantly:adv.不断地;时常地; expanding:v.扩大,增加,增强细谈;详述;(expand的现在分词) evolving:v.(使)逐渐形成,逐渐演变;进化形成;(evolve的现在分词)
So when a scene calls for it, be a ferocious mama bear and a humble advice seeker. 当情景需要的时候, 变成一只凶猛的熊妈妈, 或是一个谦恭的咨询者。
ferocious:adj.残忍的;惊人的; humble:adj.谦逊的; vt.使谦恭;
Have excellent evidence and strong allies. 拥有极佳的证据和强大的盟友。
Be a passionate perspective taker . 成为一个热情的换位思考者。
passionate:adj.热情的;热烈的,激昂的;易怒的; taker:n.接受者;接受打赌的人;捕获者;
And if you use those tools — and each and every one of you can use these tools — you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, and your days will be mostly joyful. 如果你能够运用这些工具－ 这些是在座的每一位都能够使用的工具－ 你们就能扩大你们的可接受行为范围, 你们的生活就会很快乐的。
Thank you. 谢谢。
(Applause) （掌声）